The next day…
After their little rooftop get away, they both eventually had to return to their rooms for the night as much as they didn't want to. AJ couldn't get over how quickly she began to ache to see him, it drove her insane when he wasn't around, literally. Those two hours during the day that they got together was so precious to her now.
"Hey." Punk smiled as he sat down on the couch with her, no one else around them.
"Hi." AJ smiled, sitting down the book that she was reading and turning to him.
He was so open with her last night, claiming to want her help to find the better place, for both of them to be happy, he was so concerned for her when he didn't need to be, she could feel that he cared, she could see.
"Same time again tonight." He whispered to her in a quieter voice.
AJ gave him a faint smile and nodded. She wondered and wondered why he was bothering her, she was too damaged and confused, too caught up in her own thoughts, how could she possibly put her attention to him, but then again… he was all those things too. He was confused and damaged, lonely and looking for help, her help that he didn't know that he needed.
"I like birds too." He smiled, looking at the non fiction book she was reading.
"Why do you like them?" AJ asked him, looking into his eyes for his answer.
"They can fly away when things get too crazy I guess." Punk shrugged, watching her as she contrasted her innocent brown eyes into his, her smile appearing brightly on her face again, the only light he'd ever known in this cruel world.
Later that night…
"He was just lying there with her?" Punk screwed his face up as he sat Indian style on the rooftop across from AJ who was also sitting indian style, facing him directly and telling him about her previous relationship.
"Yeah. I mean… he knew there was no way out. How do you explain a naked woman in your bed? He knew I was crazy but I wasn't stupid." She said, "Plus he was an asshole anyway." She rolled her eyes.
"So why did it bother you so much?" Punk asked her.
"Well you think you know a guy, I thought he loved me. I loved him, as much of an asshole he was. It was just a smack of reality of how horrible people really are and that there is no such thing as love… not really." She shook her head, watching him just frown upon her words but entice and understand what she was saying, looking across at her with those perfect eyes.
"And you think that it's all because of that, that you're here?" He asked her. He was interested in her story, interested to listen to her problems like she was him.
"Yeah. That was the icing on the cake. Things have been building up for months, started off with realising that you live in a one bedroom apartment and work selling coffee at a cafe down below. Your parents think you're some animal that needs locked up, your boyfriend is putting his dick in someone else, you have no friends, no one to talk to but your mirror… it gets tough." She said, expecting him to understand, "But enough talking about me…" She said.
"I have nothing to say." He chuckled, "I'm here because the world put me here. I told you before… the world is a filthy goddamn horror show, it hates to see anyone happy." Punk said.
"So you don't think it's because you lost your job and your house and your friends?" She leaned forward to him, raising her eyebrows.
"Well yeah, partly because of that… but mostly because the world is cruel." He said, "If there really was a god we wouldn't be like this, children wouldn't be starving, no one would be homeless, wars would be ended. It's all just a load of bullshit wrote in a book, using a fancy word like bible to make it pass as an important part of history." He shook his head.
"So you don't believe in God?" She questioned him.
"No." He said firmly, "Do you?" He asked her, frankly not caring if she did or not.
"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it." She admitted.
Punk watched as she stood up and walked towards the railings, looking out across the dark Chicago city, the moonlight shining down and complimenting every soft part of her face.
He found himself walking after her, lifting himself from the ground and hovering over her from behind.
"There has to be some place better." AJ said again, looking out into the world, so large yet she felt so small.
"There is... I'm telling you." Punk insisted that she believed him.
"I want out of here." She told him, feeling him standing tall over her from behind, his hot breath travelling down her neck creating goosebumps.
"I'll come with you." He told her, "We can be happy somewhere out there." He told her, both of them looking onto the large city.
"T-Together?" She hesitated.
"Maybe." He whispered, "If you want…" He stroked his hand down her back, "Yes." He said.
He didn't know what it was, but something about him wanted AJ by his side when he found that happy place he was looking for, he wanted to experience a new joy inside him with her, little did he know she would be the joy and excitement that he was looking for.
He was extremely attracted to her, there was no doubt about that, he had dreams of tasting her lips, laying her down in bed, caressing her body and making all the pain go away.
Three days were all it took for him to realise how special and inspiring she was, the way she carried the world on her shoulders, without any help she was crying for, continuing with a smile on her face, it gave him a reason to breathe.
"You don't know me." AJ gasped at his soft touch on her bare cold shoulder, "You don't know how damaged I am. How down I can get…" She said, realising that he did know, he knew better than anyone.
"But I do know." He said, "All the pain you feel, all the worry and stress you feel, I feel it to." He told her, "Do you trust me?" He whispered in her ear, watching her turn around to face him, looking up at him.
She did, she trusted him with her life. She was willing to discharge herself from here and leave with him, find the better place in the world, but was she really ready? He may have been an angel sent from heaven, or a devil sent from hell, but either way, he couldn't save her, no one could.
"Yeah." She nodded, trusting him like no other, trusting him as soon as she lay eyes on him.
"Then come with me. Trust me. Me and you… we're the same. We get each other, come with me." He said, almost begging her, he couldn't think of leaving this place without her now. She was part of him, he could feel it, he could already see her, sleeping next to him, living with him, breathing with him, it was a crazy thought but such a wonderful thought. It may have seemed forward for only knowing this girl for three days but damn, she was it, depression or not, she was perfect.
"What if I get worse?" AJ asked with fear, knowing that this was a risk, she knew fine well that she wasn't ready to leave the hospital, not yet, she was scared of all of this pain getting worse.
"I'll look after you." Punk promised her, "We'll look after each other." He stroked her cheek softly.
She closed her eyes at his touch, getting so lost within him, knowing that if she was to leave with him, she would never leave his side, she would stick by him through everything. But did she really need a man messing with her emotions right now, now of all times when she was at her most weakest and vulnerable.
"I don't think I'm ready." She admitted to him.
"We never will be. We just have to take that chance." He told her, "I'll take good care of you." He promised, really meaning it as he looked down at her, eyeing her plumped lips up, looking at them as he imagined the sweetness of her mouth.
He began to lean down to kiss her, just to show her how much he really did care about her, how much he could relate to her.
"No…" AJ pushed him away slightly as she seen him reach out for her kiss, "No, I don't want to." She refused him, "I don't want you like this." She lied.
"I thought you liked me…" Punk stumbled backwards and looked at her, feeling so embarrassed and put down on the spot, mistaking her for liking him.
"I do." AJ retorted quickly, "I really do." She nodded, "But I don't want to leave this place when I don't feel ready. Plus, you don't want to spend your life with me, you could do so much better." She said.
"I don't want to have better. You're as good as it's going to get for me. This place isn't going to help you. I've been here for 7 months and I still feel the same. We need to save ourselves, save each other… while we still can." He told her.
"You don't know how bad I can get, we don't know each other, not properly… I don't want to leave this place with someone I don't know." She told him harshly.
"I'll leave without you then. I'm not spending another minute in here, being told that I'm going to get better and receiving nothing but disappointment." He told her.
"Don't leave. Stay with me until I get better. Then we can leave." She took hold of his arm.
"You aren't going to get better here." He told her bluntly.
She didn't know why she was holding back. She'd never took a risk in her life, she'd never lived on the edge, why not just take his hand and run with him, cure themselves on their own, she was too afraid, afraid he couldn't control her and she got out of hand like before, she was scared that she would scare him once he seen her true colours, but she was forgetting that he wasn't perfect either. She did imagine it, a life with him, it was a glorious sight.
"I don't want to leave with you." She told him, still not emotionally ready to openly put trust in another man, not really knowing him yet, not knowing him enough to escape the world with him, although she did trust him, his kind and sweet nature, he was a gentle lovable jerk with such a big heart that she was willing to steal but she was afraid he couldn't handle her, very few people could but maybe he was one who could.
"What do you want?" He asked her for once.
She'd never heard anyone ask her what she wanted before, she'd spent her full life being told what was best for her.
"I just want to feel normal again, I want to feel better." She sighed, looking up at him, knowing he understood her, of course he did, he felt the exact same and a part of her did believe that he was right, that this hospital wasn't helping her in any way shape or form, that she had to get up and physically do something about her depression and illnesses.
"You can feel normal again. Trust me. Come with me and I swear… I'll not let anything or anyone hurt you ever again." Punk begged her.
He needed her with him, he couldn't imagine leaving without her, he wanted her, he wanted nothing more than to see her happy, she had shone a light in his direction and he could only imagine how much brighter that light could get if he had her forever to love, away from this place. He'd never felt a love so quick brought on yet so strong already.
AJ didn't know what to do, she so desperately wanted to go with him, to put every ounce of trust in him and take the risk of only knowing him for three days but she also wanted to do the reasonable thing and stay in her room, attempt to let the hospital cure her but Punk was right, there was no cure, it was all an illusion. He was the only light she could see in this place, she couldn't imagine a life completely devoted to him and only him, she could be so happy and she could feel it in her grasp, but did she really trust him? Did she really know him?
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