I started writing this chapter ages ago. They fought me a bit on this one, but I eventually bent them to my will. *cue maniacal laughter*

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING HARD I SHIP THEM OKAY. I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND. I think it has something to do with the fact that they're both kind of assholes. But they have redeeming factors...

I found out about a week ago that Sebastian Roche is shorter than Mark Pellegrino. I did not know this - I thought it was the other way around. Bit awkward... At least the height thing hasn't come up yet, but it will! Eventually.

I had the fortune of a second chance.

I know the reason why we all should dance.

I've seen the end and all you have to do

Is always hold true.

I will always stay with you.

Balthazar Lords was one of those people who got attached to people fairly easily. It was in his nature, after all. His love, on the other hand, was infinitely more difficult to attain than his affection.

Somehow, though, Lucifer Pellegrino had his heart without even trying.

And damn it, it wasn't like he'd made it easy, either. The man was a devil to live with. He had an annoying habit of drinking his milk straight from the carton, which may have flown when he lived by himself, but once they started spending more evenings and mornings together—either at Luce's apartment or his own—that shit got old, quick. Every morning, he was up at six-thirty, driving Taz mad, especially if he'd closed the bar the night before. When it was Luce's turn to pick a movie on one of the nights they stayed in, he nearly invariably chose American Psycho—Taz saw that film more times in six weeks than he cared to recall—or, foregoing that, something just as violent. He always blasted classic rock—nothing after 1985 for him—when he drove, which Taz didn't mind exactly, but there was only so many times you could hear a Black Sabbath song before you started pining for something a bit lighter. Even worse, he sang along to it, loud and purposely off-key. And Taz knew it was intentional, because when he did karaoke at the bar—which wasn't often, but it happened once he had enough alcohol in his system—he sounded amazing, even when he sang "My Heart Will Go On," a song Taz completely abhorred. Luce knew the song irritated him, too, and he sang it on purpose.

But God, did Taz love him. Maybe it was because he never forgot to pick up milk when they were running low. Maybe it was because he would make breakfast every morning and he always brought Taz his coffee exactly the way he liked it. Maybe it was because he let Taz pick the movie three or four times for every one time he chose. It could have been that every time he drove, it was because he was picking up or dropping Taz off at work. It might have had something to do with the fact that he sang off-key to make him laugh, which it did with astonishing regularity. He had no idea why Luce sang that fucking song except to annoy the holy Hell out of him, but he was willing to give him that one.

It took him about three months to realize he was in love with Luce. In retrospect, he'd been a bit dense because he should have known after three hours, or at least the morning after the first time they actually had sex. No one had ever dredged that reaction, that absolute need to take care of, that desire to comfort, quite like Luce had. Yes, he had that a bit with Castiel and a few other people with whom he'd been in semi-serious relationships, but not like Luce. With him, it was immediate and less because Luce needed him and more because he needed Luce. And he couldn't figure out why.

But Luce, brilliant man that he was, figured it out ages before he did. He also realized that Taz hadn't quite worked it out and kept it to himself.

But Taz finally figured it out one morning in September. Yawning, coffee mug in hand, he shuffled into his kitchen and smiled to himself at the plate of toast and eggs and hash browns Luce had placed on the table. It always amazed him how easily Luce had accustomed himself to Taz's apartment, but it also pleased him. The strawberry blonde was practically a whirlwind, rushing around the kitchen and tossing dishes in the sink. He took a moment to smile at Taz before wiping off his hands and starting to fix his tie. As Taz sat down, Luce swung his suit jacket over his shoulders and the older man realized he must be going to court today.

"Not eating?" he asked.

Luce shook his head. "Have to be in early today." He brushed his sleeves off and peered into a mirror, twisting to try to see the back of his coat. "Do I look okay?"

Taz grinned. "You look fine, love."

The younger man smiled and rolled his eyes. "Pretend you don't want to sleep with me and answer that question again."

Taz laughed. "My answer remains unchanged."

Luce's smile widened and he picked up his briefcase. "Alright, then. I'll try to stop by after work." He leaned in close to Taz and gave him a quick kiss. "I'll see you later," he murmured.

"Have a good day, Luce."

"Thanks. You too." He gave Taz a small smile before heading out the door. There were two clicks as it closed behind him and he locked it with the spare key Taz had given him two months before.

Smiling to himself, he started in on the breakfast that Luce had made for him. He looked over at the seat Luce usually occupied when they ate breakfast and felt a strange sort of sadness that he wasn't here this morning. It tugged at his chest in a way that didn't make sense. It wasn't like he was gone for good. It wasn't like he wasn't going to see Luce in a few hours.

And then it hit him. "Bollocks," he muttered. He supposed this moment was coming, but it still felt like it'd come out of nowhere. He was in love with Luce, wasn't he? That's what it meant when he was happy to just do nothing with the bastard. He hadn't been in love in over ten years—he'd always managed to keep his distance emotionally with the people with whom he got involved. It was easier that way. It made it easier to end a relationship that got a bit too serious for him.

By all rights, realizing that he didn't want to end this relationship should have frightened him to his very core. But it didn't because all he could think was that, if anyone was right for him, it was definitely Lucifer Pellegrino.

All day, he wondered what he was supposed to do. Should he say something when he saw Luce later? Should he send him a quick text? He almost laughed at the thought of his reaction at reading, By the way, I love you. He didn't know what he should do, so he said nothing, even after Luce came by after work and ended up spending the night. But Luce somehow knew it because that night, just as they were both drifting off to sleep, tired from work (and that was it—they were both too exhausted to expend any energy on sex), he heard Luce's voice murmur, "I love you, Balthazar."

Before it occurred to him that this was the first time he'd ever said those three words to him, he answered, "I love you, too, Luce." He tilted Luce's head up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

And then, without even thinking, he said something that very nearly tore them apart. "I want to marry you."

Luce gave him a look that Taz had only seen him wear once before, that panicked look of their first morning after. Luce had woken up and looked around to discover that Taz was nowhere in sight, and for a moment, that fear of abandonment was written all over his face. It vanished the moment after Taz had walked back into his bedroom, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, towel, and a few bandages in his arms, but he'd still seen that look on his face, that pure terror.

It was the expression he wore now, although for the life of him, Taz genuinely couldn't figure out why. He knew that a stunned reaction on Luce's part was not only understandable, but expected. After all, even thinking about getting married right now was quite a leap for either of them. But he didn't know why Luce looked so fucking terrified. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—" he started, but the younger man cut him off.

"Stop. Just fucking stop." He sat up, ran his fingers through his hair, and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the look was gone and his expression was unreadable. He exhaled sharply. "Alright, honesty time. What the actual fuck, Taz?"

Taz spoke slowly and clearly, unsure of any other way to get through to his lover. "I did not mean that we should get married first thing in the morning, Luce. I just meant that…" The words had escaped from his head before he was actually conscious of them. He hadn't even realized it before this, but it was true. "Eventually, in a year or two or five or ten, I will want to be able to… call you my husband." There was no one like his Luce. No one would ever come close to understanding him like Luce did. He had never been overwhelmed with such a strong desire to claim someone as his own before he knew Luce.

For the first time in his nearly thirty-four years, he wanted everything from someone.

Taz could practically see Luce's mind racing over questions, not the least of which was probably contemplating the legal ramifications of what they were currently discussing. To his surprise, though, the question that Luce asked was simply, "Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?" He seriously couldn't be asking why in God's name Taz wanted to marry him.

"Why in God's name do you want to marry me?"

Ah, so he was. The question hit him harder than he expected. Couldn't Luce see how absolutely beautiful he was? Wasn't obvious how much Taz needed him? "Because… because I love you. And I'm in love with you."

"But I'm frustrating and bitter and—"

"And funny and brilliant and everything I need."

That shut Luce up.

"Yes, you are frustrating, but it's part of who you are and I wouldn't change that. You are so beautiful, Luce." He held him by the shoulders and studied his face in the half-light of the street lamps outside. His deep blue eyes looked pale, almost silver, and absolutely beautiful right now. He trailed the backs of his fingers down his cheek. "If I need to, I will spend the rest of my life convincing you."

Luce swallowed. Taz could see him melting behind those bright eyes, but he also saw that there was still hesitation. "I—no one ever—I mean, you…" Luce sighed. "I'm not used to this. I'm not used to someone caring about me this much, you know? And I'm not used to… to caring about someone this much."

Taz kissed him gently. "I know. I'm not, either. I don't know how you did it, but I care about you a great deal. And this is something we need to be careful with." I don't want to lose you.

Luce nodded. He seemed to have heard Taz's unspoken thought. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's just a big fucking leap from 'I love you' to 'I want to marry you.'"

"I know, Luce. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it, but please believe me when I say I don't regret it."

The younger man half-smiled. "Of course."

Taz cupped his cheek, his fingertips lazily tracing circles against the skin behind his ear. He rested his forehead against Luce's. "I love you," he whispered.

The smile on Luce's face widened and he softly ran his fingers through Taz's soft blond hair. "Good. I love you, too."

Taz pulled him a bit closer and kissed him again. It started off gently but within moments, it deepened and their lips were spreading and their tongues met in a fiery, passionate kiss, and Luce felt himself leaning back as his lover moved over him. On a Tuesday night, Taz made love to him for the first time. It was slow and sweet and by the end, Luce was hoarse from begging, pleading for him to go faster, harder, but Taz refused to be rushed. His body was screaming for him to do what Luce was asking, to just fuck him until they both went blind and blissfully limp—and Jesus, he felt so fucking good tonight, so fucking warm and inviting—but he didn't let himself succumb to his baser instincts. The younger man nearly went out of his mind, his nails digging tightly into Taz's shoulders, until finally he whimpered, "I love you" again, and then Taz finally, mercifully picked up his rhythm. They climaxed together, clinging to each other and both of them very nearly sobbing.

Long after the afterglow subsided, they held each other tightly. Taz was decidedly unwilling to let Luce go, and Luce seemed quite content to keep his arms firmly around Taz. They settled into a comfortable position for sleeping and Taz murmured one final time into Luce's neck, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Luce answered. Just before he drifted off, Taz had just enough time to see that there was a happy little smile on his Luce's face. That fact alone was enough to put a smile on his, but knowing that he'd been the one to put it there made it that much better.

Neither of them could remember when they'd ever been happier.

HOW DO I FLUFFY, ANGSTY, SMUTTY FANFICTION. Lu just has so many issues. No one's ever loved him before! (Except Gabriel, but that wasn't quite the same as this.)

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