Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in getting to chapter 3. My mind was completely blown by the season finale. I can't even guess how the series progresses from here. In any event, here is what I think should have happened after Linden watched Seward hang. Also, I'm ignoring the fact that Linden slept with Skinner. Ick. -dkc
Needing Holder – Chapter 3
Linden watched as the body twitched, the air slowly draining from him as he writhed about. Linden found her own body shuddering. This man was dying because she couldn't prevent it. This man was dying because she couldn't do anything to stop it. It was the most helpless she had felt since Jack got on the plane to Chicago.
As she walked out of the prison, she realized she was trembling. She held in the tears that were welling in her eyes, but she knew there would come a time when she would crack. Linden thought it would be later when she returned either to her home or to a closer hotel. It wasn't. She couldn't hold it in.
The small detective walked out of the visitor's holding area into the parking lot of the prison and there stood Detective Stephen Holder. She walked toward him, not hiding the tears in her eyes or how broken she was.
"Lind," Holder said softly, no swagger behind it.
She walked straight into his arms and began to sob. He wrapped his long, strong arms around her small frame as she clung to his lower back with all her might. He felt her sobs and he wanted so badly to do something to help, but there was nothing that could erase the image that was replaying in her mind, the image she saw before her in that prison.
"Skinner should have been here," Linden mumbled. "He should have been here."
Though Holder could sense her anger at Skinner, he had no idea why at this point it mattered. Seward was dead. They were no closer to finding the man responsible for so many murders. He knew she was angry at herself for not being able to stop what had just happened. He knew she was angry for Adrian who had just lost his father without getting to speak to him. He knew she was angry.
"Let's get you home," Holder whispered against the top of her head.
He walked her to her car, helping her in. He knew this meant he'd be without a ride, but, as they often told each other, Linden was his ride.
"Are you okay to drive?" Linden raised an eyebrow at him as he walked around to the driver's side of the car.
"It's been hours, Linden. Don't underestimate my stunning metabolism," he joked. "You know I got me some of those pork rinds out of the machine. Dust 'em off, they still ain't half bad."
As they settled into the car, clicking their seat belts, he held out a pack of cigarettes to her. She took one greedily and lit up. There was nobody that understood the soothing routine she was participating in quite like Holder.
"Did Adrian get home?" Linden asked, avoiding eye contact with Holder for fear of crumbling again.
"His moms…" Holder realized that was the wrong thing to say, especially given the events of the last several hours. "Yeah, he got home."
Linden appreciated Holder's sensitivity. She knew he didn't allow many people to see this side of him. She also knew that he was dealing with his own demons still after seeing Bullet in the trunk of that car.
"It was nice, what you did for him," Linden continued to look at the road ahead of them.
"'Lil man needed a 'lil help's all," Holder shrugged.
She knew that Holder had helped him in that men's room. She knew he helped him fix his hair and she knew he needed a bit of a pep talk before seeing his father. Of course, he never did get to speak to his father. She knew, more than most, the fear of disappointment on the face of a parent—whether a biological parent or a foster parent.
"Holder," Linden noticed that they were pulling into the parking lot of his apartment building. His dojo.
He parked the car and found her staring up at the building. He gave her a moment to compose her thoughts before moving for his door.
"Your sanctuary of light?" she smiled that soft, broken smile that was so Sarah Linden.
"You know you need some light in there, Linden," he poked at her chest.
"Hey, keep your hands to yourself. You told me you were taken," she knew that when he'd told her that in the car, he wasn't entirely truthful.
Linden and Holder had always known that no matter what, they were important to one another and would always be there for each other. Linden and Holder knew that Mr. Sonoma, the A.D.A. or even Lieutenant Skinner could come between them. It wasn't possible for anyone to break the bond they had.
"Come on, Linden," Holder said, exiting the car. She was right behind him.
When the two stood outside Holder's apartment door, there was an unspoken battle waging inside both of them. They knew that the threshold to his apartment was a threshold in their relationship, their partnership. They both knew, as they had found over the past few days when they got to close, they were playing with fire and could easily be burned.
He looked at her and saw determination on her face. He worried that she was guarding herself from any eventuality. He worried that the determination he saw there was a determination to never let him completely in. He knew her walls almost as well as she did.
"Linden…" his voice was appealing to her humanity, her fragility.
"Open the door, Holder."
To be continued…