Derek had been home. Meredith knew because the bed linens in the guest bedroom where strewn all over the place. Of course the first time he comes home in awhile and Cristina is in their bed with her. Meredith felt like she really missed out. She felt angry at Cristina. It wasn't her fault, she had no idea that he was coming home. She wished she had made Cristina go to the guest bedroom. At least then they would have gotten to spend some time together. Even if it was while they were sleeping.
"I'm not cooking you breakfast." Meredith said frankly as she ate her egg and nursed Liam.
"I don't want you to. Where is the bread?" Cristina asked as she looked up.
"Over there." Meredith snapped as she took another bite of her egg.
"Oh... Aren't we touchy today?" Cristina pointed out as she slide her wheat bread in the toaster.
"Derek came home. Derek came home and you were in his bed." Meredith grumbled as she looked over at her.
"What's the difference? You were sleeping..." Cristina told her as she rolled her eyes.
"What's the difference? Are you kidding me?" Meredith asked as she took a sip of her orange juice. "I never see my husband. Excuse me if I want to wake up with him next to me." "Now I see why Burke left your ass." Meredith muttered under her breath.
"Hey. That was mutual." Cristina told her as she slathered her toast with butter. "Burke didn't leave me."
"Sure it was... He just disappeared one day, without telling you anything. That sounds mutual to me." Meredith answered as she rolled her eyes. "Because you are perfect and he would have no reason to be dissatisfied."
"Exactly. I knew you would get it." Cristina said with a big smile.
"Leelee... You such a hungry guy!" Meredith said with a smile as she rubbed his head.
"Do you have to call him that. It is horrid. Leelee. Who calls their kid that?" Cristina asked frankly.
"I do. And if you don't like it, don't listen." Meredith said quickly.
"I hope something good comes in today. I need a good surgery." Cristina said with a smile as she changed the conversation.
"No kidding. For once, I agree with you. I need to cut too." Meredith said with a nod as she pulled Liam up and looked into his eyes. "Look at you! You're mommy's little man, aren't you?"
"So what are you going to do, Mer?" Cristina asked as she looked across the table.
"Well, I am going to get my shoes on. And I will put my son in the car seat. And I will drive him to the hospital. And then I will leave him with Karen. I know you don't like it, baby. And if mommy could stay home with you, she would. Yes I would..." Meredith said as she blew a raspberry on his belly.
"Not that, smart-ass. With Derek. What are you going to do?" Cristina asked with a bit of concern in her voice.
"Nothing. There isn't anything to do. It will lighten up. Things will get easier and Derek will start coming home. We'll be fine." Meredith said frankly.
"Meredith... So how is it in Fantasy-land?" Cristina asked with a chuckle.
"I do not live in Fantasy-land. You're just jealous because Burke dumped you. Now that was just a matter of time. We all knew that would happen. He was too- And you are just... You're you." Meredith said somewhat nastily.
It was a little harsh. But Cristina was always harsh. She was harsh to everyone. And Meredith was getting tired of it. She was a bully. She was a bully and it wasn't nice. Meredith was starting to feel just a little worse every time she talked to her. And she was tired of it. Period. Cristina was silent as she ate her toast. Meredith was right, and it stung.
---------------
"Hey." Meredith said softly as she walked into Derek's office.
"Hey." Derek answered as he shuffled papers around and glanced up at her.
"You came home..." Meredith said softly as she sat in the chair in front of him.
"I did. And Cristina was in my bed." He said with a frown.
"I know. She came over. She drank, and I couldn't send her home like that." Meredith explained as she sighed.
"But you could have sent her to the guest room. One of the many." Derek said frankly as he signed another paper.
"Derek... She is my person. And you- I didn't think you would come home anyhow." Meredith told him sadly.
"Meredith... I-" Derek started. "I try. It's not like I want to be here."
"If you didn't want to be here, Derek, you wouldn't be." Meredith said as she stood up.
"Meredith!" Derek said as he stood up.
"We have dinner with Mark and Addie on Friday. Eight o'clock. Please Derek, please be there." She said as she walked out and shut the door behind her.
Derek sat back in his leather chair. His hand swiped across the desk in anger. He watched as hundreds of pieces of paper fluttered around the room. As he sat back and ran his fingers through his hair he looked at the mess. Everything was a mess.
Meredith laid her head against the wall. A silent tear slid down her cheek. It was a tear shed for what once was. She missed him. She missed what they had, no matter how short it was. She wanted it to work out. She needed to make it work.
"Hey Firecracker!" Mark said as he walked up.
"Hi." Meredith mumbled quietly.
"Hey... Are you okay?" Mark asked as he put his hand on her shoulder.
"Um... Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." Meredith said with a fake smile and a nod.
"I know you well enough to know you are not okay!" Mark said frankly.
"Mark... I'm fine... Don't worry. I have to go." She told him as she walked off.
"Okay. Don't forget! Friday. Addie hasn't forgotten!" Mark said as she started to walk away.
"Yeah... Friday." Meredith agreed with a nod. Mark stood there and watched as she sadly walked away. He quickly tapped on Derek's door and walked in.
"Hey... Do you need something?" Derek asked as he looked up from the mess that laid before him.
"What the hell happened in here? A tornado?" Mark asked as he looked at the scattered papers.
"This is- A mess." Derek said with a sigh as he rubbed his face.
"No kidding..." Mark agreed as he looked around, assuming Meredith did it. "What's wrong with the firecracker? She's a little...fizzled out." Mark pointed out sadly.
"I know... She's upset. I- We haven't had much time together lately." Derek admitted sadly.
"Don't you think you should make time?" Mark asked with raised brows.
"You know, it is really easy for you to say that. You have no idea what it's like to juggle this mess." Derek told him with a hint of anger in his voice.
"Well, I think you should get your priorities straight." Mark muttered.
"You know what- You just- You have no right to judge me. I am doing the best I can." Derek said quickly. Mark's pager began to blare.
"I have to go. But Shep, don't mess it up. She's the best thing that ever happened to you." Mark said as he pulled the door shut. Mark was right. Meredith was the best thing that ever happened to him. And he had to make a conscious effort to fix this. This was no longer a back burner issue.
---------------
Meredith laid back in her bathtub. She was so exhausted. She never thought it would be so hard to juggle it all. Liam was crawling all over the place and she was finding next to impossible to keep up with him. She looked over at him as he slept peacefully in his carrier. She liked to have him around. She liked to just look at him. He was her perfection. She and the love of her life had created pure perfection.
Meredith glanced around her bathroom. She had taken a big part in it's design. This house was part of their lives. They had made all the decisions together. This house was a representative of their lives together. It was strong. It was new. It was fresh. And now she was waiting to to fall down and rot like they were.
Meredith laid Liam down his his crib. He slept so peacefully. He was so aware of the chaos that was swirling around him. But Meredith was determined to keep him safe. She would protect him from anything. He was her main concern. She was all he had.
"Hey..." Derek muttered softly from the doorway.
"Hey." Meredith said with a big smile as she turned around. "How was your day?"
"Busy." Derek told her with a nod. "Too busy. How was yours?" He asked as he kissed her on the cheek.
"It was good." Meredith told him with a soft smile. "We missed you... There's dinner in the refrigerator." She said softly as she looked down at Liam.
"He's perfect, isn't he?" Derek asked as he ran his finger over Liam's tiny cheek.
"He is." Meredith agreed as she ran her hand over his. "I miss you."
"Miss you too." Derek agreed as he ran his hand alongside her face. "So much..." He muttered as his lips covered hers.
"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as he sucked on her neck.
"I need you, baby." He said softly as he licked her ear.
"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as she wrapped her legs around his waist and carried her down to their bedroom.
"You are so beautiful." Derek said softly as he laid her back onto their bed.
"In my flannel pajamas?" She giggled as she looked up.
"In anything..." He said frankly as he hovered over her. His hard cock pressed into her leg as he kissed the exposed skin on her chest. "So beautiful..." He repeated as he began to unbutton her top. "Wow..." He muttered as he ran his hands over her swollen breasts.
"I need you, Derek." Meredith moaned as she ran her hands over his hard member.
"Baby... You are so wet." Derek told her as he ran his fingers over her wet slit.
She needed him. Not just physically. She needed him mentally. She had missed him so badly. She longed for his touch. She longed for his soft kiss. She needed Derek the way she had him before. She missed him, and she didn't want to miss him anymore.
"Oh God... Just fuck me already." Meredith told him as she slid her tongue into his mouth. She felt the head of his thick penis waiting at the entrance of her wet pussy.
Their moment of need was cut short. The moment before pure pleasure was ruined. Meredith sighed softly as she heard Liam begin to scream. It wasn't a faint cry. It was a loud wail. Derek groaned as he looked at her face. His cock was begging for her and she was taking it all away.
"Just let him cry." Derek moaned as he pushed her down on the bed and pinned her with his body. He forced his tongue in her mouth as he kissed her deeply.
"I can't let him cry..." Meredith said after she pulled away.
"He'll cry himself to sleep. He needs to learn to self soothe. I need you..." He said as he ran his cock up and down her.
"He needs me." Meredith said as she pushed him off of her and pulled her pajamas on.
"He needs to learn to deal..." Derek said quickly.
"You don't know what he needs. You're never around." Meredith said frankly as she looked at him.
"That is- I need you, Meredith." Derek said with a frown.
"Well, I needed you to. Last week. The week before that. And the week before that. I could go on... But I think you know." Meredith said as she walked out. "How does it feel to need?" She asked sharply.
Derek clenched his jaw as he laid back in the bed. He was so angry. He knew that their son needed her. But he needed her. He took a deep breath as he jumped out of bed. He needed a cold shower. And he wasn't happy about it.
Meredith was angry as she walked to Liam's room. Angry at Derek. Derek was being selfish. Not only was he being selfish, but he didn't care. Instead of letting her go to Liam, he put up a fight. And what's worse, is he didn't offer to go to Liam himself. One would think with the little bit of time that he got with him, that he would be grasping at anything.
"Oh, Leelee..." Meredith muttered softly as she cradled him close to her body and sat back in the rocking chair. "Are you hungry, buddy?" She asked as she allowed him to nurse.
She wasn't going back in there. Not until he was asleep. She didn't want to say anything more than she already had. She didn't want to fight. Not while Liam was there. He didn't need to hear it. And Derek wasn't going to her. As true as the comments that she made were, he was still angry that she said them. So there they were. Angry and apart.
Meredith held Liam in her arms until he fell asleep. She took in a deep breath as she laid him down in his crib and walked out. Now it was time to return to her room. To return to him. She had stretched it out as long as she could. She waited until she thought he was asleep.
Derek was awake when Meredith laid down next to him. He could tell she was trying to be as quiet as possible. It wasn't that she was being nice. It wasn't that she was trying not to wake him. It was that she didn't want him to wake up and fight. And he knew that.
"Mer..." Derek muttered softly.
"Just- Just go to sleep, Derek. I'm sure you have a busy day." Meredith said coldly as she moved to the extreme edge of the bed.
"I'm sorry." He muttered as he moved towards her. Meredith ignored him as he pulled her close to him as spooned against him. She was just hoping it was absolutely no comfort to him.
They both fell asleep. Meredith's body softened in his arms as she slept. Had her mind known this, there would have been a huge battle between mind and body. Admittedly she did feel safer when he was home. She did feel more content. But that didn't change the fact that he was being an ass.
"Oh god! Make him stop..." Derek cried out as he covered his head.
"Oh... Go check on him please..." Meredith moaned as she rolled over.
"I'm sleeping." Derek said frankly.
"So am I." Meredith spat as she looked over.
"I just worked days, Mer. Days. I think I deserve a little fucking rest!" He spat as he looked over at her.
"Fine. Just another day, right? Ass..." She seethed as she turned in the bed. She was planning her attack. When she got just in the right angle she made it a point to shove him with her feet. But she didn't realize just how hard she shoved him until she heard the loud thud.
"What the fuck was that?" Derek yelled loudly from the floor.
"An accident." Meredith said sarcastically as she walked across the room. "By the way, he's your son too." She spat as she slammed the door.
Meredith walked into Liam's room to see him bawling. She looked down at his little red face and immediately picked him up. She tried nursing him, and he refused, only to continue to cry. She walked him up and down the stairs and around the house as he sobbed. Finally she ran her finger in his mouth, feeling the start of a tooth.
"Oh honey... Mama's so sorry. It's hurts, doesn't it?" She asked as she held him close.
Liam quieted down as he chewed on Meredith's finger. She closed her eyes as they sat there. She could hear his heavy footsteps coming down the hallway. She didn't have to look to know he was leaning up against the door-frame. She wouldn't look. She refused. She wasn't doing it. She heard his footsteps as he neared.
"Here..." Derek said softly as he held out his hands.
"No. It's fine. You need to sleep." Meredith told him as she looked down at Liam. "Besides, I don't want you to take him out of guilt."
"I'm not taking him out of guilt! I want to see him. I want to see my son. You go back to bed." Derek told her as he grabbed Liam from her arms. "How's my LP?" Derek asked as he looked at him. Liam looked back at him and began to cry. "You're okay... It's okay, Liam."
"I'll take him." Meredith told him as she held out her arms.
"No. Let me take him. We need to talk. We have talking to do." Derek said with a faint smile as he took her place in the chair. "He'll stop crying." Derek told her with a nod. "He's fine. Go."
"Okay. But if he doesn't calm down, bring him to me." She told him. "And he's cutting a tooth." Meredith said quickly as she walked away.
"Hey buddy. Hey... Shh... Mommy needs some rest. You gave to be quiet. So, I hear that you have a tooth coming in? Is it a big tooth?" Derek asked him as he gave him his finger. "You look so much like your mommy. Your mommy loves you so much. And daddy loves you so much too. I'm sorry I'm not around, buddy. I know you miss me. I miss you too." Derek said as he kissed his chubby cheek. "I'm trying. Daddy is really tying."
Derek fell asleep with Liam in his arms. It just felt natural to have his child up against his body. He loved his son so much. The guilt that he felt everyday was more immense than Meredith would ever realize. When Derek woke up at two am, he placed Liam in his crib and decided to go to bed. A faint smile crossed his face as Meredith rolled over to him. Her body against his, that felt perfect.
This fic is rough... I know. :(