Thanks kind reviewers for the feedback! Please keep letting me know what you think!

"No Alice, I must go. I will be able to gain access to her more easily because I am a doctor, said

Carlisle sadly. "This may really drive a wedge between Esme and myself, but I am too compassionate

to see her in danger. This child is too precious and innocent" I noted the use of the word child, and

It struck me as funny. Bella was a beautiful woman, not a child. I guess that Carlisle used the term

because he felt so helpless." I am packing my bags. I need to go and tell Esme" I could tell that

He was bracing himself for one of the hardest conversation of his very long life.

Little did Alice and Carlisle know that their actions were possibly too little, too late.

I was getting a little better day by day. Eating and sleeping were key to recovery. I dreaded

going to bed even though I was taking sleeping pills, because the nightmares would soon come

and Edward would hurt me in some new way. The paralysis induced by the sleep meds was

terrifying. I felt really badly for my roommate Lanely, because I woke her up many times with

my tortured screams. She would come over to me and sweetly stroke my hair which somehow

made it through the nightmares and calmed me. She was so amazing. To have lived through so

much abuse and still have the capacity to love and comfort was inspiring. I helped her in many

ways, and I think it helped her to "give back." She never had visitors, and had the very barest of

possessions. The only object she seemed to cherish was a stained glass flower she hung on the

window. It looked homemade and I wondered if someone special made it for her. She never

pried into my life, which I much appreciated and I, in turn, only spoke about her past on the

rare occasion when she wanted to. One morning she absentmindedly said "It's none of my

my business, but Edward certainly never knew what he had in you." I flushed a little

when I realized how revealing my evening screaming jags were. I had a feeling of dread when I

thought about Lanely's future. She had nothing and no one. Maybe when I made it out of here I

could give her some help in getting on her feet. One thing that I learned in here was very

sad. All the patients were close and supportive, but once we left we would truly be alone.

I was soon permitted limited visits from Renee (who came to live in Forks temporarily), and

Charlie. They only stayed short amounts of time, and I was able to go for short walks on the

grounds with them. They came alone and sometimes together. Often their visits overwhelmed

me. There was an expectation that I should be a lot better by now. I sometimes had the feeling

that I was disappointing them as well as my caregivers. I was reminded of the lyrics of a song I

so loved: "they say you're getting better but you don't feel any better". There was a chill in the

air as early Spring arrived. I used to love Spring, but I hated it now. Spring represented rebirth

and new possibilities, but it was leaving me in its wake. I knew that part of the reason that I

wasn't moving along as quickly as everyone expected was that I was not taking any of the

meds I was supposed to. I knew that I needed to rethink this decision, but I was not ready

to let go of the pain that Edward left for me. My group had nicknames which were either agreed

upon: Lanely ("Alabama"), Alex (" cutter"), Elizabeth ("fast talking Liz") and Isabel ("Izzy")

and me ("Forks"). We became quite a group of misfits (and that's a lot to say in a mental

institution.) I think that we had an implicit understanding that we had each other's backs and that

we could always talk when we needed to (or in my case to be quiet in the safety of their

company). We found an underground tunnel to an old gym with a basketball court and

ping pong table and a really old boom box. We had the most hysterically funny times

there in our secret place. I sucked at sports, of course, but I found that the one exception

was ping pong. As was the case many times, I found myself taking in details to tell

Edward and having slightly frightening mini-conversations with him, until I could shake

the idea that I wasn't and never would be talking to him. The boom box was always blaring and

we had diverse musical tastes from country to rock, pop, and indie to name a few. We graciously

took turns. The only common denominators were Beatles, Led Zeppelin, U2 and yes, Elvis

Presley. I thought things were looking good at times like these. The times we all dreaded were

when we found out that one of us was well enough to leave because they felt better (which was

great) or the insurance ran out (terrible). In my limited experience those who kicked out because

of economics often were re-admitted in worse shape. The weather was improving and we were

allowed to head out in groups to get some exercise. While on a walk, Lanely caught up to me

with the news that she was being discharged. "Shit, are you getting booted out sweetie?" I said

dismayed. "No"-she said with a wistful smile. "I am being discharged but I feel good about it.

Time I made a go of it in the real world" I quickly assured her that I'd be out soon as well and

we could even get a place for a while, and that Renee and Charlie could help out. I was

happy and jealous all at the same time, and I kind of knew that I wouldn't see her once

we were out. She would disappear like a ghost. On the night before she left, the

gang had a little party for her. We shared candy that Charlie had brought, gave her some

of the silly crafts that we had made in the endless craft sessions that we had to endure.

Lanely was touched and at the end of the party embraced us tightly and said she'd miss us

terribly. She gave me a wistful smile and told me she'd miss me the most. That was the

last time I'd see her. I awoke from one of my nightmares to a real one. There was a

huge uproar and the medical staff burst into the room. I was instructed to stay put.

I heard to my horror a medical team working on Lanely, trying to revive her. The

next morning it was official. Lanely had overdosed with a stash of drugs that she kept

hidden, and I knew that she had been planning this for a while. The sadness was

palpable in the air, and the "gang" wandered around in glassy eyed disbelief. I gave each

of the others tearless embraces. I had nothing left. I couldn't cry anymore. It hit me.

There were wonderful, caring and bright people who just couldn't bear to be alive.

I crouched in my room for days. The gang didn't even meet anymore. The next disaster was

around the corner. A week later a couple orderlies came into the room with a wheelchair. "Time

for ECT therapy young lady" one of them said matter-of-factly. "No, No, No! There's been a

mistake. I haven't ever gotten Electroconvulsive therapy, and no one has said that I will. You

have the wrong person, please believe me!" I became more agitated as I realized that they

weren't listening, started screaming to alert the other staff, and the orderlies were taking my

agitation as evidence that I was really due for some therapy. I wrestled with them as they

restrained me. They shouted for help and someone came and gave me a shot of sedative. As I

was going under I realized that they must be confusing the name Isabella with Izzy's name,

Isabel. She had regular ECT treatments and had benefited from them. I felt I was being wheeled

into a room and electrodes were being put into place, and that's the last thing I noticed before

becoming totally unconscious. When I regained consciousness, I was in the ward and oddly

crouched on the floor. Alex and Izzy hurried to my side to find out what had happened and see

how I was. I looked straight at them and asked "who are you?" I knew they seemed familiar and

friendly, but I really didn't know them or where I was. Temporary memory loss was a typical

side effect of ECT, but what I didn't know, and the doctor and ECT tech didn't either was that

something had gone wrong with the procedure. My memory loss would be profound, and how

long it would last was anyone's guess.

As Carlisle and Alice got off their flight, Alice got the glazed look in her eyes, and said

"Carlisle. We are too late. Bella will have no idea who we are. We are just too late. I can't

believe I didn't see this in time. Ironically I think I was focusing on Edward's future too

much"