Heart or Mind

Disclaimer - I own nothing from the Nickelodeon Show Victorious. I wish I did, but I don't. All rights are reserved to Nickelodeon, and not me. Thanks!

FYI - Italics is someone's dreams/memories, bold is someone's inner thoughts, and bold italics is a text message.

Chapter 3 - Girl of My Dreams

Tori was looking at some cute clothes, noting what she knew her girlfriend would like. The things that tightly held her body, the ones that cut low into her bust. She grabbed a shiny green top, and some sleek acid-washed skinny jeans, taking them to the front register. After paying for them, she went home to get ready for her date.

She slipped into her new clothes, spritzing herself with vanilla perfume. She placed a healthy amount of cherry lip gloss on, and waited for her girlfriend to come pick her up. But for some reason, she didn't. And when she didn't, someone else came instead, and showed her the time of her life.

They went to dinner, the restaurant over looking the ocean below. Tori cried when she saw the beauty, and her date wiped the tear with her thumb. After chatting over dinner for a few hours, the girls decided to walk down to the beach. Once there, they shared a kiss while looking over the star lit ocean. The moon was high above, and the girls watched as the tide washed in and out over their feet.

"Hey, Tori, you know what'd be fun?" The latina looked up to her, noting the girl was already out of her shirt, and was pulling her pants down to her ankles. The girl was laughing and seductively motioning for Tori to follow.

"What?" Tori only asked because she was asked first. She already knew where things were headed, and was pulling everything off herself as well. After the two bodies were nude, they ran into the ocean. Once they finished playing like little kids, splashing the salty water into each other's eyes and faces, they wrapped each other up.

The intertwined their fingers, and kissed again. Tori's free hand ran down the girls back, tracing the shoulders and pain stakingly making the all too slow dive down her body. After stopping at her ribs, and tickling her for a moment, the latina's free hand finally had a firm grasp on the girl's ass, and she gave it a squeeze. In response, she felt her breasts being fondled, and the girls stared lovingly into each other's eyes.

Once they were done in the water, their hormones were running wild enough that the girls skipped the movie they had planned and went straight home. After pulling into the driveway, and sharing a deep kiss, Tori sat in the girl's car, and looked again to her. But for some reason, she didn't look the same.

Where once there was dark hair highlighted with blue and red streaks, the red was now predominant. The smell of coffee had been replaced with strawberry, and the girl was even shorter than she had looked. She looked over the still nude body, her own body quivering at the sight.

Walking into her home, and quietly up the stairs, the girls locked themselves in the bedroom. Laying on the bed, and pressing their bodies together, the girls allowed themselves to be free. Tori felt the hand tracing back to her breasts, while the girl was placing sentual kisses on her neck. She played with her nipple, rubbing it between her index and thumb, causing the latina to moan. After nipping and sucking at her neck for another moment, the girl's hand dove down between her legs.

When Tori opened her eyes again, the girl had once again changed, this time the raven hair and scent of dark, strong coffee back where it had initially been. Tori caused herself to stop breathing for a moment, and the other girl picked up on it. Her indicision and cofusion got the better of her.

"Tori, breathe. I love you." "I love you, too!" The only problem was, which girl was she saying that too? And why were they changing places?

After feeling the euphoria in her body, Tori let herself go as the girl's tongue moved in and out of her wet core, taking in every taste. Tori grabbed the back of her head, moving the girl in closer, and feeling the hormones again. Once she felt herself give way again, she flipped the girl over and started working her.

She moved her hands back to her ass, using it as leverage to make her task easier. After moving her tongue tortuously slow across the clit, causing the girl to moan and cry out, she blew the wet mound and watched the girl's body convulse. Tori's hand went back to work, finding a breast and clinging to it for dear life. Tori's other hand took the place of her mouth, and she put pressure and pace to work.

Her mouth found the other girl's, and Tori looked at her again. The red hair was back, and Tori couldn't help but think she might be going crazy. But it didn't stop her. She made the girl's center contract around her fingers, pushing them together and causing slight pain. But Tori didn't let it deter her. She kept herself going, and finally made her come again. She continued her work until neither girl had anything left.

xxxxx

Tori awoke the next day, even more conflicted than she had been. Both Jade and Cat had been forefront figures in her dream that night, and her battle only grew harder. Her focus was so broken, it took her ten minutes just to find her bathroom. And another five to start the shower. After stepping into the freezing water, Tori jumped back out. "Huh, I guess I should let it warm up, first."

She watched the steam rising, and finally decided to get back in. The moment she felt the water streaming across her body, her dream started coming back to her. Now conscious enough to do something about it, Tori moved the shower head down to her clit, letting the water massage her. She stiffled her cries as much as possible, but when everything became too much, she finally moved the water away, and placed her hand back. She moved slowly, not wanting to excite herself too much and alert the entire household to what she was doing.

After allowing herself a bit more time than maybe necessary, Tori got out of the shower, and looked back at the photo of Cat from the previous night. She knew she loved Cat, and that Cat loved her. If Jade weren't there, then it would be the easiest thing to allow herself to be with Cat forever. But the doubt was there, and Tori needed to find out for certain. She would test the waters, so to speak. She decided to talk to Cat, picking up the phone and dialing.

The perky redhead answered immediately. "Hey, Tori. You get my message last night?" Thinking about it caused the latina's pants to get wet, and she gulped. Cat knew what she liked, and how to tease her into submission.

"Yeah, it was, um, wow. Cat, anyone ever tell you how pretty you are?" Tori's voice shook as she asked, and Cat noticed the unease. Maybe she could win the war with Jade, and finally prove to herself, and trust Tori, that everything between the girls was real and nothing would come between them.

"You. And I blush every time. And I almost cry." Cat felt her cheeks flush, and almost called everything off. Tori was right there, almost begging to be taken back. But Cat stood firm on her ground, knowing that the doubt needed to be rid of if they were ever going to be truly happy. And Tori didn't decide to help matters.

"Cat, you love me, right?"

"Of course, Tori, you know that." "It's why I can't stand to see you like this. I need you to know for certain, so I can."

"Then why did you let me go?" Cat sighed.

"Again with this? Tori, I know you like Jade. And if you want to be with her, then I love you enough to let you. I'd rather you be happy, than me." The redhead shed a tear, her confession getting the better of her. Tori's rationale finally allowed her to say what needed to be said.

"Cat, listen. You're right, okay. I like Jade. But I LOVE you. I may have some lustful feelings for Jade, but I want you. And only you. I don't care about anything else, as long as I can have you."

"Tori, stop lying to yourself. I see the way you look at her. Its the way you look at me. Awe filled captivation. Go be with her." Cat whimpered to herself when she said it, knowing that she could possibly be sending Tori away for good.

"Cat, she hates me. And I'm pretty sure she thinks I hate her too." Cat laughed for a moment, noting that both girls had almost word for word said the exact same thing about the other.

"Tori, I don't want to lose you. I love you. And like the saying says, 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever'. We need to spend time apart so we can be certain, okay?" Tori sighed. Cat did have a point, but why should she give up her happiness just to let Tori be? It wasn't fair, and Tori never liked playing unfair. Trying to rationalize, her voice broke.

"Cat, please. I love you, isn't that enough?" Tori was doing her best, trying to convince herself in her heart and mind that Cat was enough, all while knowing it wasn't true. And she was trying to hold on the her so that she wouldn't have to deal with the heartbreak. It was her first real relationship, and she didn't konw if she could face it. Danny and Stephen were clear cover ups, because she was a bit ashamed and afraid of society and what would be made of her.

"Tori, don't. I gotta go." After letting the line go dead, Tori sat in silence for a few minutes. She picked the phone back up, dialing the speed dial for Jade's number. After listening to the ring for a few moments, she chickened out and hung up. She couldn't face it. Her head was in the right place, or so she thought. And if she allowed herself to give into it, shouldn't it be easy?

Tori left her phone on her bed, heading downstairs to see if anyone was up. She walked to the kitchen, her mother cooking herself an omlette. She offered one to Tori, but once she admitted there wasn't any eggs left, Tori settled on some oatmeal. She looked at her mother, who instantly saw the confusion.

"Tor, everything okay?" The latina sat in silence, not knowing what to do. Tell her mother, and face the scrutiny? Bottle up inside herself and let her heart and mind battle it out? Forget both girls and move on?

"Mom, can I ask you something?" Holly looked up skeptically, almost knowing what was coming. She had known for some time about Tori and Cat, but never said anything. She wanted her daughter to feel comfortable enough to talk to her, adult to adult.

"Of course, baby."

"Let's say, that like, maybe, sorta, well, if you, I don't know, liked two people at the same time, and, um, knew they liked you, but you weren't sure which gir-, uh, person to be with, what would you do?" Holly knew Tori would never admit anything. She decided to force the conversation along.

"Is this about Jade and Cat?" Tori let the oatmeal drip out of her mouth, not registering that it was getting all over her, or understanding the words that had just come from her mother's mouth. "How does she know? I never told her." "We all know. Trina told me, and I tried laughing it off. But I heard you and Cat one night." Tori's cheeks flushed with embarrasment.

"Mom, I-"

"Tori, it's okay. You are who you are. I love you and support you no matter what. It's what being a parent is really about. Teaching your kids while being accepting of their freedoms and choices. As long as you don't endanger yourself, you are free to do whatever you like. Promise. I like them, both. Cat and Jade are wonderful people. Pretty too."

"I know. Its part of the dilemma." Tori instantly saw both girls before her eyes, shedding a tear for both. Love and lust were fighting for every possible inch, neither one showing signs of relenting soon.

"Well, baby, what happened?"

"I've been with Cat since starting school at Hollywood Arts. I'm sorry for hiding it for so long."

"It's okay, baby. You were happy, so I didn't push you. But now you're not, and I want to know why so I can help."

"Thanks mom. Anyway, about six or seven months ago, Sikowtiz forced Jade and I to "date" for an evening so we could learn how to play a believable married couple." Holly nodded, following the story so far. "Well, I don't know why, since Jade has always been so mean and spiteful to me, but I think I started liking her that night? Maybe? I've been ignoring it all this time, but Cat saw it instantly, and finally broke up with me Friday night."

"Baby, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I still love her, but I like Jade too. And I know Cat still loves me. She said she never wanted to lose me. That's gotta mean something."

"It sounds like, that if Cat truly does love you, that she is trying to let you decide, so you can be happy."

"That's what she said. There are two problems, though. One, this doesn't make her happy. I can't just move on, and leave her, can I? It's unfair. And two, I was happy with her. I still would be."

"But you'd always doubt it, right?" Another tear running down her cheek, Tori finally relented to it. Like a fan feeding air to flames, Tori felt it boiling out of her

"Yeah. I just don't know what to do."

"Follow your heart, Victoria. It will never lead you wrong." Holly got up, kissing her daughter's head.

"Yeah, well, my heart is telling me to stay with Cat. But everytime I try and tell her that, she tells me to go to Jade."

"Well, what does Jade think?"

"I don't know. I mean, if Jade likes me, then shouldn't I give her a chance? Shouldn't I find out for myself?" Tori's mind and heart were setting up their next battle site somewhere in her throat, and Tori felt the unease. She almost couldn't breathe, knowing that whatever choice she made, someone was going to get hurt.

"Tori, you don't have to please everyone. Do what you know will make you happy, and when you do, everything else will fall into place."

"I'm not so sure anymore what that is. I can't seem to figure it out." Holly finally walked back up the stairs, leaving Tori to sat in silence. The latina sat for a few minutes, letting her mother's words sink in. She finally finished her oatmeal, and cleaned herself from the semi-dried spots on her face. She walked back up the stairs to her room, picking her phone back up. There were two messages.

Tori, I love you. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. If it's me, then you'll come back. And if it's Jade, then I wish you well. Do whatever will make that come true, and I promise I'll accept it. - Cat

Tori, wanna spend the night at my place? Bring things for school tomorrow if you come - Jade

Tori's entire being was on a rollercoaster. The moment she read Cat's message, she wanted to call her, tell her she was sticking with her, and they would leave Jade behind forever. And she wouldn't take no for an answer. But after reading Jade's, everything crashed again and the war resumed. She decided to answer them both, and wait for whosever response she got.

Cat, I love you. If I told you I would be with you forever, could you finally put Jade behind us and let us be?

Sure, Jade, I'll be there. Seven okay?

Tori sat in silence, not knowing what to make of anything. She wanted so bad to have someone to hold and comfort her. She was on the verge of tears, and needed support. And she knew two perfectly good candidates. She finally got her first response, looking to the phone.

Seven's fine, Tori. The latina knew exactly what that meant. Jade only called her by her given name if she wanted or needed something. Tori had become accustomed to Vega, and accepted it as one of Jade's things that make her who she is. She was going to Jade's, and would see where things went. If Jade made any sort of move, Tori would call her out. And then, if there was any hesitation, which would mean Jade really did like her, then Tori would admit to her also. She needed to know.

Tori, if you truly do love me, you'll come back to me. "Great." Tori sarcastically thought to herself. She thought she was in the clear, but then Cat does this? Why must this be hard? But her mind was already made up. She chuckled for a moment. She was about to do something that would prove a point, or change everything forever. Shedding one more tear for her redheaded beauty, Tori started putting things in her bag. She was going to Jade's.

"Cat, I love you. But if you're going to let me, then I'm going to figure this out. Just know, that if you lose, you only have yourself to blame. You let me go, after I told you I loved you and that you were all I need and want. I really did mean that, but now that you're letting me go, I have no real choice but to give her a chance. It's your loss."

At about five PM, Tori's excitement got the better of her, and she jumped in her car. She pulled out her pearphone, calling Jade again. The goth, heart pounding at the thought of Tori being there by her side, composed herself before answering.

"Hey, Tori."

"Jade, is it okay if I come over already?" Tori was sounding desperate, wanting nothing more than to lose herself in the goth's presence. She knew that Jade would be hard, the sarcastic, hateful girl being very rough around the edges. But it was what drew you in. Other than the exceptional beauty, and her talents, Jade's absolute negative attitude was actually a refreshing way to look at life. Sometimes, negativity was actually better than positivity. And Tori, well she was prepared to do whatever to settle the dispute within herself. Her heart was racing, her blood pressure causing her to see spots and feel a bit dizzy.

"Sure, Tori. Want me to order something to eat so it'll be here when you get here?"

"Cheese pizza's fine, if you want it?" Tori was being cordial. As the host, Jade had the right to do whatever in her house.

"Sure, c'mon."

Tori slammed on the gas.

"Here we go. Jade, this is your chance. Show me what you've got."

So, a night of fun in the West household. What will happen? If Jori blooms, will Cat accept it and move on? Or if Tori's heart wins, and she returns to Cat, will that be the end of all the doubt and questions? Please, R/E/R!

P.S. - Who do you want together? I am leaning 50% Cori, 45% Jori, and 5% Catorade. Cat has the slight edge because I love Ariana Grande, and would do anything to be with that girl. (Of course there's nothing wrong with Liz, or Victoria, but Ari just does it for me, ya know?)