Chapter 3: Eds Over My Hammy

Around 11:40 am is when Eddy groaned as his cellphone went off. He blindly reached for it on the nightstand, failing to locate it before it stopped ringing. He took no time to fall back to sleep, and the caller also took no time to call right back. Eddy sat up angrily, looking around for the phone. "I'm going to kill, Double D." He hissed, searching for the phone. He fell out of his bed, landing next to a pair of jeans on the floor that were vibrating. Eddy reached into the pocket, pulling out his phone in time to miss the call again.

"He'll call back." Eddy mumbled knowingly, carrying the phone with him to the bathroom. After his shower, he walked out, looking at himself in the mirror. "Hey gorgeous." He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. He took a lot of time to get his hair right, he finally got his hair to sit perfectly, then grabbed some body spray, spraying it all over himself.

He walked out of his room into the kitchen starting up a pot of coffee while looking for something to eat.

He checked his phone noticing he had received some texts. A few from Edd, and a few from some other contact that was listed as 10. He read the texts from Edd first, just in time to get his call. "Knew it." Eddy chuckled answering the phone. "Hey Mom, where are the chocolate bars?!" He called with the phone to his ear, closing the refrigerator. "Calm down Marion, I wasn't even loud." Eddy rolled his eyes. He noticed a note written on the whiteboard. "Diet?!" He screamed, looking down at his stomach that hung a little over his jeans. He pat it glaring at the whiteboard. "I don't need to go on a diet!" He stomped out of the kitchen back into his room as he heard a laugh coming from the living room. "I haven't gained weight over the summer, whose side are you on Sockhead?!" He rushed back in, remembering his coffee. He poured it into a To Go mug, dumping almost the whole container of sugar into it. "It's baby fat." Eddy said under his breath, stirring his coffee. "I heard that." Eddy growled after hearing his friend chuckle. "Hey, we can't all grow taller and thin out like you, some of us just grow in other places!" Eddy took a sip of his coffee grimacing. "I didn't mean my stomach, Smartass." He grabbed the sugar again, pouring more in, then grabbed a bottle of creamer. "How much is it gonna be for the van Sockhead?" Eddy questioned, changing the subject. "What do you mean you don't know?! I'm not screaming!" Eddy clutched his phone, with his face turning red. "The junk yard? Why ain't it at a garage? Did you figure out how to get the van working?" Eddy rolled his eyes, beginning to look at the texts from 10. "Yeah I'm listening." Eddy lied knowing Edd questioned him on it. "Fine, I'll be there in… 10." Edd put the lid onto his coffee, walking to his room.

See you later. He replied to the texts, putting on his shoes leaving through the door of his room. He walked onto the sidewalk, headed out of the neighborhood taking a large gulp of coffee.

"Ed-boy," Rolf called. Eddy looked over, seeing Rolf tossing corn into a box. "Tonight, Rolf must set up the market and needs help."

"Sorry Rolf, I got plans later." Eddy waved. "Good luck." He rushed towards the junkyard before Rolf could ask him for anything else.

~o~

Edd and Eddy lifted the hood to the van, placing it onto the van, covering the engine. "Where's Ed when you need him?" Eddy complained. Edd lifted the hood up, he grabbed a screw driver from his pocket, and he began to screw the hood onto the van. "This is his line of work." Eddy sighed, also holding up the hood. Edd put the screw driver back into his pocket.

"I'm so sorry you have to do any form of labor on this van… you poor thing." Edd sighed. He moved to the driver's side of the van, screwing in the other piece. "This truly is the work of peasants. Please Eddy, go sit down and relax." Eddy frowned, kicking Edd's leg, causing him to jump, bumping his head onto the hood that sat above him.

"Shuddup." He snapped.

Edd moved away from the truck rubbing his head. He gave a nod to put it down. Eddy dropped the hood, dusting his hands off. "So, what else needs to be done?"

"Well, we kind of need it to… start." Edd sighed. Eddy frowned. "Maybe lastly should paint it. Then there's the fuel tank clean out." Edd crossed his arms, staring at the van. "You know Eddy… I don't think we're anywhere close to finishing…" Eddy slapped his hand onto his forehead. "I for one will say though, we are making excellent progress on this van." Edd smiled. Eddy let out a groan walking over to the couch. He plopped himself down, grabbing his pack of cigarettes that sat on the water stained coffee table, along with what was left of his coffee.

"We ain't ever gonna finish." Eddy snapped, grabbing a cigarette out.

"Not with that kind of attitude, and use of the English language." Edd crossed his arms. He watched as Eddy lit his cigarette, leaning back onto the couch with his arms crossed.

Edd opened the van going under the driver's side, pulling out some wires. "The engine should be fine, maybe it's a wiring issue." He began. He pulled out a flashlight, considering whether it is a faulty ignition wire.

Eddy looked towards the front entrance to see Marie walking in. "Hey, Double D." Eddy called.

"Yeah?" Edd looked out, over to Eddy. Marie motioned Eddy to be quiet.

"Your girlfriend is here." Eddy ignored Marie, blowing out the smoke.

"Girlfriend?" Edd sat up, bumping his head onto the steering wheel, he frowned up to the steering wheel. Marie stood next to the van. "Oh, hello Marie… again." Edd smiled. He stood up, dusting himself off.

"Get any farther with the van?" Marie asked, kicking the tire. Edd gave a smile and a shrug.

"It's a piece of shit." Eddy replied. "Double D screwed up and it won't work."

"Oh, so I am at fault?!" Edd turned to Eddy. "My apologies, next time I'll be sure to ask you how to properly rebuild an engine."

"Damn straight." Eddy grinned. "You had one job, and blew it."

Edd shook his head looking at Marie. "So, change of heart?"

Marie walked around Edd, tossing her jacket onto him, revealing her black crop top, looking under the dashboard at the wires. "Eh." She replied, messing with them. Edd nodded, walking over to the coffee table, picking up a towel to wipe his hands. Placing the jacket onto the arm of the couch He gave a smile when he noticed Marie's expression when she looked at the wires. She slowly began to go under the dashboard. "I kinda felt bad for earlier, especially after you gave that adorable pathetic look you got." Marie admitted. "Like a scorned puppy." Edd tilted his head, spotting a tattoo under her thong strap that stuck out. He glanced away from her, blushing, to find Eddy standing next to him staring with his jaw dropped.

Edd elbowed Eddy. "Self-control Eddy." Edd hissed.

Eddy elbowed Edd back without his eyes leaving Marie's backside. "Shut the hell up hypocrite! You're looking too!" Edd froze, finding his eyes staring back to Marie.

"Yes, but I am currently in the market, along with hormonal." Edd whispered. "Whereas you have a girlfriend." Eddy punched Edd's arm. Edd frowned, slapping Eddy in return, igniting a slap fight between the two.

"Everything is fine under here." Marie came out from under the dashboard ignoring the fight between Edd and Eddy. She walked around to the front of the van, opening the hood glancing through it. Edd broke from the slap fight, slowly making his way over to her, looking at it too, to see what Marie could find.

Marie stepped onto the bumper, scrutinizing the engine area. She reached into it, to check if certain things were connected. She pulled out her arm to find it was clean.

"Well… it looks fucking awesome…" Marie turned to Edd, she noticed he was holding out a towel. She grabbed it, wiping the sweat off her brow. "If you guys want, you can bring it to the shop, and I'll work on it for you." She noticed Eddy staring at her with a glare. "What's wrong with him?" She asked. Edd looked at him, shrugging.

"What are you up to?" Eddy questioned. "No Kanker ever helps out unless they want something." Eddy warned.

Marie's eyebrows raised. Edd nodded, putting his hand to his chin.

"This is very true…" Edd agreed, turning to Marie. "How very astute of you Eddy."

Marie stared at them both with a look of annoyance. "I have to be up to something to want to help you guys out?" She snapped. Eddy and Edd both nodded to her with a smile. Marie rolled her eyes. "Forget it." She threw her hands up, walking away from them. "Goodbye Asshole, Asshat… nice seeing you two." Marie waved walking away.

Eddy began to laugh. "She called you an Asshat." He pointed, his cigarette falling onto the ground. Edd let out a sigh, scratching the back of his head, pursing his lips.

"Sorry about this." He muttered towards Eddy, chasing after Marie.

"Where are you going?!" Eddy snapped.

"Marie!" Edd placed his hand onto Marie's shoulder. Marie out of reflex turned on her heel, punching Edd's chest. Edd gasped falling over. Eddy burst into laughter seeing Edd hit the ground. "Was that really necessary?!" Edd coughed, holding his chest.

"Sorry," Marie said unapologetically.

Eddy walked over to them, still cackling, pulling Edd up. Edd glared at Eddy.

"Anyways… Marie. We would appreciate your assistance in fixing the van." Edd finally announced. "And I apologize for our initial reaction towards your offer." Eddy elbowed his side. Marie gave a smile looking at them. Edd elbowed Eddy back.

"Just bring it by tomorrow. I'll get it working." Marie said excitedly.

"Is this gonna cost money?" Eddy asked.

Marie gave a smile and wink. "I'll cut you guys a deal." She put her hands on her hips. "Only 'cause I like you guys. You took the beatings well from me and my sisters in middle school." Eddy's eyes narrowed. Edd gave a nod and smile.

"Thank you, Marie." Edd put his hands behind his back. "It's very kind of you to help us." Eddy glanced to Edd. "We will drop off the van tomorrow morning." Edd held out his hand politely to shake hers. Marie looked down at his hand, unable to hold back her chuckle. She grabbed his hand dragging him towards her, bumping his shoulder with hers. Edd blinked confused.

"That's not what you were going for?" She asked knowingly.

"He's not cool enough." Eddy commented, patting Edd's back. "You see Double D, that's how the people of this generation shake."

"Oh hah hah." Edd said sarcastically.

Marie shook her head. "Well, see ya, Oven-Mitt, and Tiny" Marie waved.

"Taller than you." Eddy commented.

"An inch doesn't count." Marie smirked, leaving. Eddy stared as Marie walked out of the dump. Edd turned to the van, putting his hand to his face.

"Wow, how perfect did that work out?" Edd commented. "You see Eddy, you give somebody the benefit of the doubt, and they'll surprise you." Edd walked over to the van, closing the hood, beginning to clean up. "Marie is turning out to be such a nice young woman." Edd looked to Eddy, seeing him still staring at Marie. "Really Eddy, again?" Edd sighed.

"What?" Eddy looked at Edd. Edd tilted his head with his eyebrows raised. "What?! She has a nice ass." Eddy shrugged. Edd rolled his eyes, closing the door to the van, locking it. "Not as nice at her sister's but it's nice." Eddy continued. "And what the hell? She's the one that is the shortest Kanker, and she insults me?!"

"You're being a philanderer." Edd snapped.

"A what?" Eddy turned to Edd with a frown.

"Adulterer, unfaithful…" Edd began to list off different terms until he found one Eddy knew. "You're being a cheater."

"What, how?!"

"You're 'checking out' other women, even though you are in a relationship with Lee."

"I ain't dating that crazy bitch." Eddy recoiled. He gave a frown and gagged. "She's nuts." Edd had his hands on his hips.

"Uh-huh."

"She wants to kill me." Eddy whispered.

"Were you looking at other women in front of her?" Edd asked.

Eddy walked away. Edd sighed, cleaning up around the coffee table. Eddy smiled once he saw Ed running into the junkyard. "'Bout time you showed up Lumpy!" Eddy called. "You missed it, smooth operator was making moves with another Kanker." Eddy smirked, nodding towards Edd.

Ed gave a wide grin, looking at Edd. "Now now little mister, we will have none of that." Ed waved his finger. Edd turned to them both.

"Eddy you should know better than to bend one's ear!" Edd frowned. "Marie has a boyfriend."

Eddy and Ed snickered at Edd's reaction. "I see you already tried it with her." Eddy commented, Edd rolled his eyes, putting his hand onto his hip. "Uh-oh Ed, Double D isn't pleased." Both teens burst into laughter as Edd continued to watch his friends with his jaw clenched. "So, what was the move this time? Did you do the 'lost puppy'? Or maybe your, 'Polite Gentleman' tactic."

Ed let out a laugh. "Maybe Double D used the, 'Sea Monster of the Doomed Abyss'!" Ed raised his arms, stomping around with his head tilted.

"There's no such thing!" Eddy shoved Ed. Ed laughed, shoving Eddy in return. Eddy flew back onto the ground next to the couch.

"You two are impossible." Edd snapped.

"We only kid 'cause we love you." Ed smiled, sitting onto the arm of the couch. "You are like warm gravy on a hot day."

"Um, thank you Ed." Edd assumed it was a compliment, finally helping Eddy up, dusting him off.

"Anytime you little rascal." Ed winked.

Eddy shook his head, putting his elbow onto Ed's shoulder. "So, now what are we gonna do for today?"

"Well, I guess we could…"

"No." Eddy interrupted Edd instantly, looking at Ed. "Ed?"

"The Blob of Last Night's Leftovers first edition." Ed announced.

"So, the mall." Eddy smirked.