Chapter 3- Becoming Queen
Her sleep is restless and she wakes up twice in a span of few hours, the first time is when the night is still young. She went to bed ridiculously early, avoiding the people who look at her with distrust.
The second time the moon is at its peak, hushed whispers and heart wrenching whimpers are the sounds that wake her. She thinks she is dreaming when a small voice reaches her ear and instantly she is on her feet. It sound like Roland, the boy who had appeared like a ray of sunshine in her utterly bleak life.
She doesn't hesitate as she slips out from behind the curtain that separates her temporary room from the rest of the hut. She instantly spies Ruby and her grandmother (Granny) huddled by the hearth trying to calm a crying Roland. She barely takes a step when all three occupants by the fire look her way. None of the adults get to say word for Roland does not waist a moment and launches himself out of Ruby's embrace and into Regina's. The young Queen in lost, so lost but by some instinct she picks the boy and hugs him close. He looks at Granny with a questioning gaze "father has watch mothers been gone" the older women murmurs and Regina nods as she begins running soothing circles on the boys back singing his name softly till the boys cries begin to subside.
The stare of the other two women grate on her nerve and so she slowly recedes back to her room, Roland's sniffling calming down. Her body is half battered and she can't help but lie down, with the small boy curled on her side. "I had bad dream Gina" Roland whimpers when Regina asks why the boy had been crying "a bad dream about what sweets?" Regina hopes that talking will dim the boys level of fear "flying pigs, they, they came and papa was not here and neither was nuncle killy or davi or little john and I shouted but no one came!" Roland switches between regular English and Sherwood dialect unconsciously.
"Oh, Rolland it was just a dream sweetie but tell you what, if you ever get lost I promise to not stop until I find you" and she means it, she knows how terrifying and lonely being lost feels. Roland rubs one his eyes with is pudgy fist as his breathing begins to even out "you promise" he asks and she nods. "I do" he seems satisfied with that and wraps a tiny hand in her shirt color and drift to sleep as she hums softly.
She is woken at the crack of dawn by several older women. She wakes with a start and instinctively hugs Roland closer to herself; the strangers look at her oddly but back off. It's Granny face that calms her and only then does she hand Roland over to Ruby and he is taken from her still half asleep and carried out. She is dragged into the cold misty morning to a lake. They strip her and she lets them, goes into the ice cold water and lets it numb her to the bone. They sing and dunk her head into the water several times rubbing her with sand till she is red before dragging her out, wrapping her in a cloak this time taking her to a cave closer to camp. The cave houses a series of hot spring where she is scrubbed and cleansed with oils messaged into her body with more chants and singing.
When they bring her back to her hut they stare at her expectantly. Regina lets them ponder for a bit for she cannot stop shivering nor can she feel several of her toes; so she takes her time moving toward the one of the chests.
She sold the wedding dress her mother had ordered her; the huge white gown had layers and layers of hoops and underskirts. The dress had taken up one trunk by itself, though it had brought her good deal of gold. She, or rather her maid and close friend Esme had another dress made in a bold dark navy. The dress reminded her of the midnight sky and had been made of a light and flowing fabric which danced in the wind. It held tight to her figure, extenuating her curves but flowed out to a loose skirt at her hips. A deep v in the front and the back showcased her alabaster skin the flowing bell sleeves where transparent in parts. Esme, had spoken about how her hair shone brighter and her skin whiter in contrast of the material while Regina had tried to care.
Now though, she did and when she spied the look of approval on Ruby, her grandmother and the other two ladies attending she sent a silent prayer of thanks to her maid.
They dress her and lead her out.
She is wrapped once more and taken to her hut where they take coal and draw designs upon her hands and feet, adding lines behind her lashes. As she sits there getting painted woman after woman enters the hut and offers a series of dried herbs before adding a line to the tail of an arrow which has been drawn on Regina's back. The painting of the arrow stings and she knows that it will remain forever, she wonders of her husband, how he is going through this the second time.
She knows not to expect much her mother was after all Lady Cora "Love is weakness" but so apparently is hope for while women come, smile and wish her well in English. They compare her to the previous Queen, dissect the day, her husband's behavior and mood step by step and though they speak in the Sherwood dialect, thinking she is oblivious their words begin to wear on Regina. She endures though, endures and smiles at them, thanking them over and over but after hours and hours of hearing them talk she is ridiculously close to tears, close to shouting at them to stop. For she understands that their first Queen was brave, more beautiful, and apparently more respectful of the Sherwood culture and fashion; understands that her betrothed far more in love with his first wife , far more excited about his first marriage.
She wants to protest and tell them this, but she doesn't. Instead she smiles and when the sun is setting she is called out. The people stand and watch as she walks toward their leader, all eyes on her beside that of her husband, he looks straight ahead; Chants, song, and vows begin to be recited and Regina feels as though she may cry.
Finally a knife is presented to her. It's simple, so utterly simple with no designs and no carvings and she hears murmurs rise but the wise-woman points at her and so she takes it and gives it the woman who has been singing and she cuts Regina's palm, she doesn't flinch before doing the same is done to Locksley. Her betrothed finally looks her in the eye and offers her his cut hand and this is where she can refuse, turn or run. From the look in those blue orbs she can tell he is truly offering any if not all those option to her, she doesn't know why but she doesn't take them. Instead she places her cut hand in his and she can tell he understands as well. What's surprising is the look of relief on his face when she places her hand in his, he suddenly seems lighter. The wise-woman pours a liquid on their joint hands and it burns but her hand shaking brings her enough shame that she will not let it register on her face.
Then suddenly young Roland is there, between them and the man is saying a song for mother and son and Regina wants to scream, for if her friend had not taught her the ancient dialect she would be clueless right now. She should be mad, furious maybe but its Roland and all she feels is ridiculously happy and ecstatic. The boy looks utterly adorable reciting what he is told, Granny steps in and asks the wise-women to say this part in regular English and the women does so without stopping or missing a beat, though her husband looks confused and alarmed for a beat though he composes his face quickly.
She says each word she is asked to say with utmost sincerity. She pledges to be Roland's mother, his guardian and his protector, she promises to love and cherish him, and quietly she adds to herself that this small boy, this ray of sunshine and hope that has burst into her life will be, from this day on her first son, come hell or high water. Roland smiles up at her with that toothy smile and presents her with a small fairy stone, a deep red wrapped in agreen wire and turned into a necklace. She can't help but smile as tears cloud her eyes, thought she keeps them at bay, and get down to his level; allowing him to place the necklace around her neck. She doesn't have to give anything to him but she pulls out a dragon medallion, her own father had made it for her, and places it around the boy's neck. She places her forehead against the boy and whispers only for his ears "it will protect, cherish and help you grow; I will love you forever more this vow I solemnly swear" in his Sherwood dialect and he looks dumb struck. The boy hugs her and she returns it.
She rises and stands, they sing more chants and bind her hands in a figure eight with her boy's father, the cord is lit on fire and it vaporizes into air as the flame touch the rope. And then he is leaning in a hand tilting her chin and kissing her.
A spark
A spark unlike any other runs through her veins and she forgets everything, the people who now are cheering, her lack of will to live and when they part because of oxygen she is staring at him, dumb struck and she will later swear that for a moment when they parted he too looks dazed. The crowds cheers pulls them back and she swallows trying to compose herself as Robin leads her away. Music and dancing follow and in all honesty it's a blur, Ruby and her friend Belle are by her side tending to her needs, the sea caption comes about and gives her a black pearl necklace and makes one inappropriate joke upon the next; Ruby looks amused while Belle looks faint but the caption continues until the man who had spoken in her defense the night before cuts him off and apologizes.
His name is David; he gives her a hair comb designed with purple crystal flowers, crystals she has never seen before. "They build in the caves high in the mountains near my home" he smiles softly to her and she now knows who he is. The shepherd who had risked his life for this country; sending a messenger hawk to her husband of approaching army from the mountains, a daring plan which Leopold and several other kings had planned. David had stalled the army posing as a prince who had news. The man had dinned and charmed the invading captions so thoroughly that they had no idea that the king who they had wanted to kill had not only been warned but had saddled up and brought his own army to meet them. Many had said that the spy had died in the cross fire, others spoke of his daring escape. No matter "Charmming" as he came to be dubbed was just as big a myth as Hook. Though Regina now knew the younger man is much better mannered.
Her favorite part of the wedding is getting to know Roland, he is four, he loves horses and dragons, hates green food, his mommy is with the stars and he has a big heart; he talks with her for hours in broken dialect from her home and she listens to everything says absorbing it like a sponge till he finally settles himself on her lap and exhausts his topics hours later. She asks him if perhaps speaking in Sherwood dialect would be easier reminding him that she could speak whatever was easiest for him "Roland I know how to speak your tongue" his big eyes have mischief in them as he smiles and answers "not many people here know enchanted dialect, it'll be our secret language" and she agrees.
It grows late and a group of old women come to whisk her away, to prepare. She agrees but tells them she is putting Roland in his bed for tonight. The boy is sleeping with Ruby and Granny once more; he is already half way asleep and asks to be carried. She picks him up and he clings to her. But before she exits she pauses and nods her head to the guests in a silent thank, she had thanked them personally earlier, and they silently raise their glass, the few guest who are too drunk begin to shout things as she suspects might be customary but they are shushed and silenced by others. No one wants to disturb the sleeping prince. Roland put up no fight as she helps him change and tucks him in, she gives him a kiss on his check before exiting and before she exits she can hear his snores, at least someone will sleep peace full tonight she thinks as she heads to the big hut that is now suppose to be her home.
They fuss about her like doves slipping her dress off and helping her into a flimsy robe. She wishes that Granny, Ruby or even Belle had been here. The women once more reminisce about the first Queen and while Roland had distracted her and caused her joy she is once more nervous. Their words set bloom a sense of self loathing in her, she doesn't hate the previous queen, can't the women is the reason she has Roland. So rather she hates herself for falling short, every comment they make, helps the loathing and doubt bloom and soon her mother's voice joins them in her head. Agreeing that Regina is too thin in the wrong places and too muscular in others, too tall, too pale, too old and too bold; Her mother's voice agrees with them that she will disappoint and that the marriage is odd at best and doomed.
One old women tells her she is to cut the cord that secure the robe bout her with the knife she got at the ceremony. She sees the odd look they share as one passes the knife to another before they placed it in her hand with a fake smile. "Hand it to him then as a sign of your trust" and Regina stops her face from showing her true expressions of fear, self-loathing and annoyance and instead nods. The women leave and Regina sits on the bed twisting the knife about, it's sharp, well balance and the handle is sturdy, all in all a good knife which will serve it purpose but will be tossed aside when it becomes too dull, easily replaceable she thinks. She wonders of its significance.
Her attention wavers after a while, Locksley still has not shown up and so she finds her gaze locked into the fire as the flames dance changing their color, weaving together and she thinks of Daniel and how this night was supposed to be shared with him. But she doesn't get much time to dwell on the fact when suddenly the curtains are parted and Locksley's there staring at her. She is utterly wrecked and nervous inside the other women's voice grow louder and louder in her head, but she squares her shoulders, lifts her chin and stands. With one swift move she cuts the cord that holds the robe together, the chord falls and the only fabric on her body falls open barring her to him.
She sees him swallow and his eyes roam her body. She is scarred but does not let her chin drop as he begins tentatively walk toward her. When he is within a foot she holds out the knife, he pauses and after a moment takes the knife. She waits, not sure what he is waiting for its basic thing they must do. As she keeps looking at him, waiting, she sees his eyes which had at first been poised on her face, after their initial roaming, then the knife finally snap up to meet hers; but for only a moment. Before he strides past her toward the bed, sharing a bed is a duty and chore why is he acting like this? he cuts his hand and she can't help but ask "What are you doing?" he pauses, still turned toward the bed, away from her and rolls his shoulders as though getting rid of tension "they will expect blood" is all he says and Regina does not know how to take this answer, this insult.
She is so angry and hurt at this unwarranted insult that she will not bleed, at the insinuation that she is used and sullied, at the fact that her mother and all those women were right and at the proof of the fact that she is not good enough; that she does not think when she moves "it suppose to be mine or it won't count" she grits out and takes his wrist with the knife and cuts her hip, he does not turn. She walks past him to the other side and grips the sheets and wipes her blood on it. She waits again; he does not look at her at all but takes his shirt off, tossing it to the side before lying on to the bed "get some sleep" is all he says as he lies on his side facing away from her.
Regina stands there in shock; she has never felt so wretched in her life. She slowly sits on the bed, so far into the corner she is likely to fall off during the night. She clutches the front of the robe together and feels her lips waver, but she refuses to make a sound. She feels so exposed that she desperately searches the room for something to wear and all she can see in form of clothing is his shirt, she hates this man right now but that shirt is welcomes. Anything to cover her at this moment feels beyond good she consents as she slips the shirt on and gently lies down and curls her feet into herself, she has never felt so exploited.
Why marry her and make her come here if he is uninterested. She had not been excited to bed him, he was not what her dream man looked like, that man was long dead, but she had been willing to trust. Had done as she was suppose to, went along with his customs, bent to his every whim, had bared herself in front of him, literarily and had place her trust in his hands, figuratively, only to have it thrown back in her face. It was a simple tradition, why did he act like this, why did he reject her? Why was she cursed with a life of isolation? What more did he want? As she felt her eyes begin to close to she heard her mother's last sentence echo in her ear over and over again, she had somehow managed to be a failure at the most basic thing a women was suppose to be capable of, she had failed to be desirable. And as dreams finally consume her it's not just mother taunting her but every other women she has to live with from now on.
OQ
The next day as she slowly wakes and as the events of the previous day slowly come to mind she realizes something, the worst part of her wedding wasn't the wedding night. Matter of fact her wedding was smooth though uneventful. It was having to listen to the others that had ruined her day. She thinks back to what had happened last night and admits that she is indeed part relieved; part insulted sure but mostly tiered and confused. Growing up in the family she has, she knows everyone wants something so if not her body what did her husband want from her? A mother for his son? For if that is what he wants then she would gladly be that, Roland, she can't help but smile at the thought of the precious boy who has already captured her heart and soul. If indeed that is all he wants, she can do that, and if seeks another she can. . . bear that too, her fate would have been much worse with other men who would have used, abused and neglected her.
In a way Regina realizes she gets exactly what she wants and so much more. The Hood- Robin as she is expected to call him had not touched her, barely had been able to even glanced at her. His actions were noble, even welcomed she was not keen to bed a man she didn't know, except…
Except he had insinuated that she would not bleed, that she was not pure. That had struck a nerve within her; it wasn't like Regina cared about the notion of it all really but that the protection of her virtue had cost a lot. It had cost her Daniel, any male friends growing up and so much more. The fact that he had ignored her during the celebrations and that he had made no attempt to speak to her had also hurt, badly.
Though now, that she is calmer, the chatter of those women farther away she can see that the man probably did not know how sensitive the issue would have been to her; he was most likely just trying not to force himself on her, though he was very rude in the way he went about it. Either way she appreciates that he did not force himself on her and is glad that she now has a child that is hers by marriage in her life, a child whom she loves dearly. Her only mistake was thinking that perhaps she had a chance of developing something more with her husband; Love is her weakness, it has always been.
She is lost in thought when suddenly she hears very faint pitter-patter of small feet and then the curtains that separated he-their room from the rest of the hut is pushed back.
"Gina! You awake?"
Roland's enchanted dialect is very sloppy but extremely adorable; Regina can't help the smile that settles over her face as she feels the tugging on her blankets "are you awake? Papa said not to wake you so if you still sleep tell me and I go" this causes Regina to chuckle and she turns and in one swoop snakes a hand around the boys frame pulling him under the cover and attacking him with tickles.
He shrieks with laughter and squirms and pleads for mercy which Regina grants readily. As Roland begins to calm down Regina feels mesmerized, this little precious boy was half hers now. Hers to love to cherish to help grow; She feels her heart squeeze and warmth spread through her inside as Roland snuggles closer to her, a movement she mimics. As the small boy, her small boy begins to tell her what he wants to do today, her finger unconsciously go to his unruly hair and absentmindedly stroke them out of his face. Even if Robin spends the rest of her life ignoring, evading or insulting her, Regina knows she won't care. For Robin has given her this beautiful boy and for that, for that she will be eternally grateful to him no matter what comes.
She spends the day with her new son and he shows her his world, their hut wraps around an enormous tree. The inside trunk of it is hollow all the way up, though it is very much living and used as a chimney with the hearth in the center. To the back lays Regina and Robin's room separated by hanging curtains it's furthest in the back hidden by the trunk when you enter. Roland's room is situated by the side of trunk visible from her own bedroom as well as the front entrance and kitchen. A third room lies across Roland's, the hearth and sitting area is by the front of the tree trunk and directly in front of the huts opening. An interesting circular house, cozy and warm.
Its early spring still frost very much present in the air, an old woman with deep wrinkles and a soft smile is preparing food and while Regina pays attention to the story's Roland tell she watches half fascinated at her sure movements. Roland introduces the women, as Gemma. She lives in a house that according to Roland looks like a shoe and she takes care of him and teaches him fun games. Regina can tell the women is uneasy about her presence and the way she keeps glancing at Roland makes it obvious that the women fears being cut from the boys life. "She teaches fun games and songs.." Roland goes on and on in his adorable manner.
"Will you teach me?"
Regina asks with conviction for now she has a purpose, for the first time in her life she has a purpose, her Roland, her little dragon. If she is to be his mother she needs to learn the ways of his life, his world. And for him Regina can already tell she will do anything including changing her color and spots. But she needs help, can't do it alone, and needs someone to show her. Someone, anyone. She doesn't say this to the old lady with white hair and kind eyes who lives in a shoe shaped house. She doesn't beg or plead, just asks;
"Will you teach me?"
The lady pauses and studies her, looks straight into Regina's eyes and stares. Regina feels as though her soul is being weighed but keeps looking back, the lady stares and then she smiles.
Though Gemma teaches the ropes of her house and the domestic life; it is Ruby who shows her the ropes of the culture around her, the girl who Regina has heard be called aimless is full of drive to teach Regina all she knows. Regina spends the first two weeks repeating one phrase over and over again "teach me" and Ruby does, from the layout of the land to the way the village works, the language, the trades, weaving, hunting, trapping, history and politics. Ruby is well versed and if there is something she does not know she knows someone who does.
That's how she is taken under the wing of the elder Granny. Every day she teaches Regina new things, lesson after lesson from basic things such as plant usage, skinning, sewing, weaving and cooking to more complicated matters such as council meetings and settling grievances and listening to complaints. Regina has never learned so much in such a short time but she has no other work besides Roland who besides meals and some afternoons spends time in morning classes, with his friends or papa. She realizes early on that she needs to let Roland's life continue as it has, to fit herself in it no matter how much she would love spending every day with him.
Her husband is kind and courteous, offers to help her in anything he might catch her doing, carry things, hold open passages but usually he does so silently, he is courteous. She does not talk to her husband unless necessary which only happens if Roland is present with them both, a rarity. He is utterly polite and utterly courteous, a stranger. So it's no surprise that a month later and she is going stir crazy; people do not accept her as their queen won't come to her with problems and she can't do her work. She goes to stables, as they have always calmed her and run into a surprising familiar face. .
Her secret friend, Emma, literally runs into her and they stand there shocked before they are embracing. They swap stories, she tells of being saved by Robins Navy Caption after she had rescued him from Leopold's dungeon and Regina tells the newly arrived scout about her marriage "what happened to Daniel?" and Regina can't breathe. but she tries to keep calm and tells her "my mother killed him, three years ago" she feels tears fall and no matter how hard she tries her face won't easily fall into the composed mask, it takes her trying a good while but she is finally composed "I wish I could ride" she whispers and its Emma who looks surprised "why don't you? Is your horse to wild" and she looks at Emma like she stupid but it turns out she is the one missing something. "Every groom gives his bride a horse" Emma explains and there in a Stall next to Robin's signified white horse lays a black beauty "she has a temper, is restless to; rumor was the queen is too dainty to go riding" Emma is goading her and it works "care to race?" Is all she asks and Emma leaves to saddle her own horse.
The horse has a temper but so does Regina, they stare at one another sizing each other, Regina slowly approach and place a hand on his neck; they will get along fine, she can sense it. She is saddling her when someone enters shouting alarms to leave the Queens horse be and Regina has to do everything she can to keep herself from laughing when the man sees her face, and stammers an apology and that is how Regina meets the stable master. Tuck, he is old with kind eyes and turn bright red and Regina takes pity on the man, who upon learning her plans begs her to take a guide "the Forrest is dangerous for those unaccustomed to it Milady" he means well and Regina nods as she walks her horse out "I know sir Tuck but I won't get a costumed to it from inside the village, I am it's queen, I need to learn my land" she gives him a small smile and with one swift move mounts her horse, Emma is there and once they enter the Forrest, Regina flies.
AN: Let me just say that the notifications I get from you guys make my day and I want to thank you all for the kind words and the many, many suggestion! Those of you who reviewed with questions or ideas thank you so much, for it spurs on my muse, I have to say I did not expect this interest in the story but thank you all!
A lot of you have asked about Snow, she is coming but not for a few more chapters, Regina will have other things to deal with first. Killian will also be more present now that Emma has been found and also, keep your eyes out Rumple, he is going to be related to Roland any guesses how? Also a character mentioned will end up being pivotal to the plot in a few chapters, they have not appeared on OUAT and I have shortened their name here, can you guess who it is?
In regard to Robin seeming cold and distant, it has a good explanation, just remember this all from Regina's perspective so there are things she doesn't know. I do wonder if you feel dimple Queen is being rushed? Because I wanted to make Roland, Regina's goal and purpose, though Granny will have a chat about Regina's relationship with Roland and there will trouble in that regard as well.
Well that's it for now, please, please do review and let me know what you thought as always Once is not mine and thanks for reading.