Disclaimer: S. E. Hinton owns The Outsiders. Matchbox Twenty owns "I Can't Let You Go."

Is it better now?
Do you feel like all is fair?

What would have been Johnny's eighteenth birthday fell on a Friday, and Ellie and Pony skipped out on school for the day in Windrixville. Ellie skipped, at least; Pony had easily gotten Darry's permission to miss a single day. They seemed to be getting along better than ever, she noticed, and she was happy for them. She was also happy at how well she and Pony were getting along.

At the top of Jay Mountain they stood silently. She stared at the ashen ruins of the church, watching as bits of black rode off with the wind. Even almost two years later the whole ordeal felt far away. It was still hard to think about Johnny, and even harder to accept that he was really gone. Nothing solidified that more than standing right there.

Pony stood away from her, quietly staring at the burned timber and then out at the horizon. He didn't say anything, but she could tell he was thinking hard.

After only a few minutes he turned to her and said, "Let's go find something to eat. I'm starving."

For a second she studied him, hoping he was okay. He noticed her staring and smiled a little.

"I'm okay," he said. "Swear."

"You're sure?"

He looked back at the church and said, "I can't stay here."

She had no idea what he meant by that and she knew he wouldn't explain it. Instead he walked by her and got into the car.

XXX

"Wade said you guys had a good time on your date the other day," he said as they drove through the dusty old town. They had spent most of the morning just hanging out, but now they headed through the main drag – what little of it there actually was – and looked for a place to eat.

It had taken him a lot longer to mention the date than she expected. "We did."

"And?"

She smiled a little to herself as she pulled into Bud's Burgers off Main Street. It looked like some dive truckers may stop at if any truckers ever actually drove through Windrixville. Looking around, it didn't look like a popular place for just passing through.

"And what?" she asked as they got out of the car.

"What'd you guys do?"

Something settled inside her and she couldn't tell if it was disgust or embarrassment. She really didn't want to explain everything to Pony. Glancing at him she could tell he was dying to know.

"Pony, I swear you're a worse gossip than most girls I know."

"I ain't gossiping," he said. "I'm just … curious, I guess."

She kept her mouth shut about Wade until after they ordered their burgers and fries. It looked like it was just about killing Pony, too, so she avoided the conversation until their food arrived.

"He's really nice," she finally said. "We saw a movie and had pizza. He gave me flowers, too. It was really sweet."

A stupid grin crossed his face and he choked down a laugh. He said, "He gave you the flowers?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He asked me if he should get you flowers. I told him you'd probably think they were dumb. I can't believe he got them anyway."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why do you say I would think they were dumb?"

"If somebody like Tim got you a bunch of flowers, you'd think they were dumb."

She shrugged a little. "If Tim got me flowers, I'd think he'd lost his damn mind. That's about what it would take for a guy like that to get a girl flowers."

"So are you and Wade dating now?"

She had no idea what really constituted "dating."

"I don't know, but I think we'll go out again," she said.

"But seriously dating? Going steady and all?"

Exasperated she replied, "After one date? Are you serious?"

It had taken months of Wade wearing her down for her to actually admit to herself that she liked him, but going steady after one date? Pony clearly had no experience.

"Seemed like you did with Dally and Tim," he said. "I was just curious."

With a deep sigh she calmed herself down and she asked him why.

It was Pony's time to shrug a little. He stalled around and even got their drinks refilled before he finally stopped beating around the bush.

"I was thinking about asking this girl out, but I don't know if it'd be a good idea."

Ellie sat up a little straighter and focused all of her attention on Pony. It was the first time he had ever really talked about asking a girl out, and she was more than curious to know who he had in mind.

"Yeah?" she asked. "Anybody I know?"

"I don't know. She's a sophomore. I sort of asked her to hang out a while ago, but she was going out with that Bryon guy you know. They broke up, but he sort of hates my guts, so I don't know if I should ask her or not."

"Don't pay any attention to Bryon," she said. He was a nice enough guy when she saw him at her job, but he just wasn't in her circle of friends and neither was his buddy Mark.

"I thought she might be a little more interested to go out if it was kind of a group thing instead of a date, you know?"

Finally she saw where he was going with this.

"You mean, with Wade and me?"

"Well, if you two are going to go out again, you mind going out with us? If she even wants to," he added quickly.

She smiled. "Of course. I don't mind, and you know Wade won't either. And I'm sure she'd love to go out with you. Don't sell yourself short, Pone."

"I don't know. She's probably heard all kinds of stuff about me. You know how everybody talks about what happened."

She did. Everybody had their own version of how things happened with Pony, Johnny and the Socs, and nearly none of it was true. The nice thing about missing most of the last school year was that most people forgot about her.

"Well, if nothing else, she'll go out with you because you're so dreamy. That's what I always hear girls talking about."

He flushed a little. "They don't."

"They do, too," she said. She always heard girls talking about Pony the way she imagined most girls talked about Soda when he was their age. "You're the perfect mix of Darry and Soda."

"It's just because the blond in my hair's grown out," he said, but she caught the smile on his face as he finished his cheeseburger.

XXX

On their way back into town they talked about everything and nothing. She kept asking him how he planned on asking out Cathy, and he kept telling her he had no idea. He really didn't. In all honesty he didn't even know if he would actually go through with it. He decided to change the subject.

"Do you remember that contest Mr. Syme told me to enter? With my theme and all?"

She nodded, and he looked out the window. Buildings were beginning to pop up around them as they got further from Windrixville and closer to the city.

"I got a letter about it last week."

"You did? What'd they say?"

"I'm one of the finalists."

"What? Really?"

He looked back over at her, and she was grinning.

"Yeah," he said. "I'll find out in the next couple of weeks if I won or not."

"What do you get if you win?"

"A cash prize."

"Wow. What'll you do with it?"

"I guess save it for school. Darry would kill me if I did anything else with it. If I even win. I might not."

All he could think about was that cash prize right then. He didn't really know how much it could be, but he didn't figure it to be chump change.

"You'll win," she said. "With a story like that, you'll win without a doubt."

The words stung a little. With a story like that. It made the whole thing feel so fake, so contrived, as if it was something he didn't live through. He didn't tell her that, though.

"Maybe."

"What about college? Have you been thinking about it?"

"A little." He was lying, though. He had actually been thinking about it quite a bit lately.

"You better start thinking about it a lot. You'll be a senior next year. Where are you going to apply?"

"I haven't decided yet. Have you started thinking about it?"

She shook her head slowly. "School's never really been my strong suit. You know that."

"So what?"

It didn't take a lot to ruffle her feathers sometimes, and he just did it. Her jaw clenched tightly for a second before she said, "It'd be a waste of time for me to go to school. What would I even go for?"

He shrugged. "There's plenty of things you could study."

"If I even wanted to study, which I don't think I do. You, on the other hand, you could study anything you wanted to. Think you'll study English or something like that?"

"I don't know," he said. "Probably."

"You should. You could be some hotshot writer someday."

He smirked a little. "Maybe. Darry would probably hate that, though."

"How come?"

"You know Darry. He would think my time would be better spent doing other things. Working a real job like him."

"He would want you to do what you want to do. That's why he works so hard so you can go," she said. "And I think what you want to do is be a writer."

He smiled. "Yeah, that's what I'd like to do. He'd probably like it better if I didn't write about him again, though."

She nodded. "Probably."

It fell quiet again and he couldn't stand the silence for once.

"How's Danny?" he asked, trying to switch the subject.

"He's good. He's so sweet. And growing like a weed. You wouldn't believe how big he's gotten."

He liked hearing her talk about her little brother. The kid sure was cute from the couple of times he had seen him, and he felt sort of bad that he wasn't over there more often. It was just awkward to go over there because of Ellie's mom and stepdad.

"How's your mom doing?"

She shrugged. "Same as she's been for a while now. She doesn't seem like she's snapped out of it yet."

"She hasn't been right since Danny was born, has she?"

Ellie shook her head. She always seemed so sad when she talked about her mom which was such a contrast from when she talked about Danny. He could tell that she was good at putting up a front about it, but she was letting that guard down right then.

"I don't know what to do about her. She doesn't do anything but sleep half the time and it's like she's afraid to touch Danny sometimes. She lost her job awhile back, too," she said. He was about to say something when she said quietly, "She's been drinking a lot."

"Maybe she should go to the doctor or something," Pony suggested only because he didn't know what else to say. He was sorry he brought it up because there was nothing he could say to help her. "Maybe there's something really wrong with her."

"I know," she said. "But it's not like she doesn't take care of Danny. She does, it just always seems like such a chore."

"What's Jimmy like?"

"He's great. Surprising, right?"

"Honestly? Yeah, it is."

"He just loves that kid so much. He seems really fed up with my mom, though, and I guess I can't really blame him. I just can't believe he turned out to be such a good dad. He's always so good with Danny, and Danny's just crazy about him."

"Sorry for bringing it up. I know it ain't easy for you."

She shrugged a little and smiled, but she still looked sad. "It's okay."

They were silent for a long while as they made their way back into Tulsa, each lost in their own thoughts.

XXX

After dropping off Pony she drove herself home lost in thought. It wasn't until after she was parked and out of the car did she notice the newer car parked at the curb and the boy with the cowboy hat leaning against it. He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile like an idiot back.

"How was it?" he asked, after kissing her on the cheek.

"Easier," she said, leaning beside him. "How come you're here?"

He shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure you guys got back okay. Is it okay that I just showed up?"

Smiling up at him, she nodded. She found herself feeling happier than she had been in a while.

XXX

Dallas was a pussy. There were few other words to describe how he felt about himself. It wasn't like he proclaimed it to the world or that he was counting the days in his head, but that stupid, crazy broad on the outside still had the ability to drive him mad while on the inside.

It wasn't until Ellie's letters stopped coming that he realized he actually looked forward to them. Dally prided himself on not giving a shit about anything anymore, but she could still make him insane. The worst part, he realized, was that he was powerless to do anything about it.

In the old days, he could simply torment her into doing anything he wanted or at least to get a reaction out of her. Even when she was with Tim, he knew ways to get to her that proved she still liked him, that the shit she was doing with Tim meant nothing to her. But now he was behind bars and she was off living her life.

Every day, Dally told himself he didn't care, but when the mail came around in the afternoon he found himself let down a little more. If she wasn't writing to him, what the hell was she doing?

Down from the edge I can see where we end,
I'd give up all of my days to go back