And this is final :) Thanks everyone for helping me find an ending for this piece. Hope you enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it for you.
My face still hurt. Even the softest pillows of the Wayne's Manor didn't allow me to lay on the left side of my cheek.
I didn't even know why I got into that fight. He could have handled it. He definitely could.
But for the past 6 months the only thing that I got from my nights was a view of his pierced chest and his blood spurting over my naked chest. This warm feeling of the liquid splashing all over me almost gave me a fear of getting into the water ever again…
And his face…
The same face that was making me burn with desire was …puzzled. He didn't even feel pain at first…
I tried to fight that guy, I even managed to hold him long enough for Alfred to get there and kick him unconscious.
Minutes…
it was just several minutes before the ambulance got there, several minutes of Alfred yelling into the phone, several minutes of me whispering "too much blood…too much… blood", several minutes of me knowing that a person can't live with that blood loss, a person can't live without a heart, several minutes of him holding to the unknown force…
They saved him. His heart wasn't pierced. His lung got most of it, but they patched it as well.
Months…
It was 6 months of recovery. 6 months of me turning into a crazy paranoidal bodyguard.
When he announced that he was going back to his dark knight duty, I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom trying to catch my breath.
And I hoped I would be able to handle it if I covered his back. If I was going to be near him every time. Like a dog, like a goddamned guarding dog.
I was getting so close to him that there was no air left between us. I was getting so far away that I almost never touched him since then. I turned down all his attempts. I got so tense and alert that during his unexpected "ninja" practice, I almost broke his jaw.
And this time…I stood between him and that mugger. I was hit so hard that I almost lost my consciousness and Bruce almost lost his life…again. Thanks heaven, that guy was as stupid as I was.
Bruce didn't say anything. He took care of my face and ordered me to the guest room. I obliged.
Valium was sedating me. I was trembling with fear or panic or other crap that my psycho rewarded me with.
I didn't move when the door opened.
I smelled him like a bloodhound I was.
He got on the bed and under the blanket where I was freezing. I made a poor attempt to push him away, but I was too weak and tired. He spooned me, placing my head on his arm, holding my hands with his hand.
And he rocked me like a baby, he started to murmur something into my ear like a lullaby. I protested. My anxiety was getting me over. A vision of his bloody chest stood before me and I tried to get out. He still held me …forcefully, like he never did before.
I screamed, finding all my strength taken by valium. I hit him, getting away.
"Go away. Please… I can't take it… Go away…" I broke into tears.
I didn't even cry when he was dying, but I cried now.
I hold my knees turning my face from him, hiding myself in this small, pitiful place that now was my life.
"I am not helping, am I?" he chuckled sadly "How the fuck did we get into this place, Selina?"
"I just lost it… Sorry. I am trying to…I…"
"I know, you do… Can I ask you to do only one thing for me? Just once…"
I raised my head, looking at him.
"What?"
"Could you kiss me? Like you used to… before all his mess, before I got you into craziness…"
"Bruce…"
"Please. Just once".
I took a few deep breathes. It was painful, but his face…
I did love this face, him…
I did love him.
"Don't move…"
I crawled to him on my hands and knees. He was motionless. I slowly touched his cheek getting in his messy hair, into his messy mind… His smell, how I missed being close to this smell. He used to smell like safety, like my dream place…Visions of the blood was here, but I hold it in control as much as I could. I wanted to run away. I wanted it so much, but there was his face, his lovely face…
I held my breath, letting my lips found their way to his. These lips…I missed them as well…
A desire that was safely hidden under layers of anxiety resurfaced. It was almost the same…
A heat wave of affection washed me over and I moaned. He still didn't move and I yanked his hands to place them on my waist.
He was good with hints… he responded. Softly, his lips touching mine, getting balder, hungrier.
I pulled him closer falling on my back. Like old times… I closed my eyes, letting him kiss my neck, my collarbones, letting his hands to stroke my waist, my thighs.
Like old times…
He froze over me so that I can catch my breath. I looked at him… Chest with blood was still there. I think he knew that, saw it in my eyes.
He leaned back.
"You need to sleep… I will stay for a bit. I won't touch you. Don't worry."
He covered me with a blanket and sat next to me. For a moment I thought he would build this wall that I did. I got scared again… I took his hand, let our fingers intertwine. He smiled and asked me to sleep again. I obliged.
When I woke up, I was alone in the bed. On nightstand there was a paper with my name on it:
"Dear Selina,
I am sorry that I am letting you know like this. I was thinking about this for a long time, even before the injury, and finally I understood that I must do it.
I am leaving Gotham. I need to become stronger. I need to make sure that you never have to stand between me and that danger that this city represents.
I am sorry for everything. I feel like I caused you enough pain as it is. I am so afraid that I broke you. My spear was extracted, but yours is still there and I can't pull it out.
So I let you cure yourself your own way. Like you always do.
Please forgive me for all the pain I caused you. Forgive me for this weakness and not letting you having a say in my leaving.
You can always find a warm place in the Wayne Manor, but you are free to come and leave as you please.
I love you, Cat.
I will come back to this city and you. If you can, wait for me.
Love, Bruce."
My breathing became rapid, but there were no tears. I was …angry, I was in a rage.
He LEFT me. WTF?
I stood up and ran to the study preparing to yell at him for his poor sense of humor.
He should be there… My hands started to tremble on the way to his study. They couldn't find their purpose as much as my heart couldn't stop beating in the maddening agonizing manner.
I just hoped that he was there. I wanted him to be there. I wanted to see his kind, calm face with a half smile that I loved so much.
I heard slightly whooshing and some rustling noise from the room.
"He is there! He is there!"
I opened the door wide open. My body flew into the familiar study.
There was his table with packs and packs of papers, reports, notes…
There was his chair that stood in its favorite place
There was his sofa that still held a shadow of its owner.
There were thousands of memories that rushed before my eyes, that grasp my wildly crying heart and trashed it…
Everything was there… everything except him.
Alfred didn't say anything. I broke so many things in that study, that he was ought to call the police, but he didn't.
He looked at my face, distorted with crying and anger and asked whether I would like a cup of tea.
So calmly…
I said I would.
We sat for the whole hour without saying a word, sipping hot tea and looking at the walls.
We never had a connection with him, but at this moment we finally had something in common.
He said goodbye when I was leaving. He wanted to say something more, but he stopped.
And that was good…
I was leaving Wayne Manor for good… At least I lied about that.
I adjusted my jacket and touched a pocket with a note that he left for me. I was going to throw it into his face when he is back.
I was going to wait for it…