AN: Oh, hey, I don't own anything but we've borrowed the characters over at Virtual Season Seven and when we're done fixing as much as we can, we'll put them back. Closure, baby!
Coming September 30 to a computer near you. VS7, Crossing Jordan.
Meanwhile, back at the Fanfiction...
Bedrest. Bedrest.
Jordan repeated the despised word in the part of her brain reserved for being really pissed off. She couldn't do anything about… well, anything. Which was even worse than bedrest.
Bedrest.
One month of bedrest was her sentence. Her punishment for endangering the life of her child and her child's mother. If she'd come in sooner, they'd said…
At first the punishment matched her guilty, depressed mood. She deserved to be punished. She hadn't left this bed for two weeks.
Now, however, she was feeling better. Her strength was returning, she realized the baby was almost certainly fine, and the therapies her OB had prescribed were effective. To while away the increasingly boring hours, Jordan found a victim to attempt that perfect murder she now had plenty of time to plan.
As she sat there plotting, the object of her so-sweet thoughts bounced into the room. The bubble-headed nurse was dressed in scrubs with little pink happy faces all over. She looked like one of those people who had made an adorable child, all pudgy and cute, but then grew up. Well, she grew up on the outside, at least.
Jordan hadn't even tried to remember this one's name. Most of the nursing staff were professional, and respected the fact that Jordan was, indeed, Dr. Cavanaugh-Hoyt. She was on a first name basis with them. This lady, however, had apparently received her nursing training from the University of cracker-jack box.
"Hello, Joe, what'ya know. Three o'clock shift change, so I'll be leaving you to Nurse Jaleesa. Now hold still, this won't hurt…"
Jordan glanced at the equipment to take her vitals, and dryly replied, "I can show you how to make it hurt." Her comment was rewarded with a fake, high pitched giggle and a smile that stopped immediately above Bubblehead's mouth.
"Oh, Joe. You are so funny sometimes."
Jordan rolled her eyes up into her head and concentrated on keeping her blood pressure down. If she wasn't pregnant…
"Okey-dokey, your vitals are fine, I've got all your meals charted, have you piddled or gone number two in the past two hours?"
"Yes, one time, both." She was becoming nauseated for a very different reason than hyperemesis gravidarum, so she tried monosyllables. Maybe that'd get rid of this idiot faster.
The pen scratched a few more things on the chart. "The yummy-cookie lady will be around in a few minutes, if you're tummy's empty. So, Joe, we'll see you tomorrow, K? Be good."
"Bye-bye," Jordan wiggled her fingers. If this woman was here tomorrow, she was transferring to a new hospital. In Canada. Or France.
A few moments passed, or so she thought, when she sleepily opened her eyes to see two fuzzy little heads sniffing her nose.
She shrieked, and batted at the huge bugs.
"Whoa, there! Bad idea, I guess…" Woody grabbed Miller and Bud before they flew at the wall.
Jordan's head thudded back to the pillow. In a moment, she had collected herself, remembering a dead rat. "No, no, it's – Woody, it's sweet! Just warn me next time, OK? I was thinking vampire bats…"
"How could you say that?" As Jordan pushed a button and raised the head of her bed, he returned the kids to her lap. This time when they climbed up to her chin, Jordan smiled. Woody could see her relax – somewhere along the way, she had become a 'cat person.' The two fuzz-balls were tired from their exciting trip in Woody's pocket. He'd had to whistle pretty loudly as he quickly sauntered past the nursing station, but operation 'Visit Jordan' had succeeded. They curled up in her hair, one on each shoulder, and purred themselves to sleep.
Woody smirked. "If Paris Hilton saw that, women would be wearing kittens on their ears, instead of dogs in their purses."
"Don't talk about annoying people, Woody."
He stood up to gently stroke each little head, then kiss Jordan lightly. "Nurse bubble head again? You never did suffer fools gladly."
She gazed around at her jail. "I need to get the hell out of here, she's on morning shift when I'm awake. I'm a doctor, for crying out loud, not a four year old! I know what a bowel movement is, she doesn't have to call it 'number two'. And the morgue is getting busy…"
"How do you know that?" Woody frowned, everyone had agreed not to discuss the heavy workload with her.
"They're visiting me alone instead of two or three at a time. And they're talking less and less about work. Nigel didn't even mention the morgue this morning. He knows I can tell when he's lying, so he avoided the topic altogether."
He sighed. Her deductive skills defeated him once again, so he pulled out the trump card. "Jordan, our daughter needs you to be healthy."
"If it weren't for the baby... I'd be out of here so fast – and I'd have killed that condescending idiot of a nurse…"
He knew this was a relatively safe topic, so he encouraged her. "Have you figured out what her name is yet?"
"Hell no! Not until she quits calling me 'Joe.'" Miller started purring very loudly and snuggled around a little. She wasn't pleased that Mommy's pet was being so loud. "OK, OK, Miller." Jordan spoke in a much softer voice and petted the little cat.
"And that is why I risked smuggling contraband in here – look at the effect those two have on you!"
Jordan almost pouted at her husband. He knew she had to be desperate. "Woody, when can I go home? I promise I'll stay in bed, I'll have cats all over me. I haven't thrown up for four days, I'm doing number one and two, and… God, help me, I'm talking like that insufferable woman!"
He smiled. "I understand, I really do." His hand empathetically stroked her arm. "Dr. Wiseman said she'd drop by this afternoon. You can beg when she gets here, OK?"
"Do you think we should hide the kids?"
Woody smirked and shook his head. "Nah, she's a smart lady. She knows a good thing when she sees it."
"Ah, you're buttering me up before I'm completely in the room. Very smooth, Detective!" Doctor Carole Wiseman came to Jordan's bedside and wryly smiled.
"Hmm, don't look now but you've got two new appendages on your shoulder, Jordan."
"Shhh, they get kind of prickly when they wake up."
"They're beautiful cats. Actually, are you selling them? I was going to the SPCA in a few weeks to get a kitten for my daughter's birthday. These little guys seem like they'd fit the bill…"
"They're ten weeks old, first set of shots, really adorable and lively, and I'll give you one, hell, I'll give you all six if you spring me from this place!"
Carole closed her eyes a fraction and smiled. "If I got stuck on bedrest in a hospital with nurse Bi… I mean, uh, in a hospital bed, I'd go insane. Let me check your chart."
"You know my day nurse, don't you." Jordan threw her OBGYN a dirty look. "How could you subject me to another day of 'Okey-dokey'?"
Carole had to remain professional so she turned her back on Jordan. This particular nurse offered patients a great incentive to get better and go home, especially patients of some intelligence. Carole flipped open the chart.
Jordan held her breath, and Woody's hand, as she watched her doctor's face hoping for a good sign. Her hopes lifted when she saw an approving nod.
"Well, Jordan, it is my professional opinion that you…" Here she paused for dramatic effect. Jordan swore at her, and she and Woody chuckled. "…are still in need of at least two or three weeks more bedrest…"
"NO!" Her facial expression mimicked the desperate vocals.
"Just wait a second." Carole continued. "I was saying that you need two or three more weeks, but you can do it at home, as long as you keep a chart recording your eating habits. We'll see you weekly to keep a watch on your weight gain. There is a chance the nausea could return, so I figure let's get you out of here while you can. And don't go to work! I have spies, I'll know!"
Jordan's hand raised straight up as she joyfully pumped the air. Miller and Bud immediately awoke and started getting 'prickly'. "Thank you so much, Carole!" She immediately untangled the kittens from her hair and gave them to Woody, then got up and started getting her things.
Carole's eyebrows knit together. "You're not touching the litter box, are you?"
Woody fielded that one. "Nope. I read 'What to Expect When You're Expecting', and I learned all about that one. Did you know they have these pictures of what the baby looks like at this gestational age? She's a little peanut right now!"
Carole smiled at the proud daddy. As long as he was around, she knew the headstrong medical examiner would take care of herself. Or more correctly, be taken care of despite herself.
"OK, make an appointment with my office for next week, you have my home phone number if anything happens." She picked up Miller and regarded her, nose to nose. "I've always wanted a calico. I'll take this one, if it's alright. Alicia's birthday is in two weeks. Could you bring her to your appointment that week? I'll pay for her, just name your price."
Jordan felt a ball in the pit of her stomach that had nothing to do with the pregnancy. "Miller's a real pain in the neck, you may want to... They're not ready to leave home yet, anyway, so we'll let you know."
Carole hid the wry smile. Giving away those kittens wouldn't be easy for Jordan.
"Sure they are!" Woody blindly joined in the conversation. "I gave away two already, and they're doing fine! A couple of secretaries at work… What?"