Author's Note: More on the "God vs. Gawd" debacle. I completely forgot to mention this in my last A/N, but some people have raised the point that the "aw" the PC uses could merely be an accent. Of course it could, that's a very good point. Just...explain to me why only five girls have that accent? Why none of the leud, butt-baring Briarwood boys ever say "crap" or (at the very least) "oh my god" or anything normal seventh-graders would say?

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, 'cept for my original characters.

Of course, the boys had keys to the room because for some bizarre reason (in spite of the fact that none of the teachers knew this room existed) it was where they held unsupervised soccer meetings. Yeah, I don't understand that logic either. But don't blame me. Blame that confused woman down in Laguna Beach.

Standing before Mary Sue (who's eyelashes were fluttering seductively) and I were five boys. One for each of the PC, how did that work out? They were all wearing soccer uniforms, the long shorts just exposing their knees. Idly, I noticed that one of them, who stood in front of all the other guys, had the purplest knees I'd ever seen. He walked right up to Mary Sue, smirking.

"Derrick Harrington, pleasure to meet you."

From behind us, the glossy-lipped girls narrowed their eyes at him. Strange how over the course of a couple books he lost the "mumbling" quality to him and become Mr. Confident Loud Voice. They also coughed, "Derrington!" which was just about the stupidest thing I'd heard them say all day. What did they call Massie? Mock? What about Kristen? Kregory? It was so strange.

But then again, everything down in this bomb shelter was strange. What kind of contractor would build a school overtop a bomb shelter without knocking down the thing first? You can't really expect me to believe OCD's been around since the Cold War. Come on, how could a school with ATM machines and a STARBUCKS INSIDE be that old? Starbucks, I tell you! I want some! I love those little mint packages you can buy, you know? The ones that give you fresh breath after drinking over-flavoured coffee drinks?

The other guys briefly introduced themselves. None of them could take their eyes off of Mary Sue. She was beaming from all the attention. The rest of the PC had retreated to Kristen's corner and were humming along with the annoying songs of Camp Rock.

The one with the freaky different-coloured eyes was Cam. He looked longingly at Claire. She merely "Hmmph!"ed, but some tears were stinging at her eyes. God. Did that girl ever stop crying?

The unremarkable one pulled out his camera phone and snapped several Miley Cyrus-esque pictures of Mary Sue. She licked her lips. Good lord. Sometimes I wish my gorgeously perfect twin sister wasn't so much of a slut. His name was Kemp Hurley.

"As in that fat unlucky guy from Lost?" I asked curiously. They did share that bushy hair...

"Who?" Kemp seemed 'lost.' Pardon the pun. Whoops. I forgot that they say "damn" in that show. Way too mature for eighth graders!

The other unremarkable one made some snorting sounds in Dylan's direction before joining Mary Sue in the photo-op. His name was Chris, but they called him Plovert because Massie briefly dated another guy named Chris before he disappeared from the face of the earth.

Pig sounds?

Dylan sniffed in the background, "They've been sending me clip-art photos of pigs since the seventh book." Clip-art photos of pigs? Lame. Why didn't she just block their phone numbers? I voiced my concern.

"Oh." She seemed to brighten a bit. "I never thought of that." Immediately, she pulled out her mint-green phone and blocked their numbers. Abruptly, the pictures stopped flooding her inbox. "Yay!" she cheered.

The one with the baseball cap looked shyly at Alicia, even as he was gazing adoringly at Mary Sue. I wondered if the attention she garnered from...well, pretty much everyone with a pulse ever got boring. By the look on her face, I'd wager not.

"NINA IS BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!" And she was. Nina Callas. Standing on the threshold. Wearing a pair of booty shorts, a low-cut tank top that belonged in the underwear section of a Victoria's Secret catalogue, and hooker boots, no less. Her tanned arms stretched over her glossy head. She pouted.

Everyone looked bored.

"Hey, Nina!" Alicia called, arms crossed over her chest which — as every girl knows — only increased the in-your-face effect of her cleavage. Who knew one girl's boobs could be such an important plot point? "Go back to Spain! You're last year's news!"

Nina's dark eyes widened. She looked hurt. Personally, I didn't see why everyone was being so mean to her. She was exactly like Massie: mean, scheaming, etc... Only sluttier. And despite heavily implying that she wasn't a virgin, of course she is, because come on. It's a kid's book. AND THEY'RE IN THE EIGHTH GRADE! (Although Nina was actually a year older, but, whatever.)

"Me? Last year's news? Impossible? I'm Spanish, hawt, and utter perfection!"

"No you're not." Alicia pointed at Mary Sue. "She's our new alpha. We dumped Miss Limo Legs."

"Really?" Nina walked over to her cousin. "Hmm. I never liked her anyways. Those jokes of hers? Yeah, so not funny."

"Ah-greed."

"STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!" I yelled. Seriously. This was getting annoying. "Hey, Nina?"

"Yes?"

"You know your last named is pronounced 'callous', right? As in rough hands and/or being emotionally hardened?"

"Wha-at?"

"HELLO, MY PRETTIES! I'M BACK FROM AUSTRALIA! BASK IN THE GLORY THAT IS ABBY BOYD!"

Cue the dramatic music.

"What about me?" A low voice hissed.

"Oh, yeah... AND CONNOR FOLEY WHO COINCIDENTALLY SHARES INITIALS WITH CLAIRE'S FORMER BOYFRIEND, CAM FISHER, IS HERE, TOO! CLAIRE, I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE UPON YOU! I SHALL SEDUCE CAM BECAUSE EVERY MOVIE I'M IN IS A HORRIBLE FLOP THAT STEALS ITS NAME FROM ALFRED HITCHCOCK FILMS!"

"I'm standing right here, you know," Cam said.

"WHATEVER!"