-----

II. COMFORT

-----

IT HAPPENED SO FAST. I sat there sobbing, my face in my hands, pouring everything out, feeling like I didn't have enough strength in me to stand up then half a second later I was pressed on the wall, strong hands on my shoulders, my feet several inches above the floor. My sobbing ceased and the hair on the back of my neck stood up when I realized who it was.

Jasper Cullen was baring his teeth, a hypnotized look spread on his face, his eyes wide and staring into mine—dead black.

His eyes flickered to my neck, to my racing pulse, and as though mesmerized, he slowly leaned his head opening his mouth and showing his teeth. Panic flooded in my veins and I struggled to speak.

"J-Jasper, it's me! It's Bella!" I tried to wriggle free, knowing it was of no use. He inhaled the scent of my neck; I could feel his nose touching the skin. "Jasper I know what you must be feeling right now, but please, calm down! It's me, it's me! I lost her too, I feel the same way you do… don't do this, please. I loved Alice too…"

Upon hearing the name of his beloved soul mate, he froze and let go of me unexpectedly. I landed on my bottom on the floor. When I looked up at him, he was on his knees, his face in his hands, and vulnerability seemed to ooze out from every fiber of his being.

"Bella… Bella, I'm sorry," his beautiful musical voice was shattering and I realized I couldn't equal the pain he felt. The self-pity and sadness that emitted from him was so heart wrenching that I couldn't help but kneel next to him.

I didn't even think if he was controlled or not, foolish, but I felt like I understood him somehow though ours were very different situations. My heartbeat slowly steadied as I temporarily forgot my problems and reluctantly wrapped my arms around his shaking form. He was hard as granite and his sweet smell reminded me of Edward, though his was different. He smelled more masculine, with a hint of mint.

"Jasper…" I began in a whisper, but I soon found out that I couldn't say anything to comfort him. It's not going to be okay, we both knew and understood it in different ways.

His shaking gradually ceased and after a deep unstable breath, he slowly removed his hands from his face and my arms fell to my sides.

I have never seen Jasper up close before. His face was another dimension of perfection. His thick dark brown eyelashes nearly touched his cheek when he blinks, his face was pale and angled regally, his nose pointed almost giving an air of arrogance, and his lips though probably hard as stone and smooth as glass, were full and attractive. He was so beautiful, and I was taken aback. I've only ever seen Edward in this light.

Edward somehow reminded me of a sunny day, he was comforting and he made me feel the warmth that one could only get from true love at its purest form. And Jasper reminded me of a starry night sky. Calming and quiet, serene and mysterious.

We looked at each other for a while, my heartbeat probably the only sound between us. His eyes, though colored in the most vivid black at the moment, was filled with despair and longing and a much more deeper emotion that took my breath away. He was both so beautiful and vulnerable it was almost painful to look at.

"Thank you," his lips moved ever so slightly, mouthing the words.

"I'm sorry I came," I said in a low voice, "I realize how thirsty you are and the self control you had to use to get yourself to stop. I didn't know you were here, if I knew I wouldn't've gone."

I sat beside him and hugged my knees.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" I mumbled.

"No, it's fairly manageable," he said.

We were silent for a while.

"I heard you come in, and I wasn't on my guard. I came here to do just that, to unleash something inside of me that was demanding to get out," he said, not looking at me. "A part of me was still inside, half-asleep I suppose, and I knew you were crying. I went down to see you but I guess it was just too soon…" he took a deep breath. "How are you, Bella?"

"Don't mind me at all, I'm doing fine," I lied automatically through my teeth. It sounded so wrong. "Carlisle wrote…" I couldn't continue.

"No, you're not," he said, looking at me intently now, disregarding my last comment. "I could see it in your eyes, I could feel it. I want to use my…ability to make you feel better but I know its effect. You'd feel worse after it wears off."

"Thank you, but I'd rather you don't. I want to face it, let it sting so it would heal quicker."

"Does it work that way?"

"You tell me," I sighed. "How about you?" my voice shook.

"I—we—I can't believe it just ended like that. We had an eternity ahead of us… we were happy… we were…Alice and Jasper," he breathed.

I knew what he meant. It felt just like Edward and me. We used to be so solid, two halves of a whole. We were an infused element, we were one.

"I'm sorry…" he said. "Edward—"

"You can't mention his name," I said in a flat voice.

"I'm sure he's hurting, too, Bella. He loves you,"

"If he does he would be here," I said in the same tone, "He left me and I'll never forgive him,"

"He did what he thought was right,"

"He took the easiest way out," my voice broke again, "if he really loved me, he would've stayed despite of it all. We would find a way to be together. But he didn't. He left." I looked at him, "If you and…the person you loved the most were in our situation, would you leave her?"

He thought for a moment, "No."

"He chickened out on me, or maybe it was part of this web of lies he used on me. Has he done this to other human girls before? Play the sweetest person, make them fall madly in love and then brutally leaves them when he gets tired?"

Jasper sighed, "That's foul, Bella. You know he's never loved anyone like this before."

"I know. But it's the only way… I have to make myself believe in this so I'd understand."

"You're the one who's taking the easy way out."

I couldn't find a reply to that. I didn't even know if it's true or not. I just sat there, staring into space, voices buzzing in my head, arguing. We were quiet for a while.

"Where is he?" I finally said.

"We don't know," he replied quietly. "He took off on his own to do some things he didn't want to tell us after Alice's—what happened,"

"Are you telling me the truth?"

"Yes,"

"Why did you come back?"

He paused for a while, contemplating his answer. "I didn't know, I was losing control over my emotions and I didn't want my family to see it. I've been here for a while, brooding. Reminiscing. Thinking about her, gathering every memory and etching it into my mind. She'll be with me forever. In my mind, in my heart."

"Do you believe you'll be with her again?" I whispered.

He half-smiled sadly, "I sure do hope so,"

"I believe you will," I said sincerely, looking him in the eyes.

"Thank you, Bella," he said, looking back at me, "Really,"

I smiled at him. It was the first smile I've worn in months and it felt strange to smile again.