Chapter 2

Three weeks later.

Gibbs heard a car pull up and he looked out the window. Tony! He got up and started a pot of coffee to wake himself up since he felt residual effect from the narcotic. He'd taken more than a few in the past few weeks. If nothing else, they'd forced him to rest and his pain was less than it had been. It helped that his anger had dissipated and sank into a resigned acceptance. That acceptance hadn't come easy, but it was what it was. He heard Tony open the door and come inside and he smiled. To be honest, it was the first time he'd smiled since Tony left.

"Hey Gibbs," Tony said softly.

As soon as Gibbs saw Tony's face, the smile died on his face. He looked exhausted, pale, vacant. He stepped up to Tony and looked into his eyes studying him. "What happened?"

Tony braced himself, and sighed dramatically, as only Tony DiNozzo could. "Daniel Budd is dead."

Gibbs inhaled sharply.

Tony grimaced. "He pulled a gun. It was me or him."

"Glad it was him, DiNozzo," Gibbs' voice was rough. They stood there and looked at each other.

Tony gazed into Gibbs' eyes for a moment and Gibbs could read the question there just before Tony spoke again. "You still mad at me?"

Gibbs sighed and shook his head. "I know now you were under orders." He heard the sputtering of the coffee maker and turned away to grab a mug for Tony and fixed his coffee the way he liked it.

"Huh?" Tony asked, confusion in his voice.

Gibbs looked back at him. "You left because you were ordered to."

Tony still looked puzzled and it wasn't until Gibbs handed him the mug that Tony was able to speak again. "I thought you were mad at me because I let you get shot. I didn't have your six."

"What?!" Gibbs set his mug down with a plunk on the table.

"In Iraq. I got distracted and didn't have your six. If I hadn't been, maybe I could've prevented you getting shot."

"Oh hell!" Gibbs shook his head. "Neither one of us could've seen that coming. We never thought a…a kid…" Gibbs started trembling all over and his eyes seemed to dilate and he gripped the back of the chair. Gibbs inhaled sharply, and then grabbed at his chest. In an instant, Tony was beside his boss, an arm coming around his waist to support him.

"Whoa, easy Boss," Tony said softly. "I got ya." He pulled out the chair with his foot and eased Gibbs into it. Gibbs let go of his chest but his breathing was ragged and it took him several minutes to calm down. Tony's presence soothed him as he rubbed his back, schooled him in breathing until he calmed down, letting his breathing match Tony's. "You have PTSD, Boss," Tony said quietly in his ears. "Have you talked to anyone? Does anyone else know?"

Gibbs couldn't look at Tony. That was the first time he had a panic attack in front of another person. He had avoided talking about it, thinking about it, but he should've realized Tony would evoke it. He took a deep breath and finally, the trembling stopped. He felt cold and he shivered involuntarily.

"Don't need to hide it from me. I'm sorry I couldn't have been here to help you through all this shit."

"I'm okay, Tony."

Tony squeezed his shoulder and Gibbs glanced up at Tony to see the concern in his eyes. Tony shook his head and Gibbs could see the pain that for once, Tony wasn't trying to hide. He stared, transfixed by the emotions stirring there. The last time he'd seen Tony like this was when Paula Cassidy had died, and Kate before that. "No, you're not. It's okay because I'm not either. I'm a fucking mess, Gibbs, and you are too."

Gibbs didn't know what to say. Tony absolutely never admitted when he was a mess. He would dazzle, deflect, and distract but he would never admit he was anything less than 'fine' and hearing him admit that not only was he a mess, but a 'fucking' mess was startling. As Gibbs stared in his eyes, he saw what he felt reflected back at him. Even without the dark circles under his eyes, Gibbs could see that something haunted him. He had also lost weight and he could see skin stretched tight across his collarbone, more prominent than it used to be. For once, Tony didn't have it in him to play games, especially since it was the two of them here and now. Really, after knowing each other so long, they should be long past that. So what if Tony had seen him have a panic attack? Hadn't he seen Tony have countless episodes when he had the plague? He remembered him struggling for breath and freaking out because he couldn't breathe. Gibbs had comforted and soothed him through them multiple times a day, not dissimilar to what Tony had done for him. To try to play games with him at this point would be insulting…to both of them. He wouldn't do it. As he stared in his eyes, he felt their connection again, reminiscent of their days before Kate, even before Vivian Blackadder. It was deeper now, and he wondered if Tony felt it as intensely as he did.

"Hey, listen to me," Tony's hand still rested on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. "When I saw Vance this morning, he ordered me to take some time off."

"Time off?" Gibbs repeated stupidly, as if he didn't understand, which he didn't. Tony was a team lead. He couldn't take time off.

"Yes, time off." It would've been a perfect opening for Tony to tease him about his lack of vacations, but Tony's eyes were as serious as Gibbs had ever seen. "Tim and Ellie are helping another team chase down yet another terrorist." Tony couldn't quite hide the bitterness in his voice. "He thought that would take some time. He didn't give me a choice and I didn't ask for one. In fact, I'm considering a career change," Tony admitted. He took a deep breath and held up his hand before Gibbs could speak. "I haven't decided for sure, but I am going to think about it. Anyway, Doug, one of my frat brothers, has a beach house in North Carolina. He's always offered me the use of it and when Vance said time off, I thought of it. I called him before I came over and he isn't using it for the next few weeks. I'm heading down tomorrow morning. Why don't you come with me? There's a private beach, and it's secluded, but it's really nice. I think it will do us both good to get away from here. What do you say, Gibbs?"

Gibbs didn't bother hiding his surprise. He hadn't even known Tony had a vacation retreat to go to but he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. What was more surprising was the invitation extended to him.

"Why would you invite me? You should take Zoe." Tony winced and Gibbs could see that it was over.

"We broke up right before we got that last lead on Budd," Tony admitted. "Even if we hadn't, I'd still invite you anyway. You need to get away, Gibbs. You're my friend, as well as my boss, and I haven't been able to help you as much as I wanted to. It'll be good for both of us."

"Who else will be there?"

Tony's eyebrows wrinkled at the question. "Well, I hadn't invited anyone else, but I suppose we could if you want to. Is there someone…"

Gibbs held up his hand and shook his head. "No, I was wondering if any of your frat brothers were going to be there. I'm not much for partying, you know that."

Tony smiled as understanding dawned. "Oh no, nothing like that. We all haven't got together in a long time. Doug told me I'm the only one he has ever invited to use the beach house. Everyone else is scattered throughout the country. I'm the one who lives the closest that could actually make use of it."

"Oh." Gibbs didn't know what else to say.

"Doug and his wife have work and their boys have some summer sports they're doing, so they're not using it for a few weeks and he knows I'll take care of the place, won't trash it. He trusts me. We just have to stop and pick up the key on the way." Tony paused for a moment. "So, how about it?"

Gibbs hesitated and then nodded. "Yeah, Tony. I'll go. But…I have physical therapy in the morning, 0900."

Tony nodded. "No problem. I have some stuff to do before we head out anyway. I'll stop by before your appointment ends so I can talk to the therapist about what exercises you need to do while you're gone. I won't let you fall behind."

Gibbs smiled. "It's supposed to be my last appointment. Been working on a home program."

"Even better. I definitely want to be there so I can know what you need to do. Can go swimming too. It's good non-impact exercise, can work your quads."

Gibbs nodded. "Sounds good."

"Yes, it does," Tony agreed with a smile. "Have you been cleared to drive yet?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Yeah…finally."

Tony nodded. "Good, but I'm driving! I'll be here sometime after 9. Gonna head home and start packing and get things ready for tomorrow. You gonna be able to get stuff around or do you need me to do it? Be honest, Gibbs. Don't be stoic if it hurts too much."

Gibbs huffed. "Still not allowed to lift anything heavy."

"All right then. You gather what you need and I'll carry the heavy stuff."

"What do you need me to bring?"

"Just your clothes and toiletries, whatever spending money you want. This was my idea so I'll take care of the rest."

Gibbs gave Tony a look that clearly said he was out of his mind if he thought Gibbs was going to mooch off him, and Tony smiled. "What? We don't have to pay rent or anything. I'll give Doug some money for the utilities we'll use. We'll have to buy food and whatever paper products we need. Seriously, Gibbs, don't worry about it."

Gibbs nodded. "Okay."

Tony smiled. "You okay now?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I'm heading out to take care of stuff. Call me if you need anything. See you in the morning."

"Night."

After Tony left, Gibbs felt better. For the first time in months, he had something to look forward to. When he got up from the table, his chest ached and he called Taft who thought the vacation was a fantastic idea. Gibbs made a few more phone calls and breathed a sigh of relief when he finally got off the phone with Abby. He sure as hell wouldn't miss being smothered.