Author Notes: The shocking, explosive and deliciously angsty Chapter Seventeen was one of the pivotal chapters of Blood Moon –grins- I remember reading that chapter as soon as I got to the office and spending the rest of the day in a daze, unable to even think properly, let alone do actual work! LOL, I was in such agony waiting for them to make up!

This AU chapter was inspired by the tempting hints Vani dropped in our subsequent conversations and in her review replies about Kaname going to look for Zero in the pouring rain. I was so hoping for both of them to make up completely when they met and of course, confess their feelings to each other! Well, I didn't know that the river would eventually burst its banks so this AU scene is just my interpretation, and nowhere near as wonderful as the eventual Chapter Nineteen, of course! I added an ending since the original AU chapter I sent to Vani didn't have one. Hope you all enjoy it!

Summary: Kaname goes looking for Zero after that fateful library scene and both boys meet up at the river.

-- Chapter Start --

Zero was somewhere near here, Kaname was sure this time. The echo of sadness in their bond was stronger. Even though it was hardly a positive emotion, it gave the beleaguered pureblood hope - it meant that Zero was still alive. Otherwise… Kaname repressed a shiver, knowing his very world would end if that happened.

Stopping the car by the side of the road, Kaname ran the rest of the way in the rain, up the slope, surefooted as ever even though the ground was treacherously slippery and wet. His heart was pounding again, more at the thought of seeing Zero soon rather than his current exertion. The sound of rushing water grew louder the higher he got and he realised he was actually nearing the river. When Kaname finally climbed high enough, Zero was standing at the edge of a deep cliff and looking down at what could only be the river. The pureblood's heart almost stopped. It looked like he had come just in time to save Zero from trying to commit suicide again and Kaname's blood ran cold, his heart going into overdrive.

"Zero! No, don't jump! Please...!" His voice was a cry of fear.

Zero started and swung around. Apparently, he hadn't sensed Kaname coming at all. Involuntarily, he took a step backwards, closer to the edge and Kaname's heart leapt into his throat.

"No, please don't..." Kaname's voice was a broken whisper. He desperately wanted to rush Zero. The boy was only about ten feet away - using his vampire speed, he was sure he could reach Zero and pull him back to safety. But he couldn't. It would only drive Zero further away. It took all he had for Kaname to stay put, to not move a muscle when everything inside him was screaming for action, for saving the one he loved. Yes - the one he loved. He did love Zero, didn't he? Why else would he be here, knowing that nothing was more important than getting the hunter to go back with him again? At the cost of his pride, his image, and his heart. Nothing mattered more than Zero. Nothing.

The weary silver eyes were locked onto Kaname's face, reading every expression that flitted across it. Then Zero shook his head and took a step towards him, away from the river. Kaname didn't say anything but his breathing slowly became just a little bit easier, a little less painful.

Zero gave a quiet, resigned sigh. "I won't. I wish I could, God knows I want to... but in the end, I can't do it." His quiet voice held a note of quivering despair and it stabbed another white hot knife of pain into Kaname's heart. He swallowed. "Why not, Zero?"

Zero broke eye contact with him, glancing around them as he uttered a mirthless laugh. "Because it would kill you, wouldn't it? I'm such an idiot for not being able to hurt you. No matter what you do to me, I just - I just can't do it."

His words drifted off into the silence between them, with just the pattering of the never ending rain and rushing water filling it. Then Kaname spoke. "Zero? I need to say something. Promise me that you won't run away, that you'll hear me out first. OK?"

Zero looked at him warily before he gave a brief nod. Kaname took that as a positive sign. Throwing his pride aside, the pureblood suddenly but gracefully dropped to his knees in front of the startled ex-human.

"Zero, I'm sorry for what I said and what I did back at the library. You don't know, you can't know how sorry I am, how much I hate myself now. Please, please say you'll come back with me. You can say you hate me, or hit me, whatever, but please... I - I can't live without you."

Zero stared at him, stunned into silence. He had fully expected that he would be the one to crawl back, to apologise and perhaps even begged to be forgiven and taken back. But no, it looked like the pureblood had beaten him to it. "Kaname...?" he said uncertainly.

The pureblood's dark eyes, so frightening earlier when filled with cold rage were now anguished and remorseful. "I said and did some terrible things to you," he murmured. A shiver ran through him again as he remembered the tears he had forced the hunter to shed. Remembering the kisses and bites he had forced upon Zero. And that unforgivable act of bending his will upon him just to get that apology he thought he needed.

"I know you didn't deserve it despite what you said to me, but I hope you'll forgive me one day. Or even if you don't, you'll come back with me. Zero..." Kaname shuddered. "I – I can't live without you, I don't want to. It – it's not just the bond we have, I can't bear having you apart from me. Not knowing where you are, how you are doing, just knowing that you hate me. That alone would kill me."

Kaname's expressions and words were as rawly honest as Zero had ever seen and heard them and his own breath caught in his throat in wonder. He was prepared to overlook what Kaname has said and done, after all, he knew he had said some pretty cruel things to the pureblood too, and in public – worse, in front of the nobles who looked up to him. But Zero hadn't expected this. No, not even after Kaname had come looking for him and found him feeding from Takuma.

But Kaname hadn't said anything about the binding. That was the only thing holding Zero back now, from wanting to run into his lover's arms that he knew were waiting for him now. "Kaname" he said huskily. "What – what about wanting to – to bind me?" he asked, his voice a mere whisper.

The pureblood shook his head. "No, I never wanted to..." Again, his face showed shock. "How did you...?" Then something clicked in his mind and Kaname was stunned. He was asking Aido about it earlier, in the library, about how far the blond had gotten on with his research. But they had stopped when Zero came in and knocked into the librarian. So he couldn't have heard them. But what if Zero wasn't just coming into the library? What if he had been there all along?

Zero saw the damning conclusion in Kaname's face and nodded soberly. "I left my notes in the library and used a muffling charm. I just wanted to see if I could trick Aido and the others into not knowing I was there. At first, I didn't know you were there as well, and then..." Zero's heart squeezed tight as he heard again the horrifying words echoing in his mind. He shook his head. "At first, what you two said didn't even register but when you said 'ex-human', I stopped to listen. Then you said..." Zero's voice cracked and he squeezed his eyes shut in pain. "... you said 'hunter'," he gasped out, experiencing again that awful sinking feeling he felt as his entire world come crashing down with that one word. "You were asking Aido how to bind me to you, weren't you?" Zero's voice was too quiet, too empty to even sound accusing, but Kaname's eyes dropped.

"Yes" he said quietly. It was too late to deny anything but at least now he knew why Zero had suddenly gone berserk like that... why he had looked at him like he truly was a monster. And he – God help him - he had taken it wrongly and blown up at him, saying and doing all those cruel things. It was no wonder Zero had struggled as he did. Kaname's face flushed with shame even as his eyes burned with tears. He didn't bother to hide them as they spilled over his eyes and ran down his cheeks. Zero had seen him cry before, hadn't he? And anyway, Kaname's pureblood pride mattered nothing. Not anymore.

"I'm sorry," Kaname said softly again even though it was far too late for apologies. "I never meant for you to hear that."

Zero took a step closer. "Why, Kaname? Why would you want to bind me?" he asked, his voice shaking with pain. "I thought what we had... I – I was... happy..."

Kaname nodded fervently. "I wanted you to be happy, Zero. That was all I ever wanted, for you to be happy" With me...

Zero was staring at him as if he desperately wanted to believe Kaname's words. But all the horror of being bound to another, against his will, came pouring out. "Then why? You knew I hated it. I saw what that bastard Seiji had done to those ex-humans. You knew how I felt even then!" Zero couldn't stop the shudder of revulsion that coursed through him. "To lose your own free will, to lose everything, to be nothing more than a – a pet or a toy... " Zero shuddered again, his eyes dark with pain. "Is that – is that what you think of me? he choked out.

Immediately, Kaname shook his head. "No, Zero. No!"

But Zero plowed on. "Kaname, you lost your freedom once, remember? When you offered your body to Rido to save Yuki and me? You told me you could imagine nothing worse. How – how could you even think of doing that to me? What have I ever done to deserve that? I know I tried to kill myself before but now I can't. Because of what it would do to you!"

Zero's voice cracked with unbearable pain. "Why, Kaname? Why did you think you had to bind me? Was it – was it because of that hunter charm I pulled on you?" The ex-human took a step closer to Kaname, his voice shaking. "You said I could use anything I had at my disposal, and that – that was just sparring! You know I would never hurt you for real"

Here, Zero stumbled to a stop, stunned. Perhaps that was it... "Kaname, didn't you know that?" he whispered. "Don't you trust me?"

Kaname didn't know how to answer Zero as he stared at him. His heart was pounding in his chest and in his ears and the pureblood flushed with shame. Yes, Zero was right. Kaname had wanted to believe that Zero wouldn't ever harm him. But he hadn't had the courage nor the conviction to believe that. How could he? He had lived his whole life being wary of just such a thing. The only person he trusted implicitly was Yuki and she was gone now. Vampires turned against each other. Even purebloods, what more an ex-human who didn't even want to be bonded to him in the first place?

"Zero..." Kaname's voice was a soft plea. "Perhaps... perhaps I should have trusted you more, but the truth was, I – I just couldn't stand to see you so unhappy, with what you've lost. That time, in my room, after you removed the charm, I saw your pain when you spoke of Yuki." Kaname had to swallow hard before he could continue. "I swear, I only wanted to see you happy."

Zero gave him a disbelieving look and Kaname hurried on. "But when I asked Aido to research the binding process for me, I still hadn't quite decided whether it was what I wanted or not. Aido stayed back in the library after that , you know. I told the others to get out after Takuma and Shiki had left to go look for you." Zero's silver eyes widened at that but he didn't say anything and Kaname continued, "But Aido stayed." A faint smile touched his lips. "I think he wanted to defend you and that was when he asked me a very important question – whether I really, really wanted to bind you or not."

Kaname paused, trying to slow down his pounding heart. He looked straight into Zero's eyes. "Zero, my answer is 'No'. No, I can't and I won't bind you. Because it wouldn't even be you anymore and that's not what I want. You would be happy then and I would treat you well, but it wouldn't be you. You would never get angry with me, or argue about whatever I said. You would never tell me off if I said or did something wrong because in your eyes, whatever I said or did could only be right. I don't want that, I have enough people who agree with everything I say, who would never oppose anything I did. That's not what I want from you."

Zero nodded and inhaled shakily. "So... what do you want from me, Kaname?" he asked softly, his heart beating now with an unreasonable hope.

A very faint smile touched Kaname's lips. "I want you not to be afraid of me. I want you to go on telling me off if I've done something wrong, to pull me back when I'm out of line... even – even call me an idiot if I've been one." Kaname held Zero's gaze, compelling, raw and honest. "And I know I've been one, Zero. I've been a real, big idiot," he ended honestly.

Zero couldn't hold in the sob was fighting to get out of his chest nor the relieved tears spilling unchecked from his eyes. He took a step forward and finally dropped to his own knees in front of Kaname. "Yes, yes, you have" he agreed unsteadily. "Kaname, I - "

Zero couldn't continue, but he didn't have to. Because they were suddenly holding onto each other in an embrace tight enough to crack ribs, their chests heaving as they tried to contain the sobs that wanted to break free. It was enough for Zero to know that Kaname didn't want to bind him after all, that Kaname wanted him to remain himself, that he even liked his irritating, stubborn attitude and his refusal to treat the pureblood as the others did. Hot tears continued to spill down their cheeks and were washed away by the rain as thoroughly as their sobs washed away the bitter, painful sting of their earlier words and actions.

After a while, Kaname drew back slightly and cupped Zero's face in his shaking hands. "Will you please come back with me, Zero?" he whispered. "Please?"

Zero nodded at once, still sniffling a little. His hands moved up to cover the pureblood's and he looked directly into Kaname's hopeful eyes. "Yes, Kaname. Yes, I will." A hesitant smile trembled on his lips and Kaname smiled back, his eyes shining with pure relief and happiness as he pulled the hunter close again.

-- Chapter End --