THANKS for all the story alerts, favorites, reviews etc. Keep em coming please! This is a two parter…Elena & Damon POV. I'm going with the theory that the switch is pretty much a lie, and Damon is failing epicly at it. ;)

ENJOY!

xXx

"Elena, please." I hear Stefan's voice outside my bedroom door and curl up in my covers even more. "Let me in."

"No, Stefan, go away!" It's been a day since my transition and everything has been shot to hell. Not only is everything I'm experiencing overwhelming: the sounds, the scents, the noise, but every time I look in the mirror - every damn time - I know that the reflection will never change. I will never be any different.

"I know you're afraid and upset but if we could just talk -"

My bedroom is dark and musty from being closed up all day. I hate it. I hate being in the dark and being unable to go out into the sunlight. Bonnie's disappeared. No Bonnie. No daylight ring.

We all suspect she's taking a time-out from all of us. Stefan promised that if she didn't appear by the end of the next day, we'd take action.

"Stefan don't you understand?" I wipe the tears off of my face and ignore the way my gums are starting to throb all over again. I haven't fed since I transitioned. "We'll have forever to talk this through now!" I'm off the bed and pressed up against the door so that Stefan can hear me even better, "Just go spend time with someone else, and I'll see you tomorrow morning." and then because I can't take the sweetness of my girlfriend-tone, I throw my hands up in exasperation and add a, "God! Go away!"

This isn't like me at all. This isn't sweet, accepting Elena. I've changed so much since I transitioned, and the realization is heart breaking. When Meredith came in the room, pulling down the window blinds and handed me the blood bag, my hands had been shaking so badly I nearly dropped it.

But when I drank it, it tasted like life and all things good. I craved it. It wasn't hard to complete the transition after the very first drop left my lips.

And because of the blood, I've been different ever since. There's a side of me that wasn't there when I was merely human. I feel horrible for bringing it out on Stefan.

"Okay," Stefan soothes, "Okay I'm leaving, Elena, but I'll be back tomorrow. I.." he pauses and I cringe. I know what's coming next. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whisper, but it's barely audible.

As I hear Stefan's footsteps down my stairs, I sink down to my knees.

All my friends except Bonnie have seen me since I turned. Meredith calls every other hour to 'check up' on me. Caroline was supportive and understanding, although from what I gather, she'll have her hands full with Tyler, who's acting strange. At least he lived. Thank God. I don't think I can stand another person dying because of me. Matt is in intensive care still, and it was severe enough for his mom to come home. He'll be dealing with her. Jeremy is heartbroken but there for me. However, listening to Stefan shut the door and hearing no other sound in the house, it's clear he's not here for me right now. Most likely off moping with the other fallen comrades.

And Damon?

Damon is gone.

Damon can't be reached.

Nobody knows where Damon is and Stefan keeps reassuring everybody that he left because that was the agreement.

He says that with no small amount of guilt, I know, because although I have to stick by my choice, it may just be the hardest thing I've ever done.

After all, I remember. It's coming back to me in bits and pieces, but I remember...

"I know Bonnie, you're right, you and my mom both are. I just...can't bring myself to tell him..." I walk alone away from the bonfire, away from people and out towards the dark road. "At least not tonight. I'll call you later."

I remember that phone call. I always have. It's what I remember after it that shocks me.

"Katherine." I look up, seeing a stranger standing across from me. He's attractive, but I'm wary, like any good Sophomore girl would be.

"Um no, I... I'm Elena." I cock my head, surprised.

He looks crestfallen. "Oh, you...you just look.." We stare at eachother for a beat before he plunges onward, clearly not ready to leave. "I'm sorry you just really remind me of someone. I'm Damon."

And like the sassy Sophomore I am, I reply, "Not to be rude or anything Damon, but it's kinda creepy that you're out here in the middle of no where."

"You're one to talk. You're out here all by yourself." Damon smiles at me non-threateningly.

"It's mystic falls, nothing bad ever happens here." I shrug.

Oh. Eat your words Sophomore Elena.

Damon only stands there, as if he's trying to hold in an inside joke. "I got into a fight with my boyfriend." Clearly Sophomore Elena isn't ready to let the mysterious stranger leave, either.

"'Bout what? May I ask." Damon holds his hands up.

"Life. Future. He's got it all mapped out." Matt. Little Matt Donovan.

"And you don't want it." Damon guesses, but he gets it right on the mark.

"I don't...know what I want." I sound so useless and young in that one sentence. A sentence I've been parroting ever since.

"Well that's not true," Damon scoffs, "You want what everybody wants."

"What? A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?" I cock an eyebrow at him, shamelessly flirting.

Damon laughs, "Hm. Well, let's just say I've been around a long time. Learned a few things."

"So, Damon, tell me, what is it that I want?" I cross my arms and stand there, all the prowess of a younger and innocent me.

Damon's face clouds, as if he's earnestly thinking it out. The idea that Damon Salvatore stopped to give a sophomore girl advice is laughable. But there he is, telling me what every girl really does want. "You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, and adventure, and even a little danger." He smirks, doing that eye thing I know so well now.

Sophomore Elena is clearly held captive by his words. We stare at eachother for a beat before I decide to speak. "So, what do you want?"

Damon's eyes widen. "Uh.."

Car lights come around from the corner of the road, breaking off whatever he was about to say. "My parents." I explain to him.

Except he's holding me with his stare, talking to me again. "I want you to get everything you're looking for, but right now, I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing I'm in town yet." He smiles, "Good night Elena."

And like that the memory is gone.

I hate that he compelled me, I hate it more than anything about Damon, how willing he is to pick a person apart, but at the same time, I can't blame him.

He said he loved me in another stolen piece of time. He said he couldn't be selfish with me and that Stefan deserved me.

I told him that maybe if I had met him first...but I had met him first. And Damon had known it all along.

There are so many loose ends I have with Damon Salvatore just thinking about him makes my head spin. He needs to be here to help me in areas of the transition that Stefan cannot.

Stefan can't teach me to control my bloodlust, it's up to me. And I'm starving. I'm going to have to stay starving all day because it's shining unbelievably bright outside.

Stefan can't give me the tough love and the non-sugar coated version of what I've gotten myself into. Which is what I need to hear right now. Ineed Damon.

I hear a pathetic little whimper building in the back of my throat because I just want Damon.

"Where are you Damon?" I ask my dark room, and because dust particles can't talk, another little whimper comes from my throat.

I'm going to full out lose it in a second here. I miss Damon. Maybe I even love him more then I originally thought. Being a vampire just intensified those feelings to the ninth degree and they're consuming me, just like Damon had told me I wanted.

My thoughts turn to Stefan. I love him, too. I love them both.

I'm a selfish erratic vampire bitch. No wonder none of my friends are in here right now talking to me. They finally see me for what I am. I finally see me for what I am.

With that revelation, I'm balls out sobbing on the floor, scratching the wooden surface with my nails and fighting back the impulse to tear the whole room apart.

I've got my phone whipped out of my pocket in seconds, getting ready to throw it on the wall and watch it break because who the hell is going to call me now, when it begins to ring.

I've actually got my arm flung back all ready to let it fly when it does, so if it wasn't for my newly acquired reaction speeds, the phone would be hitting the wall right about now.

I look down to see who's interrupting my movie-worthy moment only to make a strangled noise in the back of my throat, dropping the phone and shimmying backwards a few paces until I'm leaning against the wall. Phone still ringing ominously in the middle of my bedroom floor.

Damon is calling me.

xXx

I don't really know how I got out of Mystic Falls. One minute I'm flirting with a leggy, boring woman in the Grill at three in the morning, and the next I'm at a Holiday Inn, all alone and drinking.

It's times like these when I miss Alaric the most.

My eyebrows raise at this emotion, because technically I'm not supposed to be feeling anything, but if this is the best I can manage emotionless then that's alright.

At least I'm not pining over Elena the Vampire. Or worrying about what will happen when she remembers. Or just worrying about her in general.

Alright, I lied, I do worry about her. Every minute of every second of every day.

But hell, I'm flying fancy free, and I totally rocked a girl's world last night anyway.

Who needs Elena when you've got the world on a fucking silver platter? Not me, right?

Wrong.

I need Elena on a fucking silver platter, preferably in love with me, and not with Stefan.

I have to admit I'm glad she's a vampire now, the whole 'issue' would've come up sooner or later, and Stefan would probably spout some proverbial nonsense about how seventy years was enough for him.

And the more I drink and drown in my emotionless emotions, the more I begin to think that the switch is a lie.

Because I'm going out of head insane right now and the only thing showing proof that maybe the switch isn't a lie, is that I'm not packing my bags rightfuckingnow to get back to Mystics Falls and check up on how she's doing.

If I get anymore lovelorn I'm going to have to play Vivaldi on the piano and sing Unchained Melody. At the same time. Jesus Christ.

I mull over the possibility of crashing at Ric's old place before somebody notices no one is occupying the space, but the thought sounds way too close to Elena.

I get off the edge of my bed in the dark little room and pour another sloppy cup of poison, working out the blueprints to my epic plan of getting three girls in my room tonight, except that, of course, now I feel her big brown eyes on my back whenever I endeavor to get some action.

She would have really liked me back in 1864. I was positively virginal.

I feel my lips twitch in a smile and that's not good, not good at all, because I thought I switched that emotion stuff off. Like the events of my tired mind haven't already proved to me I'm wrong.

I end up breaking my glass cup on the wall in frustration because I'm not Saint Stefan, president of the Free Will Club, and I am, in fact, the Damon Salvatore, nasty, disappointment-of-the-year, third-point-on-the-triangle, alcoholic older brother.

I can literally see the intervention cameras Stefan has set up for later. For when he starts incessantly calling me and asking me to 'do something for Elena' when what he really means is, 'please fuck up so she loves me again!'

I shrug to myself and reach for my phone, because as long as I'm on that path, I might as well call Elena and tell her just what's going down here. That I'm tired of getting beaten over the head with her "I-care-about-you's" and I'm pretty damn sick of playing the dickish elder brother with the thing for the younger brother's girlfriend.

It just really doesn't suit me.

Call it laying down the law, but I'm going out of my head away from her, and I need to start the twelve step program somehow.

So with no further adeu then my fingers going zippity-zap on the touch screen, I call Elena because I have to tell her that I'm done with this bullshit, thank you very much, and I wish her well with Stefan and eternity.

But mainly, I think it's just an excuse to hear her voice.

xXx

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