That night Jack and Will were not having sex. They lay on Jack's spacious bed, kissing, but when Will tried to undo the buckle on Jack's belt, he felt Jack's hands stop him. Will looked at him, puzzled.
Jack seemed uncomfortable and was vaguely looking to the side when he said, "Um. It's okay. You don't have to."
Will frowned. "I want to," he said, and reached for him again, but was stopped once more.
"You don't know what you want, lad," Jack sighed.
"What is that supposed to mean? Do you just not... want it from me anymore?" Will asked, voice wavering slightly, not quite meeting Jack's eyes.
Jack seemed even more uncomfortable and alarmed as he waved his arms, yelling, "No, no!" He tried to find the right words to say, and settled for, "You don't understand, Will. When I took your virginity, I used you. I did it to fulfill my own greedy desires."
Will blinked, stunned. He had never suspected that Jack had ever been too concerned with his, or any of his other sexual partners', feelings, a thought confirmed by the amount of women that slapped Jack across his face every time he visited Tortuga, but it still pained him to hear it aloud. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked weakly.
Jack actually looked sad. "I suppose... I suppose it's because I'm sorry," he admitted, the words sounding odd on his tongue, as he looked away. "I know the only reasons you probably want to have sex with me is because I won't give you any other kind of affection. Other people like you have admitted to it dozens of times before."
Will grimaced at the mention of his previous lovers. "Alright," he said. "Well, I'm still getting used to the idea of being with any human being... especially a man. Just give me more time to see that I'm not like the others," he pleaded.
Jack shook his head. "That's not what I mean, lad," he said. "It's my fault. I'm the one who pushes you until you're like a starving cat begging for the slightest show of kindness. And, quite honestly, I'm not sure if I can change."
Will swallowed the words thickly and stared down at the blanket beneath him. "Why are you telling me these things?" he repeated. "Why are you attempting, and failing, to seem as though you care?"
Jack smiled slightly. "Because you're worth it."
Will turned up to him, eyes wide. They started kissing passionately, and soon Will reached down to unbuckle his belt again. This time Jack let him do it. When they had sex, it felt different, Will noted. It seemed as though Jack was trying harder to make Will feel good, instead of the other way around, as it had always been. There was more foreplay, and when Jack decided to finally go inside Will, he was more cautious, and it did not hurt Will quite as much as their other 's cheeks were hot as he actually enjoyed himself better than before.
Jack had not admitted to caring for Will, but he did not have to. Not yet, anyway.
After that night Will found that sex was actually something he could enjoy, and it wasn't just about pleasing Jack. Of course, pleasing Jack was very important, as he was a man easily distracted, and did not hide boredom easily on his animated face, but it was no longer the only aspect of their sexual experiences.
It was not sex, but rather, love-making, Will thought with a giddy smile, as if he was a young girl with her first crush. Will found that the terribly uncomfortable conditions of the pirate ship were easier to bear now that Jack was starting to show shreds of affection toward Will, slowly, day by day, whether it be a secret smile shared between the two when no one was looking or the gentle touch of his rough hand across Will's cheek late at night when he thought Will was asleep.
The only bad part of Jack's newly discovered softer side was the thought that haunted Will in the back of his mind, right before he went to sleep; that Jack did not care for him the way Will did. Will found it understandable, as after a lifetime of only the sea being his one true love, it would not be easy to commit that same love and devotion to a human being who could never be like the vast and perfect ocean.
One night after having sex, Jack shocked Will when he opened his mouth and spoke the words, "I love you."
Will felt his heartbeat quicken and his palms become sweaty. Instead of joy, he felt only sickness.
"That was a wicked thing to say... because I know you never felt that way."
Will was shocked once again as Jack's dark eyes became impossibly large and vulnerable. He looked at Will for a moment before turning over on his side and blowing out the candle that held the only light in the cabin. They were both pitched into darkness.