I know this about before the fire but I thought this was important too! Enjoy!
Ashlee's p.o.v
I stumble blindly through the forest. I must be going the right way though. I drop my bottle of vodka, cursing. I trip over my own feet trying to pick it up again. As soon as I hit the ground, I start crying.
"Why?!" I scream out. "Why'd you take them from m-me!?" I feel like my whole world has crashed down around me. Yesturday, the entire Hale family burnt to death in a house fire, only Peter got out, Laura and Derek were at school. It took me a whole day to get over the shock of it. While Mum was at work I stole a bottle of vodka from her 'party' cupboard, where she keeps all her stuff for get togethers, family reunions and all that. By the time I hit the treeline, half the bottle was gone. I know i'm beyond drunk but i'm far too upset to care. Cora was in that fire. Tahlia. My best friends. The only people, other than Scott, who loved and understood me. Now they're all gone. Peter's in the hospital, he's in a coma. I haven't seen or heard from Laura or Derek. I feel like i'm dealing with this all on my own and it hurts so much, it hurts far too much. So now i'm drowning my sorrows, and almost myself. I stand up, bottle in hand again. Then I see it. In the distance, the burnt shell of the Hale house. Without realising, i'm running towards it. I fall to my knees at the stairs, the stairs where we'd sit when the sun was out. I curl over and cry, tears pouring down my cheeks. "Why didn't you just take me instead?" I sob into my hands. What the hell do I have to live for? The Hale family are gone, I don't where Laura and Derek are, Peter's in a coma, Dad walked out, Mum works almost every hour of the day and Scott. Scott..that's what I have to live for. All I have left is him and I won't lose him, I won't let anybody take him from me. But I need them too. And now they're gone. "I can't do this without them" I whimper. Another sob racks my body and I can feel the pain again. I tilt back the bottle and swallow a few large mouthfuls of the hot liquid. It burns as I swallow it but the numbness it brings is worth every second. "No..no..wake up, this is a dream, this is a dream..they're fine, everthing's okay" I try to convince myself. I know it's stupid but I need something, anything, to make this easier. "I want them back" I say. "I WANT THEM BACK!" I scream, looking up at the house. Something catches my eye. Glowing blue orbs. I spin around and noone's there. "Who's out here?" I call out. "Go away!" I tell them. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS HOUSE!" I scream, my voice slurred. I take another gulp of vodka. I look at the bottle. Maybe one or two mouthfuls left. I know I should stop, i'm 14, this much alcohol could kill me. I don't care. I put the bottle to my lips again, ready to drain the last of the liquid when the bottle is snatched from my hand. My vision is hazy but I see someone's hand grab it and throw it againist a nearby tree. "Why-why did you do that?!" I say angerily.
"I won't let you drink yourself to death" a familiar voice says.
"Derek?" I ask. He crotches down in front of me and I can now see it's him. It's Derek, he's still here. I crash into his chest, clutching him tightly. The tears come and it seems like they'll never stop. There's so much pain inside of me, so much anger, so much grief. "I need them" I tell him.
"I..I know, I do too" he tells me, stroking my hair and rubbing my back. "I need to get you home, you really drunk-"
"I don't want to go home" I say. "I want to stay here"
"They aren't coming back Ash" he says, voice filled with tears. I curl up and cry even harder. "I need to take you home" I shake my head. "I'm leaving A, I need to make sure you get home-"
"What?" I ask him, looking at him through my tears. "You're..you're leaving?" it hurts to say that. He nods.
"I can't stay here..not after yesturday" he says quietly.
"Please Derek, don't leave" I beg him.
"I have too. Laura will stay-"
"Do you think that makes it better?!" I yell at him. "I want you BOTH to stay, I need you both" I tell him. Derek blinks away tears before taking my face in his hands.
"Scott's knows you're here, he'll be here in a minute" Derek tells me. "I have to go" he says.
"No, Derek, please don't-" he cuts me off by leaning in and kissing me softly. It takes me a couple of seconds to push him away when I realise what he's doing. "You're saying goodbye..you're not coming back" I state, already knowing the answer.
"I'm not coming back" he confirms. "I'm so sorry Ash, i'm sorry this happened but I can't stay, I won't stay" he starts getting up.
"Derek, don't" I plead. I try get up only to fall back down again, the alcohol heavily effecting me.
"I'm sorry..goodbye Ashlee" he says, sinking into the shadows of the trees. I break down again, curling into the dirt. This can't be happening. Derek's going too? No, no, NO! My breathing starts to quicken but my lungs start burning.
"ASH!" I hear my 13 year old brother yell. I distantly hear him running over to me but i'm too far into my panic attack to take notice. My entire chest is burning and I can't stop it, just like I can't stop Derek from leaving. I hear Scott call an ambulance. "Ashlee, look at me" Scott says, grabbing my chin. "Count with me" he says. Scott and Derek have helped me through my panic attacks quite alot. Scott uses a counting system and Derek uses a breathing system, sometimes the counting too. Peter has dealth with me a few times too, he gets me to count as well. But right now, I can't count. I can only think about how my entire world is slipping through my young fingers. I feel bile in my throat as I smell ash. The ash from the burnt house, from the Hales themselves- I fall onto Scott and put my head to the side as I throw up all the alcohol into the leaves. Now i'm really dizzy. Scott tries to put me on my side so I don't choke on my own vomit but i'm curled up, i'm clutching the ground like it's a lifeline, like i'm trying to hold all the broken pieces together but it's too late, it's already all fallen apart. I hear sirens and my mother screaming and Scott crying before I slip into the darkness, that beautiful numbness coming over me, making me forget about my pain.
..
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
I wake up to a bright, white room. I can hear a machine beeping. Usually the sun shining through the curtains is a pleasure, right now it's painful. It burns my eyes, gives me a pounding headache. It takes alot of effort to move my head so I can look around the room. I'm guessing i'm in hospital. The room reeks of disinfectant and there's tubes going into my arm, hooked up to the beeping machine. My entire body hurts.
"Thank god, you're awake" Scott says. I turn my head and see he's in the chair next to me. It looks like he's been sleeping there, a blanket and pillow crammed into the chair with him.
"Scotty" I can't even recognize my own voice. It's so quiet and broken. My throat hurts whenever I talk but I still manage to give him a smile..sort of.
"Don't you ever pull that shit again, do you hear me?" Scott demands. I'm confused for a second, then I remember what happened. The Hale fire, me drinking, Derek leaving. Tears start to cloud my vision again. "Do you hear me Ashlee?" Scott asks. I nod as tears spill over. Scott carefully pulls me into a hug, I can feel his tears soaking into my hospital gown. When Scott pulls back, he stays close to me. "I thought you were dead. You don't understand how scared I was" he tells me.
"I'm sorry Scott" I say.
"You drank a whole bottle of vodka. You could have died" he growls.
"I'm sorry" I say again. "I was so upset and angry after..I just needed some sort of release" I tell him.
"Do you have any idea how angry and upset I would be if you had died? What if I didn't find you Ashlee? So many things could have happened to you and you don't even care!" Scott's crying now as well. "They were pumping your stomach for hours! You had far too much alcohol in your system, the doctor said if I got there any later you would have died!" I pull him in for another hug. The pain from the Hale's deaths and Derek leaving will never fade. Not ever. But this is what I have to live for. I may not have a loving family but I have my brother, I have Scott. This is what I have to live for, Scott is what I have to live for.
..
..
That got more emotional than I thought it would :( Hope this gives insight onto why Ash is so protective of Scott and why she still cries for the Hales. Favourite, follow and please, please review, let me know what you think!