Author's Notes:

Here I am with the third chapter! :D As I predicted, this turned out rather angsty. I wanted to approach the "date" theme a bit differently, but I don't know if it's imaginative. And I am not sure if I'm completely satisfied with how it turned out.

And I seem to obsess over "sounds" and "vision" recently, sorry for potential reoccurring imagery *lol*

Again, this is set somewhere after the move to the new Black Order.

Also, there's inner torment and some touches (finally!). ;3

Prompt 3: Date

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

3. Date: Make-believe

Lately there were times where the cathedral in which the new Black Order headquarters was located, felt very empty. Missions were no longer the same as they had been in Allen's early months as an exorcist. Everything was big, everything was terrible. Allen felt the real decisive battle fast approaching. The church bells rang almost constantly these days. He had seen many people walk through the gates of the cathedral and also of the Ark who never came back again. People whose names he didn't even know. People who were replaced too fast to notice their loss. Allen, despite having matured into an able fighter, returned from all missions with injuries and pangs of guilt, even though he did manage to save many people. But not all… And those church bells… He felt their echoing through deserted corridors putting ice cold hands around his heart, squeezing it bit by bit. Suffocating and immobilizing him. And each time the bells made the towers tremble under the immense weight of what they represented Allen felt how insignificant, small and powerless he was. He could only answer their call with silence.

---

Allen sat on a chair next to one of the infirmary's occupied beds, resting his elbows on his knees and hiding his face in his hands tiredly.

"It's not your fault, Allen…," Miranda whispered next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Luckily, she and Kanda had come out of the mission relatively unscathed, Allen too only had to suffer minor injuries, "if… If only I'd done better…!" Allen felt the trembling of Miranda's hand on his shoulder and lifted his head from his dry palms to look at her. She clenched her hands to fists, trying to keep herself from crying. The young exorcist sighed, then he smiled and covered her hand with his.

"It's not your fault either, Miranda…," he said but other words of comfort failed him at the moment. Miranda hiccupped, then she brushed away the tears. Allen finally put on a more cheerful and encouraging smile.

"We were just not cautious enough. You did very well. Link probably managed to survive because you protected him." He risked a small glance at the still unconscious inspector lying on the bed, then he turned back to Miranda. "Thank you Miranda, also on his behalf. And thank you for cheering me up," he told her with a gentle smile. Miranda looked at him still with wet eyes, but then she nodded.

"Thank you Allen…" He reached out to the night table and handed her a tissue that was lying there, "Ah. Thank you," she repeated, wiping her eyes, then she looked up at the ceiling, almost stomping her foot in slight frustration, a disappointed half smile on her face. "I still feel so pathetic that I always need you to cheer me up."

"Don't be, Miranda. Have a bit more confidence in your skills," Allen told her encouragingly. The older woman smiled thankfully, then she balled her hand into a fist in determination.

"I will be more confident!" Allen laughed and Miranda smiled shyly, "You shouldn't spend your time sitting in here all on your own. Get some fresh air as well. Marie and I will have dinner later on, do you want to join us?" The white haired exorcist shook his head after thinking about it for a moment.

"Thank you, but I think I will stay a bit. I need to cool my head first…" Miranda sighed, but then she smiled and excused herself.

"See you later, Miranda," Allen said, but when the door closed he fell into silence again. He sighed deeply then he looked at Link. "Still not awake? You should wake up soon if you want to continue observing me. What if I suddenly want to, you know, blow the whole order up?" Link of course didn't stir even as Allen voiced his threats and Allen sighed deeply. "I guess not…". The young exorcist turned his head to the side where he could see the window. He could make out the crows sitting in the trees in the courtyard below. The sun was still up, but slowly sinking into twilight. But the shadows crept over the window panes, dimming the light coming through from outside. Allen wanted to look away, but he knew that this was something where even ignoring wouldn't help it go away. The shadow was staring at him from the outside, but then he reached out slowly. Allen widened his eyes as he saw the movement and the shadow's white eyes narrowing slightly. Then, with one swift movement, he slammed his fist against the window, not making one sound but forcing Allen to gasp in fright, and the church bells exploded into loud, constant lamenting again. Allen covered his ears and lowered his upper body, so that his forehead was almost touching his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to breathe evenly despite the sudden feeling of suffocation that overcame him once again when he heard those Banshees announcing death and even more death. Allen suddenly got up, stumbling forward because of the swift movement and nearly crushing Link. Allen clenched his fists over the sheets, his eyes darting up to Link's pale face. The young exorcist narrowed his eyes and grit his teeth in anger and frustration, then he pushed himself up again and ran to the door. He pulled it open as if his life depended on it, stepped out and closed it again. And suddenly everything felt different. Trying to catch his breath, Allen leant against the closed door in the dark corridor. There was not one sound to be heard, either the bells had stopped ringing or the walls were too solid for the sound to reach this corridor. Allen slowly let go of the door and walked some steps. He actually didn't know where he was going, so he just walked until he got into another corridor, with a lot of windows that threw in slightly reddish light from the sinking sun outside. Allen walked on for a bit, aiming for the window. He touched the glass, cold under his fingers, but withdrew again when he saw the shadow manifesting again. Allen took a step back, but then he continued walking, slowly and the shadowed followed him. Coming in and out of vision as the wall interrupted the reflecting glass time after time. For Allen it was like looking at a series of blurred pictures: wall, shadow, wall, that grin, wall, those eyes, wall, closer and always closer as Allen widened his eyes, staring at him relentlessly until-

"Umpf!" He bumped into something.

"Watch where you're going!" Allen looked up and found Kanda standing in front of him, wearing that angry look again. Allen's eyes darted to the side but the shadow had disappeared into the background again, patently drifting behind him. "I'm talking to you!" Kanda complained and Allen snapped out of his daze.

"Huh?" Kanda glared down at him, he had one arm leant against the window frame, the other one was stemmed into his hip. He looked completely calm, maybe even thoughtful, as he turned his head away from Allen to look out into the courtyard. Allen realized that in this twilight flooded corridor, without Link or his friends, he felt totally alone and misplaced. Why was that? He hadn't cared before about it, but the feeling of loneliness despite never being alone, crept into his heart. The fact that those bells always called out to him, the fact that he too might be claimed by this shadow as well, spread an immense loneliness in him. And he couldn't even forget it, not when Kanda stood so absorbed in his own thoughts in front of him.

"Kanda!" Allen called and Kanda didn't move but he looked at him out of the corners of his eye, leaning his forehead against his balled hand on the glass.

"What?" He asked, not really inviting any further talking, but Allen didn't let himself be discouraged.

"I want you to take me out," he said and Kanda raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"Out?" He wondered and Allen nodded without giving more explanation. "Tch. What idiocy are you thinking up now?"

"I just need to get out of my head for a moment," the white haired exorcist said and this made Kanda let his hand sink. He slowly turned towards Allen with a look of calm distrust on his handsome features.

"Fine," Kanda finally said and Allen's smiled at him.

---

Kanda knew that it was insane to take part in Allen's madness. But he had come to know him well enough to understand what he meant. Out. Of course they couldn't get out of their prison, but at least Allen could pretend. And he was rather good at it; creating worlds of his own, drawing Kanda in with nothing more than words transcending the everlasting silence following the waking nightmare of their brutal reality.

Then, there was nothing wrong in speaking when one should be silent. Then, there was nothing wrong with breaking out and living, when one should prepare for death. Then, there was nothing wrong in loving a person one usually disliked.

"Thank you for the rendezvous," Allen said as they walked side by side, strolling through the corridors towards one of the many doors leading out into the grounds behind the cathedral's side-buildings. Kanda had his hands deep into the pockets of his trousers, looking forward intently, but he acknowledged Allen with a silent nod of his head. After a while Allen laughed uneasily. "It's strange that we are alone. Usually Link follows me everywhere…," he confessed and Kanda graced him with a look of disapproval.

"So what? It's not as if we've ever had a real rendezvous before. I wouldn't have agreed with him trailing after you!" Kanda snorted and Allen smiled thinly.

"Of course," he said and they continued to walk in silence through the orchard framed with ivy covered walls.

They walked until they left the orchard and arrived at the cliffs overlooking the river. That was the outer boundary that they could never cross. Of course, they travelled far as exorcists but there was no escaping their role as soldiers in this war. Kanda studied the lights coming from the city beyond the river. Night was fast approaching and a cooling wind started to rustle through the leaves of the trees around them. Kanda turned his head to the side and looked at Allen. The young exorcist was a white stain in the landscape, a shape of blotted out colours that could easily be painted over. That thought left him in a state of churned up emotions that he rather ignored. But caught in Allen's calm make-believe of a world existing outside of their confinement, he couldn't turn away from his source of anxiety. Allen looked quite calm when he contemplated the lights with a look of quiet longing.

"Our world…," he started, not turning away from the sight before him, „is so narrow. It's suffocating and confining up to the point where there is no more air for me to breathe. And it's getting smaller and smaller, no matter how far we advance into the world, we're only going back. Into us, we withdraw. More and more and more until it's so tight that with one big blast everything will explode and the chains will suddenly be evaporated." Allen balled his hands into fists, then he turned to the side and looked at Kanda, "And even if it tears my body into shreds and turns me into dust; I want this. I want to expand. My heart that has been growing and growing pushes against the iron bars of its prison with a dark fiery passion. And I know that I will be devoured no matter what I do."

"Bean sprout…," Kanda said and Allen reached out to him, his hand hovering just mere centimetres away from Kanda's cheek, but he never touched him.

"I should not be afraid to disappear… But I am…" he whispered and Kanda grabbed Allen's hand, pulling him near. They stood facing each other, about two steps apart, just connected by their hands and their pretended engagement for this evening. There were no words exchanged for a while and Allen looked at their hands. "Well… Let's go back inside…," he suggested after a while and Kanda nodded, letting go of Allen's hands.

---

The two exorcists walked through the many empty corridors and halls of the Black Order. It almost seemed as if they were the only two people in the whole cathedral and it was not hard to believe now that everything was completely silent. Allen behaved as if they were actually sight seeing; they sat in a smaller chapel connected to one of the side-buildings together, looking at the many pictures and brasses hanging on the wall. Then they visited a long gallery where various busts and objects were collecting dust standing in little round alcoves and hanging on the broad patches of wall between the high gothic windows. Then they went into one of the many rooms that had its walls lined by shelves filled with many books. Finally, Allen and Kanda arrived at a hall that had various corridors leading to different parts of the order. The light was fading away now and the hall was thrown into cool shadows.

"Let's stop here." Allen said and from far away they could hear the muted noises of people. They had reached the end of their little make-believe date. "Thank you, Kanda, I was able to," he sighed deeply here and smiled at Kanda before he continued, "forget all that insanity for a while."

"I'll accompany you back to the infirmary," Kanda said after a short moment of silence and the white haired boy looked at him in surprise, "you won't find your way back alone, you idiot. Do you even have an idea where we are?"

"Oh. No, actually I don't. But I thought I'd just follow the noise," Allen said with a laugh. Kanda rolled his eyes, but then he walked past Allen towards on of the corridors, Allen following silently. He watched the back of the handsome exorcist in silence, thinking about nothing of importance. Thanks to Kanda he had greatly calmed down and also a look into the windows showed him that the shadow of the 14th had retreated. He was not gone, but he kept his distance. When they were back in the corridor leading to the rooms of the infirmary, Kanda raised his hand and stopped Allen from going further. Surprised by the sudden movement, Allen took one step back in confusion and looked up into Kanda's dark blue eyes.

"What?"

"We probably won't have a chance to repeat that," he said, "so, let's not entirely stop your make-believe." Allen looked at him in wonder. "That passion and desire to break free, remember."

"Of course I will remember, it is not as if I could forget-" but before Allen could finish his sentence, Kanda grabbed Allen's shoulder and drew him forwards into a kiss. The fingers on Allen's shoulder dug into his flesh almost painfully, but his lips where soft and left a lingering touch when he withdrew. Allen looked at Kanda with wide eyes, but the man's face was calm. He was not embarrassed about the kiss, but his eyes searched for a reaction in Allen's. The young exorcist let his head drop and the grip on his shoulders softened. Allen reached out and put his arms around Kanda's neck to pull him near, brushing his lips over Kanda's shortly before he pressed his face against Kanda's collarbones. "Don't withdraw into your self. You can still expand, without exploding and without fading away," Kanda told him quietly and Allen nodded his head, breathing in Kanda's scent; he still smelt like the early spring evening. Kanda wanted to withdraw, but Allen still held him.

"A little bit longer please," he said, "for such a cold person you feel incredibly warm…" Kanda rolled his eyes but put his arms around Allen's waist, holding him silently.

"I'm not dead yet…" After some minutes he finally let go of Allen and the boy let him.

"Thank you Kanda," Allen said as the young man was walking away without another word. He looked over his shoulder to find Allen grinning at him, "for the date! I'll definitely pay you back one day!"

"Tch. Whatever. Just focus on not messing up your missions, you idiot," Kanda told him, then he left and Allen sighed in slight disbelief. Kanda will be Kanda. But… Allen touched his chest, where his heart was beating against his ribcage, not painfully, but rather alive. It was a good feeling to know that something would stay. Even with their make-believe over, he could secretly love Kanda and be loved in return. Nobody would know, and they could silently enjoy it the emotions they felt towards each other. A part of their make-believe was true after all.

Allen opened the door to find Link just sitting up in bed and a smile of relief spread over Allen's features.

"Link! Thank God you're awake!" Allen said and walked over to him.

"I was waiting for you, Walker. Don't go walking off on your own!" Allen sighed, but there was no reason to be angry with Link.

"I'm glad that you're fine," Allen said and Link looked at him in mild surprise, but then he shook his head, also smiling slightly.

"Well, you can't be trusted to manage on your own after all, Walker."

"Ah! How mean!" But so true. And Allen was glad of it. He was not alone and somehow he would manage to defy all the death and insanity and escape the confining prison walls, if he just remembered.

---

Notes:

Foolish children. Continue to dream your dream of make-believe salvation and love.

Ohohoho!

End of silliness.

See you next with Games! :D