One Way to Say I LOVE YOU

Chapter 2: Why

The only question I had been why. Why did he just leave me sitting there? Why did he think it was fine? I sat in my car crying and yelling why. I think even some people were looking at me. I took out my phone and started to text him angrily about it. I even called him a few times, but he didn't pick up. I put my keys into the ignition very shaky . Once I had turned on my car I just lay my head on the steering wheel letting everything out; every feeling, every breath, every thought, and every tear. It took me ten minutes to do that before I backed out of my parking spot and started to drive back home. I took the long way home so then I could let myself think.

Once I finally got home I didn't care if my dad saw me with my make up streaming down my face. I just walked inside and went straight upstairs even though I did hear him call my name once or twice. I stripped off my dress and put on my pajamas and curled up in my bed. I could still feel warm tears streaming down the side of my face. Sometimes I thought I felt his hand on my face to brush away the tears, but when I opened my eyes, turned around and used my arm to push him away, nothing was there. I fell back into my pillows just crying, not helping, tonight was the most horrible night in the world.

I had awoken to police red and blue lights shining up in my window. I sat up in bed and looked at my alarm clock, it had said 2:17 am. What had my neighbors done now?, I was wondering to myself when I started to wipe off some of that washed away make up. I put on my bathrobe and started to walk down stairs.

"Daddy, daddy. What is it?" I saw him in the doorway just hanging his head while the police officer was looking at him. I walked over to him and put my most of my arm around his back. He still wasn't answering me, "Daddy…?"

My dad had looked up to the police officer and must have motioned him to talk. "Miss, I'm wondering if you can verify this phone?", the police officer held up a phone in an evidence bag. I grabbed the bad and felt like somebody had just punched me in the chest. I knew who that cell phone belonged to. It was simple, I was on part of the wallpaper of it. I stood there just staring at the bag and the cell phone. "Miss, do you know?" The police officer stood up straight and started to grab from the bag, but I hugged the phone next to my chest and stared at him.

"Yes, I do know. What happened to him?" I almost started to yell at him. I still had the phone hugged to my chest. I poked at the keys through the bag and went through the messages, I was in there. I even went through the phone calls, and my phone call was the one that he missed. The police officer didn't answer me. I stuck out my finger and put the bag by my side yelling at the officer, "What happened to him?! Answer me!"

"You do not have the right to yell at me like that." He moved my finger away from his face and stood there. My dad just stood there watching it all go down.

"But I have the right to know what happened to him." I stomped my foot on the ground and held the phone with my grip right next to my leg. The officer started to grab for the bag again, but I stuck it behind my back. I know I was acting very stupid and offending an officer, but I wanted to know.

"Give me the phone, Miss", He held out his hand. I didn't give it to him. "Give me the phone!" I could see those little veins in his neck start to tense up with every word. I didn't give in, I just looked at my dad.

"No, I won't. Tell me what happened to him. I want to know." I held on to my daddy's arm and leaned on him.

"Honey, give the officer the phone." What?! My dad had sided with the officer. Well I could tell something had horribly gone wrong. His voice and posture was not what was normal. I handed over the phone and I felt another tear fall down my cheek.

"Please," I paused trying to keep myself together. "Just tell me what happened to him. I'm sorry about how I was acting just a minute ago."

"Okay. I told you're father. Your boyfriend, Nick…" He paused, I couldn't take it. Why did he pause? I needed him to tell me. He started up again, "Your boyfriend, Nick, was in a deadly car accident tonight." He hung his head when he had finished. Everything around me just started to go in slow motion and I couldn't stand anymore. I struggled to stand and I staggered backwards towards the couch and sat down. I sat there staring into space, not sure what to think. I only had one question on my mind.

"Is he alright?" I sat there, not looking at the officer. He was still standing in the door way. I didn't even turn to him when there was a silence between all three of us. I felt my dad's arm around my shoulders. I finally turned to the officer, "Is he alright?", I had sounded angry. I didn't want to sound that way right away, but I did. I stood up finally, and started to feel my mouth shacking and a tear slipping slowly down my cheek. I brushed it away and tried to say it one more time, "Is-s-s he alright-t-t?". I wasn't steady now.

"I'm sorry to say, he isn't. He's…" I didn't let him finish.

"Where is he? I want to see him. Tell me, please." I started to walk towards him. I thought he was in a hospital or in an ambulance going somewhere. The officer made me stop babbling about it by putting his hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the face.

"He's not with us anymore. He was killed by the other car. I'm sorry for your loss" I shook out of his grip and yelled at him. I couldn't help myself.

"No, no, no. He's not. He's still here. I want him here. Let me see him. I know he's not dead." I kept yelling on and on about it. The officer grabbed my shoulders again to keep me from running out the door. "No, let me go! I want to see him. Let me go!!" He looked at my dad and motioned him to come get me, next thing I felt was my dad's huge grip about my arms and chest. I tried to kick away, but I couldn't. The officer just left back to his squad car and drove off. "Daddy, let go. I need to go. I need to see him. I know he's not dead! Let me go!" I kept forcing myself. I was finally shifted to face my daddy's shoulder.

I broke down into my daddy's shoulders while he stroked my hair and tried to comfort me. I couldn't believe it. I had left a horrible message at him and I was in a mad mood for earlier that night. I wish I could take that back. Did I cause his death? Did he open his phone and see the text messages or listen to the phone call that made him distracted and get in the car accident? Why? I started to ask the same question, why, over again, but not for the same reason as before.

I was still in my daddy's arms when I had woken up on the couch. Or more so, on his lap. I put my hands on my eyes and just rubbed my face. I felt like last night was a dream. Was it? My dad still was quiet so, I knew it wasn't a dream. I sat up and leaned my head against his shoulder and said, "Really?"

He didn't really understand, "What? What do you mean by really?"

"You, you're watching about it. About last night. Is that us on TV? They had people secretly filming us? Ugh. No" I covered my eyes and just fell over the other way on the other side of the couch. How could they do that to us?

The newscaster kept rambling over and over about information that I had known most of it. Some of it, I didn't. "One victim of this accident is Nick Jonas. The famous band of brothers has now lost a family member, brother, and wonderful musician. What will hold in store for them? We don't know. The girl friend of Nick, Miley Cyrus…" Now they put up the hidden film of my dad, the officer, and I up again, "…had it difficult, has you can see, to get information. She offended an officer by yelling at him. When she finally got the news, the officer and her dad had to hold her down until the officer left." Why did they have to get film of it? Oh my gosh, I just hated watching what I did last night.

"On Interstate 94 the cars collided with each other, we don't know, because no information has been given out, if or who caused the accident. This is Ricky Jonson reporting for KQWT. Thank you." The newscaster was finally done and I grabbed the remote from my dad and turned off the TV. He sat there doing nothing. Usually he would try to grab it back. He did nothing. I sat with him there doing nothing. I still asked why? Why the newscasters would do that to us? Why he had to die. Why?

"Why, daddy?" I grabbed his arm and curled up next to him, starting to cry again.