as curtains close on us
chapter 2: lily
The defining moment for you, Lily Evans, is not those pitiful days leading up to the incident, nor the incident itself, but the days after it.
You've been hurt, in more ways than one. Your best friend has truly betrayed you, but this was not his first slip-up, to be honest, and you are more than ready to let him go.
It's for the better, you believe, as you let someone you once cared deeply about merely fall away from your life. It is so much easier than you imagined.
At fifteen, you've found a pretty good definition of love - caring, hope, trust. And you like James Potter, to be sure - the sound of his name makes you sigh and you have a private smile for all his jokes. But you have long wondered if you love him.
In the days leading up to the incident, you believe you might. Caring is certainly there - the very idea of his being hurt - sadness replacing the goofy smile on that handsome, immature, sweetface - invokes a twinge of pain in your heart. You certainly hope - on some days you see it there, that lingering chance at friendship, the smile he reserves for you; on some days you hear it in the hallways, floating on the grapevine ("Potter fancies you, did you know?") and creating a sense of doubtlessness when it comes to your mutual affection.
And there is trust, too, the deepest trust you imagine can exist. He knows you and you think you know him, too. There are times when talking to him, he seems utterly real; you have seen him embarrassed and you have seen him angry, you have seen him happy and you have seen him excited to the point of foolishness. You have seen him in his best and his worst, and you know he is human.
And you are the kind of person who trusts other human beings with your life. You have seen yourself in James - the compassion, the worries, the need to trust and trust deeply; how can you say no to that?
So you decide you love him, and it's the easiest decision you've ever made.
On the day of the incident, he takes advantage of you, or tries. He uses the moment, your anger, your love - to ask, as if he'd be embarrassed otherwise. Go out with me, Evans.
It's not as if you haven't been dying to heart this question from him, but that's the problem. It's not a question. It's an expectation.
God, how can you even know if he means it? If James knows (and he does) you lo - like him, and he's still not brave enough to act on it until it accidentally slips out of his mouth, then how can't you question his sincerity?
And if you question his sincerity, can you trust him anymore?
So on the day of the incident, you can't love him. You can't love him because of a few words, because of a technicality in your system. You can't love him because honestly he's a big fat jerk, but you. still. do.
And that's why the days after the incident are your defining moment. Because you, Lily Evans, have broken the most fundamental rule of all.