From Square One
Summary:What if Naruto was accidentally given the Jounin exam and passed at the age of twelve?
Author'sNote:It's high time I updated this story. One question boggled my mind. Okay actually quite a few. What happened to the genin that never as in day after never ever passed the chunin exam? What subjects would the Jounin Exam actually cover? Does it have to be Jounin Related? Is it harder or easier? A little suggestion from a certain reviewer gave me a good idea where to push the story.
Chapter 3: Operation Rookie Mess
(Earlier Where the Proctor is At)
"Okay all Jounin Candidates listen up," The proctor stated, "Good news everyone is here to take the exam."
"Hmm-mmm," Naruto agreed enthusiastically with a nod. The rest of the candidates rolled their eyes. This was the same speech every time.
"The Bad news is I don't know what the test is. First exam is to find out what to do at the exam. No teams. Ask a proctor who actually does know about the test, they have a file on them that needs to be returned to the Hokage And take care not to die." The proctor cheered.
"WHAAAT!" Naruto screeched. He voiced the opinion of every Jounin canidate there. Crows flew off in every direction.
". . . And Naruto I need to see you for a bit," The Proctor advised.
Several of the older candidates grumbled about Naruto. Eyes that showed scorn, contempt. It was the first day of school all over again. Naruto's bright blue eyes flickered across unfriendly faces. He put his hands into his pockets. His shoulders hunched of his own accord.
"What makes this brat so special?" voices whispered.
"He's just a boy. He'll never be any special."
"Prodigies . . . always getting people to hold their hands."
"IT'S NOT LIKE I ASKED FOR HELP!" Naruto yelled back. His voice hitched for the first time in his life. "B-because I'm going to be Hokage one day. Believe it! A-and someday all of YOU will be counting on ME!"
The Jounin candidates scowling over in Naruto's direction looked unimpressed, bored even. Naruto was fresh meat. The idealists were always fresh meat. To them he was just a team baby.
When they were alone the Proctor didn't give Naruto any advice.
"Naruto no one's volunteered to take your place in Team 7 for the chunin exam." The Proctor exclaimed "Now remember this is your last freebee for the day. ANBU live by following orders but Jounins have to figure out stuff like this for themselves. The Hokage is not always going to just assign everything. You understand correct?"
". . . Yes . . . Yessir . . ." Naruto mumbled. Being suddenly made responsible was a humbling experience for the twelve year old prankster.
'I think I know of someone,' Naruto thought to himself, 'I just hope this person doesn't look at me like everyone else does in the village.'
The 22 year old Genin, Inaho(1), was understanding of her team leader Komugi and his reason to drop out of the exam. Not all genins made chunin, Inaho knew that. After a few certain years even their Jounin Sensei had to cut the apron strings. Since the tender age of thirteen she focused less and less on boys and girly frivolous things and focused more on her career. The girly clothes got opted out for loose pants and even looser shirts with the neck piece to ward against the elements. The sash around her torso was a simple thing made to hold sealed-in supplies without the bulky weight of a hiking pack. Her brown hair cropped short with a kunai. She was one of the better ninjas; not the flashy ones but the everyday ninjas who actually stood poised, calm, and contrite in the face of troubles. It was not Team Leader Komugi who kept apologizing fiercly to her and her squadmate Gennai.
It was the surprise visitor that made her lose her cool at the door.
"Hey Inaho! Inaho! HEEEEY!" The kid yelled, all color drained from Inaho's brown eyed face when she looked through the peep hole at the orange clad nightmare bashing frantically at the door. "HEY YOU! HEEEEY! HEEEY! OPEN UP!"
"Oh shoot Kyuubi," Inaho gasped, she was just about ready to put away her ninja gear for good when the monster just had to show up at her door. Of all places why did it have to be herdoor?
"I'm gonna scribble all over the window if you don't get out here." Naruto warned, "In three . . . two . . ."
"Alright! Alright!" Inaho grouched, "I'm out!"
She slammed open the door only to get caught at a sight of sexy curves and giggling pigtails amidst the smoke. Three vertical lines on each cheek. The naked woman hugged Inaho on purpose. The naked ladies bosom pressed flat against her back. Common knowledge, just about anyone, male or female will freak out at finding a naked person at the door.
"Gomen nasai," she squeaked and slammed the door in Sexy no Jutsu Babe's face. The time ticked by before a certain grimacing moment she remembered when asking Iruka why he had bundles of tissue to stop the bleeding from his nose.
She opened the door and yelled, "YOU! You're the kitsune sleeping with Iruka-sensei!"
"WHAT!" Naruto sqwaked, the jutsu dispelled in a poof revealing an irate little boy and his victim who was snarling through her nose, "I DON'T SLEEP WITH TEACHERS THAT'S DISGUSTING!"
"Than how come you even use such a perverted jutsu!" Inaho warned.
Naruto shot back, "To pull pranks on stupid men like you!"
THUNK
Inaho lightly thumped the greenhorn genin on the forehead. Sure this brat was Kyuubi and her mother told her plenty of stories about the mischievous fox fairy(2). The problem here is Inaho is an adult. Naruto was a kid. She knew if Iruka didn't see something special in the kid then she'd never be acting the way she did now.
"I'm a girl you demon," Inaho quipped, "What kind of clue did you have that made you even think I was a guy?"
Naruto looked the woman over. Her boyish face didn't have the refinement of a cute girl nor the lovliness of a woman's. Least he could say her face was plain. Her baggy shirt made it hard to tell if she actually had any feminine curves and the cut of her pants . . . She was nothing like any women he knew. In fact she looked more butch than barbie.
"You don't look feminine at all!" Naruto bellowed enough for the neighbors to here, "Where's your curves. Even Sakura-chan has a bigger front than you! OW!"
Inaho lightly thumped the beast upon his noggin. Her face screwed up in perplexity. How could this orange eyesore actually qualify for the Jounin Exam? This had to have been a fluke. Naruto however kept chattering because he didn't have time to do anything like that.
"I really, really, really, really, need to have someone on the team to help Sakura and Sasuke and well we've been neighbors for the past five years and I see you down the streets walking the biggest dogs so maybe . . ." Naruto had started to ask her this one simple request but Inaho clutched her chest and fell to a chair.
'Be still my beating heart,'She inwardly shrieked, 'Five years?I've been living near the world's most corrupted mass of Chakra for five years?And I didn't know this nightmare existed?'
Of course she also never acknowledged Naruto's existence for the past five years. Thus she forgot Naruto actually existed.
"Are you even listening to me?" Naruto snapped. One look and Inaho noticed Naruto perched on her lap glowering his squinted eyes in her face. "I need some help and the only one I could think of was you."
'Why me?'She wanted to scream, 'Of all the unlucky invisible shinobi why me?'
Inaho had her doubts as she pushed the acting Jounin (at least until he passed or failed the test) off of him. Inaho never noticed his existence. Honestly she hated him. She was petrified of him. She had a deep seated fear of Fox Fairies. They could suck out someone's soul. They were crafty and not just malevolent pieces of chakra. The Nine Tailed Fox was a mass of pure hatred that chilled her to her very bones. She could sense Kyuubi in a sense, any experienced ninja learned how to feel killing intent that's what made Kyuubi so terrible and powerful. Naruto was living near her for five years, how could she not sense him?
'The only way to battle a FoxFairy,' Inaho stated, 'Doesn't involve killing but cunning.'
"Please would you stay for tea?" Inaho asked. Inside she was hyperventilating. She was actually inviting a monster over for tea.
"But I have to get a replacement now!" Naruto whined, "I don't have time for tea and cookies!"
There went plan A. The experienced Shinobi always came up with a plan B to Know Thine Enemy. Naruto was a regular at Ichiraku Ramen. Fox Fairies loved offerings.
"How about a ramen cup?" Inaho announced. As if the magic word wasn't enough. Naruto bolted for the kitchen and started singing some random ditty about Miso Pork.
'And to think,' Inaho mentally sighed, 'This little brat is the guy I might end up calling Kyuubi-sensei.'
Naruto looked so cute with his face glued to the Microwave window. A little drool wiped off by his coat sleeve as he watched the package waltz round and round. Inaho grabbed a little bottle of special spices and carefully scattered a small bottle of cinnamon all spice in a wide circle at Naruto's feet.
"What are you doing?" Naruto asked.
"I'm . . . sprinkling repellant on the ground for bugs!" Inaho nervously tittered. "Oh how much time is left on your-"
Naruto glued himself to the screen. Inaho went back to sprinkling the spice on the ground. Naruto turned back to the cautious Genin just when Inaho finished the circle she ran through the hand signs. Ram, Tiger, Ram, Dog. One hand to complete the jutsu and Naruto ended up in a world of pain.
"Secret art," Inaho declared, "Fox Fairy Detector."
Now this Detector Jutsu was very special. If a fox fairy possessed a mere mortal. The fox's tail would be popping out between Naruto's legs. His original form would be revealed and the Kyuubi no Kitsune would run away spluttering curses at the castor. It was fairly harmless . . . for Inaho that is.
Naruto's eyes shifted to slitted red eyes. The whisker marks on his cheeks intensified. Claws digging holes where Naruto clutched his stomach. He blacked out, only to come to a gruesome sight. A spooky glare and fangs ringing the entire view of a ghostly cage.
"Who do you want to kill!" The monster cackled.
Poor Naruto gulped. He let out a scream because of the burning in his stomach. A scream Inaho heard right where she was standing.
"Oh crud," Inaho hissed, "dispel, dispel, dispel!"
She rushed to the boy's aid. She flipped him over on his back and unzipped the jacket. She lifted up Naruto's shirt to reveal an opalescent spiral. The spiral darkened to a black circle. The fox's chakra bubbled forth. The fox raring to get out.
"Oh dear sweet Kami, I killed the kid!" She cried, "That's why this is a Jounin Level Jutsu. Inaho, your jounin-sensei is going to kill you."
She didn't know how to seal the fox back in. She only knew that extraction of the fox would kill the boy. Then what? She'd be facing jail time with Mizuki-sensei that's what. Death Row even!
Inaho had one shadowclone destroy the circle by kicking the cinnamon and all spice away from Naruto. The shadow clone disrupted the Jutsu's chakra. Inaho frantically perfomed CPR. Naruto stopped breathing.
"Please be alright," Inaho begged, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just please be alright. Egg my apartment. Yell at me! Do something! Just please be alright!"
"Wow! You really are a girl!" exclaimed a too good to be true voice. Naruto's hands were pushed up against Inaho's breasts. He was trying to get Inaho to stop crushing him with her arms, the booby grab was an accident.
THUNK
"Ow!" Naruto whined. That tiny blow to the head hurt. "What just happened? You used some dangerous Jutsu to kill me didn't you!"
'I thought that brat actually was the kyuubi!' Inaho inwardly griped, 'Excuse me for not being careful. I didn't know the whole truth.'
"Well, I thought you were a Fox Fairy," Inaho explained. "What I just used was an A-ranked Jutsu. Top secret for detecting Foxes."
"Then what was that vision of that monster with all the teeth?" Naruto muttered, his crestfallen face tugged at Inaho's heartstrings. Which didn't help because she nearly killed Naruto aka boy-she-thought-who-was-the-Nine-Tailed-Fox.
'If Naruto ever makes Jounin,' Inaho surmised, 'There could be many near death experiences like this again. Naruto may be a bit of an evil fox but he's still a Ninja of Konoha. I have to make sure this doesn't happen again.'
"The way you are possessed is . . . much more complicated but now you can finally say you're nothing like a Fox Fairy." Inaho giggled nervously, she was just this close to breaking the third Hokage's law of telling a Jinchuriki that he was a vessel for a malevolent demon.
"What do I look like to you? Stupid? Admit it. I know you hate me." Naruto huffed. The timer dinged. "Oh boy! The ramen's done!"
He ravenously tucked in, halfway through slurping he growled. In reality Inaho didn't keep any ramen in her house. Her genjutsu was instantly dispelled along with the Fox Fairy Detector Jutsu. What Naruto thought was a nice cup of ramen. Naruto was actually eating Cream of Salary soup with Yakisoba Noodles instead.
"Yuck!" Naruto grimaced, "Vegetables are gross!"
"That Yakisoba, is the reason you're not dizzy right now from my jutsu," Inaho quipped, she felt very responsible over her mistakes, "You need your strength after surviving a jutsu like that. For Jounins out in the field this is normal. Genin make mistakes all the time and it's the teachers that usually get torched seventy five percent of the time. Why do you think the Uchiha Clan never let their kids practice spitting fireballs in the house or the fact that each squad has a training field to train in hmm? You never tried practicing Taijutsu in your living room, ne?"
Naruto rubbed the back of his head nervously. Yes he did practice that . . . in there . . . where a hole happened to be in the wall that was the size of his face. Inaho looked at the clock. The second part of the chunin exam was about to begin in twelve minutes.
"Oh look at the time! We got to go! You! Get to that Jounin exam and hurry it up because if you don't do good there I'll be really guilty for nearly killing you." Inaho rambled.
"So you really were trying to kill me!" Naruto grouched.
THUNK
"Ittai!" Naruto yelped. Her hits were tiny but stung.
"If I tried to kill you then I wouldn't have been so worried when you collapsed back there," Inaho snapped, "Now shoo! I've got some last minute preparations to do."
Naruto stalked to the window but Inaho flagged him down.
"Oh and Naruto," Inaho spoke softly with none of the hard edge she had before. Naruto glanced back, gobsmacked by Inaho's sudden change in tune.
". . . Good luck . . ." Inaho voiced, "I'm off to help your team."
"Good luck to you too Big Brother," Naruto piped up.
"FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME," Inaho yelled, "I'M ACTUALLY A GIRL!"
(At the Forest of Death)
Anko Mitarashi was in a bored mood. She was hoping to scare some more of the Genin witless but no one was being a smart elect today. Her biggest highlight though was the look on Ibiki's face when the Little Orange Runt ran in the opposite direction of everyone else on the starting line. The Runt's teammates Pinky and Ice Prick were uptight.
Well Ice Prick (Sasuke) was clenching his fists till his nails made his palms bleed. He didn't know whether to have a hissy fit he got surpassed by an idiot or get scared he lost something. Anko opted to breath down his neck to make him squirm and Pinky was the first to snap..
"LAY OFF MY TEAMMATES!" Sakura barked and gasped at her sudden outburst. Even Sasuke glanced wide eyed at his usually softspoken teammate. "I-I mean it's not like the first one who speaks is the first one . . . I mean we made it this far and I don't want to back down."
'The Orange Runt's a bit more of an influence than I thought,' Anko mentally crooned, "Eyes up front maggots! You know the rules. Team 7 your replacement is late so according to the proctor aka me. I'll have no choice but to."
"WAIT!" A call resounded, as a lone ninja ran up the hill panting and huffing, "Wait . . . I'm here . . . on Naruto-taichou's request. I'm Team 7's temporary squad mate Inaho Inoue."
"Oh my gosh," Ino mocked, "Your team is like a magnet for guys."
"I'M A GIRL!" Inaho yowled, "USE YOUR EYES AND YOU . . . HYUUGA BOY! YOU PEEK AT ME WITH YOUR BYAKUGAN! I'LL BREAK YOU!"
Neji about activated his Byakugan but considering the threat. He decided against finding out if Inaho actually had any feminine qualities beneath those baggy clothes. That was a question destined for later. Far be it from him to peek for his own curiosity.
Anko threw her kunai it barely nicked the woman's cheek.
"I'd have expected something less outrageous from you Inaho," Anko mused "Isn't this the fifth test you failed. Why the come back?"
Inaho wisely clamped her mouth shut to join her teammates.
"A change of heart I guess," Inaho shrugged, "Either that or I'm insane. I'll tell you later. Oh and Sasuke, Sakura . . . A message from Naruto he wishes he were here and he already misses you."
Sakura looked touched and a little teary. Sasuke just froze with a hint of jealousy.
THUNK
Inaho's fist thumping into Sasuke's cranium was light but the smack sent him reeling. Sasuke scowled at the tomboyish woman. He rubbed his head. How dare she strike the Last Uchiha.
"C'mon, no Konoha ninja mopes and didn't you hear my message? Naruto misses you. He's at the bottom of the totem pole with the rest of the newbies at the Jounin exam. He wishes he were back here competing alongside you but . . . he can't so I'm here. He misses you and hopes you'll compete with him again." Inaho chided the last Uchiha.
Sasuke visibly made no emotion slid across his features. His white knuckles gave way as he heaved a sigh. So sudden promotion never changed the Dobe one bit. He was still a goof ball. The same goof ball of Team 7. Somehow this tidbit of knowledge took a huge weight off his shoulders.
'I'll catch up to him,' Sasuke declared to himself, 'He's not going to leave me in the dust.'
(Interrogation Department)
Ibiki Morino looked over the exam again, and again, and again. His lips set in a corpulent frown. He'd been the proctor for several exams, Jounin, Chunin or otherwise. It had been his pleasure to torture ruffians and make them squeal. He was a master of mind games that he was.
. . . A master of conundrums he was not.
The bingo book for every ninja in the village was flipped open to the page of Naruto Uzumaki and sprawled across the bar where he was drowning his sorrows or confusion take your pick. The Little Orange Runt's Ninjutsu was a par below average yet his chakra levels were inhuman even with the help of the nine tailed fox. A sneeze could blow his taijutsu, genjutsu and intelligence level off the face of the planet they were that bad. The only thing this upstart underdog had going for him was average speed, below average strength and enough stamina to power an electrical device and rocket it across the water for twenty years non-stop or less.
'Who's bright idea was it for him to ace the written exam?' Ibiki mentally whined. Far be it from him to remember who passed Naruto the test in the first place.
"Good afternoon Ibiki," came a friendly greeting. Kakashi pulled up a seat as well as several other Jounin, Gai because Kakashi came, Asuma because he needed a good laugh, and Kurenai because her concern for small children was legendary.
"You want to know about Naruto," Ibiki guessed.
"It's not every day someone suddenly passes the wrong test!" Gai cheered, "Right Kakashi?"
"Hmm? Was that the wind?" Kakashi remarked. Gai fell off his stool after hearing that.
"Anyway it's just out of concern for Naruto. If he was at Kakashi's level maybe." Asuma began.
"He's not," Kakashi piped up.
Ibiki narrowed his eyes at the ongoing group. He was never going to crack under pressure. If his whitened knuckles from the squeezing of his glass were any indication.
"We're afraid he won't have a fighting chance at this exam," Kurenai concluded.
"Mah he'll . . . have a chance alright," Kakashi drawled.
He opened his book to a very interesting page. The others sitting at the bar looked upon him in mute shock or, in Gai's case, vocallized dismay. They never noticed a small boy who kicked in the swinging doors. He bounced in on the balls of his feet. His scratchy voice blaring out the newest string in a long line of nicknames that'd get him yelled at for years to come.
"Hey Beaky-sensei," Naruto piped up. Ibiki choked on his own spit. "I'm down here not up there! Beaky-sensei. HEY! Don't pass out on me. Beaky-sensei! Beaky-sensei!"
Naruto proceeded to throttle him awake. Ibiki slapped him away.
". . . What is it?" He growled.
"Do you know what the next exam will be?" Naruto piped up.
WHOMPH
Asuma choked on his cigarette. Kurenai was busy helping him to stop choking. Gai prat falled face first to the floor. Kakashi flinched, he'd have dropped his jaw if his mask wasn't holding it in position. Ibiki thought to himself somewhere out there his Guardian Angel went out to smoke a cigarette and never came back.
"Our next Exam was to ask the proctors what the next exam would be by any means necessary and since you were in charge of an exam and nobody was able to trick you. I just decided to flat out ask you." Naruto quipped.
Ibiki had the file that the Jounin candidates needed to take to the Hokage. Problem is he knew all the tricks. Ibiki was quite proud.
"Oh well no one out cheats the Interrogator." Ibiki bragged, "There's no technique in torture and infiltration that I can't withstand."
Kakashi slapped himself with the book. Here it was. This was it. It was the bell test all over again.
"Oh yeah?" Naruto warned, he had a feeling his prank would have a different result on Ibiki than it would've on Anko. His grin nearly halved his face. He went through the hand signs shouting, "Oiroke no Jutsu."
The naked and buxom blonde bombshell sighed in ecstasy as she slithered her hands in from behind. A voice like the tinkling of raindrops giggled in the brain dead interrogators ears. Gai's face went blank, his white eyed face slackened. Kakashi slammed Gai on the table to get a look at that youthful beauty picking at Ibiki's pants pockets. Asuma choked on his second cigarette. Kurenai stared in horror. A naked lady in a bar; how scandalous is that?
"Thank you Beaky-Sensei!" The blonde beauty gushed and in a poof Naruto ran for his life out the door.
"WOW!" Asuma shouted, "Did you see that? Now that's genius."
Kurenai swatted Asuma for that comment. She glared at them.
"Hmm I wonder if Naruto could teach me that one," Kakashi observed, "Could we try using that Jutsu in a contest Gai? . . . Gai?"
Kakashi calmly shook his friend. Gravity gave Gai the liberty to fall from his chair to the floor. Gai had fainted the moment Naruto looked his way. Kakashi blew a puff of air at Ibiki. That puff of air knocked Ibiki to the floor.
CRASH
"Oh well," Kakashi shrugged, "Not all people can withstand the sight of beauty right Asuma."
"You said it," Asuma cheered.
Kurenai couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Oh Kakashi," Kurenai sweetly asked, "I heard you . . . shared something with Naruto. Do you mind telling me what that is?"
"B-but Naruto created that long before I showed him that thing," Kakashi stated in blind panic to protect his precious Icha Icha Paradise. "Hey, Ow! . . . Ow!"
Kurenai had a few words to share with Kakashi. The same Kakashi she was dragging away by his ear. Asuma sank into his seat and disappeared. Hades had no wrath like a parental Kurenai.
"Asuma I have a few words to talk with you about too," Kurenai announced as if in afterthought.
Which goes to show no one could escape Kurenai's parental wrath either.
(1) Inaho is the name of one of the Genin that failed the first part of the exam. I tried to stay true to character but this Inaho sort of came into her own and veered away more. She looks like a guy but according to the databook she is a girl. So this one happens to have a responsibility streak and a bit of sensitivity about her looks.
(2) Fox Fairy. Another phrase used to describe Kitsune. What girlier name could anyone ever call the Kyuubi?
Further Note: Yes the chapter is extremely short but hey the reviewers of chapter 1 gave me my first round of constructive criticism. What'd you like to see on the test? Will Naruto ever remained scarred from Kakashi's book and Why is Sasuke acting strange? Stay tuned to find out.