Chloe's birthday in late September was celebrated the first weekend of October. She always did love a good party, being surrounded by nice people and amazing music and Chloe had no problem doing the arrangements herself, even if that meant buying her own birthday cake and blowing her own balloons.
In fact, she loved nothing more than to work down the list with her roommate Danielle to collect everything she needed to create the perfect party, which involved buying lots of snacks and even more alcohol.
The two of them had invited people a few weeks before that. Danielle texted all of their mutual friends and their colleagues at the coffee shop, the place where Chloe worked less and less hours every week. She had grown too busy working at the kids' theater combined with her assignments for the art school that she was currently lacking at to be working more than eight hours a week as a barista.
Chloe invited her peers from the art institute and did her best to fly her all-time best friend over from Tennessee to Los Angeles, but Aubrey couldn't get the weekend off at the resort she started working after graduating college. Aubrey was currently the head of the reception, but the woman had big plans to take over the team building corporation.
Chloe admired Aubrey's hard work and dedication she put into her job to get where she wanted to be, even if that meant she couldn't celebrate her birthday with her in California or even visit her girlfriend once a month.
Aubrey and Stacy had progressed into a long-distance relationship, something that Chloe couldn't do with Beca. It was the only option she hadn't truly considered. Chloe had no doubt their relationship was strong enough to survive a couple thousand miles between them, it just hadn't been a valid alternative.
Looking back, Chloe wondered if there were any options at all. All she could decide between was supporting her girlfriend at the time, or being selfish. And if those were truly her only choices, Chloe knew she had chosen the right one.
Beca had blossomed into a beautiful and successful young woman, something Chloe doubted would be able to happen had the girl stayed with her. Perhaps that life back in Louisiana had been too small for Beca's dreams, perhaps nothing would ever be big enough for those.
Chloe often wondered how such small dreams could fit in such a small body.
Either way, Chloe had made the right decision to let her go and she was proud of the person Beca had become on her own.
She had the pleasure of witnessing her progress once a week ever since that first and relieving meeting they shared in Los Angeles. They had cleared the air that night and decided to continue working on gaining back their once strong friendship. Once a week, after Chloe's classes on Friday and before Beca had to work at the club, the two former lovers shared a meal together and Chloe could see how much Beca had grown.
Faster than Chloe could have ever thought to be possible, her friendship with Beca mended itself and soon enough it felt like they had never been apart. Chloe told Beca everything again, from her fears to the highlights of her days. And in return, Beca spoke about her newfound life in Los Angeles, as much as she could.
Chloe would try to get her to open up about her true feelings regarding her job, but Beca wouldn't pitch. Chloe knew she wasn't lying to her, or trying to mask anything. Beca wasn't fooling her, she was simply fooling herself. She had herself convinced she was happy and content with where she was in her career, but Chloe could see she wasn't.
She could see it whenever her mind started to drift and her eyes would seem lifeless for just a second or two, right before Beca would blink them back to life.
Chloe didn't know what to do, but she figured as long as Beca stayed in that state of denial, there was nothing for her to do.
Perhaps once or in another life, she would simply break down Beca's barriers and show her what she knew deep down, help her change the situation and actively try to better Beca's life, but not this time. Chloe had already lost Beca once and she couldn't do that, not again. She had to be careful with the words she used and watch her moves around the girl, because she was well aware that one wrong one could push Beca away from her.
Perhaps for good, this time.
Chloe invited Beca to her birthday party and the girl promised she'd be there, whatever time that would be since she had to work until late, like most nights.
Chloe was fine with it, simply happy that Beca would stop by and get to know some of her friends.
"Do you think we have enough vodka?" Danielle asked her as she filled the counter with bottles of alcohol and different liquids to mix those with.
"I doubt it." Chloe chuckled as she made her way over and accepted one of the red cups Danielle had filled up.
"A toast." The woman spoke proud as she lifted her cup. "To the best roommate and friend a broke ex-student could wish for."
Danielle ordered Mexican food which they enjoyed as they awaited the first people to arrive, which happened to be a group of students from Chloe's class. The music had barely started to blast or Chloe and Danielle were dancing around the room while the rest obviously needed a few drinks to loosen up.
Beca arrived around one a.m., a full hour after the last guest.
"Hey, I hope you don't mind. This one insisted on coming with me." Beca spoke annoyed as she side-eyed the man next to her.
"Morgan." The joyful guy introduced himself as he took pride in being Beca's plus-one. His hand rested firm in Chloe's as he leaned in. "Don't mind her, she's in one of her moods again." He whispered before granting Chloe her space again and returning to his designated place next to Beca in the door opening.
Chloe had heard of the man before, but this was her first visual encounter with Morgan. Beca's male friend was good-looking and seemingly nice, but Chloe couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't like him, no matter how irrational it felt.
"I'm Chloe, it's nice to meet you, Morgan!" She faked her enthusiasm to an excessive degree, which she felt to be necessary.
"It's nice to meet you, too! You know, this one here has told me a lot about you, but I think she forgot to mention how beautiful you are."
The man's words may have been flirtatious, but Chloe could tell he was only doing it to embarrass Beca Mitchell, which clearly worked. She pushed him through the door opening and kicked him inside with an excessive roll of her eyes. One only Beca could perform.
"Thanks for coming." Chloe said appreciative.
Beca smiled softly before taking a step towards her. Chloe swallowed instantly, as if her body was still programmed to act a certain way whenever the girl got too close, but Beca's lips hit her cheek instead, kissed it lightly and stayed there for just a second or two, which felt like a lifetime to Chloe.
"Happy birthday, Beale." Beca whispered in her ear as she passed by her and disappeared into the crowd.
Chloe was frozen in her place, lost in some old -and presumed dead- feelings that she was sure she had left behind in that tiny dorm room back in Louisiana and only ever returned for a moment when the two exes shared a kiss in Beca's new apartment.
Beca had accepted what Chloe had said. How it wouldn't be right to try and pick up where they had left off. She had respected her wishes and there hadn't been any physical contact after that one slip, except for a hug goodbye every Friday evening after their dinner, which Chloe knew was already pushing Beca's limits.
Chloe couldn't even remember a time where Beca would engage in physical contact all on her own and stay –seemingly- calm about it. That barely even happened whilst they were dating, yet here they were. Halfway through getting their friendship back with Chloe's stomach filled with butterflies and Beca oblivious to it.
Talking about the old days..
Danielle eventually dragged her away from that opened door and got Chloe back to reality. The two roommates joined Jim –Danielle's goofy boyfriend- on the dancing area where Chloe tried to forget that Beca was in her apartment.
It wasn't the first time that occurred. Beca had walked her home after every rendezvous the two had at a restaurant at choice. It wasn't out of chivalry, at least Chloe didn't think so. She didn't think that Beca felt like Chloe needed someone to keep her safe those few blocks she walked once a week. It had just become a part of their date. They would wander the streets with satisfyingly stuffed stomachs and chat about whatever came to minds.
To Chloe, nothing else felt more like home than those moments after dinner they spent outside, despite the fact that the streets resembled nothing like the ones back in Louisiana or Kansas. Beca's hand didn't rest in hers like they once would and they didn't have earplugs connecting them, but perhaps something else was.
Chloe failed miserably in trying to keep her focus on the people surrounding her in the middle of her apartment at the night of her birthday party and she blamed the alcohol in her blood for the straying of her eyes.
Beca was talking to Morgan in the open kitchen and it seemed the man could do just about anything to make the young woman laugh.
Chloe could only assume what they were talking about, what kind of jokes the handsome male would tell her to get her laughing like she would. A part of Chloe felt hurt over the scene, but a larger bit was happy to see Beca having fun.
The two friends eventually relocated towards where Danielle's laptop was blasting Chloe's personal Spotify playlist, which was obviously not good enough for the two professional deejays in the room.
Chloe's eyes drifted towards Beca Mitchell roughly every seventeen seconds. On every occasion, they witnessed a different scenario. Beca focused on controlling the music. Beca rolling her eyes at Morgan's poor dancing skills. Beca laughing at Morgan's moves. Beca playfully punching the man's arm whenever he tried to get her involved.
But never once did Chloe find Beca staring back at her.
There was a time where Beca couldn't keep her eyes –and additionally her hands- off of her whenever Chloe found herself on the dancefloor.
After that realization, Chloe felt it would hurt too much to allow her eyes to stray that way any more than they already had.
Chloe entertained herself that night by dancing with her roommate and their friends, drinking with her classmates from the art school and engaging in lame games that no sober person would get themselves involved in.
As the night progressed, Chloe realized how weird it was that she had barely spoken to Beca. The young DJ was no longer behind her roommate's laptop and Chloe couldn't find her in the kitchen either. A moment of panic shook Chloe's core, but her eyes had already detected the woman in question before true fear could take over.
"What are you doing here all by yourself?" Chloe chuckled as she stepped onto the balcony and instantly shivered due to the cold air.
Beca turned towards her, smiled for a second and then focused her eyes back on the darkness that covered the streets. "It's nice out here." Beca stated as she lost her denim jacket and handed it over to Chloe.
It was obviously a gesture Beca didn't want credit for, so the girl didn't fight her for it and simply accepted the offer. "Where's your date?" Chloe teased as she positioned herself next to Beca and copied her by leaning over the railing and staring off into nothingness.
Beca rolled her eyes before she hinted at Chloe where to look for the answer. She found the man making out with a girl Chloe didn't recognize with multiple people surrounding them, but the couple didn't seem to care. "Classy." Chloe hummed in response to the view.
Beca shrugged and Chloe wondered temporarily if she were bothered by it in a way that would twist Chloe's stomach if it were.
She didn't know the details of Beca and Morgan's relationship. Presumably, Chloe ranked them as good friends, perhaps better than she would want them to be. Yet she didn't know if there was something more between the two. If perhaps one –or both- had unrequited or simply yet unanswered feelings for the other.
Chloe wasn't ignorant. She knew people of opposite sexes could be friends without there ever being desired anything more than that by either party, but she did wonder if that were the case with her ex-girlfriend and her male friend.
"So that kiss on my cheek was my birthday gift, huh." Chloe flirted as she poked Beca's arm, if nothing else, than simply to get her mind to cease its puzzling over the probability of something beyond friendship between the two coworkers.
Beca tried to clench her jaw to prevent a smile, but she failed after multiple seconds of staring on Chloe's end. "It's in Morgan's trunk." She eventually caved.
'Oh, Beca, you didn't have to!" Chloe chirped as she jumped up and down. "What is it? What is it?!"
Beca rolled her eyes in annoyance, but Chloe could see the glee hiding in her dark pupils. She followed her smaller friend back into the warm apartment where she watched Beca bump into her occupied friend very purposely.
"Keys." Beca stated as she held out her hand and didn't appear to care about whatever moment she broke up.
"That didn't sound like a question." Morgan said playfully to which Beca rolled her eyes and tried to dig her hands down the man's pockets to claim the object herself.
It was hard for Chloe to look at. As soon as Beca interrupted the couple, Morgan seemed to have forgotten all about the girl he was making out with and Chloe wondered if the stranger meant that little or if Beca meant that much to him.
Morgan fled the apartment with his car keys in hand and high up in the air with Beca following him closely as Chloe trailed behind them, momentarily feeling like a tired parent of two hyperactive kids.
She blamed that feeling on the long day that was yet to end.
Chloe caught up with Beca and Morgan across the street from her apartment where a black SUV just popped its trunk. She watched how the man lifted a large, white box out of the car and placed it on the ground while Beca was still fighting him over something.
"What's all this?" Chloe spoke in awe as she realized how big of a box it actually was.
Beca tried to shush the man, but Morgan excitedly spilt the beans. "It's a drawing table!"
"Morgan!" Beca hissed before a tired sigh exited her mouth. "What are you even still doing here?"
But Morgan simply ignored her and kept his focus on Chloe who found her way towards the young man and the gift placed in front of him. "It's supposed to be the best for artists. You can use it as a normal kitchen table or you can tilt the glass up to forty-five degrees."
"Are you done?" Beca spoke through gritted teeth, but Chloe could see past her faked anger.
"Thank you." Chloe whispered emotional, obviously affected by the grand and sweet gesture. Her eyes stayed locked on Beca until the girl awkwardly looked away. "You too, Morgan." Chloe continued, trying to make the situation less uncomfortable for her old friend.
"Oh, don't thank me. This was all Beca." The man spoke proud with an adorable softness in his eyes. "I'm just here for the heavy labor." Morgan breathed out as he picked the boxed gift up from the ground and started making its way towards Chloe's apartment, leaving the two former kids-in-love by themselves for the first time that night.
Chloe thanked her again as she hugged Beca to her chest for a little longer than the appropriate time would be to hug an ex-girlfriend.
"Don't worry about it. It's all done out of selfish reasons." Beca downplayed with a slight smirk on her face. "If I hear you whine about your back one more time.."
Chloe hadn't realized she had, but apparently Beca picked up on her aching back. Chloe must have mentioned it a few times, and it bothered her on occasion, but it wasn't necessary for Beca to buy her an expensive drawing table. Chloe loved to sketch on the floor like she normally would, but she could easily picture herself behind the big, glass piece of furniture.
"You really didn't have to, Becs." Chloe admitted after they shared a laugh.
Beca shrugged like she always would, as if it meant nothing, but it meant so much to Chloe.
Suddenly, something in the air changed. It was the middle of the night in Los Angeles, which didn't necessarily mean that it was cold, but the area between Chloe and Beca started to warm up and Chloe wondered shortly why that heat still felt so familiar.
"It's weird." She mumbled as she took a seat in the opened trunk of the car and Beca followed her immediately. "I feel like I can tell you anything in this moment."
"Like what?" Beca asked interested.
"I don't know." Chloe chuckled. "Nothing." She pondered her answer before eventually correcting it. "Everything."
Beca made eye contact with her and Chloe instantly smiled, knowing how silly she sounded. She wasn't making sense and she knew it. But she couldn't help it. Things were easier in the trunk of that SUV with darkness surrounding her and Beca as the stars seemed to multiply above them.
Inside her crowded apartment, there were too many worries and doubts. About Beca's sudden ability to show affection, even if it were just for a blissful second. About the lack of attention that followed. About Morgan and what he meant to Beca, how he managed to make her laugh Chloe previously only could.
When it was just her and Beca in the simplicity of the night, with nothing and no one else surrounding them, Chloe's head felt clearer and she managed to breathe a little easier.
If that night could have lasted a lifetime, Chloe would have enjoyed every second of it.
A week after Chloe's succeeded birthday party, Danielle asked her to lunch where the roommate explained to Chloe she was thinking about moving in with her boyfriend. Chloe couldn't say it completely surprised her. Danielle had started to spend more nights a week at Jim's place than at their shared apartment.
Jim had an apartment on the other side of the big city, close to his busy job and quite the miles away from his girlfriend. Danielle often complained to Chloe about how she wished to spend more time with him.
"It's not final yet, I'm just thinking about it. We both know I can't stand the fact that he talks in his sleep."
Chloe chuckled and thanked the waitress for the food she placed on their table.
"What do you think?" Danielle urged impatiently over Chloe's silence.
"I think you should make this decision yourself and I'll support you no matter what." Chloe shrugged as she dug her teeth into her sandwich.
"Oh, screw that. Don't give me such a political correct answer, Chlo."
Chloe laughed as she wondered momentarily whether she should tell her how she really felt or give Danielle an answer she would like to hear. Chloe honestly had her doubts about their relationship. When they were good, they were great. Wrapped up in each other and in their own, little world.
But Chloe had held her roommate and comforted the woman while in tears over the man far too many times to judge their relationship as healthy.
But then again, who was Chloe to talk about healthy relationships?
Looking back on every one of them, Chloe wondered if she had the right or even the ability to deem someone else's relationship as unhealthy when that's all she's ever known.
Even though Chloe had years of experience, it had become clear that she couldn't get the hang of relationships. Whether she started things off the wrong way –like she did with Beca- or things ended badly –like it did with Tom-, or she just did everything wrong entirely –like with Teddy-, Chloe couldn't say she possessed the right skill set for maintaining a healthy relationship.
And simply because Danielle and Jim get angry and upset with one another every now and then, just because Danielle gets jealous to a degree that Chloe could never force herself to, it hadn't provided Chloe the right the judge them.
Because in spite of all that, Chloe knew Danielle loves Jim and she would want nothing more than to live with him.
"You should do what you want to do and you don't have to worry about me, Dan. I'll be fine!" Chloe said honestly and as convincing as she could be.
Danielle sighed. Perhaps in relief, Chloe didn't know. She didn't think that her blessing would mean so much to the girl that had been her roommate for over four months. "What are you going to do?" Danielle asked careful as she finally touched her food for the first time. "You can't afford the rent on your own."
Chloe most certainly couldn't.
Chloe could barely bear the expense of her own share every month.
To be honest, Chloe didn't know what to do now that Danielle was moving out, but she smiled, lied and reassured her roommate that she was completely fine. She was able to keep up appearances throughout the duration of the lunch that day, but as soon as Danielle turned the corner, leaving Chloe alone in the middle of the day in the hot Californian sun with panic slowly taking over her body and mind.
Chloe was lost, yet found herself moving into a certain direction. She didn't know where she was going, but her feet moved regardless, without the instruction to.
Inside, Chloe was freaking out. She couldn't afford the apartment she had come to love so much all by herself. She didn't know anyone who was looking for a roommate or an apartment to share. Chloe's mind was still figuring out what to do when it seemed her body had already taken her to the solution.
"Beale? What are you doing here?"
Chloe had to blink a few times to regain her vision and realize where it was her feet took her.
It was the part of LA Chloe didn't like to come. It was shady and loud. Whenever Chloe was at Beca Mitchell's apartment, all she could focus on were the police sirens that never seemed to stop roaring outside.
Irrationally –and aware of it- Chloe always felt afraid whenever she made her way towards Beca's place. The thunderous, grey streets and dark alleys frightened her to a point that Chloe restrained from seeing Beca in her own apartment.
Not to mention the actual apartment that felt empty and deserted to Chloe.
"Beca." She breathed out at last. Slowly, her lips pulled her mouth into a grand smile as she realized the answer to all of her questions had been right in front of her this whole time. "Will you move in with me?"