April 26, 2013

Butterflies of God

by lumidai

About humans

"Not interesting? Why is it not interesting?" Artemis frowns. Yes, there is a possibility that Chris might be the typical orphan whose parents died, but that didn't matter.

"It just isn't. I'm a boring person, Mr. Fowl." Chris looks out the large, wall-sized window. "The renovations are going great, don't you think?"

"Yes, I know," Artemis says quickly, knowing Chris is trying to avoid the subject. Why though is the question. What is so bad that Chris doesn't want to tell him? "But back to the question."

Chris flinched. "I don't..." he sighs, and stands, facing the window.

"He's living in an orphanage, Artemis. Would you like to speak about it? Do you think he even knows?" Holly's voice scolded him in his mind.

"Perhaps," Artemis answers her. "I just feel the childish need to know."

Chris felt Artemis's waiting gaze burn a hole in the side of his head. He hated answering this question. Only two times in his life has he been asked this, this being the second time. It was an intrusion to the very little privacy he had.

But right now he felt forced to tell Artemis. The man —because Artemis is indeed eight years older than himself, if not 7— has been educating him for free. At least, if he so much wanted to know, he should answer. He owes him that much to not hide things from him.

"What was the question again?" Chris asks, finally facing him and meeting his gaze. Strangely, he didn't feel afraid of meeting those mismatched eyes right now.

"What happened to you?" Artemis asks, changing the question because the first one sounded more cruel. "To put it more simpler, were you always an orphan?"

Chris nods. "Since I remember. My first memory was calling the Matron mama, I took a long time to gain the courage to begin speaking." He gave a small smile, like he wanted to laugh. "I remember growing up and thinking, hoping I was being searched for. That perhaps I had been stolen or that my parents were some great thing and died for some noble cause." His smile widened. "At one point I actually thought I was like Superman and that I came from outer space."

"Don't we all?" Artemis says dryly, closing his book.

"The Matron liked to humor me," Chris chuckles, and his wide smile saddens. "I turned twelve and one day the Matron told me that I understood a lot of things most kids didn't at my age. Sure, by that time I had left school but...I seem to understand life in my own way, in my own perception." Chris glances at Artemis's expression, which seems surprised.

Which he is. Amazing, he thought. Not even I have accomplished that.

"She told me at age twelve what really happened," Chris's voice got softer, and his eyes lowered a bit. "My mother was a prostitute. The Matron said I lasted three months with her, probably. She couldn't take care of me and I guess I got in the way. She could have aborted me, but she didn't so I'm grateful that she kept me alive. I know her name is Sharon Donahue, it said so on the birth certificate she left behind. I'll never know who my father is though, not that I'm interested," shudders Chris. "And to answer your question from earlier, of whether I was wanted or not, I wasn't wanted."

Artemis sat silent, understanding now why Chris didn't want to speak about it.

How would you feel if you were an accident of two people who barely knew each other? Of two people that got together for payment and pleasure, not for anything else? And that you were considered of something that got in the way rather of something that lives?

Artemis couldn't relate, but because of what Holly has taught him, he felt guilty of asking that question.

"But I'm happier here more than I would have probably been if I had stayed with my mother," Chris chirps. "This is my family. The Matron treats us all like her children, with love and care. The children here are really like my siblings. We even bicker sometimes but we take care of each other." Chris grins proudly.

Artemis eyes his expression. "You seem very proud of that," he says, in a somewhat sarcastic tone. He hadn't felt that love and care from his parents up until recently and he's never bickered with his brothers, but he's heard and seen them bicker with each other plenty of times. "How a moment of frustration with a person could make you happy, I do not understand."

"Well, it's what makes us human, right?" says Chris, flopping down on the mattress again. "The emotion, I mean. Humans have emotions.

"Most of them do," Artemis explains. "A few learn how to control them."

Chris tilts his head to the side curiously and he blinks. "But don't they still have them? Because they only hide them, right? Like you do, Mr. Fowl. But I know when you get excited or frustrated, it shows in your face." Chris pointed to his mouth and brow. "See? You're human."

Artemis gave him a cold stare and Chris gave him an awkward embarrassed smile.

"After I left school I immediately started working," he says, immediately changing the subject. "Not a whole lot of jobs hire twelve year old boys. They paid very little for the hours I worked daily, which were a lot. Sometimes I worked from early in the morning to late at night to win more. I worked in crops, or herded animals, or did the cleaning up at supermarkets. It went on like that until I was fifteen when I started working at a diner during the day as a busboy. I would've been a waiter but I couldn't read or write very well at that time," Chris sighs.

"And they hired you just like that? An uneducated minor?" Artemis lifted a brow, incredulous.

"At that time, I guess," Chris rubs his sore neck from reading too much. "The boss I had...was so kind," he swoons wistfully. "He was a bit older than you are now, but he didn't look like it. He seemed like those big, buff and mean bikers, but he was a big soft geek," Chris chuckles at the memory then silences. "I was harassed a lot at work, by workers and customers alike. Because I was an old orphan, or because I quit school, or because I look like a girl or because I'm short. My boss taught me how to defend myself, but most of the times I just ignored them. The diner closed down last year since my boss was offered a better opportunity outside of the county."

"You seem fond of your boss," says Artemis, who obviously noted the swoon. Chris proceeds to blush at the remark.

"W-Well he was my first best friend you know," says Chris, stammering and fidgeting. "He treated me like a normal person and saw my capacity, I wasn't just some stupid poor orphan boy to him." Once his blush subsided, he looks up again.

"Most of the money I earned went to the orphanage. With that money I could buy more food, more clothes and other things that the government didn't supply to the orphanage for the kids. If I had money left over I would treat the kids and the Matron to sweet bread or candy. It made them so happy, while it lasted."

Artemis continued staring at Chris but his gaze had softened a bit. He and Chris are completely the opposite. The boy was selfless and preferred looking out for everybody rather than himself. Artemis, to this day, remains selfish who only cares about himself and a select group of people. Though Chris had nothing for himself —the only things he could call his own was four changes of clothes and this tree house— he knew what he really wanted and he was completely content with just helping. Artemis had everything, but he needs more and he didn't know just what.

"But I really need a job right now," Chris says. "Ever since the diner closed down I haven't been able to find a new one."

"Ah, but the home is being renovated and we will be donating things to you," Artemis points out. "It's not really necessary."

Chris bit his bottom lip the started off softly, "Next month is my birthday. August fifteenth. I never dreaded the day like I do now. I'm even losing sleep over it."

"And why is that?" Artemis says, his brow creasing.

"It is my eighteenth birthday. That day, I-"

"Get cut off from orphanage services," Artemis completes. It automatically clicked.

Chris nods solemnly. "I'll get kicked out. The Matron wants to keep me but she can't. The council won't let her and I won't let her get in trouble because of me. I'll leave, but I have...no where to stay. I'm going to be homeless, and I'm so scared, Mr. Fowl. So scared."

Chris looks down and looks down to his hands and sat completely still. At that precise moment, Chris contradicted himself, because he was trying to hide his emotions from showing, such as sadness and fear. And he was doing it well, that emotionless look and the way he wasn't moving made him look dead.

Artemis didn't feel comfortable, didn't like looking at him like that. Such a kinda and gentle boy doesn't deserve to feel like that.

Artemis finally looks away from Chris to the large window. The sun was setting.

"Lesson is over for today," he says, standing.

-oOo-

"Something's on your mind," Butler comments once they were in their hotel room.

"What makes you say that?" Artemis asks, while he takes out his laptop and some papers.

"Your brow has been creased since we left St. Bridged's. And Christian had a brooding expression when we left the tree house. Did something happen?"

"Butler, why do bad things happen to good people?" Artemis asks suddenly, completely ignoring Butler's question.

Butler was caught off-guard. Little were the times did Artemis ask him things, and he knew the answers to his own questions, he always did.

And lately Artemis has been asking him about humans. Why do they do this? Why would they feel that? For some reason, the psychology scholar just couldn't seem to comprehend simple emotions.

"Why do you think?" Butler answers with a question, knowing his charge obviously knew.

"I have my own theories," Artemis says, interlacing his fingers while looking at the laptop screen. "I want to know what you think."

"I think that people that are naturally kind and good can't distinguish bad things," says Butler. "Because kind people like to think of the good things in the world and since real good people don't do good things to get things back, bad things like to take advantage of them."

Artemis nods thoughtfully, still looking at his screen. "That is what I also think," he murmurs as he begin typing. And he should know. The times he himself has taken advantage of good things are innumerable.

"But I also think that they're repaid in the end. Even if it's a really small payment, they still get some sort of happiness," Butler finishes.

"This time, Artemis looks at Butler. "You're speaking about karma. I didn't know you believed in such things. You have been reading too many romantic novels, old friend."

Butler cleared his throat uncomfortably. "How are the lessons coming along?" he asks to change the subject.

"Splendid," Artemis answers and Butler didn't detect a sarcastic tone. "Since he isn't completely idiotic he's learning quickly. Any sorry excuse for a teacher he's had didn't see his true capacity."

"And is that all he does? Read?"

"No," Artemis says, taking out some papers, looking over some then continuing to type down. "His grammar and spelling lessons are going well and he no longer hesitates about writing. He pays a lot of attention among his other subjects like history and he can do complex equations. Overall his learning is going quite smoothly."

Butler's eyebrows raised slightly. Never has Artemis taken it this seriously. He's never taught, never had the interest and patience to do it. He barely gives conferences and the lessons he gave Beckett were short, not the whole thing. And it also surprises Butler that Artemis fit it in his schedule, since he knew Artemis was a busy man. But he didn't doubt in his charge. He knew that Artemis was a great multitasker.

And it also surprised him how he didn't insult Chris in any way (directly anyways) or how he hasn't gotten frustrated. Nor has Chris said anything to Artemis or complained.

If they weren't both men I would suspect that they are dating, thought Butler as he sat.

Then he thought about it. Are they? Artemis hasn't shown much interest in love since he was a teenager and that so he couldn't tell. And Chris has such an androgynous look and he has such motherly mannerisms, if he'd dress up as a girl he'd actually pass off as one.

Butler's mouth tightens into a slim, grim line. He never even considered Artemis being gay. And Artemis being one that supports gay rights, would he himself be disgusted to do it? Probably not, since Artemis wasn't at all religious and he himself had once said that scientifically speaking, homosexuality isn't an abnormality and that heterosexual sex was supposed to be used only for breeding. Any other feeling is beyond science. "Since all humans have the same emotions, they don't have to necessarily be over the same thing, do they?" Artemis has once mentioned to him. "If you get mad over something and I get mad, it probably won't ever be about the same thing."

And Butler considered the comment. He just couldn't bring himself to the idea. But if Artemis was such a thing, then he'd accept him. Because he was his friend, and because Chris is a good boy anyways.

"Butler, can you organize these papers for me?" Artemis asks, putting a large pile of papers on the corner of the desk.

Butler grimaced. No matter how devoted he was to Artemis, he'll never like doing office things.

-oOo-

"Hey, Mr. Fowl?" Chris says the next day during their lunch break.

"Yes?" Artemis asks, who was typing something down on his computer. While Chris did his activities and read Artemis did work.

"Why won't you tell me about yourself? The only thing I know about you is that you're very smart and rich."

Artemis glances at him. "I hadn't realized we reached that personal level."

"Well, I told you my life story yesterday," Chris says, nodding.

Artemis sighs. He beat him in that part, he had to admit. I've been teaching him well, he thought. "What would you like to know?"

"Well...anything," smiles Chris. "As long as I get to know you better. For example, um," Chris made a thoughtful face. "You're one of the bosses of this big company right?"

"Yes, Artemis answers.

"And you have two younger brothers that are twins, right?"

"Yes," Artemis repeats, not really fond of answering personal questions, even if they were this simple.

"Do you have any friends?" asks Chris.

"Of course. Some, not much," Artemis answers.

Chris gave a wide smile. "I'm sure they're really nice though, like you."

The boy honestly thinks I'm nice, how naïve," Artemis thinks, and looks up at Chris's smiling face. "Are those your questions?"

Chris shook his head quickly. "No...I have a last one. Have you ever loved, Mr. Fowl?"

"I'm not completely heartless," Artemis says.

"I know, but have you ever had a lover? I don't know a, er, girlfriend?"

Artemis abruptly stopped typing. "Once. It was the worst mistake in my life."

Chris frowns. "But...I don't think it couldn't of been that bad."

"What do you know?" Artemis chuckles softly. "You can be so naïve, Christian."

Chris flinches, it was the first time Artemis has ever called him by his name. "I'm sure it couldn't of..."

"You barely know beyond the orphanage," Artemis continues. "Humans are cruel things, and you honestly think there is good in everyone."

"Because there is!" Chris says, fidgeting nervously.

"Don't make me pity you more than I already do," says Artemis in a soft voice, and he continued typing.

He didn't see the hurt face Chris did. Chris put his hands down. "I have this chore I need to do," he says in a meek voice, and left Artemis alone in the tree house, and Artemis didn't notice until late.