Shedding the Past

The wind accompanied the distant sounds of birds and small insects and slowed in pace as he took a few extra steps forward. Most of the disturbing thoughts that were disrupting his quest for peace seemed to disappear, and he felt suddenly calm. He took a few moments to stare at her, mostly because he had no motivation to do anything else, and she seemed to share his delayed reaction. As he exhaled softly, pounding in his chest became more noticeable and heightened the rest of his senses in an unusual way.

Silence seemed normal to them somehow. Neither appeared uncomfortable that there was no speaking; they only stared at each other as if this were a natural occurrence. She watched as the wind rippled through his hair gently and was trapped momentarily underneath his t shirt. That white t shirt captured her attention for a moment, and her gaze lingered upon it as if she had never seen it before. Why was he always wearing the same outfit every day? White t shirt with brown linen pants. White t shirt with brown linen pants. It was as if he had no other clothes. She smiled lightly from the random thoughts.

Her smile. It had been so long since he saw the curving of her lips he couldn't help but stare at them. She was so beautiful when she smiled, but she was striking even when angry. He could always tell when her smiles were genuine as well because her eyes would glisten, and she would crinkle her nose slightly. When she was just being polite her lips would slant outward briefly, and the rest of her face would remain unchanged. She was definitely amused by something. This smile was genuine.

The uneasiness returned almost as quickly as it dissipated. He missed her smile so much, despite the fact she rarely displayed it. His eyes traveled to her hair slowly. The soft locks glowed brilliantly from the vivid sunlight and danced delicately around her shoulders with the wind. It was beautiful as always, and he wanted to touch it. That beige linen dress captured his attention next. He always hated that dress, but not because it looked awful on her. There was nothing she could wear that would accomplish that task. She began wearing it when she disappeared from the house for hours at a time, and wore it the day she left. As he lowered his head quickly and stared at the grass below, her smile faded.

"How are you?" She decided to speak, although she had nothing simple she wanted to say.

"I'm fine," he replied weakly. She could always tell when he was lying, and he didn't try to conceal his deceit.

"That's good to hear," she knew he wasn't fine, but decided to accept his answer.

The silence resurfaced quickly, and he closed his eyes briefly before he continued.

"I heard about the baby," he said gravely as he hesitated to finish his thought, "I'm sorry."

Her eyes filled with bitter tears rapidly as if he activated some trigger. He was suddenly ashamed of bringing up the subject so quickly, but he only wanted to say what was on his mind.

"Thank you for your sympathy," she replied sadly.

Renewed silence blanketed their conversation with a sudden discomfort. Yoh wanted to say more to her but couldn't figure out the right thing. Anna didn't want to say anything else, but had no intention of walking away.

"I didn't get the chance to thank you for saving my life," he blurted, "I'm grateful."

"It was necessary," she replied calmly.

He took a few more steps until he was close enough to touch her and sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing to me?" She asked with a frown.

"This is all my fault," he answered weakly, "I put you through so much. I put everyone through so much. I ruined everything."

Anna stared at him in partial shock, but he didn't seem to notice.

"If I hadn't been so resentful and angry, none of this would have happened. You would still have your baby. You wouldn't be so sad. Things wouldn't be so messed up."

"This isn't your fault," she was barely able to say the words, and briefly closed her eyes to block the tears from escaping them.

"I love you," he sighed, "And, a part of loving someone is having the strength to let them go. I should have wanted you to be happy no matter where you wanted to be. I was selfish."

Yoh paused for an uncomfortable length of time. Anna opened her eyes and allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks, convinced she wouldn't have been able to stop them anyway.

"I want you to be happy," he resumed, "Even if being happy means being with Hao. It breaks my heart-"

He hesitated as a strange taste of metal overwhelmed his mouth and his senses were flooded with an overpowering emotion. Anna redirected her gaze at a nearby tree, finding his display unbearable to watch.

"But, I love you enough to accept it," he continued, "I've accepted it."

"Thank you for your kindness," she struggled to say.

"I'm moving on with my life," he sighed, "I have to. So, don't worry about me."

"What will you do?" She whimpered unintentionally.

"Tamao and I are getting married soon," he replied.

"Married?"

"Yeah. She'll be a good wife, and I hope to be a good husband. We want to make this work, and I think it will."

He continued his thoughts despite the fact her face was bright red as she tried to repel the breakdown that was nearing.

"I know I can make her happy if I really try. We'll have a family and grow old, and everything will be okay. As long as we try."

"Congratulations," Anna strained, "I hope she makes you happy."

"Thanks," he replied with a smile.

He scratched his head and paused before speaking again, "I should probably head back. I don't want her to worry about me, you know?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"It was so good to see you, Anna," he said as his voice revealed a deep longing.

"It was great to see you too," she replied sadly.

As he turned to walk away she took a few steps forward and waved her hand.

"Yoh?"

"Yeah?" He replied and quickly turned around.

"It was a girl," she said sadly, "You would have been a great father."

He was visibly startled by her statement but took a few steps closer and held her hand.

"Thank you," he said warmly.

She gazed into his eyes in silence and clutched his hand as if she didn't want to let him go. He pulled away from her grasp gently but wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. She closed her eyes as she felt the warmth of his lips, and the sadness returned when he released her.

"Good bye, Anna," he said weakly.

"Good bye, Yoh," she replied.