Disclaimer: I DONT OWN TWILIGHT!
"What? ...What?" Quil whispered eyes wide. I closed my eyes and nodded. "B-but you're so tomboyish and you look so different..." He trailed off. I laughed bitterly.
"Yeah Quil. That's what happens when you have your heart ripped out." I frowned and the boys looked shocked. "You know, I still remember every word in that conversation. You know what really got to me? You called me Susie. That's how I knew you weren't joking. Heck, you didn't even call me Suze! Put yourself in my place, and tell me if you would have changed too." I said, acid seeping into my words. "So, What are you gonna do now? Ditch me like you did last time? I wouldn't blame you; I mean I'm Susanna Burke who would want a friend like that..." I said, almost on the verge of tears. I looked down at my hands that were lying limp on the desk top. Flipping them over, I brushed my hands over my bruised, swollen knuckles.
"S-Suze, we...we did this?" Quil said, sounding scared.
"Yeah, well, while you've been enjoying your break together, I lost my 3 best friends. My only friends. The boy I love hates my guts. I lost all of my confidence. I became the complete opposite of who I was. I had my heart shattered, shall I carry on?" I asked, eyes still closed.
"I- We- Suze, we're so sorry, we-" Embry sighed. "We totally ruined your break, didn't we?" I snorted and Jake let out a long breath beside me, before pulling me into a huge hug. I was shocked. My cheeks flushed and my heart rate rocketed.
"Suze..." Jake mumbled into my shoulder. "We don't hate you, we never did. We told you that because...we thought it would be better for you..." He mumbled. I snorted again.
"No. What would've been better is if you told me to my face rather than breaking my heart over the phone." I said, trying to push him away, but he just held me tighter.
"We never meant to hurt you Suze..." Embry whispered.
"On a lighter note, who's the guy who you like who hates you? I'll beat him up for you!" Quil said, smashing his fists together with a wink, which made me laugh. Trust Quil to turn a horrible moment into a comedy sketch. But I highly doubt that if I said Jake he would beat him up.
"As if I would tell you guys that." I rolled my eyes and let the tears flow down my face. "C-Come on, I w-want a hug." I stuttered. Embry and Quil leaned over and wrapped their arms around me and Jake.
"Suze, if I say something, promise you won't get mad?" Quil asked.
"Okay, I'll try." I replied.
"You are the palest thing I've ever seen in my life." Quil said, making us all burst out laughing.
"Yeah..." I agreed, breathily. The boys all let go of me and I sat back down in my seat, flexing my knuckles.
"So, really Suze, how did you do this?" Jake said, grabbing my hand and brushing a callused thumb over my knuckle. He was gentle, as if he was trying not to break me. I blushed.
"I...uh...may have punched a wall again..." I stammered. Embry and Quil's heads snapped up towards me.
"Punched a wall?" Quil said.
"Again?" Embry asked.
"Yeah, it's not that bad though, I've done much, much worse than this before." Oops.
"What do you mean 'You've done worse than this'?" Quil asked.
"Well...you see...during the holiday I kind of, sort of became a little bit hot headed and just a tiny bit self destructive..." I trailed off.
"And?" said Quil.
"And I ended up taking my frustration out on walls...and trees...and people..." I listed.
"What do you mean?" Jake asked, quietly.
"Well. Last night I saw a pi- something that upset me, so I punched my wall, earning me these beauties." I said, showing off my knuckles, "Last Thursday I was out and about and I was really mad and climbed a tree, trying to get away from everyone else and I fell out, earning me a huge bruise on my back and cuts, and the week before, I kind of got in a fight in the cinema with some boy." I explained. Quil and Embry looked speechless and Jake was silent.
"What?" Embry whispered. "What did you do to yourself?" I laughed, bitterly.
"If you think that's bad, you should've seen the other guy!" I cried. Embry looked shocked.
"Yeah, we get that but why did you become so violent? What happened to the funny, kind, sweet Suze who wouldn't hurt a fly?" Jake demanded. I frowned.
"She left the day of the phone call. You know what the first thing I did was?" I asked, not waiting for an answer, I carried on, "I screamed. I screamed for an hour, until I had no voice left, and I punched the floor until my knuckles were so bloody, you couldn't see the skin. Mum found me an hour and a half after that call, chopping off all of my hair," I ran my fingers through my hair, "She went sick at me. Well, she did until I told her why I did it. Let's just say, you're all not exactly the top of my mum's friend list." I said, laughing.
"I don't see how that's funny." Jake whispered, frowning.
"Yeah. You wouldn't." I replied. Jake stood up and slammed his fists down on the table.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" He cried. I stood up too, my chair scraping off the floor. I was around 6 inches smaller than Jake. I was 6 feet tall which was murder when trying to shop for clothes.
"It means that you would not find much of the things I do nowadays funny." I gritted my teeth.
"Oh really? Well I would just love to hear about what you do do nowadays then." He frowned, testing me. I turned to face the wall so that my back was to Quil and Embry and Jake could only see the side of my body.
"I hurt myself, I corner myself off from other people, I beat people up without having a second thought. Not only that, everything that happens, I blame myself. I blame myself for making you guys ditch me. I blame myself for making the guy I like hate me. I blame myself for being stupid, for being naïve, for being so damn ugly! Maybe not ugly on the outside, but I'm a monster inside! You have no idea what's going on in my head! It's so horrible and selfish and you couldn't imagine how im feeling! There's like this hole in my chest! I wake up with nightmares about you guys and wake up screaming and crying!" I cried, angrily and gritted my teeth. "And they just. Won't. Go. AWAY!" I cried, punching the wall. I held my hand in the same place for a minute and then let it trail down and fall back to my side. "I'm broken...and alone...and I'm so scared..." I whispered, raising my hand to see the back of my knuckles stained red with fresh blood and cradling it to my chest.
My breath caught in my throat when I felt 2 arms wrap around my torso and pull me sideways. Jake. Jake was sobbing on my shoulder. Heavy, gut-wrenching sobs shaking both of our bodies. It wasn't long until 2 other sobbing bodies wrapped themselves around me either.
"Suze, we're so sorry!" Jake sobbed quietly into the crook of my neck. Quil and Embry agreed.
"Okay, I'll forgive you..." I started, rubbing the tears from my face and grinning, "If you stop crying like little girls." The boys chuckled and one by one, let go of me.
"I'll tell you what, you come to the bonfire tomorrow night-and sing- and we'll do something embarrassing for you, kind of like a ritual to be friends again, okay?" Embry said.
"But you know I don't like singing in front of people..." I muttered. Embry grinned.
"Exactly, and we want to hear you sing, so you sing and we'll do something for you!" Quil said, cheerfully. I groaned.
"Why exactly do you want to hear me sing anyway?" I asked, pouting.
"Because we want to know if you're girly at all anymore. Girls are supposed to be good singers and apart from your body, you don't look girly, you don't act girly and we just want to make sure you didn't have a secret sex change and shove some melons up your top to trick people into thinking you're a girl. 'Sides, we're curious." Embry clarified and I blushed at the melon statement.
"What do you mean melons?"
"Well, sorry Suze, but your boobs are huge, like...not 16 year old huge but boob job huge! Are you sure you're only 16?"
"Of course im only 16! Now, can you please not talk about my boobs to me in public?! Or better yet, don't talk about them at all!" I hissed, folding my arms across my chest.
"You do know that by folding your arms, you've made them look even bigger, don't you?" Embry said, raising his eyebrows. I put my hands on my chest and started pushing them in.
"I try and try but they just won't get smaller! Think about how I feel! Now, stop talking about my boobs!" I hissed as a bell rang and people started filling the classroom. Whispers of "Who's the pale kid?" and "Ohh, new girl, think I've got a chance with her?" and "Ew. Her hair totally needs a comb. And some hairspray. And have you seen those trainers?!" floated around the room and I sat down in my chair and leaned back against the wall, waiting for next lesson.
Tut, tut, tut. Embry - the perv! Write a review, and tell him off for me!
~Lozza