Author's Note

Y'know, the school year isn't turning out to be all that bad. That science teacher who was giving me trouble before really isn't so mean. He's just, eccentric, to say the least, plus I aced that test he gave on the first week. Anyhoo, I'm rambling again, so please enjoy

Family Reunion

The sun was setting on the old junkyard of Happy Tree Town, where few tend to tread. Not that those people were afraid of dying, however. It's just that the junkyard has so many obvious hazards and, in a town where bedsprings and treadmills kill people daily, why take the risk? That's why Chunky nervously eyed his watch as he waited for Flaky. It was around six o clock, when her grocery store shift usually ends, and she often tries to find more work at another job.

"Poor girl," Chunky thought aloud. He wanted to think more about Flaky's situation, but almost the second he was finished with that thought, she strode through the gates, Flippy in tow. She was still in her tight leather outfit, though she had taken off the strap-on, and seemed angry.

"You alright Flakes?" Chunky finally asked after a long pause.

"Well, I got a lot of tips today at work, which is very unusual for a checkout counter girl, but then my manager had to go and dock my pay! And when I asked why he said 'Lumpy could figure out why you're getting a pay deduction.' But I just don't get it."

Chunky was about to speak up when Flippy motioned behind Flaky's back that she was a little over-worked lately. Then he proceeded to step forward and, with a smile on his face, explained his plan.

"Chunky, the military was tough on me, and I wanted to stay in shape long after I was finished there, so I developed a no-fail four-week plan to lose weight and stay in shape. It's simple really, you-"

"Um sorry, Flippy, but we don't have that kind of time." Flaky said awkwardly, and pulled a pistol out of her pants.

Flippy, almost flipping from the sight of it, was nervous "F-flaky, think about this, do you really want to-"

A shot rang into the air and he began to change, another, and another blasted into the sky and soon Flippy's eyes were a sickening yellow. He grinned vicously at Flaky and tackled her to the ground, pressing her body down to prevent any escape and pressed his lips against hers violently.

"Hello sweetheart, miss me?" He said, finally pulling off of her lips to let her breathe. Chunky, nervous as always, yelled at Evil to get his attention.

"HEY! Green beret! You're mother was a Cong and you're father was a communist!"

Evil, in a rage, leapt off of Flaky pulled his bowie knife out to Chunky's neck, a millimeter away from his jugular. "What the fuck did you just say, maggot?" Evil growled at him and Chunky, nervous as all hell, quickly sputtered out,

"I said I need your help to lose weight, sir!" Chunky said, standing at attention.

"Why should I waste my valuable raping and slaughtering time helping you burn some of those extra tons?"

"Because, the exercises you devise, while useful, would be agonizingly painful and you get a kick out of that, right?" Chunky replied, his knees shaking.

Evil pulled the knife from his neck, placing it in its sheath, and placed on hand on his own chin, contemplating the offer. "Heh, I like the way you think. Sure, I'll help you, now c'mere fatass!" He grabbed Chunky by his midsection and with a grunt, lifted him into the air and carried him over to a trash compactor. It was large, the ones use to crush cars, with four collapsible walls activated with a switch. Evil tossed Chunky in and shouted to him.

"Alright fatass, here's the deal. You've done jumping jacks, right? Well, you're going to be doing those for ten minutes, but there's a catch. You stop, even for a second, and I switch on the walls, which will slowly close in on you. Stop for too long and you die!" He held his watch up to his eye, and placed one hand on the nearby control panel. "Noooow, GO!"

Chunky, dumbfounded, realized he wasn't kidding, and began the jumping jacks. It started out easy, but soon it began to wear on him. He had been doing them for about five minutes when he stopped to take a breath, and heard the sounds of the mechanical walls closing in so he immediately began again. It was painful, and when Chunky finally finished, he was drenched in sweat and his heart felt like it was going to explode. Flaky helped him out of the compactor, which only had a few inches left before it began to squish the poor koala.

"What was that? You said ten minutes, it must have been thirty!" Chunky was aggravated at Evil, but he should have seen this coming.

"Sorry, my watch is slow" Evil chuckled and walked deeper into the junkyard. "Have a Twinkie break fatass, while I get the next workout ready."

Chunky sat on a pile of scrap metal, Flaky rubbing his back encouragingly and within ten minutes, the next of Evil's terrible trials was set.

"Alright you two, c'mere." He called to them, and they found Evil sitting in the seat of a large metal crane. The magnet used to haul metal had a set of pipes arranged into a bar on it, hung just a little above Chunky's head. He walked underneath it, Flaky standing far behind for her own safety, and sheepishly asked.

"Um, what are we doing now?"

Evil groaned and yelled down to him, "Pull ups, dumbass. Just grab the bar and pull yourself up as many times as you can."

"Okay, whatever you say." Chunky grabbed the bar and attempted to pull himself up, but couldn't. He tried again, but to no avail. Then, mustering every ounce of power in his body, pulled himself up with all his might, his chin just passing the bar, then his arms became limp and he dangled just above the ground.

"Okay, how did I do?" Chunky asked, still clinging to the bar.

"Not good enough," Evil turned the key in the crane and its engine roared. The crane lifted Chunky, still holding on to the bar, into the air and hoisted him over the incinerator. Evil chuckled and lowered Chunky down towards the flamed, and in response Chunky pulled himself higher to avoid being burned. Then, as if to show mercy, the bear lifted the crane back up, giving Chunky some rest, but for only a second, and dropped him down to the flames again forcing Chunky to lift himself back up. This sadistic workout continued for a good hour, and when Evil finally let him down, the sun had been down for some time. Chunky gasped and wheezed, desperate to get some air back into his system, as Flippy explained the night's last exercise

"Okay Chunky, we're going to finish off tonight with a brisk run."

Chunky finally steadied himself and asked, "How far? And how fast?"

Evil tossed a steak into his hands and chuckled, "That's for Whistle to decide, now isn't it?" He pulled open a metal gate and a little puppy scurried out. Chunky almost sighed at how cute it was, but when Evil blew a small brass whistle, the dog went insane and started to chase him. As Chunky ran screaming out of the junkyard, Flaky became worried.

"Do you think that was right?" Flaky asked.

"Oh, I think you should be worrying less about fatass, and more for yourself." And she turned to find Evil wearing her strap-on from before, only now it was covered it sharp, jagged, and rusted pieces of metal from the junkyard. Flaky, realizing the hopelessness of the situation, sighed and asked.

"I'm gonna die tonight, aren't I?"

"Oh, I should really hope so, because this is going to be VERY painful and death is really the best thing that can happen from this point on." He let out a grim smile, "Now, bend over"

………..

Chunky stood in his boxers, kneeling on the scale to read it better.

"154? I lost ten pounds? Well, that's better than before, but only ten pounds from that torture?" He sighed, slightly relieved he hadn't died.

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Well, I've got nothing to say, please review folks!