A/N: First i'd like to thank those that have reviewed, you owe me a story and you know who you are... -cough- and all those that have looked at this little bit of crack-tastic-ness...
now, this didn't actually happen, but again due to hilarious conversations with my brother, i suddenly had this funny idea of Foof! and couldn't let it go...
its so terrible... you'll get it when you get there XD
ENJOY!
What 'Could have' been?
Denerim, the heart of Feraldan. The seat of power in their country so ravaged by the blight. The place where the Archdemon and its horde were trying desperately to tear apart.
But that wasn't going to happen!
Two years Tess had dreamed of this monstrous dragon, two years she had taken to not only gather the races, but the people of this country as well. Through her quests, helping those who needed it thanks to the blight, those who were down, those who just needed someone to give them a hand. All the tiny things she had done had sent ripple after ripple throughout the country until now there was an army like no other storming the gates of the city, Humans, Elves, Dwarves, Mages, Templers, Golems, Qunari and anything in between that she'd in some way touched, all crushing the darkspawn under foot as they made their way about taking back their city!
And here she was, 22, mage, elf, Warden Commander, personal assistant to the newly minted King at her side along with His Witch of the Wilds and her ever faithful Mabari companion, the four of them staring down the potentially imminent death as the Dragon-formed Archdemon writhed on top of Fort Drakon thanks to the sacrifice of Riordan and various archers.
She thought for a moment where the others were. Zevran, her Crow Assassin and perhaps physically closest companion and confidant, had went to the Alienage to help the elves there, their people, thwart the efforts of the Darkspawn to burn down the grand tree, the Alienage elves' only link to their nature-loving heritage. Sten had stayed at the main gate, using his massive form and his beloved Asala to prevent the advance of reinforcements for the Darkspawn into the city, with the help of many Mercanary brothers both she and he had managed to guilt into helping by questioning their honor. Wynne was in the courtyard below, along with Irving and Greagior, coordinating the Templers to protect the Mages as they erected a barrier to prevent the continued rush of Darkspawn into the Fort, helping to cut off the Archdemon from its horde. While not much further it could be easily heard as Shale and Oghren lead the Dwarves and the few Golems Cairidin let join their fight, crushing the Ogres the Darkspawn were trying so desperately to get to the walls of the fort. While all along the walls, Archers lead by her Bard and dear friend Leliana, as Dalish, Human and Dwarf rained down death on the horde, as the ruminants of Swiftrunner's now-'human' people kept them safe with their up-close-and-personal savage style of combat. Somewhere in the market place, Tess was sure she heard the distinct Bang! Of gunpowder weapons as Isabella lead her pirates on a saucy raid of the few Darkspawn that had the foolish idea of running into her side of town. Hell she wouldn't be surprised if somewhere in this chaotic battle Avernus and the bloodmages she'd let go free were exploding enemy after enemy as the psychotic mage took their blood for later experiments.
And so many others, so many names, so many people she'd come into contact with in these past two years…
But that didn't matter, because as of right now, she had an Archdemon to slay.
Thanks to the efforts of, and extreme finagling on her part, Morrigan and Alistair had ensured her that no Warden would have to sacrifice their lives killing the beast. Ensured her, rather loudly three days ago and every night since, that they could combat the beast with no-more-fear then they'd had fighting Flemeth in her dragon-form. So taking Yusaris in her hands, gripping it between her Juggernaut gauntleted hands as she flicked the visor of her helmet down she charged at the thing, all her buffs blazing, her will o' wisp floating around her head, miasma eking from her body weakening the creature, as she cast a stun and a curse on the creature before plunging her massive-her-sized sword into its flank. The thing screamed, the external sound echoing in her mind as she could feel it trying to command its horde to help it.
A howl from her right, and she could feel as a fleshy meteor that was Bal rammed into it alongside her, causing the thing to stagger.
A charge a yell from her left and she could feel the Templar faith-magic surge through the area as Alistair smote the Archdemon's attempt to cast magic on them, while he drove his sword, King Maric's sword into the fiends exposed side.
The thing fumbled from the onslaught, but nowhere near down, with a roar it whipped its spiked tail around sending Alistair flying and crash into a wall. It was out of the corner of her eye that Tess noticed he had blocked the blow with Duncan's shield, grinning behind it, only really slightly dazed from the impact as he got back to his feet.
The tiny Warden couldn't help but grin inside her enclosed helmet; she could feel the surge of essence from Duncan's sword and dagger strapped to her back, knowing that in this fight, they were what needed to be used. Withdrawing Yusaris from the Archdemon and replacing it on her back, she took Duncan's weapons from her back, and ran around the beast aiming to pin the thing's tail with the old Warden's blades. A swat of its wing caught her, rounding her hard in the chest, and before the pain even settled in she could feel the warming hum of Morrigan's healing magic, grinning as she remembered the fit the wilds mage had had when she'd requested she'd learn healing from Wynne. If she had the time she would have glanced at the dark mage over her shoulder, grin in that knowing way as if to say 'I told you so…', knowing for a fact the woman probably had a pouting sneer on hers like she always did in response, 'shut up and keep going!'.
A crackle from the Witch of the Wilds lighting had its attention for now, and Tess ran behind it, leaping with as much faith she had and stabbed Duncan's sword and dagger as deep as she could into the thing's tail, not only pinning the beast to the spot but preventing that appendage from any more damage. That didn't stop its thrashing that sent the little Warden flying. As she drifted in the 3 seconds of airborne, she watched as Bal had clamped on to his right flank, pinning the limb and seemingly ripping out its tendon as much as he could. Alistair working on its left flank, cutting the Achilles tendon and beast's rump dropped unceremoniously as Morrigan for some Maker-awful reason was the one keeping its attention with blasts of ice and lighting intermitted with heals on the others.
She landed against something hard, but not cobblestone and she wasn't dropping. A glance up through the slits of her helmet and she saw the full-helmeted form of Sten, his violet eyes the only part of his face she could catch along with the handle of Asala on his back. She blinked, that growl she'd come so used to escape his lips and was amplified by the full-helmet, "Kadan, on your feet, this is no time to be flying…"
Tess smirks behind her helmet, dropping out of his hands and taking her beloved sword off her back, "Ya know, for that comment, I might just take away your cookies…" she can hear him growl as he draws Asala.
"What in return do I get for accompanying you this far?" and she can feel him drawing power from the blood of the fallen Darkspawn nearby.
Another smirk from her, feeling the life flow through them both as she summons her own ill-gotten blood-magic, "A cake will be in order I suppose…"
"Very well," and they both charge back into the combat against the giant beast.
Overhead she can see arrows let fly, one from the left of the beast, and another from its right, both catching the thrashing thing right in eyes. A smirk found her features as she can see the blood start flowing from it.
She can hear Zevran tsk, "And here I was hoping get it in the nose, just for the fun of it…" her ear twitches at the familiar strain of his bowstring as he cocks another arrow.
"Oh please, everyone knows the eyes are the best way to get a dragon," she can hear on the other side, as Leliana's melodic voice begins to form a song to boost their abilities in this final fight.
The Archdemon thrashes, infuriated as it screams inside her head and roars on the outside, having become pinned, and now blind! It swipes its fore-claws taking out the warriors in its path, not before Sten and her can release attacks that set gaping wounds and burning blood to boil inside it. A comforting light enshrouds them all, the familiar rejuvenation of Wynne's very specific magic, Tess knows the old woman is nearby, keeping them all intact and allowing Morrigan to go spell-crazy.
After being flung back, Tess watches as two forms rush past her on either side, Shale's hulking form rushing at her left and Oghren's red berserk form on her right. She watches, always amazed as Shale releases an crippling attack, shoving crystals into the Archdemon's fore-claw, roaring her gravelly throat like the dwarf she once was, while on the other side Oghren, screaming-dwarven-fury of his own shoves his axe so deep into the beast's other claw it cracks the stone beneath it and pins it there.
Blind, pinned in all ways except for a singular working wing, which is quickly frozen thanks to Morrigan's pent-up magic and shatters as the Archdemon flails, calling to its horde, crying, screaming, roaring all the fury of a poisoned old god. Yusaris in hand, spells blazing around her, cloaked in the comfort of her Juggernaut armor, shrouded in the comfort knowing that her companions made it here, for this final moment, helped her in this final act.
Before any of them can so much as blink, or say a word, the tiny Warden, elf and mage, is flying, rocketing towards the Archdemon's exposed neck, screaming with unbridled fury as she hefts Yusaris, a sword as big as she is, one of her prized possessions, a weapon designed specifically to kill dragons, and lowers the blade with the efficiency of a guillotine and all the might of Feraldan behind it, beheading the beast. A single lingering roar escapes the thing's throat as its head is separated from its body, and dwindles into a gurgle as the blood flows rampant from it. Tess lands where the head once was, rolling away due to the force of her blow, and stands in a shower of red as the Archdemon's blood flows with great force from its severed neck.
Everyone just stares at the sight. Watches in rapt silence as the small armor-clad Warden Commander, bathed in the beasts blood, grip firm on her sword, as she trots slowly to the thing's head, somehow still alive for this last moment. She stands imposing and grim over the thing's eye, which opens despite the arrow sticking out of it, and she can see it; the last vestiges of the Beast that had haunted her nightmares for the past two years, still glaring defiant as she raises Yusaris, point down over the soft flesh of its eye. Without a sound she plunges the large blade into its eye, with enough strength to pierce it all the way through, straight into the ground below it.
For a moment nothing happens…
Then she can feel it, the essence of the Archdemon, the fury, the hatred, the pain, the sorrow, the sheer corruption of the old god Urthemiel. It burns, inside and out and her hands are practically fused to the sword that links their two bodies. The elf-woman grits her teeth bearing the pain, bearing the soul for as long as she can, knowing that at some point it was going to wonder over to their Witch of the Wild and fuse itself with the baby she and the King of Feraldan had kept her up for three nights making…
… at least, that was the idea…
It was with stunning clarity that something popped into the little Warden's mind, her head popped up and she stared unbelievingly at the couple that was in front of her, not caring about the remaining looks of shock going around. They couldn't see it, but they could certainly hear the scorn in her voice as her last words left her lips…
"OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SODDING KIDDIN-"
FOOF!
… And they all just stared as their Warden Commander, the woman whom they had spent two years with getting to know, falling in love with, learning to hate, and loving all over again just Foof!ed into ash along with the Old God's soul as the Archdemon's body disintegrated leaving only an empty set of plate and one hefty sword…
They all just stared wide eyed and jaws gapping…
None more so then Morrigan and Alistair…
"BY THE MAKER!" The new King yelled, throwing his hands in the air before rounding on his woman, "Morrigan! We did the ritual! We MADE SURE!" he grabbed the seemingly catatonic Witch by the shoulders and lightly shook her, "What HAPPENED!"
The Witch turned gold eyes to her king, just gapping in disbelief like him...
Leliana was standing next to them, Zevran at her side as the two rouges rounded on their 'friends', "Don't tell us you didn't do the ritual right!" she screamed, followed closely by Zevran's, "The sex couldn't have been that good for you to screw this up!"
Morrigan, now the center of all attention, not knowing what to say or do since she was pretty sure she'd done the ritual right? Runes on the floor, lyrium consumption, perfectly timed rhythm and apex, sigils and a dabble in blood magic… a flush cross her face recalling that very specific night, her first night with her Templar, all the arguing they'd gotten into, finally releasing all the Sexual tension and frustration the two had had building between them since they left her mother's hut two years ago… the sex… no, nothing seemed to have been out of place…
Unless…
The Witch of the Wilds looked disturbingly pale as she turned to Alistair, completely ignoring the others, "Well," she started, looking at the 'remains' of their closest friend, then back to him, "I guess that means I'm not pregnant…" the look on her face was completely lost, having no idea what to do about this situation…
Again, Alistair raised his hands in the air screaming, "ARE YOU SODDING KIDDING ME!"
The collective groans and complaints and questions about Alistair's fertility and shouts of 'what the hell was the point in keeping us all awake for three nights!' went completely to the wayside as Morrigan could only shrug in a completely stunned manner, "Oops?"
xXx
Somewhere in the bright and shiny afterlife in the Maker's presence a little dark skinned tattooed crystalline eyed white-haired, NAKED, elf-mage-former-Warden-Commander was sitting disgruntled with a twitching white brow as her knee kept twitching, "I'm going to kill them…" she growled, "I'm going to come back and haunt them… and KILL THEM…"
Urthemiel just rolled its godly eyes, "Just make your move already," rumbled the tiny, cat-sized red-dragon-thing as it flicked its snake-like tongue at the woman who'd taken it in death, glaring at her to make her damn move already.
Tess glared over the chess board between them at the tiny former-Archdemon with her crystal colored eyes as she reached a hand out and moved a piece, "Checkmate…"
A/N: because, if i could, i would have Tess tell the Arl "No, i'm not the one that's gonna marry Alistair... that's Morrigan..." and watch as the two sputter behind her...
and its just a thought, i mean honestly, there's some thing going around about how Warden's have little chance of conception, and no matter how much you 'make sure' that doesn't always mean it'll catch ya know? but talk about the worst pregnancy test ever! XD
welp, peace all, i'm packed, saddled up, and off to do whatever i do...
I want more reviews! please?
till next -salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!
-Ikasury