Chapter Three

His dreams had become more and more intense as the night had gone on. He hadn't woken Rose but when he had dreamt that he was battling Cybermen with a sword he had got up and taken himself to the spare room.

He was lying in the spare bed now trying unsuccessfully to control his breathing. He wondered if Tony had left one of his blue inhalers anywhere nearby and decided to investigate the bathroom medicine cupboard.

The cupboard was locked and for several seconds he battled with the key before gaining access. An inhaler was there and he sucked on it gratefully. The calming influence of the drug was almost immediate and he replaced the cover and positioned the inhaler exactly as he had found it; he didn't want Rose troubled any further than she already had been and he decided to tell her, if she asked, that she had been restless while sleeping and that was why he had taken himself to the spare room.

He let his mind drift again as he dropped down in to sleep. He knew exactly what he was doing and he knew that it was possibly dangerous but he had to see more of what he had seen before waking up and as he was alone he felt sure he wouldn't be a danger to his sleeping wife.

John dreamt of a man who believed he was a Time Lord, Jackson believed he was *him.* He had suffered two terrible losses causing a fugue state to exist and had assumed the Doctor's mantle. He had a companion named Rosetta and a tethered hot air balloon that he described as his TARDIS. When *he* had been able to awaken the memories of Caroline to Jackson and return his son Frederick to him *he* had dispatched Mercy, the woman in the red dress who seemed strangely familiar. Did John know her? Too much! He woke up sweating and with a cry dying in his throat.

He lay completely still and listened carefully. Through a crack in the curtains he could see that it was just getting light. Listening again he could hear that the heating had automatically come on meaning it was after 6am and then he heard Rose's alarm clock. Neither of them worked in the traditional sense of the word. They both helped out in this world's version of Torchwood, but Pete and Jackie wouldn't allow Rose to be placed in danger and his expertise was only rarely called upon. If a creature they didn't know the name of fell to Earth he was consulted for the memories of *him* that he held.

Rose's alarm was set so that she could help her Mother get Tony up and off to pre school for the morning. She would then sometimes go in to town with Jackie and do some shopping before picking Tony up and then they'd usually all enjoy lunch together before he and Rose would slip off back to their wing and their private little world.

He heard her pad to the bathroom and after the flush he heard a gentle knock on the bedroom door. He didn't answer and when she quietly opened the door he feigned sleep. He actually was still tired and he didn't want to answer any questions right now. He heard her walk across the room and felt her lips on his forehead before she re crossed the room and almost silently closed the door behind her.

This time when he dropped back in to sleep he hoped for less disturbing dreams. It would seem he could exploit the link at will but for now he actually wanted some restful sleep.

He didn't get it. This time it wasn't dangerous but when he woke he felt drained. After he had descended in Jackson's TARDIS he had been treated as a hero might be. When finally he had managed to slip away Jackson had followed him and questioned why he was now alone. He had told Jackson that he had to be and he had mentioned what had happened to Rose, Martha and poor Donna. What he had had to do to her gave John pain as well, and he felt his single human heart might crack when he had heard the words,

*They break my heart.*

Jackson had insisted *he* join them for Christmas dinner and while *he* shared the mans obvious delight at being reunited with his son; it only served to highlight even more keenly what he had once again lost.

He had slipped away unseen and John woke with the painful memory of *him* standing alone again in the TARDIS.

He lay alone in the bed and felt tears prick at his eyes; scrubbing at them angrily he decided to get up straight away and at least appear normal when Rose got home at lunch time; she mustn't suspect what he was up to; he had no idea what possible reason he could give her to explain what he was attempting. It was just something he needed to exploit. The connection was there, and might even be two ways, but if he could keep his mind alert then *he* wouldn't be able to see what John didn't want to share.

After showering and shaving he dressed and went downstairs to wait for the sound of Jackie's car on the gravelled driveway. He didn't have long to wait and as he had skipped breakfast he went out their front door to meet them and help unload the car straight in to Jackie and Pete's kitchen.

Rose greeted him with,

"Hey sleepy head, you took yourself to the spare room."

"You were like a windmill last night, arms and legs everywhere. I gave up trying to sleep in our bed when you kicked me somewhere a little delicate."

"I'm sorry, but I don't like waking up alone, it's a bit sad."

John was once again reminded of how alone *he* was but he pushed the thought aside as he kissed his beautiful wife before saying,

"Come on I'm starving let's go and have lunch, is Tony inside?"

Rose laughed,

"Yes he is and he has some paintings to show you."

They linked arms and went back in to Jackie's kitchen for lunch and family time.