Ok, so after struggling with this chapter for a long while I've finally uploaded this. Hope it's likeable. Anything else to say? I wish you enjoy his, I'll keep on trying to draw Vincent decently now…

Insecurities – 3: Dreamy

Oz had been in his room for a while already when he finally decided upon dumping his clothes on the floor or bed – that's to say, wherever they'd fall when he tossed them apart- and, having tested the temperature moments ago to be sure it was still comfortable, sunk into his bathtub, head full of dark recollections.

He felt the water slowly crawl up his skin, with half a second's difference in between the moment it actually touched his light skin and the moment when he felt the almost tickling sensation the contact produced. Taking in the feeling, he went all the way down until he was laying on his back at the tub's bottoms, then bent his knees so that his head would descend further so that water would grace the short hair at the back of his head. He let a deep sigh escape him.

Honestly, he felt exhausted. Sharon had been adroit enough not to wake him up before Gil had already been checked over and all his most serious wounds, bandaged. However, the noises produced by all agitation the disgraceful new had released soon had waked him up, and since then he had spent most of his time looking after his beloved one. Even when the maids had come up to change either his bandages (for the first one's had turned useless soon after being applied) or his sheets, he had insisted on observing and helping whenever he could, even if his 15-year-old body wasn't all the useful it could have been. Memories from their recent conversation haunted his mind. He hadn't been there for Gil ten years ago, when Oz himself had caused him damage, so now he wanted to pay back as much as he could, even if standing by his side was all that he could do.

Once again, Gil had escaped from a deadly situation only miraculously, and he hadn't been there to help him. What if one of these days he… (Oz mentally stuttered at this dreadful thought)…what if one of this days, Gil didn't come off on time and all right? What if he lost him again? It would be like being thrown into the Abyss once more, or worse, because at that time he would know this was not just a nightmare from which he could eventually escape with the help of a chain like Alice, but rather an eternal torture, having to live without the only person he could honestly trust no matter what.

The blonde 25 year old man trapped inside of a teen's body toyed with the water drops in his fingers as he went over this thoughts over and over again. He couldn't help the multiple glass spires nailing at his heart. He kept on blaming himself for all the suffering in his servant's life. Perhaps if they hadn't found him, or if he hadn't grown too attached to Oz, he would have been able to escape all this pain and dangers emerging round each corner he walked. Perhaps, only perhaps, he would have had a normal, tranquil life, adopted by any sweet family in the city.

Then again, he remembered the children at The House of Fianna and shivers run down his spine. For some seconds he submerged his whole head under the body and rushed his fingernails through his head to get his golden strands wet.

How come the world is like this? How come he… they could suffe3r so much just because of foolishly falling in love? If he'd never met Gil…

He caught himself identifying those dangerous thoughts. He could not break down right now. Not only could he not let anybody else see his weakness, but he could not let it grow, for Gilbert might find it anyway. He could see right through his soul in a way that almost would have frightened Oz, had he not known Gil the way he did. Besides, his promise of protecting his servant as a rightful master should. No, he needed to be strong, for Gil. For if he couldn't stand for himself, how would he stand for Gilbert? He should be his reason, just as Alice had been for him to exit the Abyss. He remembered her words, "If you think too much of what you've lost, you will only end up hungry"*. She must be right. He had lost many years with Gil, and may end up losing even more if they didn't manage to gather Alice's memories on time and get an answer through them; therefore, he'd better make the best of whatever time together they had left, before it was all over again and for good. He rather should thank being able to hold such a beautiful relationship with the person he'd loved for God knows how long.

He finished his bath not paying too much attention. After all, he'd gotten into the water more for therapy than because of a real need. His spirits and body were worn out, so he tried to cool himself a little before facing those bright golden gemstones again and letting them scan his every feeling.
Getting back to his chambers, he picked his clothes up and decided on wearing them again, after an undergarments exchange. After all, he'd only worn them today while sitting besides Raven, and it would be only some hours before he'd be taking the off again, so why give more work to the maids by getting yet another set of clothes insignificantly dirty?

As he changed back into his clothes, he received a visit from Alice, who expressed her hunger as well as questioned him on why his servant was uselessly chained down to a bed instead of being o any use,. That way Oz discovered she had only the minimum of knowledge about recent events and gently updated her, until he realized it was already quite late thanks to his clock's chime, after which he sent her down to have her dinner with the rest, explaining why he would be absent.

- What a disappointing manservant, dinner will be quite boring then, and the stupid clown will be more than bothersome with me now that he's not at the table to tease… Why did that seaweed-head have to get hurt?

Oz just smiled lovingly at her rants. He knew she didn't really mean that but had no better way of showing how she'd missed them.

- Yeah, I hope he will get better soon too, Alice – Oz commented, glancing at the floor.

- Whatever. I'm hungry – Commented said girl before bursting out of the room and down to the dining-room. She wasn't that surprised anyway, she had quite foreseen the relationship between her manservant and the seaweed-head before even they did. It was so evident. It was ok for her anyway, after all, even if Oz was the only friend she had right then, she would be with him only as long as it was useful for her finding her memories.

Oz giggled at little at her comment, and accompanied her down the first set of stairs in their way to the dining room, went past the kitchen to make sure both his dinner and Gil's would be delivered soon and finally returned to his loyal servant's bedroom, hoping to find him asleep.

Ever so carefully, the blond opened the door and approached the bed silently, seeing his wish made true... Only it wasn't. After gifting him with the chance to admire such lovely, peaceful features for a few seconds, golden eyes shone from behind dark eyelids, automatically focusing their attention on him. Primarily taken aback by the surprise, he soon relaxed once he saw Giru-kun's gentle smile directed towards him, as the tall man made his best to get to a sitting position on the cushioned bed.

- Hey… - Was the first word to escape his lips, until he remembered why he'd expected his friend –his lover- to be asleep. – Wa…. Wait! Shouldn't you have been sleeping? Have you stayed awake all this time?

- Not really, I woke up some minutes ago and was just thinking some stuff over…

- Like what?

- Just nonsense, I wasn't all that consciously hustled or anything…

- So you were not a hustle? – Oz asked, mockingly.

- Oz!

Ook, sorry, it was a bad joke, I know… But I like your face when you get like that, Gil… Or rather I always like your face… - He approached and set one knee over the king-sized bed, achieving a little blush to tint the cheeks of the man before him.

Never mind their state, a polite knock on the door interrupted them then and there, announcing it was time to have dinner… Or at least to receive it from one of the maids.

Oz got up and made sure to have the silver kitchen cart properly set aside where it would not bother before sending the servant away politely enough. Climbing back onto the bed and straddling Gil slightly as he set his smaller body over the black haired man's one, he went on with his teasing, if only to enjoy the fact his beloved Nightray was back, healthily enough.

- Say Gil… - He whispered an inch away from thinner lips – are you hungry?

Gilswallowed hardly, until his stomach's rumbling finally reminded him he hadn't eaten anything in the last… 20 hours? Perhaps more, he wasn't sure. Oz seemed to acknowledge said reality too, for he soon quitted his games (not before giving his cute dear Raven one last bite of proper teasing) so that he would be able to bring their dinner close to the bed.

Firstly, the adopted Nightray's servant-nature took over him (as every time he was with his so beloved master). However, Oz's incredulous "you're not being serious, are you?" expression when he commented it wasn't proper for him to take dinner in bed silenced him. He somehow expected the blonde to carry a chair to the side of the bed and settle there with his food try – even if he'd also insisted on the fact his master should be dining first (no need to say once again he was muted by someone under the name Vessalius). Yet in spite of Gilbert's assumptions, Oz had a different idea.

The teen set both food trays on the cart along with the tea kettle they had been provided with and set it as close to the opposite side of the bed as he could. Taking off his vest and shoes, he climbed onto the bed, sat next to his loved one as said other male stared, guessing what Oz was up to, kissed him hurriedly and finally got to the chore of bringing Gil's tray down onto his lap, starting to spoon feed him with enough amusement.

- You could as well feed yourself, you know? I'm kind of afraid you may eat me if you remain hungry… - Joked Gil, at least somewhat embarrassed.

Yet the lusty, devious look Oz shot at him after this comment made him regret his words.

- Oh but your face alone right now is delicious enough, you know?

Gil blushed as an only answer, so Oz went on.

- Besides, how are you planning to eat without your arm being able to move properly?

- I've been on missions before, you know? I mean, it's not the first time something like this happens, and I've been able to handle I quite well before…

As his love's features were overcome by gloom and regret, Raven's contractor realized his word's meaning and immediately regretted.

- Oz…

- Yes? – Here came the instantaneous, falsely-cheerful smile. – What is it Gil?

- I' m sorry.

- For what? – Still on with his mask, Gil couldn't help hating every second his master was not honest with him. Why'd he have to face everything alone? Even now… Seeing as the other was once more silent, Oz went on. – Everything's fine Gil.

The latter one simply sighed and brushed his fingers down Oz's cheek.

After a few awkward moments, their chat continued whenever Gil's mouth was not too busy chewing as to answer, until he was satisfied, not having finished his plate. This alarmed Oz who inquired on the matter an good amount of times, but ended up giving into Gil's resolute answer, and started at his own share. Once finished, he grabbed both trays and set them aside so that they would not bother again, soon after returning to his place next to Gilbert, who groaned.

- What's wrong?

- I'm sick of being still and lying here, my legs need moving around…

- Doctor said you should remain in a resting position until he said so. He'll be returning tomorrow morning, so take the chance to regain your energies and probably tomorrow you'll be able to walk around again…

-Urgh…

Oz hugged him more tightly and Gil's expression softened.

-Ok… I guess I'll have to spend time until then… - Trying to leave his disturbance aside, Gil smiled candidely at Oz, who's cheeks had begun to paint themselves redish. Noticing this, he called for the both older and younger one's attention – Oz…?

-Ma… May I – Raven's eyebrows lifted as he tried to understand what was going on inside his companion's mind, until he blurted words out – May I stay here?

-Uhm… Aren't you doing so?

- No, I mean… for the night.

- Oh, well… You sure won't feel more comfortable in your own room?

Oz shook his head, too embarrassed for words. Ok, then… Alright, stay… If that's truly what you wish.

- You don't mind? Does it not bother you?

- How come you would bother me? As long as you're comfortable, I mean…

- Thanks

After a moment's consideration, an idea crossed Gilbert's mind.

- Hey… - He whispered in a cheerful way.

- Yes? – Oz had hardly ever heard his servant use that voice, so confident and happy, but he had a good feeling about it.

- Remembered what you said before?

Well, this didn't sound as well; rather his words scared him, yet there was a nice smile gracing the black-haired man's lips.

- Mm… -That you may be a hustle?

- No! – Cried affectedly Raven's contractor. – I - I mean when you told me to sleep…

- That you shouldn't excuse yourself like a baby?

- Yes! – Oz looked at him incredulously, about to burst out laughin – I mena, no, but… Yes! It's… it's about that!

Oz giggled and held Gil's head in between his hands, making an effort not to kiss him instead.

- Gil, wait. I can't understand a word of what you're saying!

I… I... – Seeing as this was not working out, Raven took a deep breath, calmed himself and organized his words in his mind before letting them out for his master. – Previously – He began – you talked about the excuses I used to tell Mrs. Kate when she sent us to sleep. – Oz stared blankly, still not getting what the point of all this was – and that I stayed up o read "Holy Knight" aloud for you…

As the blonde one was yet to get what he meant, Gil continued.

- Ok, look, open the drawer on the bedside table behind you.

A little surprised, Oz still did as he was told, and found, with more astonishment, a volume of the books. Particularly, the one following the last one he'd ever read.

His eyes glided to meet Gilbert's once again, questioningly.

- Come on, give a sign that your alive…

- You… You want to read to me?

- Unless you don't want me to… I could pay back for the times I didn't read you the story.

The thought that it was him who should actually be paying his servant back for all that time crossed the Vessalius's mind, but still he pretended it hadn't happened and kept a smile on his features.

- Mm… Okay then, let's be children – Oz laughed, denoting how infantile the action may seem. Not like any of them cared at all.

Somewhere in the middle, though, their lan turned into a make out session, almost naturally. Gil could feel heavenly blessed. That is, until horror found it way to his features.

In between his arms, he felt Oz stiffen, twitch and bend contortedly all at the same moment. As he drew back, the image his irises caught quickly drenched his mind in fearfulness and hurt. He felt shocked for a second.

There before hem, Oz clung at his chest, grasping his shirt at the level of his seal.

The approximate 5 seconds during which he could only stare helplessly felt like centuries for both of them, Raven feeling in his heart whatever pain Oz might be standing on his skin and flesh. Slightly beginning to take control of his body once again, Oz shot a terrified look off sorrow at him. The pain was gone rather quickly; unluckily, pain wasn't the most ghastly aftereffect.

Turning his thin frame towards him, Gilbert almost tore whatever of Oz's shirt was still in place, confirming what he feared the most, but had to admit as terribly likely to happen: His clock had moved onwards again.

He wanted to scream, cry, burn…. How had he let his master's life drain through his fingers so easily? He crushed their bodies together; holding him with the strength with which he would have liked to grasp Oz's remaining lifetime. Ho should have made a bigger effort with Raven, for God's sake…

He hadn't realized his own sobbing, nor the light moist on his back, until a broken, shy voice began calling his name ever-so-softly, and trembling fingers danced across his face.

- Gil…

Out of breath and any little shard of composure, though, Gilbert couldn't attempt an answer…

- I just…

- Gil, it's ok…

- It's not! Whatever a I supposed to do if I lose you? – He doubted he'd ever been able to form such a phrase out loud and clear; desperation seemed to be taking it's toll.

- I…

- You have no idea. It would… It'd be worse than dying. – Had anyone ever seen Raven so broken and straight-forward?

Then something clicked inside Oz's mind. He let them both fall backwards onto the mattress, guiding his weight to his back. His golden hair spread all over a pillow as he blankly looked at the ceiling, next he drifted his attention to golden eyes which eyed him in search for some bailout that would lead him from hopelessness.

Shockingly for Gil, Oz started laughing. Not the clear, shimy laugh he was used to hear coming from his beloved mster, but a rather dark, distressed one.

- Oz… - The name came out cracked, painful, lost. Why was his dear ray of sunshine laughing at a moment like that…

The young Vessalius heir moved his hands to carefully hold Gilbert's back and shoulder. Loking him in the eye meaningfully, he spoke:

- Now you know what I felt this morning…

*: I've re-translated this from the Spanish version of PH I read, so it might be quite different to what's in the English version –translator's licenses, you know -. Anyway, this corresponds to chapter 62, page 20, when Oz tries to *SPOILER UP NEXT* reveal everything he saw on Cheshire's dimension to Alice, but she refuses. Ok, enough made clear.

Li Ross breaking in again: Ok, so the ending isn't exactly… "pleasing", but I think I should make that chance every once in a while. I'd never taken so many attempts to finish something this short! Hope my beloved GlassSpires is wrong when she sais whenever my personal life get's a little less messy my skills while vanish for a while. (She's a genious, though she writes in Spanish and doesn't share this fandom ).
As always, I am delightfully glad each time I can read your opinions about anything I write –or about anything else, honestly.
Have a beautiful life