AN: I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to review. To the people who've made suggestions; I have used them for chapter 4. This chapter had been typed out already when I posted chapter 2.

5 ways not to…

… Get captured

1) Do not flirt with the daughter of the alien village's leader.
2) Die fighting.
3) Let Atlantis' medical doctor invent a drug that makes you immune to wraith stunners and inject yourself with it. (AN. Why we haven't come up with this solution during all these years in the Pegasus Galaxy is a mystery to us too, so don't ask.)
4) Offer them C4 in exchange for your freedom.
5) Do not open any hidden hatches that you stumble upon when you're lost. (AN. The Genii may be our allies now, but you should trust them as much as you trust a John Sheppard without a navigation system)

… Blow up a solar system

1) Do not try to outsmart the Ancients; you'll have to deal with the fact that you can't.
2) Do not power up technology that can't be predicted.
3) Do not listen to a certain Doctor Meredith McKay.
4) Blow up a stump, if you feel like blowing something up.
5) Let someone else do it.

… Be affected by a wraith experiment that causes you to have hallucinations

1) Do not go to M1B-129.
2) Inject yourself with wraith DNA
3) Ignore every helicopter, tank, Taliban member, desert, wraith, dying person or dart you encounter. (AN. You will already be infected if you stumble upon any of these, so besides ignoring them, it would also be wise to pray that you won't get killed by your team mates)
4) Do not shoot the hell out of a wraith device if you can't shut it off.
5) Do not go after team members who are late to check in. (AN. Do not follow this rule, because it would suck for morale. It just has to look like we're being careful, should the IOA get a copy of this. So after you've read this line, scratch it or spoil coffee over it!)

… Fall off a balcony

1) Do not lean too much forward when you're enjoying the beautiful sight.
2) Do not allow John Sheppard to test the ancient shield you've put on.
3) Make sure the railing is bigger, higher and more solid than you are.
4) Just stay away from balconies, not matter the size, altitude or colour.
5) Jump off it.

… Get accused of being a wraith spy

1) Do not take any necklaces that John Sheppard offers you. (AN. Every Monday and Friday, Doctor Adams holds sessions in his office for all the female members of this expedition, who still find it difficult to refuse)
2) Do not, under any circumstances, pass through the location of our Alpha Site to the wraith.
3) Become best friends with Sergeant Bates.
4) Always have an alibi around, for you never know.
5) Shoot as many of the damn creatures as you can. (AN. We are in no way making profit of this guide...)

TBC...