Chapter 3

Soul stared at himself in the built in mirror in the sun visor. He had his natural hair. White and his red eyes stared back at him. What happened with his brown dyed hair? And his blue contacts? He hadn't had his natural hair since he started high school. Not to forget the patch of hair above his right temple shaved off, exposing a fresh scar with stitches keeping it together.

"I look like a freak," he said.

"I think you look really cute." Maka said as she looked at him quickly, wearing a smile on her face before her eyes were back on the road.

Soul snorted. "Last time I checked white hair and red eyes weren't considered 'cute'."

"It is cute in my book. You remind me of a cute puppy."

Soul turned toward her and raised his eyebrow at her. Of course she would think he's cute. She'd married him.

Wes leaned forward and wrapped his arm around Soul's chair. "I think you look good with your natural hair."

And of course Wes would say that since he's his brother.

His hand settled on his chest where he had found a huge scar going from shoulder to hip. He had yelped and his pulse had throbbed in his ears just at the sight of the scar. It wasn't from the motorcycle accident. This was a healed scar. But… he didn't even remember getting it! It… he looked like he was gutted like a fish!

He fisted his shirt. "How did I even get this?"

"Get what?" Wes asked.

"The scar on my chest."

"Oh… that. It's just an incident that happened years ago. It's not something you need to worry about."

"But it looks really brutal. How did I get it―"

"It's better if it's left in the past," Wes interrupted.

Soul closed his mouth and remained silent.

Maka pulled into a parking lot and the engine died. He opened the door and Wes was quick to join his side. He held onto his brother and Maka grabbed his things from the trunk.

"It's this way." Maka held onto the box and the small bag with the little belongings he had from the hospital. He supported himself on Wes as they followed Maka.

It was… not the best neighbourhood. All brick walls, small alleys and dumpsters by the walls. It was a short walk until Maka stopped in front of a blue door stark against the brown brick building.

"This is our apartment," Maka sang as she pulled up her keys from her pocket. "We moved into this apartment after dating for seven months."

"Seven months? Isn't that moving a little bit too quickly in the relationship?" Soul asked.

"We had known each other for almost a year. We were good friends before we started dating." She unlocked the door and turned around. "Besides, we did make it work. We got married after all." She pushed the door open and she entered the apartment.

The apartment was certainly something… different. Brick walls, cheap steel bookcases from floor to ceiling filled with books and records and ferns on the window sills. An abnormal worn couch in the weirdest green colour he had seen decorated the living room they had immediately stepped into. It was nothing like the elegant huge mansion he lived in his parents' house or the penthouse apartment with floor to ceiling windows. This apartment was… cosy? Personalized? He didn't know.

"So this is where we live," Maka said and put the box on the coffee table, gazing at him and smiling wide. "Welcome home."

"Um…" He released Wes and supported himself on a counter. "It's…" He didn't like the hopeful look on Maka's face, just waiting to hear his opinion. But he couldn't get out any words.

"I know it's not that fancy, but this is what we could afford when we went in college and well… we didn't get a different apartment once we started using our degrees," Maka explained and went toward him.

"I see," he said.

"Do you want a tour around the apartment?" Wes suggested.

"Oh! Great idea." Maka clapped her hands together in excitement. "I'll show you around."

"I'll leave you two be for now. I'll have to pack stuff if I'm going to stay here." Wes patted Soul's shoulder. "I'll only be gone for an hour or so. You okay with that?"

"Sure," Soul sighed. He couldn't be too needy. It was only an hour. He would come back eventually. An hour around Maka he could manage, right? Worst case scenario he could lock himself inside of a bathroom or something.

"Good. You two have fun." Wes waved toward them before he went out of the door, closing it behind him.

"Do you want to see the kitchen first?" Maka asked a moment later.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Lead the way."

Just around the corner, there was the kitchen. It was a small kitchen barely enough room for two people to cook together. The cupboards were old and the white paint was in need of a fresh new layer. Right outside it was an old round table looking like they had bought on a garage sale.

"So this is the kitchen." Maka backed into the kitchen with her hands tied behind her back. "Nothing much, nothing special."

"It's small." His hand touched the round table's surface uneven surface of the wood's fibre.

"I know. You always said when we would move out of this place, you wanted a larger kitchen."

He looked up from the table at Maka jumping up on a counter, dangling her feet as she watched him. "What? Did I cook a lot or something?"

"Yeah. You knew how to cook a delicious stuffed chicken breast."

"Huh." Last time he had cooked he had burned a curry. He'd found the recipe on the internet and wanted to do something special for Anya, but instead he had burned it.

"Did you like cooking?"

Soul raised his eyebrow.

"From what you remember. Did you enjoy cooking?"

He shook his head. "No. I wasn't good at it. I always managed to mess it up."

"I can tell you, you grew better with the years. You even knew how to cook a mean vegetarian curry."

"Are we vegetarian?"

"No, but we do eat vegetarian meals once in a while. We started eating vegetarian meals once a week to help the environment."

A pregnant pause spread between them.

"Soul?" he hummed in reply. "What do you remember?"

His gaze abandoned his feet and moved over to her. He was torn. He didn't know her that well and he was supposed to open up to her about the little memory he had? Even his own memories were a little over the place. He remembered enrolling college and starting his law classes and befriending a guy named Kilik. His memory got a little messy from that point, he could remember working together with him on an assignment, but he didn't remember getting it or even going to a lecture where it was brought up. Then his memories were just… blank until he remembered the small place by his and Anya's apartment where he enjoyed buying their special their special toasted sandwiches with creamy and warm Nutella in the middle. He didn't remember going there before, but he remembered going there thinking he had to finish the sandwich quickly before Anya found out because she hated him eating them. He didn't even remember her hating them. It… he wasn't sure, but it could've been his last memory.

His lips parted and he whispered the little memories he had as his eyes drifted in a different direction than Maka. "I had just enrolled in college."

"Law school, right?"

He nodded.

"You had just… you'd moved in with Anya around that time?"

What?

His head snapped up toward her with wide eyes. "How do you know?"

"We are married." She lifted her hand and exposed the ring to punctuate her statement. "You told me everything that went on in your life."

His jaw tightened and his hands balled. The fact she knew about these stuff made his spine turn icy cold. She knew about this. His memories weren't just his own. She… she truly knew him. This stranger must know everything about him. And it was terrifying.

"Are there more rooms?" Soul changed the subject as he felt his hands starting to quiver.

Maka jumped down from the counter and strolled over to him. "Just the master bedroom, bathroom and a small office. I'll show you the office."

Maka led him away to the right side of the entrance and opened a door. It was indeed small. On the right side was a desk full with papers and a laptop. On the opposite side was a neatly made single bed.

"This used to be our study. We used to have two desks here when we studied in college, but once we graduated, you didn't really need the desk since you started your own recording studio," Maka explained as she took a seat in the office chair. "And this is my desk. Wes would come over once in a while to work and sometimes it got really late, so we decided to put in a guest bed."

"So is this where Wes will be sleeping then?" Soul gestured toward the bed.

"I thought so. This bed practically has his name on it. I think Black*Star and Tsubaki crammed into the bed once, but other than that time, Wes is the one who uses it."

Soul nodded and pointed toward the pile of paper on her desk. "Do you enjoy working?"

"I do," she admitted. "I love my job and I enjoy keeping an eye on the stock prices."

He picked up a sheet of paper and it was some kind of diagram of a stock's price development over the past month. On the side she had written some notes to herself, dismissing the particular stock for the time being.

"And I do it because we have quite a lot of debt."

"What?" he squawked in shock. "We've debt?"

She nodded. "Since we both studied at college at the same time, we could only maintain part-time jobs to cover for the rent and food, but we had to take student loans to cover the tuition and textbooks cost."

"But did your parents take care of your tuition? My parents definitely had to have taken care of mine."

"Um…" she paused. "My mom passed away when I was thirteen and my dad has been in and out of my life."

The little positive feeling that might've remained disappeared. "Oh… I'm sorry."

"It's okay. She died a long time ago and my father comes and goes. When he's gone, he's gone, but when he's here, it's all good." She rolled toward him and her fingertips brushed his elbow. "For years now, you've been my family."

He moved his arm and her fingers left his arm. "Um… so I guess you spend a lot of time with my family?"

She shook her head. "When you came to Death City, you had broken your ties with your parents."

His eyes fluttered with confusion. "Why would I do that?"

Her eyes averted from his. "You didn't tell me the whole story, but something went down and you decided to move in with your brother and study music at the college. I met you around a month after you moved here."

"Okay," he whispered.

It was so strange to him. He was so close with his family. Even when he had moved in with Anya, they still had come over to dinners once in a while and his mother called him frequently to hear how his studies were going.

"For a long time, it has just been you, me, Wes, Tsubaki and Black*Star."

"Tsubaki and Black*Star?" he asked quizzically.

"They are our friends. Black*Star is my childhood friend and Tsubaki is his wife. We always celebrate Christmas and New Year's with them." Maka stood up from her chair. "So how about we move on and I show you the bathroom and the master's bedroom."

"Sure."

He followed Maka to the door next to the office. The door knob twisted and it shrieked loudly as she opened it. Inside was a neatly made queen-sized bed with a plethora of pastel colour pillows and a furry grey blanket on top. Night stands on either side of the bed reminded him of the quality of the kitchen table.

He rounded the bed and went over to one of the night stands. Three books were stacked in a pile and he picked up the first one, success in stocks stood on the book. Right by the pile was a lamp.

"That is my side of the bed."

"A lot of things have changed, but I doubt I would suddenly get interested in finances." He put down the book and turned around, finding Maka sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Correct. That's why I always took care of the finances while you cooked and looked pretty."

Soul chuckled. "So I guess I was the trophy husband while you were the breadwinner?

"Partly true. You cleaned and cooked mostly and you definitely have the good looks." He gulped when her eyes took in his appearance momentarily. "But you also worked, but not as much as me. Some days were difficult to draw in enough clients."

"Okay." He averted his eyes from her. "So what do I have in my night stand?"

"Mostly expired condoms."

He choked on his saliva.

"I had quite a hard time finding the right birth control for me, so condoms were always needed." She shrugged her shoulders and spoke about it as if it was weather.

"Okay!" He did not need to hear that. He turned away from her and pointed toward a door next to the wardrobe system they seemingly had built together full with their clothes. "Is that the bathroom?"

"Yeah."

Soul went to the door and opened it. It was a small bathroom with a tub and shower combo, basin and a toilet. Nothing special. It was the most normal room in their apartment.

"For us it was good to have the bathroom so near our room, but when Wes slept over and he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, not so great."

"Let me guess, he walked in on us getting it on once?"

"More than once." Maka tried to cover her giggles with her hand. "It got to the point you started giving him piss bottles."

He could only grimace and turn around toward her, not finding it as amusing as her. "Can you just… not go into that kind of details?"

She raised her eyebrow quizzically and tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

His lips tightened. "You know, the intimate stuff. It's just… weird hearing it."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She rubbed her neck. "It would be weird hearing all the intimate stuff from a stranger, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I promise I'll keep it to a minimum." She smiled wide and she gestured toward all the rooms. "So what do you think about our apartment?"

"It's… quirky."

"Quirky?"

"Yeah… it's got personality." Of two college students moving in together and buying furniture from garage sales and second hand stores.

"I know it's not some fancy apartment worthy to be in a fashion magazine, but we really did enjoy living here even though it was a little bit small from time to time." She stood up from the bed and went toward him with her hands tied behind her back. "But can you see yourself living here?"

It was a weird apartment and it was indeed small, but he guessed he could live here? It wasn't revolting or anything. "Yeah, I guess, but where will we all sleep?"

"Wes will sleep in the office, you can have the bedroom and I'll sleep on the couch."

"You can take the bed. I can sleep on the couch. I'm the one intruding."

"No, not at all." She closed the space between them and her fingers feathered over his left forearm. "You live here with me and I want you to feel comfortable now when you've trouble remembering your life here."

"Um. Thanks. I guess. But will you be okay sleeping on the couch?"

"I'll be fine. It isn't that bad. We've actually fallen asleep on it plenty of times when we had movie nights." She pulled her arm away from him and cleared her throat. "Anyway, the fridge is kind of empty and I need to do some grocery shopping. Do you want to come along or do you want to stay here getting used to the apartment?"

"I can stay behind."

"Okay, is there anything particular you want me to get?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Just get what you normally do."

She acknowledged and she gestured him to follow her. He followed her out into the room where the living room and kitchen melted together in one open space. She grabbed her purse and she pulled up a keychain and a phone, placing it on the kitchen table.

"Here's your keys and your phone, but I guess you don't remember how to unlock it, huh?"

He shook his head.

"Okay, your password is 4242 to unlock your phone. My number is there if you need me."

"I'll see you later then."

Maka paused, played with the handle of her purse. "Do you remember how to use a smartphone? I mean, was smartphones even created when you actually remembered your past?"

"It's cool. I had the early version of the smartphones. They aren't that different, right?"

"No," she shook her head and her bangs caressed her eyebrows. "The same principle. Touch the screen and all that and the phonebook is easy to find. You can find my name in there."

"Good."

She stayed still on the spot. "… and my name is Maka Albarn," she nervously added.

"I remember."

"Good. Good, good, good," she chanted. She suddenly went over to him and set her hand on his shoulder. "Just call me if there is anything, anything at all, I'm only a ring away."

"Don't worry about me. It's not like the apartment will burn down or something."

"Right, just…" she rubbed her shoulder. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"No rush."

She turned on her heel and headed for the door. "Oh!" she spun around just by the door. "The keys and the phone are on the table."

Soul grabbed the phone and waved it toward her. "I got it."

"Good." She waved shyly toward him. "I'll be back." She exited the apartment and closed the door behind her. A moment later the lock clicked.

…

He didn't know where to begin. Now when he was all alone in the apartment, he could explore it without having the judging eyes of Maka's or her comments on memories revolving around it.

He started with the phone. It was certainly slimmer and a little bit bigger than his phone he remembered back in the day. It was a different brand too. One he didn't recognize, probably cheaper phone that didn't focus on status. He pressed the button and the screen lit up with the code lock. The colours and resolution was better too. It had to be a good phone. He flipped the phone and found a weird sticker on it. He didn't even know what it was supposed to resemble. A pair of lips? Was it a mouth with sharp teeth or was the teeth a sound wave? Around the icon was the word EAT in each corner.

Weird.

Cautiously he placed the phone back on the table and he went over to the bookshelves where the records were, his records. Jazz… jazz… and more jazz. All the records were from jazz musicians. Some names he recognized from musicians he used to listen to once in a while in high school. The time he was interested in music and used to play the piano as a hobby.

Right by the records were movies. A wide arrange of movies too. Everything from chick flicks like The Notebook to horror movies like The Uninvited.

His eyebrow raised and he pulled out a certain case. It was a similar picture from the pile of wedding photos Maka had shown him in the hospital. With cursive letters said Albarn Wedding.

Why not?

He popped the movie into the DVD player and it started. It started with him holding hands with Maka as they went up a couple of stairs to what had to be the courthouse.

"Getting cold feet?" He had grinned toward her as he squeezed her hand.

"Not a chance." Maka shot back.

It was really simple. Everything from her veil, cute untraditional purple dress she probably had laying around in her closet. How could he even think getting married in a vest, not even wearing a blazer would be cool? So uncool of him…

Watching him and Maka interact was… unsettling. He radiated so much love and joy it could rival radioactivity. His hands could barely leave her. He was always touching her hand, or back, or her face. Never before had he seen himself so… so openly expressing how he felt. Not even with Anya had he been so affectionate. Wedding day feelings. It had to be.

It was surreal. Just how different he was seeing himself on the screen and not having a shred of memory of that day or any day in his life with Maka. It didn't make any sense how it was him. It was almost as if it was a different person on the screen and not him.

They stood in front of the judge and said their vows.

"I vow to stand by your side." Maka said on the screen, looking deeply into his eyes with a huge smile on her face. "To always love you in all your forms. To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they are not." He couldn't help but be hypnotized by Maka's words rolling out of her mouth with such care and affection. Just pure affection and love toward him. "To agree to disagree, I will remain right by your side, where my home is."

His breath was taken away as he was left staring at the screen.

The Soul version on the screen looked down at the paper in Maka's hand before he spoke. "Did you write your vows on a free company promotion paper?"

"Yeah," she whispered timidly and showed the paper, showing the logo of a company named Evans Finance Group. It had to be Wes's company?

The Soul on the screen pulled out his vows from his vest and flashed the note sheets. "Seemed like both of us were naughty at work."

She giggled and covered her mouth with her paper.

The Soul started reading his vows just as passionately as Maka had, not breaking the eye contact at all. He didn't even need the sheet with his vows. "I vow to fiercely love you forever and beyond. I promise to always hold you with tenderness and care, remembering this is once in a lifetime love," he dramatically paused after every sentence. "Through rich and poor and all the challenges we face, we will always find our way back to each other."

The ceremony went on and they put on their rings, said their "I will"s and the judge pronounced them husband and wife. They kissed. What a kiss it was. Their bodies were flushed tightly as they clung onto each other as if they let go, the other would disappear. Their mouths slanted against each other to the sound of applauds.

When they let go, they were out of breath and resting their foreheads against each other.

He turned off the TV screen, and found himself rubbing his aching chest― his aching body. He breathed heavily as he tried to massage his shoulders. Fuck. It was hurting.

Hurriedly he got up from the couch, finding the world spinning as he stumbled toward the table. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Where had Maka put his painkillers? Through his spinning world, he caught sight of the box on the coffee table she had brought to the hospital. In there! It had to be there. He stumbled and back over to the couch and reached for the box. It tumbled over and he saw the two orange containers with his meds. His legs gave in and he fell to the floor. Desperately he grabbed the two containers of the painkillers. He immediately opened one with shaky hands. Pills rained down all around him and he grabbed one from the floor, popping it in his mouth and swallowing it without any water.

He could barely breathe. He breathed fast, but the spinning world of his didn't stop. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. His body overheating and aching badly.

What was going on? He was drenched in sweat and he couldn't breathe.

The front door opened and his name followed quickly. Cool hands cupped his cheeks and green came into his view.

"Focus on me, name five things you can see." Maka's voice broke through the loud pulse of his heartbeat.

Five things? "Y-your eyes," he stuttered. "A nose," he breathed, his nails digging into his knees. "Y-your mouth… blonde hair." He inhaled loudly. "Eye lashes."

"Good. Now name four things you can touch in this room," She spoke calmly as she stroked his cheeks.

"Y-your hands." He started, feeling the dizziness starting to fade. "Books… phone… records… meds."

"Now three things you can hear."

"Your voice… silence… and TV."

"You're doing great," Maka encouraged. "You're doing so well. Now two things you can smell."

"Shampoo and…" The dizziness was completely gone and his nostrils were not clogged anymore. "Is that apples?"

She giggled and released his cheeks. "Shower gel." She patted his knee. "Are you feeling better?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Um… thanks. By the way."

"You're welcome." She stood up. "What did you even do before you panicked?"

"I found the video of the wedding."

"Oh…" Her eyes drifted to the coffee table and stayed on the open video case. "Was it that bad?"

"No." He moved his arms, feeling the shirt stick to his suddenly sweaty skin. "It was just weird seeing me on the screen and not remembering it. It felt like it was a copy of me or something."

Maka nodded understanding. "How about you rest while I clean this up?"

"You shouldn't have to clean this up. It's my mess."

"It's okay. You must be exhausted from the panic attack."

He tilted his head at her. "That was a panic attack?"

"Yes, you've had problem with anxiety for years." She took a seat once again in front of him. "Usually you only had panic attacks at random, but they were like… not even once a month and you had your anxiety meds to take care of it when you started to feel them."

His mouth tightened. So he had been one of those people with weak minds and not being able to handle it.

Maka sighed and she placed her palm on his shoulder. "Soul, this is a sign you need to take your medication seriously. You need to start taking your anti-depression meds."

Soul started shaking his head even before she finished her sentence. "I don't need any medication. I'll just power through this."

"This isn't something you can just power through." Maka groaned with annoyance. "This isn't just your mood changing and you can change it back by doing something else, this is your brain needing a little help. You wouldn't go running with a sprained ankle, right?"

Soul snorted. "Come on, it's not that bad."

"It is, Soul." Her grip on him tightened. "Did you feel like you left your body? Did you feel like you were going to die and the end of the world was just around the corner?"

He opened his mouth to protest, but closed it immediately. "No."

"Then you should consider yourself lucky. Soul, whenever you got a panic attack of that degree, you wouldn't be yourself for the rest of the days. Sometimes it stretched to days." She clasped her hands and she pleaded at him. "Please, please, take your medication. It will make you feel better."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine without it." He rose on his feet and offered her a smile. "Now I gotta clean up the mess I made."

He tried to walk passed her, but his legs stopped. He looked down at her where she held onto his pant leg. "Just keep this in mind, if you start getting dizzy and breathe too fast, remember the grounding technique I just did. Remember, five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Got it?"

"Yeah, I'll remember that." She released his leg and he started collecting the painkillers and putting them back in the bottle. Maka grabbed the sheet with his vows and put it into the video case where another sheet of paper was neatly folded.

…

After she had changed the sheets in their bed (request made by Soul), they said their good nights before she left Soul alone in the bedroom to sleep, far earlier than Wes and Maka. The panic attack had indeed tired him out even though he didn't want to admit it.

Maka went over to the couch and flopped down on it right by Wes, where he sat with his laptop open.

"First day he's home from the hospital," she stated. "Do you think it went well?"

"I think it went well. He talked and asked questions, he was genuinely interested for once." Wes looked up from his computer. "Besides, it could've gone down in the dumpsters really quickly if you hadn't come when you did."

"Yeah," she exhaled loudly. "I'm just really worried about him. He has had two panic attacks in one week! He was lucky with both of them, but I'm really afraid of when a really nasty attack hits him."

"Me too. It's not fun witnessing him become a zombie like that." He closed the lid of his laptop and placed it on the coffee table. "But maybe he will need to experience a nasty attack like that for him to realize he needs his meds?"

Maka gaped at her brother-in-law astonishingly. "How could you even suggest that? He's overwhelmed already with all the changes in his life. He shouldn't have to worry about when a panic attack will hit him."

"There's unfortunately nothing we can do if he doesn't want to take his meds. It's not like we can hide it in his food or something― No Maka! You're not doing that!" Wes quickly called out when Maka bit her lower lips, clearly considering the idea.

"But it will help him. He will then discover how good the meds are and how much they help him."

"If you do that and you're caught, you can bet he won't trust you. Ever. Do you really want to take the chance?"

Her lips tightened and her hands balled her skirt. Soul had always been aware of his surrounding, not trusting people before he really got to know them. She knew that very well. Soul had literally distanced himself and rejected her advancements before he had warmed up to her. She didn't even want to think what would've happened if she did something to shatter that trust she had slowly been building up with their chats by the front desk.

"You have a point," she sighed. "If he won't take his meds, and we can't force him, we will just have to keep an eye on him so if his anxiety hits him, we can help him through it."

Wes snorted. "How will we even do that? Bringing him to work like he's some kid?"

"Yes," Maka said without hesitation. "We saw what happened when we left him alone at the apartment, he can't be alone. Just for now."

"You do realize you can't bring him into the meetings with Arachnophobia? This is a really important period in your career, Maka."

"I know, I know. When we meet with Arachnophobia, I'll just have him hanging out with Tsubaki. It could be good for him to meet with other people than us, right?"

Wes shrugged his shoulders. "Hopefully."

She was just so worried about him. If his panic attacks had any connection to his discovery of the video of him marrying her and not remembering it, she was really worried of how he would react to the news they had tried to make a baby. It wasn't something she could keep from him. He deserved to know the truth about the depth of their relationship. She wasn't just his best friend, wife and lover, she was his life partner. Soul didn't understand how close they were, and that certain information would surly make him realize just how important they are to each other. Maybe then he would actually open up more to her.

"How do you think he will react to the news him and I tried to start a family?"

"He won't because that's something he doesn't need to know."

"Why not?" Maka sneered. "He deserves to know how close we are."

"But does he really? He could start panicking again if he found out what would he even do with that information?" Wes leaned back into the couch's back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Is it really for him you want to tell it, or is it your own selfish desire?"

"I'm not selfish. This is something he'll need to know for him to at least give me a chance."

"So you will guilty trip him into giving you a shot by baby trapping him?"

"No!" Maka roared. "It's not like I'm going to tell him I'm pregnant or something. I'm just going to tell him since he deserves to know the depth of our relationship."

"I don't know, Maka." Wes massaged the bridge of his nose. "If he wants to give you a shot, I don't think it will be because you two were trying to make a baby."

"No, but it would help him understand how much we mean to each other."

"Look, I know your marriage has nothing to do with me, but as his brother, I advise you to not tell him now when he refuses to take his meds. If he was on them, he wouldn't most likely get a panic attack."

Maka placed her hand on his knee. "I appreciate the fact you're thinking about the best for your brother, but I think this is something he needs to know."

"Just… just make sure you're with him and don't have to bounce or something like that."

"I will…" Maka closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch. "I'll just have to move the box I stashed all the pregnancy stuff."

"The recording studio should be good place to hide them at. How things are right now, he won't be visiting it for a while anyway," Wes answered.

Maka rubbed her face and sighed with frustration.

How would this even go? The whole situation is torturous! To always be an arm's length away from the man you love and you couldn't love him and show affection like usual without freaking him out. How long would this even go on? When they started dating, it had only taken two weeks for him to fall in love with her. Two weeks before the sweet words she longed to hear left his mouth.

"Yeah…" she slapped her hands on the couch and got up. "I should probably start preparing the couch and work on some material for the Arachnophobia meeting."

Wes nodded approvingly as he got up from the couch. "You probably should. But are you sure you want to sleep on the couch? You know we can switch, right?"

Maka shook her head. "No. My bed is in my bedroom and if it's not, then this is my place to be at." She patted the couch.

After fighting and they went to bed separately, she had only gotten a taste of the couch. Usually Soul would selflessly grab his things and take his place on the couch in an act to show even though they were fighting, he still loved her and wanted her to have the bed. The handful of times she had made the move to sleep on the couch to be away from Soul, it wasn't fun, but it had been a food for thought. Fighting or not, their relationship was instable and her place was on the couch. If she was to sleep in some other place other than the couch, it was in her bedroom. With Soul.

"Okay." He patted Maka's shoulder. "The offer is still open."

"Thanks. Good night."

"Good night."

Wes turned on his heel after a moment of hesitation and headed to her office. The door clicked shut and Maka collapsed on the couch.

She just hoped this would be all over soon. For Soul to wake up and remember her and their love again. Or suddenly be struck by Cupid and go heart eyes on her. She was starving for his love and she needed him. She needed him back.

Her tooth sunk into her bottom lip as she held back the tears burning her eyes.

She wanted him to love her again so much. She missed her Soul.