Chapter 3: Crippled
.o0o.
Usually when someone pointed out that Neil's earth rotation was up he was excited. He looked forward to the comforting familiarity of gravity, the vibrancy of life on the planet, the creature comforts of real coffee, a cigarette, a meal that had never been frozen… But when Ian noted it after the GN-006 planning meeting Neil had felt a knot of anxiety in his stomach. It was strange that life or death situations gave him less trouble than the idea of facing gravity again.
He piloted the shuttle back to the orbital station, glad that he could still do that, and remembered what the doctors had told him the last time he'd gone to Med Bay for treatment and physical therapy.
"The Nano machines in your body have been strengthening the muscles in your right side and the bones have healed but they will never be as strong as they once were. The psudo GN particles are inhibiting your body's ability to heal both old and new injuries just as we've seen in Lasse Aeon."
"What does that mean for me?" Lockon asked them, trying to stay calm. The doctor, a kind woman named Hillary Stadler, frowned but like always told him the truth.
"It means you heal slower, bruises, cuts, strains, physical damage. Your immune system does not appear to be compromised or less effective but any physical stress caused by illness will take longer to recover from and leave you more susceptible to further health complications. I can't recommend you go into any combat situation, your body simply won't be able to recover if you're hurt."
"I'll take that into account."
"Your earth rotation is coming up."
"Yeah, I'm looking forward to a decent cup of coffee."
"Oh, I'm jealous." She said with a groan. "But I should warn you. Your healed body hadn't adjusted to gravity. Even with the physical therapy we've done you'll have to learn to walk on your weak leg. I'll have a cane—"
"What?" Lockon gripped the edge of the pod bed he was sitting on.
"a—a cane," The doctor repeated.
"No."
"You may not always need it but—"
"I said no," Lockon repeated and pushed away from the bed toward the door, grabbing his shirt on the way past.
"I know this is hard, but—"
"I'll make do." Neil pushed the door open button and nearly ran into Tieria.
"Lockon!"
The former Meister made an annoyed Tsk noise and pushed passed him.
"Neil!" Tieria called back after him but Neil was hurrying away. He didn't want to talk to Tieria right now, he wanted to find the bastard that had done this to him and punch him hard. Even that wasn't possible, his right arm was too weak to inflict any damage to anyone but himself and his right leg ached and protested whenever he put any force on it. Besides Ali al Sacheze was dead but even knowing that didn't give him any satisfaction.
Neil tightened his grip on the controls of the transport and tried to keep himself together, Tieria was watching, always watching. Damn Tieria, he thought to himself. The man had been quietly giving Neil space since they woke up on Krung Threp, he didn't seek Neil out unless he had something important to say, didn't initiate physical contact, didn't force conversation. In face Neil hadn't spoken to Tieria about anything other than the plans for the new generation of Gundam and what was up for dinner since their talk just after Neil woke up. It was strange to think they had been intimate before… before that incident, the incident that everyone knew about but nobody mentioned. Neil pushed away the bad memories and the bittersweet ones because they were approaching the shuttle bay of the La Tour's Low Orbit Station. Neil expertly landed the shuttle without incident then let the others take over passing the faked papers and unloading.
"Our train leaves tomorrow morning," Tieria informed Lockon as they glided toward the hanger exit. "We have rooms for the night in the orbital blocks."
"Dinner first," One of the engineers that was with them insisted.
"I'd like a good steak right now," another put in.
"Just give me a salad and I'll be in heaven." Eliza, middle aged woman behind them, said with excitement.
"I laugh at people who doubt humanity's courage to go to the stars," Neil said, "they don't seem to realize we'd give that all up for the comforts of food."
"And coffee."
"And cigarettes," the eldest of their group put in, an older engineer named Aldred Stadler. Neil caught a frown on Tieria's face and lost interest in the conversation around him. They moved outward from the hanger near the pillar to the elevators where they would be accelerated up to speed with the rotating gravity blocks. The moment Neil had been dreading. They strapped into the seats on the walls while they were given familiar instructions by the speakers.
"Are you alright?" Tieria asked.
"Fine," Neil replied tensely. Tieria frowned but took his seat and strapped in. The elevator capsule jerked as it moved away form the station then again a few minutes later when it stopped at the gravity block ring level. The acceleration began slowly, pushing all the passengers back in their seats, like a car speeding up except soon they felt the downward tug as the compartment moved in it's circular path. The acceleration stopped but the weight remain. Neil reached down to his leg which was starting to ache already from the simple force of the artificial gravity.
"The capsule is now in sync with the gravity block and it is safe to leave your seats. Please be careful when exiting the capsule and enjoy your stay at the La Tour Low Orbital Station."
Neil unclicked his harness slowly. Tieria was already standing, waiting for him. He groaned and tried to stand, putting his weight first on his arms but his right shook and his legs were too weak to pull him up.
"Neil," Tieria stepped forward.
"I'm fine," He lied as the Miester took his arm and unasked, pulled Neil to his feet. It was good that Tieria didn't immediately let go because Neil's leg gave out and he had to lean into the support to keep from falling over. He cursed under his breath and clenched his fist, fighting back anger and humiliation.
"Here," the older man, Stadler, said and held out a collapsible cane. Neil glared at it. "My daughter, Dr. Stadler gave it to me, said you'd need it even if you didn't want it. Not her exact words but they don't need repeating."
"Proud and stubborn were probably the words she used."
"Don't be fooled, she likes you. Just take it so I can tell her I gave it to you, she feels bad enough she couldn't do more after everything you've done for us."
"What have I done for you?"
"You are our voice. We all stand behind the Meisters but you're on the front lines. That's enough." Stadler was purposefully looking away, still holding out the cane. Neil sighed and smiled despite himself. With a lighter heart than he would have thought possible he took the offensive object.
"Quite a daughter you've got, old man." He said.
"Marry her if you like. It's about time she settled down with a good man."
"Oi, oi, I'm not that old yet. Don't count me out just because of this."
"Like I said, a good man." Stadler said and walked away.
Neil leaned on the cane and Tieria let him go, watching his friend warily.
"I'm fine Tieria."
"Forgive me for not believing you." The Meister said sourly and walked away. Neil limped after him, moving slowly as he got accustomed to the new pattern and the jolts of pain that traveled up his leg with each step. This is not the end. I'm alive so I fight on. I'm alive, Neil told himself as he caught up to Tieria and Tieria slowed down to match his pace. I won't be left behind, Neil assured himself and gripped the cane tighter.
.o0o.
That night he lay asleep in the gravity, lulled by the painkillers he picked up at the drug store and exhausted. The first days back in gravity were always draining but these were particularly so. Despite the drugs his left leg and arm were sore and heavy. He lay on his back on top of the covers and waited for sleep, letting his thoughts wander.
These people, this place, it goes on like nothing has changed. People still live their lives, go to work, sleep, eat, dream, while the world is changing around them, while they change. Celestial Being is destroyed but their lives go on, my life goes on. How strange. How wrong. Or how right. Perhaps the world no longer needs us… perhaps it was enough… what we did… He drifted into unconsciousness and his dreams.
At first they were dark, just sounds out of his memory, the voices of his comrads and his friends. Slowly the dream took shape and became ugly. He was lying in the Med Bay in the pod and watched the glass open above him. He turned to his left and met Dr. Stadler's eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Lockon. I'm sorry there's nothing I can do." He turned to his right and looked down at his arm and his leg, sealed by metal bands to the bed.
"Let me go, please let me go."
"I'm sorry."
A terrible laugh filled the room, a familiar, sickening sound that made Neil's every heartbeat slow and heavy with dread.
"No, no, no…" He pulled at the straps, he tried in vain to sit up, to pry them off, to move but every time he did they hurt more, and he was too slow.
"Where do you think you're going?" the terrible voice asked.
"No."
"You're going to die here."
"No."
"Why fight it, you're all that's left?" A leering face bent over him and grinned, with maniac eyes, letting out that sickening laugh.
"No, Lyle—"
"You think he'll fight, for you? for them? He never loved them like you. He couldn't wait to get away from you, why would he fight for you? Why fight for you now when you've already failed them?"
"No." Neil breathed and fought the restraints, fought to sit, to stand, to move.
Neil gasped into wakefulness, jolting out of the dream as if hit by something. He listened to the silence for a long moment then reached over to feel his left arm and the thin muscles there. He sat up and lifted the arm, turning it and feeling the soreness and stiffness of its movement. He made a fist but it was weak and painful.
I need a drink, he decided and got up. He nearly fell over when he stood and reached for the wall, pushing off from it he limped out into the hallway, feeling his leg weaken with each step, still wiping the sleep from his eyes and pushing the terrible dream to the back of his mind. Then his leg spasmed mid step and gave out, gravity caught him and pulled him down. Instinctively he put out his right arm which crumpled under him and he felt flat on the hallway floor.
The loud thump of his fall was followed by a few seconds of silence then hurried footsteps.
"Neil," Tieria called. Neil groaned, exactly who he didn't want to see. Strong hands were helping him up moments later.
"Leave me alone," Neil snapped and smacked Tieria away, sitting up on his own and rubbing his aching wrist.
"Where's your cane?" Tieria asked and Neil tried not to groan again. "Are you in pain? Let me—"
"Stop." Neil said and held up his hand. "Just stop." He pulled himself to his feet slowly, using the wall as support. Tieria reached out to help and he smacked the helping hands away again. Using the wall he made it to the living area of the suits provided for the earth rotation personnel. He was just glad no one else had woken up or that they had the decency to leave him alone. Tieria apparently didn't. Neil sank gratefully into the armchair in the living room and rubbed his sore knee.
"You shouldn't be pushing yourself—"
"Give me a break, Tieria."
"But your condition prevents your muscles from healing, stringing them will not—"
"How do you know?" Neil demanded. "You hacked into my file."
"I was concerned that—"
Neil cut him off with a Tsk sound and stood. He made his way to the mini bar in the room and rummaged through the bottles. With a bottle of Scotch and a glass in his good hand Neil limped back to his room, never sparing even a glace at Tieria.
"Neil," Tieria called after him Just as the door shut between them. Tieria stood for a long moment in the hallway entrance then went back to the sitting area where he collapsed on the couch, head in his hands and glasses lying abandoned on the table.
"Give him some time." Tieria jumped at Stadler's voice.
"Time?"
"He's coming to terms with these changes. My daughter calls it the five stages of grief and she's got all kinds of words for it. I call it life."
"You have experience with it?"
"Grief? Yeah. You could say that. Don't we all, that's why we joined up." Stadler shook his head and walked away, back toward his room.
"No," Tieria whispered to the empty room, "not me." He pulled up his knees and thought about the reason he was awake. It had seemed so real at the time, real enough that he'd sat in his bed staring at nothing and thinking, that can't be. There's no way they're dead. I can't be the only one left. But he couldn't have dreamt up that incident. No, it was real. He hugged his knees closer.
I miss space, the thought crossed his mind so naturally that the realization that followed felt like a sledge hammer to his chest. He didn't mean space because it was right outside the walls of the Orbital Block; he missed Ptolomy and the way things were, he missed Lockon. Tieria pressed his eyes against his knees as if it would stop the tears. Still he had to admit, it was better to cry in gravity.
.o0o.
The next day they took the train down to earth then a car picked them up and delivered them to an airport where they boarded a flight to Italy. Most of them slept on the flight and then awoke for the car ride through the countryside to the Villa Minerva. The large complex of building and gardens was a long held haven of the Minerva Company, one of Celestial Being's many fronts. Among the amenities at the Villa were a small fully equipped and staffed hospital, facilities for the aging members of Celestial Being who had survived to retirement and suites for the transient members on earth rotation or visits to Italy. It was a beautiful place on a rare secluded piece of coastline, too rocky for commercial use and nearly inaccessible accept through the tunnel system that had been dug and outfitted years ago for the residents of Villa Minerva.
Neil went to his room quickly once they arrived. The others didn't linger long, all of them exhausted by travel. Tieria dreaded sleep and had rested fitfully on the plane. He occupied himself with the news and the intelligence reports of the past month, digesting the information slowly, wishing more than ever he had Veda to help him make sense of the sheer mass of raw data. It kept him occupied for most of the night.
Neil found him the next morning sitting on the couch before the large screen in the open air living space overlooking the pool. The morning news was on and Tieria was flipping through reports on the smaller hand held device.
"What are you doing?" Neil asked. "Why are you watching this?"
"I always do this," Tieria replied.
"What's the point?" Neil's anger shocked Tieria and he spun around. "What's the point of watching all this if we can't do a damned thing about it? There's no point anymore Tieria. Stop kidding yourself." Neil made a disgusted noise and turned away, limping toward the dinning room where breakfast would be brought to them.
Tieria just sat on the sofa and stared after him. He was just doing what he always did: he was assessing the state of the world. That was his job. That was why he was there… but without Veda. What was it worth? He put aside the display and muted the television. Leaning his head back he let those thoughts go. It was easier just to float in the darkness. All I can see is darkness. Have I ever known a darkness like this before, so complete. There were no lights in the cockpit. Everything had died after the reactor was jetisoned. It was like ink, like nothing, just cold. He couldn't feel his fingers, his hands, his feet or his legs. He was numb and utterly alone. The last one… somehow he just knew… there was no one coming… no one to pick up the reactor, it would just drift forever in space like so much junk because there was no one coming for it, no humanity to save, it had no purpose. There was no one to return to yet he could not go with them, he'd been left behind like the reactor, a remnant, an echo, obsolete.
"Tieria," a hand fell on his shoulder and he jerked out of sleep. "Did you go to your room at all last night?" The kind middle aged woman asked him. Eliza Tieria remembered her name being.
"I—no."
"Go get some proper rest, it's not good to sleep sitting up. I'll save you some breakfast if you'd like."
"No, thank you. I'll be fine." Tieria got up and ambled to his room. He closed the shutters and sank into a mercifully dreamless sleep. He woke up a few hours later and still felt tired.
.o0o.
The storm approached slowly across the Adriadic Sea. Tieria stood watching it and Neil, further down the beach, staring right into the wind at the approaching darkness.
"You'll get caught in the rain if you stay out here," Stadler said as he passed behind Tieria with the picnic blanket in his arms.
"I'll stay a while longer."
"Do as you like." His footsteps on the rocks receded toward the others and soon Tieria couldn't hear them at all. He was watching Neil as the Irishman started to walk down the beach away from Villa Minerva. Careful to stay far enough behind, Tieria followed. So they walked slowly, Neil making his way carefully and Tieria watching Neil with apprehension like a ghost.
The storm crackled in the distance, a dark line between the sky and the water, bleeding into both as it approached and grew in size.
Finally Neil stopped when they had completely lost view of Villa Minerva up on the hills over the beach. He spun around and glared at Tieria.
"Why are you following me?" He demanded.
"There's a storm coming."
"I can see that, I'm not blind."
"I know."
"What's your problem?"
"I don't have one."
"Maybe you don't get it, sometimes humans just need to be left alone."
"It's not safe for you out here."
"You think I give a damn about what's safe for me?" Neil growled. "Why can't you take a hint?"
"I know you've been avoiding me."
"Yeah, well then piss off."
"No."
"No? You self absorbed bastard." Neil limped closer, leaning heavily on his cane. Words flowing out like a damn had broken. "You—You are the whole reason for this mess! Did you ever think about that? You always questioned Sumeragi and praised that super computer but what good is it to you now? You criticized Alelujah and Setsuna at every turn, questioning their worth when in the end, when it really mattered you were the one who let us down! All your numbers and figures meant nothing in the end because the world didn't change. Setsuna and Alelujah and everyone believed in those lies. We gave everything but this new world is just as twisted and warmongering as before." Neil's good arm shot out and grabbed the collar of Tieria's shirt, dragging him closer to Neil. "Explain that with your twisted logic. Explain how this could be right. Find some kind of apology that could justify all this death and pain for me, because I can't think of a thing you could say that would make it better."
Tieria remained silent.
"Say something!" Neil yelled at him and pushed Tieria down onto the rocky beach. His glasses fell off and landed hard, one of the lenses cracking down the middle.
"Why won't you answer me?"
Still Tieria remained silent, unmoving on the rocky ground while Neil shook with anger.
"Just give me some kind of answer—" Neil's anger dissipated and his words came out as a plea. "Look at me."
Tieria didn't move, just looked down at the rocks and sand. Above them thunder rumbled, echoing off the cliffs above them.
"You can't even do that," Neil said bitterly, trying to mask hurt with anger. "And the worst part is that I trusted you." Tieria listened to Neil's footsteps and the tap of the cane on the rocks as Neil left him there on the beach. Tieria reached for his glasses with a shaking hand and slipped them on. He held his breath against the tears and the weight that seemed to press on his chest. Still shaking he got up and followed Neil back just as he had followed the other man there. When he reached the Villa the first drops of rain were starting to fall. The Eliza saw Tieria come in with wet cheeks just after Neil. She put down her crossword puzzle and come over to him.
"Tieria, are you alright?" She asked him kindly. Tieria didn't look at her just turned toward his room.
"It started to rain," he said softly before closing his door. The storm opened up above them and poured on the Italian coast. Tieria watched it from his bed, gripping his pillow and rationalizing. He's just hurt, he's just in pain, he didn't mean it… but Neils words still tore him apart.
.o0o.
Rain beat against the roof and ran down the noisy gutter as it always had. It was a sound that used to bother Neil when he was little because it was right on the other side of the wall beside the head of his bed. He would sneak out and slip into Lyle's on the other side of the room, crowding his brother into the corner. Sometimes Lyle would wake up later, pressed against the wall and move to his brother's empty bed. In the morning they would pretend to be each other when their mother came in and silently switch back when she was gone. Those days were long past.
Neil put clothes and pictures and toys into the small bag that would be all he carried away from the house and tried not to cry again. Crying didn't do any good and didn't make him feel any better. He put Amy's stuffed bear in the suitcase and took out a picture of his and Lyle's eighth birthday in which they smiled over their shared cake and the 8 candles for each of them still smoking. He put a sweater into the suitcase and a book his father had given him, then took the sweater out.
"It'll be ok," Lyle came up beside him. "You'll like Harding's. It's different from home but my friends are nice. They're excited to meet you." There was something hesitant in his voice.
"You don't want me there."
"That's not—not true."
"You never have. You asked Mum and Dad to send you there to get away from me."
"Neil—things are different now. I—I don't want—I don't want to lose you too."
"Why us?"
"It wasn't—"
"It's not fair. Why did it have to be us? We didn't do anything!"
"I know Neil. I feel that way too but—"
"No, no you don't know! You weren't there. You didn't see it. You didn't see those people… and the smell… and… and… you can't know. You can never know what it was like." Neil pushed his brother away and slammed the suitcase shut. He dragged it forcefully off the cluttered bed and the birthday picture came with it, falling to the wooden floor and shattering the glass cover with a crash. A pair of glasses dropped and one lens cracked down the middle as it hit the rocky ground.
Neil's eyes flew open and he was suddenly wide awake. He lay for a few long minutes staring up at the cracked plaster ceiling and trying to remember why the dream had been so important. He'd realized something that pulled him into wakefulness but now there he couldn't recall what it was only its importance. He lay still, reliving the memory of that day, packing his bag before he was sent to Harding's School for Boys. It was a terrible day. When he returned from school most of the furniture and possessions in the house had been auctioned away. The few things he and Lyle could keep had to be left with relatives, who lost them or gave them away, or lugged from place to place and one by one they too were sold or lost or left behind. Even the house was sold and renovated beyond recognition. In the end all that was left of his and Lyle's childhood was gone. That day was the start of the destruction.
It was also the second to last time he and Lyle spoke of their parent's death. Afterward there were many silences where they should have said something but Neil held onto his anger and Lyle held onto his hurt, until they had grown so far apart they were strangers to each other. Lyle brought up their parents the last time they had talked and the conversation had been tense, it ended badly with Lyle hanging up abruptly. Neil left for Krung Threp soon after that. He'd tried to call Lyle back, to apologize, to make things right between them because he didn't know when or if he would ever come back. But Lyle's phone was disconnected and Neil didn't know any other number to call. That day, packing his things, was the beginning of the end of their friendship and their brotherhood. He drove Lyle away with his anger and he was too stubborn to change for too long.
He could still remember the look of hurt on Lyle's face as he yelled and accused—the same face Tieria had made—Tieria! He realized suddenly what it was that was so important, why he'd woken up, and it made him feel sick. He stood quickly, winching as his bad leg hit the floor hard and scrambled for the cane. He limped quickly to the hall and stopped before Tieria's door, hand raised to knock, and only then did he pause.
Suck it up, you pathetic bastard, he told himself. Gritting his teeth he knocked solidly and waited. He listened to his heart beat drumming in his ears but there was no answer. Neil looked up and down the hall and caught sight of Eliza Hale.
"Eliza, have you seen Tieria?"
"I think he went to the library."
"Ah," Neil frowned. The Library was at the top of the hill, a hard climb for Neil after his walk on the beach. He contemplated it seriously.
"Don't upset him again," Eliza cut off his thoughts. "He's gone through enough." She was glaring at him when he met her eyes. How dare she? He gripped his cane tightly. He's gone through enough? I'm the one… He saw again Tieria's face on the beach and his brother's silent stoic face. His anger faded as quickly as it had risen and he sighed, dropping his head. Eliza was walking away with tense shoulders and Neil cursed under his breath.
"Why do you always fuck these things up," he said to himself and limped back to his room to take a double dose of painkillers and stare at the cracked ceiling again. His conversation on the beach echoed in his head. Self absorbed bastard… You are the whole reason for this mess!... you were the one who let us down!... All your numbers and figures meant nothing… Explain that with your twisted logic… And the worst part is that I trusted you. Neil flinched and squeezed his eye shut. He knew Tieria, he knew everything that would tear him down and he hadn't held any of it back.
Neil turned into his pillow and tried to sleep. It didn't come. He heard Tieria return and nearly got up. He stayed in bed contemplating, dreading the conversation, wanting it, hating Tieria and hating himself. He decided in the end Tieria had probably gone to bed and stayed where he was.
.o0o.
Tieria watched the news in the living room, more concentrated on the hand held screen where he flicked through reports. In the back of his mind he was listening for Neil. Listening with fear of another conversation or anticipation, he didn't know. It had been three days since their talk on the beach and Neil hadn't said a word to him. Most of the time no one knew where Neil was and it often turned out he hadn't left his room. Tieria listened for Neil now because he hadn't emerged for breakfast or lunch. He'd asked the maid to leave a plate on the table again, promising to see it returned to the kitchen himself so she didn't have to make any extra treks up the hill.
A new message pinged into his inbox and Tieria opened it quickly when he saw the sender. Reading it he smiled and pulled a small envelope from his pocket. He hurried into the dinning room to leave it with the plate. He was on his way out when he saw Neil, making his way slowly down he hall. Both men stopped as they caught sight of each other. Neil opened his mouth to speak but Tieria had turned away and left through the outside door toward the patio.
Neil sighed. No mater his resolve he'd never gotten the words passed his lips. He tried not to number his failures but in the end he would hobble back to his room, pass the day in bleary unconsciousness and drink through the night to keep away his nightmares. He limped through to the dinning room where someone was saving out meals for him. He wanted to hope it was Tieria but if it was, he couldn't understand why. He sat down slowly, happy at least that his leg was improving. Some days he could go without serious pain. Others, overcast, rainy days particularly, were not as good. He uncovered the plate, looking uninterestedly at the meal of homemade bread, French cheese and ham, spinach salad with toasted almonds and fresh slices of blood red orange.
Almost ready to go back to his room in despondent frustration he caught sight of a small envelope beside the plate and his name written in impeccable handwriting. He grabbed it and opened it curiously. Inside was a piece of white cardstock with an address and behind it was an ID with his picture beside the name Neil Devin. He narrowed his eye and frowned a little. He looked around and made a dismissive noise. He almost left it there on the table but his curiosity got the better of him. He stood and hobbled out to the patio and looked around for Tieria. The purple haired Meister was no where to be seen. Neil shook his head and made for the garage where a chofer was on staff from 10am to 4pm for the residents. He passed over the address and sat back to watch the country side, turning the ID over between his fingers.
"We're here, signor," the driver said as he pulled up to a small building with a gravel parking lot seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Behind it a large scraggly hill rose dominated the view. Neil got out and jumped at the sound of gunfire. He realized suddenly where he was.
"Tieria," He said under his breath. Thanking the driver he went inside.
"How can I help you today?" The man behind the counter inside was tanned and spoke with a strong American accent.
"I don't know. I was told to come here. I'm Neil Devin." Neil decided on a whim to let his irish accent come out in his voice. It sounded strange to his ears.
"Devin, oh yes. Just got this in this morning. She's a beauty." The man disappeared into the back room. "I'd love to know who did the custom work. Mind if I asked what you paid for it?"
"I didn't. I guess it's kind of a gift."
"That's a hell of a good friend." The man came back and Neil just stared at what was placed on the counter before him. "Can I help you take it out to the range? Not cause I don't think you can," the man added quickly, eyes darting to the cane, but Neil wasn't even really listening. "I just want to see it in action."
Neil just smiled.
"Yeah, he's a good friend." He agreed with the American.
.o0o.
Tieria opened his door later that night to see a piece of paper tapped to the wall just outside. In the center were a cluster of holes. He smiled and took it down, walking into the living room where Neil was leaning back against the couch with a beer. The sniper looked up when Tieria entered.
"I'm glad you went," Tieria said, holding up the punctured target.
"I knew it had to be you. No one else read my file, they wouldn't have known what amo I use. You don't forget anything do you?"
"I try not to. I'm sorry for intruding like that. It was rude of me. Your file is private and—"
"It's alright."
"Neil I—"
"Sit down," Neil said it kindly with a small smile. Tieria hesitated then took a seat in one of the nearby chairs. Neil reached forward and set down his beer on the coffee table. He picked up a holographic screen sitting there and handed it over to Tieria.
"You've read my file so you know who that is," Neil watched Tieria's reaction to seeing a pictures of the two Dylandy twins side by side in their rugby team picture. Those delicate purple eyebrows pulled together and he frowned slightly. "Don't feel bad if you can't tell us apart. Even my mother couldn't unless we spoke. We got used to being mistaken for each other."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I showed you a picture of my brother from the online records of our boarding school because I don't have any photos of him. He's my only living relative and I don't even have a phone number to contact him."
Tieria's confusion increased and it showed on his face.
"You know what happened to my parents," Neil went on.
"Of course."
"That day my brother was a hundred miles away at boarding school. He came back but…I was angry with him, angry for no reason." Neil looked away. "I threw all my grief into my anger and he just pulled away from me. I was too stubborn to apologize and he was too stubborn to forgive. Not that I can blame him. It's clearer now, looking back." He laughed humorlessly. "I said some stupid, hurtful things to him… and to you. I'm sorry."
"There was truth in your words."
"Tieria," Neil gasped and turned back. "Nothing that happened in that battle was your fault. We picked a fight with the world, there were bound to be consequences. Everyone on Ptolomy knew that." Tieria wouldn't meet his eye, just looked down at the ground.
"The world hasn't changed," he explained. "We fought and lost but the world has not changed, not yet."
"All we can do right now is watch it." Neil replied.
"It's…"
"Frustrating?"
"Ah."
"I know what you mean. The incident in Georgia, we should have been there instead of the Union forces. They made a royal mess of things."
"Neil, you've been reading the reports."
"Yeah, yeah. I couldn't break the habit. It mostly just depresses me now though."
Silence fell between them and Neil picked up his beer again.
"Do you regret it?" Tieria asked softly.
"What?"
"Joining Celestial Being?"
"No. No mater how injured I get or how much pain I'm in I can't regret it. I couldn't have done anything else. I guess it's just who I am, try as I might to change, change is hard."
"And painful."
They were silent again. Tieria stood to leave suddenly.
"Wait, Tieria." Neil jumped up and took Tieria's hand. "Thank you. You had no reason to help me but you did anyway."
"You saved me before."
"Hey, we don't keep score out there. You've repaid me anyway when you reprogramed Horo."
"That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean?"
"You showed me what it was to be human. Life meant so little before. You saved me from that existence." Tieria smiled, a small smile, but an honest one and the other man let him go. "Good night, Neil."
"Good night."
Tieria left and Neil sunk back onto the couch. He turned the bottle in his hand then put it down without taking a drink. He gave a sigh of relief and picked up the holoscreen and looked at his brother's face, so subtly different from his own. If they met now of course time would differentiate them. He wondered if it would be strange to see his brother, the image of himself, whole and healthy. Neil opened a browser and searched "Lyle Christopher Dylandy." He glanced at the results but there was no information on his brother's current situation. Neil sighed and turned off the screen. He finished his beer and limped to his room to collapse on the bed, seeking sleep for recuperation instead of escape for the first time in weeks.