"Captains Outrageous…"
Summary: Strictly and utterly for fun. Imagining our favorite seestras as Captains of the Federation flagship.
Disclaimer: No copy write infringement intended…
Cosima…
Starfleet Academy, Earth…Daystrum Science Center…
Office of Captain Dr. Delphine Cormier…
Currently being violated…
"Computer? Open file Cosima B24324." The dreadlocked figure in cadet's uniform at Dr. Cormier's desk eyed screen.
"Access denied…Security code required."
Hmmn…
"Try code: Cosima is hot…"?
"Access denied…"
"Well, it was worth a shot."
Hologram appears… "Cosima?" Allison's 3-D image in the room, projecting from Cosima's communicator, Allison still in Captain's uniform.
"Hey, Ally. You look so commanding I wanna salute." Grin.
"Thanks." Sour look. "Sarah's still in Cardassian space and I don't think I can keep this seat warm much longer."
"No word from Sarah?"
"Just that she's all right as of two days ago. Nothing to you, then?"
"'Fraid not."
"Are you at home?" Peering…
"Actually, I just broke into Delphine's office to see if I could get anything from her computer after I got her office security code."
"What…? How'd you manage that? Isn't security any good even at Starfleet Academy? God, how do we manage to survive?"
"My assistant at the lab got the codes for me." Wincing at memory…
("What's in it for me?" "You get to have sex…With yourself." "Really? Awesome deal…They never let us have sex here on Earth." "Just get it over with fast while I close the lab door, ok?" Assistant subdivides into multiple sex partners who proceed to take advantage of Cosmia's offer.)
"Took a while but, here I am…Getting absolutely nowhere."
"Yeah…Well that's a shame but not the reason I called…"
"No problems, Captain Ally?"
"You mean besides impersonating a fellow officer of superior rank? Well, there's the fact my first officer is more suspicious of me every day and could read my mind if he so chose…Our Romulan counterpart may attack at any moment…I miss my family…And…"
"And…?"
"I'm supposed to give the Stephen Hawking lecture on Ceti Arcturus Prime in two days…Cosima? No one told me I'd have to cover Beth's bluestocking side."
"Oh, trust me…It's not that big a deal and Beth was hardly a Hawking, though she had a general grasp of theory…What's your topic?"
"Black hole powered subspacial conduits as a means to breaking the Warp 10 barrier."
"Oh…Geesh, that's no biggie. Beth low-balled it. Though there are a few interesting new tweaks in subspacial science that could make it…"
"Perfect, you know it." Ally beamed.
"You want pointers? Sure…"
"Cosima…Pointers? I can't give this lecture…I flunked advanced calculus. I keep having to say yes to everything my chief engineer says cause I've no idea what he's talking about. And I can't back out. Besides, it's a chance to get outta here before my first officer decides to mind meld for the greater good. He's already hinting he thinks I might be back on meds. Say, you know…I really think he was sweet on Beth?" smile, then sigh. "If only she'd overcome decorum and dumped that jerk from Starfleet, Commodore Dierden…You know I always told her he was no good. Section 51, I knew it." Frown.
"Ally, he did cover for Sarah when he found her out. But what about this lecture? And you aren't …I mean…"
"I haven't taken a single thing since I left Earth. Geesh…" hurt look. "I'd never go on duty on drugs."
"Sorry…I know…" placating hand wave… "I'm sure you're doing a great job, Cap't."
"Well, I've run out of options…Except one…" eyes Cosima.
"Ally? Oh, you're kidding…"
"It would only take two days for you to reach us by warp five. Can't you take some leave? Sign up for the seminar?"
"You want me to take over on the Enterprise? Me? Ally, I failed the Kobayshi Maru command test…Not that I ever wanted command status. And your first officer wrote the latest version…He's sure to figure me out. Especially after being round you for a week."
"Just play me playing Sarah playing Beth…Come on Cosima, it's your turn. And you'd get to deliver the kick-ass lecture Beth should have given. Do it for our Beth, sister."
"What if Helena attacks again?" Cosima noted, sighing. "And Captain Cormier is my monitor, I'm sure. If I go off, she'll probably follow with some excuse."
"Toss her out the air lock…I plan to do that with my monitor, that bitch Ansley Norris. I'm sure it's her, Cosima. And Felix agreed with me when he saw her on the Enterprise before I took over from Sarah and had the witch transferred. And just tell your people to raise shields, fire phasers, full spread of photon torpedoes, that sort of thing seems to work. But I wouldn't try Sarah's move of hitting her with shields down while beaming to or from…She's sure to be on to that. I mean Delphine as to air lock, Helena as to the weapons thingys, you know." Pleading look… Please, Cosima?"
"Only if you promise not to toss Lieutenant Norris out an air lock, Ally."
Sheepish grin… "I always did want a chance to deliver the Hawking lecture…" Cosima, shrugging.
"Fine, no air lock…And you'll be great, Cosima. But lose the dreadslocks, please. Here's a great video on how to give your hair Beth's natural curl…"
….
The Enterprise tranporter room three…
"Captain?" First Officer Bell enters…
"Oh, hey…Commander." Cosima in captain's uniform, standing by Ally, back in her regular lieutenant's uniform. "Just heading down for the seminar. Everything ok? Oh, you know Lieutenant Hendrix? She's just back and getting ready to leave us and return to Earth. Amazing the resemblance, isn't it?" bright smile.
"Indeed. Lieutenant." Curt nod.
"A…Sir…" Ally returned nod.
"Captain? A word before you go…?"
"Sure…Well, bye, A…Lieutenant. It was nice having you here…" embrace.
"Cap…tain…" Ally hisses.
Oooh…Cosima releases her.
"Sorry…Just can't help thinkin' we might be related. Commander, after you?" Cosima extends hand.
Hmmn…Ally sighs.
Well, no longer my problem…
I've a birthday party to plan for my special girl…
"Beam me down or across or whatever?" she eyed the transporter officer.
"Sure…Say…" the blonde-haired, red-shirted office gives her a shrewd look. "You some transporter accident, Lieutenant?…You and the captain? You do know your transporter signals match too close to be unrelated. We actually do see more of that than you'd think." Careful stare.
"We're twins. But we kept it quiet to avoid nepotism concerns. Now forget all about it and just send me over to my ship or you'll be security on the next hazardous, sure to involve red shirt deaths, planetary detail." Frown.
….
"So…?" Cosima eyed Officer Bell.
"Are you sure you're up for today's lecture, Beth?"
"Oh, no problem…I pulled an all-nighter…It's fine, I got it nailed. You should watch if you can, I think I'll wow 'em."
"Indeed." Frown. "I hope so…I gotta say I haven't seen the said 'wow' in your recent summations."
"Saved my best for the crowd, Commander." Smile. "Don't worry, it's gonna be fine." Pats.
Ooops…
Never make physical contact with a powerful telepath who's nobly in love with you but keeps it unspoken for duty and all that…
"Beth?..." seizes hand.
"No…Art…"
"My mind to your mind…"
"Hey! Commander! You stop it, now!" breaks free.
"Sorry…Captain…I was concerned. By your recent behavior…"
Hmmn…Do I detect a bit of guilt over…?
Yeah…More going on in there than just first officer concern. Ally and Sarah are right.
Poor guy…Inward sigh…
Still…
"Arthur…Don't ever do that without my permission." She frowned.
"Beth…We have…Melded before…" eyes her a bit sheepishly. "For necessity of course, Captain. And I just thought…"
"When I need you to go rummaging through my mind, I'll let you know, Commander." Cosima, firmly. "But it's ok…" wan smile. "Just get my permission first, ok? Look, I know I've been acting strangely for a while. And you've been just great…I mean, friendwise as much as first officer…But I'm better now and it'll be…"
Oh…God…Look at that hopeful face.
A lot more human than Vulcan I'd say…
And here I am…Lying to him that his Beth is fine and everything will be the same…Poor guy…
"…fine. Thanks to you, I know." Smile. "Dipshit Vulcan."
Wry smile… "Beth…Captain, I'm sorry if I exceeded the bounds. I had concerns."
"Not at all, Commander. I appreciate your concerns as always." Nod "But I've got a lecture to give, eh? Ok, so keep your shields up and cross your fingers that I kick ass, ok?"
"Shields, Captain? We're orbiting a Federation planet in peacetime. Is there something I need to know?"
"Oh…Uh…No…" Cosima, nervously. "It's just that crazy Romulan raider…The one we beat off before? I think…On my captain's instinct, you know?...She might try again. So, just keep a look out, ok? Take care…Bye. Commander." She turned and headed through the swooshing transporter room door.
Hmmn…Bell looked after her.
Beth may have always kept it repressed around me…For decorum, fear of embarrassing me around other full-blood Vulcans, and then because she wanted to give her thing with that creep from Starfleet Command a full chance…But that woman didn't need to repress.
He went to a conference room, shutting door. "Computer…" he addressed the console on table. "Display all biometric readings for Captain Elisabeth Childs for the past two weeks…Including pheromone and hormonal levels up to five seconds ago."
…..