A/N: Definitely funnier. It starts to dip into some kind of weird friendship with Sweeney, too.
Dedicated to Idhrenniel the purple pirate.
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"Oh god, this pie shop smells like shit." David said as Kathy, fell to the ground, and like a contortionist, slowly got on all fours and crawled around, sniffing the floor like a dog.
"I do believe the smell is coming from there." She replied as she pointed to the ceiling.
"Then why the hell are you on the ground?" David asked, rolling his eyes. Kathy stood and hit him in the shoulder. It would bruise later.
"Bastard. Why's you're face look like your mom screwed a pig? You pushed me onto the floor."
"Yeah. Oops." A grin spread across his face. Kath stepped closer to him, then swiftly pushed him to the blood splattered floor. Sweeney grimaced, annoyed by the consistent disagreements between the two. His patience was obviously limited, and these guests were using it up faster than he was downing his gin.
"Oh, lay off you two. I don't smell a thing." Sofie said, pouring Mr. Todd more gin. He was draining his cup bloody fast.
"Stand here." David said, moving Sofie to where he had been standing previously.
"Besides the smell from the bakery down-"
"You can't smell that. It's something up top. In the barber's place no doubt."
"Mr. T?" He looked up for a moment, and then looked back down. Sofia sighed. "Mr. T, is there anything up top? Did you see anything decaying when you were changing?" He looked up, sighed, and looked back down. So much for an answer. Making Anna in charge, Sofie walked upstairs with David and Kathleen. The door hadn't been properly closed, and it swung on its hinges. Pushing the door aside, Sofie looked inside. All was neat and orderly as far as they could see. Walking behind the barber's chair, they came upon a stray dog.
"Oh hot damn. That's the smell." David said, stumbling backward toward the door. It was trying to eat at something, though. After seeing the people, the dog sat contentedly to the side, seeming to watch, so Kathleen pet it. There was a brown-ish black smudge all across her hand.
"Ew. Fido needs a bath." Getting down on her knees, Sofia pulled at the board the dog had been scratching at. Caught between the trap door and the side of the floor was a finger. Well, it was a piece of finger, from the third knuckle (which was a sickly purple/green color) up to the nail (which was quite gross in it's self). A piece of cloth was laying on the ground, so she picked it up and wrapped the finger. A note was placed neatly near the mirror. There was a smudge of blood in the corner, but other than that, it seemed fine. Gathering David from the door, and Kathleen from the dog, Sofia read it to them.
Mr. Sweeney Todd,
It seems ill fate has befallen Johanna. I searched throughout the whole barbershop, and nothing but a strip of her hat remained. It was caught between two boards, and while trying to pry them apart, a trap door nearly dropped me to my doom. I kicked a lever, and my finger was snapped apart from my left hand. I won't ever be back in London, there is too much sadness, but thank you dearly for being my friend.
-Anthony
"Well that's fine, I guess. Poor lad didn't suspect Mr. T of killing her."
"Goddam! Get that dog a bath, please, and let me breathe!" David said, out the door in a second. The dog was sitting happily by the chair; its grimy tail was curled around its paws like a mouse might do.
"We're keeping him. His name is Mouse."
"Great." Sofia said, chucking the finger out the window and folding and tucking the note into her dress. David was already in the bakery by the time Kathy and Sofie had begun their descent, which was slower then it could have been because although the dog knew how to climb up the stairs just fine, it didn't seem to know how to climb down the stairs.
They reached the shop to the sound of loud coughing and nervous chuckling. When Sofie opened the door, Anna looked up at them.
"Oh, you're just in time. David was just messing with Saphora's hair." And indeed David was. He had taken Saph's hair, put it into pig tails at the top of her head, and then somehow managed to make it poof up, so that it looked like she had two huge rabbit tails glued to her head. It was actually kind of cute.
"David, how'd you do that so fast?"
"I don't know. I guess I've got a knack for hair." He finished by tying bows around them. "Next." He said, pushing Saphora out of the chair, and pulling Anna down. While he was doing that, Sofia explained what they had found. Sweeney looked more depressed than usual, if possible, by the news that Anthony had cut off his own finger and left town. David had taken down Anna's hair and clipped it back on one side. He pulled Sofia down into the chair.
Kathleen then began to beg to keep the dog, but Sweeney just gave her a blank stare. Peter tapped his cane against the floor (because the Beadle always carried one around, and they had decided to keep it) because he'd been left out, pretty much, of this chapter until now. David had pulled out some string and tied Sofia's hair so that it stuck up in every which way, with attractive loops of string holding it together, but was too disgusted by the dog to do anything with Kathleen's hair, so it stayed the same: short, down, with bangs to one side, held together with Johanna's sailor hat.
"David, you're just queer." Kathleen said, watching him avoid her like the plague.
"I'm not gay!" He huffed, sitting down next to Sweeney, who didn't move.
"You play with hair, make-up, clothes…let's see, what else?"
"Since when do I play with cloth-"
"Online. Avatars? Duh." Anna, Sofia, and Kathleen all said at the same time. He stopped talking, and avoided looking at any of them. Sweeney just kept up that blank, zombie-like stare.
"But you guys pick on him too much. I don't think you're queer, David." Sofia said, looking over at him. He mumbled something, but didn't look up. Anna and Sofia organized everyone to get all of the evidence, and they'd burn it that night. While exploring everything of Mrs. Lovett's, they found money, jewels, clothing, and books. Those they could keep.
Anna suggested they change the dresses, because it wasn't like Mrs. Lovett had a lot of them, and people might recognize one or two if they were frequent customers. So, finding a few sewing needles and lots of thread, she put Sofia and David to work. She also took the coat of the judge, and shirts of the judge and the Beadle to re-make. They added buttons here, frill there, lace to this, cuffs to that, until, around dinner, they were done. None of them had eaten breakfast or lunch, and none of them had noticed until right then.
"Oh god, I'm dying, I feeeeel the pain in my stomach." Saphora moaned. Peter turned to David.
"Anna and Sofia were working us so hard that we didn't even notice our missed meals."
"Work me hard, baby. Wait, what were you saying?" David asked, looking up from his coat, which he had just finished.
"We haven't eaten shit today." (see A/N at bottom)
"You're right. Hm. Sofia and Anna are working us too hard."
"That's what I just-Ok, never mind, yes, David, they've been working us too hard."
"Let's go eat dinner." Everyone went back into the Bakery, except for Sweeney who was in his room moping.
"So, Anna, where are we eating?"
"Eating?" She turned to Sofia.
"Hell if I know. I think I saw pies downstairs." Sofia said. Peter gagged.
"No thanks. I'd rather eat pig or cow or dead cat than human flesh, thanks."
"Oh, remember how Mrs. Lovett was singing about Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop? She's got dead cats-" Kathleen gagged.
"I'm not eating a fucking dead cat! I used to be a vegetarian, you know." Sofie held in a sigh.
"Then what does everyone want to eat?" But everyone's eyes and attention had shifted elsewhere, behind Sofie. There were people, a lot of people, sitting outside, knocking on the windows and doors.
"They've come to Mrs. Lovett's for dinner." Peter pointed out.
"What do we do?"
"Easy." Sofia said. "We tell them the story I told you. It's not Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pie Emporium. It's Mrs. Lucy "Lolly" Baker's Eggs, Soup, and Meat Pies, now." They all scampered out, telling the poor hungry guests that the shop was closed, but to come back in a week for fine eats the likes they'd never heard of. At last, two hours later, the crowd had gone, save one couple about to leave.
"Oh, Ma'am, where would you suggest for dinner?" Saphora asked.
"There's this fine chocolate shop down the street, and right across from that, there be a shop much like yours, but not nearly as cheap." Saphora thanked her, and they set off.
As it turned out, it wasn't very cheap, or very good, yet there were at least a dozen other people there. They bought food, and ate it down, getting a little extra for Mr. Todd. After, they went over to the chocolate shop, buying a little chocolate from the surprised owner. She said that she rarely ever got customers, and that they were the first all week.
Going home, Mouse had managed his way out of the collar they had made him, and came dashing up to Kathleen. She promised she'd bathe the creature tomorrow. When then got home, Todd was downstairs, pacing. He had a not-quite crazy look in his eye. They offered him food, but he turned them down. He looked at them a few times, as he paced, and then finally came to a stop in the middle of the room.
"You're all I've got, now." He said. "I don't particularly like any of you, especially since you killed Mrs. Lovett, and you didn't try to stop me from killing my wife and daughter, although I doubt you really would have been able to, I think we've got to be on at least speaking terms. None of us have been formally introduced. I'm Sweeney Todd."
"I be Kathleen, sir." Kathy said, with her southern accent, which she only used when she had to say her own name.
"Saphora. Pleasure's all mine." Saph said, a bit sarcastic.
"David."
"Peter."
"The name's Anna."
"I'm Sofia, glad to say." Sofie said, adding a camera smile in. (like Mort from Secret Window, where it's there one moment, then gone the next.)
"Oh, very well then." Sweeney shuffled around a bit before adding "And where, pray tell, are you from?" He grimaced.
"From? Oh, er, we're from-"
"Bangladesh. We hale from Bangladesh." Kathleen finished Peter's sentence for him as she twirled around the room, bumping into walls and a bookcase as she went.
"Bangladesh? I don't believe I've ever heard of it." Sweeney was a bit distracted when saying this, for Kathy had just knocked over a lamp. "Is it near the colonies in India?"
"Oh yes, Mr. Todd," Sofia almost purred, "We lived there quite a long time. But we missed dear England, you see, so we sold our properties and hopped on the next ship to London." He looked at them.
"Properties? You bunch barely look old enough to look after yourselves while your parents are out."
"Our parents sold our properties, and had us take up an apprenticeship with Mrs. Lucy "Lolly" Baker, here on Fleet Street." David put in.
"And where is she? What did she have to do with the killing of Mrs. Lovett, my wife, and Johanna?"
"She had nothing to do with any of it. She's very ill, always has been, and spends 19 hours a day sleeping." Anna said. All of them were thinking on their feet, but at last he seemed satisfied, and he nodded. The tension in the room, having been almost tangible, dropped considerably, but they were careful not to show it for fear of Mr. Todd catching on. Anna was praying he did not notice that she had left one of his questions unanswered.
Peter nudged Sofia, grabbing her attention, for the moment.
"We should get started cleaning this place up. If we're going to open next week, we have our work cut out for us." Of course Pete had a point. As Sofie looked closer at the front room of the shop, she realized how badly the shop had gone to seed. It looked as if it had been abandoned for decades - centuries even - though the shop had been reopened just a few weeks earlier.
"David," Sofie started, "materialize some cleaning products, since you seem to be good at that. This might take awhile."
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A/N: Said like "We haven't eaten anything today," replacing "anything" with "shit". Incase that sounded weird. Or stupid.