I Dare Not Hope: Chapter 3
To Margaret's surprise, unpacking and getting their new home to their comfort was done and over with within a few days time. As it was so small and cramped compared to their humble Helstone cottage, Margaret should have known that their few belongings would fit perfectly into the Crampton apartment. Margaret was pleased that the furnishings, books, and treasures of home had found their place in Milton. She wasn't sure when she and her father would come to feel the same kind of acceptance in the industrial town.
As Margaret looked around in the sitting room, which was much smaller than a whole width of a staircase in her aunt's home, she still wondered at the new wallpaper that instantly brightened the room. How grateful her Papa was that a little bit of Helstone familiarity had brightened the otherwise dank home. It had been three days passed when they had moved in and she still could not get the mystery of the wallpaper from her mind. She laughed at herself for letting such a small thing as room decorations to set her mind far from being at ease, but she could not help that someone seemed to know exactly what her father had desired without him saying a word to anyone but herself. She convinced herself many times that he must have simply forgotten that he had told someone.
But there was always that little part of her curious mind that thought that something was not right in this town. She knew that she had not given herself time to become accustomed to the ways of these Milton folk. She had walked to the market with Dixon every morning so she got a pretty clear view of the working life of the people. They seemed to accept her with open curiosity and wonder at the Southern strangers. Her father had already acquired students that he could tutor, which thankfully had kept him happy and busy.
Margaret had yet to find employment. On their journeys to market, Margaret inquired at local dress shops and alike if they were looking for hired help. They all seemed surprised that one such as Margaret, a lady, should want employment for herself. After the initial shock of such a request they all treated her like they would any a working class fellow. Margaret found she liked this better and made her feel more accepted. Though Margaret understood that no one could afford to take on another employee she still felt downcast that she had not yet to find proper employment.
Even with all her troubles, Margaret purposely avoided her godfather's advice to go to Mr. Thornton to seek employment. As much as she knew it was her duty to her family to help financially, she could not justify herself in seeking an interview with Mr. Bell's acquaintance, even if it was strictly business.
Thankfully they had not received a call from either Mr. Bell or Mr. Thornton since they settled, but Margaret knew it would happen soon enough, and she tried to mentally prepare herself for the meeting.
It was on the fourth day of living in Milton that the Hales had received a note from Mrs. Thornton. Margaret and Dixon had just come from the market when Mr. Hale met them at the door, seemingly in bright spirits. Margaret reminded herself to count her blessing that her father had seemed content and happy with their new life.
"Margaret, my dear, we shall have a call from Mrs. Thornton this afternoon. She sends her apologies that her son cannot join them, but she and Miss Thornton shall attend if we accept." Mr. Hale said in all one breath.
"By all means father, we shall accept. I'll prepare with Dixon for their visit." Margaret was just relieved that she could put off meeting with Mr. Thornton just yet.
"I say, that Mr. Thornton must be a very busy man. We have settled for well past two days and still no call. You know he is to be one of my pupils Margaret?"
"I did not father. What has a tradesman in need for reading and education? I would have thought a mind like his to be on numbers and figures." Margaret noted she sounded even haughty to her own ears. After all, she did not know Mr. Thornton. But after she saw the way the workers lived, she could easily imagine Mr. Thornton and all the other business men setting themselves high on their pedestals. When she really thought about it, she pictured them to be just like Mr. Bell. All tradesman and businessmen looked down at others and only leant a helping hand to put a coin in their pocket. In her eyes, they were no better than her godfather. Margaret shuddered at the thought.
"How you seem to know Mr. Thornton's character when you haven't even met the man. I pity him for your closed minded thoughts. Why, he was the one who welcomed us and helped us when we were strangers to him."Mr. Hale said in defense of his friend.
"I know he has been kind to us father, I'm sorry I doubted your friend. As you said, I have yet to meet him."Margaret regretted speaking ill of the one person who offered friendship to her father, in spite of everything.
"You still have not sought an interview from him?"
"No, I do have some promising positions." Margaret lied.
"By all means it wouldn't hurt you to seek him out all the same. He might even have better suggestions to where would suit you better."
"I promise Papa, I will ask after him by Mrs. Thornton and see what she thinks."
"A splendid idea."
With a pat on her head, Mr. Hale made himself scarce in his study while his daughter and Dixon made ready for their guests. Margaret came into the kitchen with an already working Dixon. The maid had her dough mixture ready to be rolled out.
"Here I will do that Dixon."Margaret stepped forward reaching for the rolling pin.
"As you wish." Dixon handed her the rolling pin rather hesitantly, seriously doubting that the lady could roll a batter out, let alone find a job. She didn't like the idea of Mrs. Hale being happy that her only daughter would have to be a working girl and work in the kitchen as a common maid! The thought made the reliable servant loathe Mr. Hale all the more. Oh how she wished Master Frederick were here, he would make things right, she was sure.
Watching Margaret struggling to roll out the batter Dixon asked, "So you told Mr. Hale you had some promising positions did you?" Dixon knew it to be a farce. Everywhere the young misses went she was turned down.
"I confess I did. Dixon what shall I do? I'm to call on Mr. Thornton if I do not find something!" Margaret exclaimed, rolling pin in hand and flour already over her dress. Dixon noted she would have to teach Margaret how to help properly if she was to share the kitchen duties with her.
"If it was your brother in your position he would have seen Mr. Thornton first thing." Dixon said, taking over Margaret's work.
The comment stung at Margaret's heart, always to be compared to her brother. But she knew Dixon was right.
"I know, I told Papa I would ask Mrs. Thornton when I should go to the mill." That Mrs. Thornton was to be there that afternoon and Margaret would have a set appointment to meet the mill owner, made Margaret doubt her own courage. Surely, she could face this as all other girls in her position have had to do. Many a girl would do this for their family gladly. She knew as much as she did not want to, she had a duty to her father, and her mother, and especially her brother in his absence. She wished more than ever that her mother were here with them. How different would things have been if Fred had not gone to the Navy, and her mother not become sick, or her father didn't doubt his purpose in life? Where would she be? She might have married Henry and gone to live with her Aunt Shaw and Cousin Edith to comfort her in her loss. What was to be Margaret's purpose? She figured that if she didn't take control of her own decisions she would never know. She would never rely on anyone but herself from now on.
As the preparations were finished down to the last detail, the Hales were ready to receive the Thornton women. At first Margaret did not know what to make of them. The sister, Fanny, wore a silk dress that had every color in it. Margaret wondered how such a gaudy dress could manage to look so elegant. She wondered at the beauty of Miss Thornton, her white blonde hair was in tight ringlets about her porcelain face. She did not smile, Margaret wondered if she would crack like glass if she managed to show emotion. At seeing Fanny's stern look Margaret reminded herself to smile every day for the rest of her life to her heart's content, wrinkles be damned! She would never wish to seem so fragile.
Both Mrs. and Miss Thornton walked through the sitting room as if floating on air. Margaret was made very aware of her homely appearance and dress as she hoped that she still didn't have flour in her dark hair.
Compared to Mrs. Thornton, Fanny was the sweetest lady she had ever be held. Besides the dark brow of Mrs. Thornton, Margaret could see that her piercing dark eyes could strike fear into anyone that she wished to set her mind to. Her black dress and black hair were a stark contrast to her daughter's. Margaret wondered how they could be related. But like Fanny, Mrs. Thornton couldn't fathom a smile. As all were settled on the settees, her father seemed unaware of the harshness that these women's presence caused, and they hadn't even spoken!
"I am glad you have come to visit us Mrs. Thornton. I am sorry your son could not join us." Mr. Hale said sadly.
"My son is a busy man Mr. Thornton. He asked me to come in his stead."
"That is very kind of him, wasn't it Margaret?" Mr. Hale turned his attention to his daughter as if to say, "See, I told you."
Margaret ignored the silent scolding from her father, "It is very kind of Mr. Thornton to send his mother in his…absence." Margaret knew it sounded cold and bitterly regretted it after receiving a hard glare from Mr. Thornton's mother.
After a few uncomfortable moments of silence Fanny abruptly raised her voice. "Miss Hale, how are you faring in Milton? Is it to your liking?" To Margaret's initial shock Fanny sounded even more heavenly that she looked. Her sweet, soft voice gave no indication that she did not incline after her under false pretence.
"I like it very well Miss Thornton. I admit that I was initially shocked at the difference between the South and the North. But I have been made to feel very welcome." Margaret said with true conviction.
"How does the South differ from the North, Miss Hale? I'm sure I'd like to know." Mrs. Thornton cut in bitterly. Margaret could see Fanny visibly shrink in her mother's demanding presence.
"I only meant Mrs. Thornton, that our ways are quite different. I'm not used to the bustle of a working industrial town, but I am gladdened by the kindness I have been shown here, especially by the workers."
"What is a lady doing mingling with the workers? You cannot mean to make friends with them?" Mrs. Thornton snapped as if she thought the workers were meant for only one purpose, to be hands in her son's mill.
"I do." Margaret said determined. "In my task to find employment I have met many a decent people, these…hands, as you call them. I met Mr. Higgins. Mr. Thornton's man and he seemed more than happy to help."
Both Mrs. Thornton and Fanny seemed genuinely shocked at learning that a lady should have a need to seek employment. Surely they would have been told of their situation by Mr. Thornton? But Mrs. Thornton would not let shock stop her from injuring further on her hostess.
"Mr. Higgins is on orders from my son. If there is anyone who you should thank for the kindness shown to you, it should be him."
"As I have yet to meet him, I will make sure to put credit where it is due."As finality Margaret bowed her head at Mrs. Thornton. Margaret knew she was trying to intimidate her, but in her father's house and presence she would not be belittled.
Mrs. Thornton straightened her posture and turned her whole body to Mr. Hale as a show of dismissal. Margaret did not mind.
With her mother fully occupied in conversation with Mr. Hale, Fanny took her chance to continue her interrupted conversation with Miss Hale.
"I do admire you Miss Hale. Having to move to a strange place and so fast make friends. I confess I am curious to the South and the ways not of the North." Margaret could barely hear Fanny's low whisper, obviously trying to keep her mother's attention from returning. But Margaret couldn't help but lean in further in complete understanding. She was intrigued by Miss Thornton.
"Thank you Miss Thornton. There really is not much to say about the South. I meant what I said about the hustle and bustle of the working class, they have been very kind."
"Is it true you seek employment? Forgive me but I thought you were a lady."
Margaret had to laugh at Fanny's naivety, "Well I was bred as a lady, but circumstances have forced me to find means of a salary."
Fanny seemed taken back at Margaret's honest words but was completely intrigued by this Southern woman. "I wish I could be as brave as you. I always feared the workers. Or at least they have feared us."
"Why have they a need to fear you Miss Thornton? You seem kindhearted enough." Margret wanted to say that she shouldn't scowl as she does and try to smile more but she knew better.
"Oh I did not mean…that is they don't fear per say, they just…Oh! They don't understand my brother!" Fanny stumbled over her words as if they weren't hers to say.
"Is your brother that horrible of a master?" Margaret couldn't help but ask after a man she knew she would have to speak to over business matters. She feared he was a harsh employer and would scare her off at the first chance to show her worth.
"Oh! No he is very fare, but I dare say the hands avoid him at all costs. I suppose it's just his presence that puts them off." Fanny seemed flustered talking about her brother, but Margret couldn't help but inquire further.
"Do you think your brother would grant me an interview Miss Thornton?" Margaret spoke extra low to avoid Mrs. Thornton.
"You? Work in the mill?" Fanny snorted derisively. After seeing the shameful face of Miss Hale, Fanny quickly recovered. "I'm sure my brother would be most kind to speak with you Miss Hale, but isn't there any other way that you…?"
Fanny stopped after Margret simply shook her head, suddenly Margret felt very low compared to Miss Thornton. Fanny took liberty and reached across the hold Margaret's hand that rested on her lap.
"I am sorry Miss Hale. I know you have lost your mother recently. You must miss her terribly."
"I do, thank you Miss Thornton. But like I said, there is no other way and I must seek employment." Margaret liked being so open with Miss Thornton and hoped she did not seem too forward with her honesty, but by the way they spoke to each other and Fanny showing true remorse with her actions, Margaret knew that wasn't the case with this fine lady.
"If you come by tomorrow around eight, before the mill is open, I'm sure my brother will be glad to hear your case. I will speak to him for you." Fanny said with a bit of an heir to her.
"Thank you Miss Thornton."Margaret smiled at Miss Thornton's determination.
"Please, call me Fanny."
My Dear Edith,
Oh, how I have missed you these passed weeks. I confess with the task of preparing and moving to Milton, I have let time slip by me. I hope this letter finds you better. I am so sorry that I cannot be there with you in your time of mourning, but you know my responsibility is with my father. He still mourns for mother. His spirits have been made better by his pupils who have kept him busy and felt a sense of purpose. I dare confess that I do not know how to help him.
I have ventured out and sought employment, but there is nothing available. Mr. Bell urges me to go to Mr. Thornton who owns Marlborough Mills. You remember Mr. Bell, Edith? You met him when you visited us in Helstone. I was relieved that you took such a fright to him as I did. I knew it was not my fanciful imagination, as Mama put it.
You will think me silly dear cousin, but the thought of Mr. Thornton frightens me. And I have not even met him! But I have met his lovely sister. Edith you would adore her. She almost reminds me of you, she is of such a sweet temperament. She has set up a meeting between me and her brother, so I shall meet him tomorrow, then I will know what kind of a master he is. As long as he is true friend of my father, how can I treat him unjustly?
I have thought of Henry lately. I know you would scold me for even writing his name but I cannot help but think if he had truly loved me, we would be married by now. I suppose I should be grateful for the way things have come about. I would have hated to be in a loveless marriage. Oh! Here I am talking about marriages when you are missing your Captain Lennox!
You must think me of a childish nature. After all that you have been through, here I am fretting over inconsequential things. I do long to see you soon Edith. Please write to me and tell me how you fare. Give Aunt Shaw my love, for I do not know when I will see you all next. Wish me luck dear cousin. Even though this letter will reach you after I have met Mr. Thornton, it gives me strength to write this letter to you.
With love,
Margaret
After Margaret sealed her letter and snuffed out her candle, she climbed into her cold bed. The nights had turned freezing in Milton, which did nothing to quell the fear in Margaret's heart to what was to come in the morning. Margaret had received a letter from Fanny, not an hour after she and her mother left, saying that her brother would gladly accept a meeting with her.
Margaret dreaded that Fanny would remember her promise but was also grateful to her new friend. She had written her letter to Edith because it was well over due, but also Margaret could not shake the nerves from her limbs. She felt a little better writing down her fears, but still anticipated a restless night of sleep.
Margaret wondered if Mr. Thornton would be more like his sister or his mother. Would he be, as she feared, just like Mr. Bell? Or would he show compassion to her as he did her father? Margaret would not know until the morning, and with that thought she fell into a fitful sleep filled with disturbing dreams.
As in all dreams, the will to escape is all but impossible. There is always an unknown force keeping you from escaping the clutches of fear. As Margaret fled through the streets of Crampton she felt that she was being followed. Dark windows and empty alleys shifted and made Margaret's senses unknown in the already unfamiliar streets. She didn't know where home was so she followed her legs wherever they took her.
Turning a corner and collapsing against high wooden gates, Margaret fell in a heap. The doors before her stood towering over her, but in her heart she knew she had to get passed them, and then she would be safe! The green painted doors were chipped and worn but she still could not break them down. With all her might she pushed, hoping to be free from whatever was pursuing her.
Looking up to see if she could go over the gate, she saw words upon the gate but couldn't make them out. All she knew was that she would be safe once enclosed behind them.
She peered over her shoulder once more and upon seeing Mr. Bell approach her from a dark alley, her heart hammered within her chest. The closer he came the more she wanted to scream, but couldn't.
Looking back through the gate she could see her father, pale as a ghost, but he was talking to someone. The stranger had his broad back to her but she could see he was taller than her father and he had dark hair. Everything was dark in Milton, even her father seemed more suited to Milton pallet standing with this stranger. She wanted him to move away from that man. If only she could get passed these gates and go to him! She opened her mouth to call to him, but no sound came out of Margaret's quivering lips. The dark man had turned her father from her. She was frantic! She felt the loss of her father as if he had forgotten all about her or died!
Margaret frighteningly stole one more look over her shoulder, her vision blinded by a presence right behind her. Mr. Bell had come for her and he found her in Milton! The urge to scream was too much for Margaret as she looked into her godfather's dark eyes. As he put a hand possessively on her shoulder Margaret woke up.
With a heave she sat bolt upright unable to catch her breath. The night had turned stormy and the rain fell in great big drops on the roof. The sound drowned out her laboring breaths as she tried to forget what she had just dreamt about. The image of her godfather so close to her, she could swear she felt his breath on her cheek, would not leave her mind. The rain against her window made soft shifting shadows throughout her room. It made Margaret even more unsettled with the relentless downpour of the rain.
After regaining her composure and trying to go to sleep one again, Margaret could have sworn she saw the shadow of a figure pass by her window, but as she fell asleep she didn't know whether it was real or part of another dream that would keep her from sleep this night.