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I absolutely have to be here, I told myself. Repeatedly. I may even have said it out loud once or twice. That was definitely why the kid sitting across from me was staring. Totally not because he somehow recognized me, probably because my face was plastered all over media. He was wondering why the crazy man was talking out loud, and not why astronaut Mark Watney was in hell with him.
Or the DMV. Same difference.
Just then his sister, who couldn't have been more than two, started to cry. Again. She was gaining volume as I lost hearing. The mother was too busy talking on the phone to her husband, arguing about who's turn it was to give the dog a bath or something. They'd changed topics multiple times and I'd stopped listening. The kid went back to his handheld game.
I breathed a sigh of relief and slouched down in my very uncomfortable plastic seat, tugging my baseball hat down firmly. I had to get my driver's license renewed. I really hadn't thought it would be a big deal when the letter came in the mail. I'd pay my fee, they'd send it in the mail. That was when they told me that no, I absolutely could not renew it online. Or over the phone. I had to physically go to the DMV.
So that's why I was in hell. I had come early in the morning, but two and a half hours later I was still waiting and it had started to fill up. The little girl across from me was not the first child to protest being here, and if my number didn't get called soon I was going to join in with the wailing. I decided that bursting into tears wouldn't help me maintain my anonymity, though, so I held off. For now.
"37" came a bland voice over the intercom. It perfectly matched the carpet. How does a voice match a faded blue carpet with white specks? The world may never know.
I walked, a little too eagerly maybe, up to the open window. A sour looking old lady with steel grey hair scraped back into a tight bun squinted at me through red cat-eye glasses.
"Hi," I said, giving her my best I'll be nice if you are but I'll start smile. "I'm here to get my driver's license renewed."
"Old license, Proof of address, social security card. Please." The please sounded like an afterthought to me, but I decided not to call her on it and handed over the requested items. She snatched them and started typing on her computer. Apparently she didn't watch the news or she didn't care, because there was no comment on my name. Either way, I was grateful. I didn't feel like having the whole Mars conversation right now.
"Have a seat. Your number will be called again when they are ready to take your picture," the DMV lady intoned. I looked up, barely catching my documents before they slid off the counter.
"Thanks," I squinted, "Gladys." I scuttled back to my seat before she could reply.
The mom and her kids were still there, but apparently the kid's game no longer held his interest. He had a new hobby-staring at me. I tried to ignore him.
"'Scuse me," he said. I looked around, hoping for an escape, but there was nothing. "'Scuse me." Still the kid. I turned towards him cautiously.
"Yeeees?" He frowned at me, staring hard. He was probably around seven or eight, and his messy brown hair flopped in his eyes. He reached up to push it away.
"Are you that astronaut?" He looked as if he expected me to say no, prepared to be disappointed. I sighed again. I did that a lot now. If he was an adult I would have proclaimed that the moon landing was a fake and there was no such thing as astronauts. But he was a kid, dang it, and kids don't deserve that. Instead, I held my finger up to my lips. His eyes got real wide, like he couldn't believe it. Before I knew it he was in the seat next to me.
"You went to space," he proclaimed in a reverent, hushed voice, like we were in church. I glanced at his mom, but she was still on the phone and not paying attention.
"Yeah," I agreed. His eyes were going to pop out of his head at this rate.
"What was it like?" I thought for a moment.
"It was awesome," I told him, and he nodded gravely. I had confirmed his deepest suspicions. "Dark. Kind of cold. Lots of stars."
"I want to be an astronaut when I grow up," he told me. I looked at him. He looked at me.
"Take a coat when you go to space," I advised. "Like I said, it's chilly." He beamed at me as if I'd given him the secrets of the universe.
"Ok. Can I take a picture with you?"
"Sure," I shrugged. We were friends now. Friends can take selfies. He handed me his device and showed me which button to press, because apparently my arms were longer so I had to take it. I took off my hat and sunglasses for the picture so you could actually tell it was me, and put them back on immediately after.
He babbled away after that. His name was Carson, what was mine? Mark. He liked science (it was his favorite subject at school) and they were learning about the solar system right now. His favorite planet was saturn because of the rings. What was mine? Earth. Why? Because there were dogs here. I showed him a picture of Buzz and he told me about their poodle named Shredder (like off the teenage mutant ninja turtles). Then they called my number and I had to go.
"Bye Carson," I told him.
"Bye Mark!" he said, returning to his original seat. "I'll send you a picture of me in space someday!"
"I'm counting on it," I told him.
I walked out of the DMV after another hour.
"Huh," I muttered. "Guess it wasn't hell after all."
