Disclaimer: I disclaim.
Chapter three: Off to see, Headmaster Bumblebee.
Mr. Harry James Potter grinned as he looked out from the door of the Room of Requirement. He had been hiding in this room from a rather enraged Professor Snape, and one lecture-prone Hermione Granger.
For the estimated time of two hours, and if he was correct, they were surely in the great hall for dinner right now. Harry blinked to clear his vision, but it did not help one bit. He was sure he had not downed that entire bottle of Fire-whiskey, (Of course he would remember later on with a blaring headache that it was magically charmed to re-fill,) but his double vision and loose, languid movements dictated otherwise.
Nonetheless, the ever bold boy-who-lived somehow staggered his way to the outside doors of the great hall, managing to crash into many portraits on his drunken journey. Somewhere inside Harry knew going in there was a really stupid idea, but the louder and drunker part of him demanded he do it.
So Harry opened the doors to the great hall very loudly, and all heads turned in his direction. Most looked amused, while others (bald Mr. Snivells and mighty-morpher Granger,) looked peeved. Harry smiled crookedly and took slow, steadied steps to the Gryffindor table, and ungracefully fell in the seat across from Ron and Hermione. Many raised their eyebrows at this (and the strong scent of alcohol radiating from him,) and decided to watch what happened next. Ron decided to speak first.
"Hey mate, where've you been all day, Snape ran around the entire grounds trying to find you," Ron stated with a cheeky grin. Harry, with that same smile on his face, looked over to a rather bushy-haired Hermione.
"Well, I wush in hidin' from Hermy-Herme-Mione and Shnape. Mione, are yeh angreh wit meh? Cuz' even though you an' Ron have jus' been snoggin' this whole time, I still lurve yeh," Harry slurred out unevenly.
Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the nearest table occupants looked stunned. Not just from his choice of words, but how he spoke. Seamus "Irish-alcohol-lover" Finnegan came out of his shock first, and then grinned a huge grin.
"Well hell, lookit tha', Potter's as drunk as me uncle Paddy!" an overjoyed Seamus exclaimed. Hearing this, Hermoine then narrowed her eyes and went into her 'Busy-body-bossy mode'.
"Harrison James Potter! I cannot believe you were drinking on school premises, and underage drinking as well! And what was that stunt you pulled earlier, you could have blown up the entire classroom and its occupants! You've landed yourself in so much trouble and lost Gryffindor 150 points. (She ignored the shout of "Bloody worth it!" from Dean Thomas.) What do you have to say for yourself?" Hermione ranted with one huge breath.
Harry blinked very slowly, and then said the only thing he could think of saying after that entire lecture.
"My name ish not Harrison, damn mental you areee Mioneee," Harry dragged out.
Hermione bristled indignantly (as did her also insulted bushy mane,) but was prevented from retorting as a tawny owl stopped in front of Harry and left a note.
Ron looked up from his food (the only way for him to successfully ignore Hermione,) and curiously picked it up.
"You don't seem to be in proper condition to read this, I reckon. Want me to read it for you mate?" Ron asked the BWL very slowly with a smug grin on his face. Harry answered with a 'thumbs down', and glared with unfocused eyes at the appendage. He moved his right hand toward it, then flipped his left hand upward, and now had a 'thumbs up'.
"Yesh, you can read it, mayte,I dun' mind," Harry answered. Hermione harrumphed, then looked over Ron's shoulder to read it as well. As always, Hermione finished reading first. She looked annoyed and worried. 'Anorried,giggled little drunk!brain Harry.'
"Just as I thought, you now have to meet Professor's Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape in the headmaster's office right now. Sirius and Remus will also be present," Hermione spoke. It took about five extra seconds for Harry to grasp what she said, but when he did, he let out a slurred and deranged barrage of laughter. When he was finished he stood up from the table, and started to skip away, loudly singing: "I'm off to see the bee, the blunderful Bumblebee!"
When he was gone, Ron slid closer to Hermione.
"At least the fire-whiskey wore off somewhat, he only seems tipsy now." Ron shrugged. Hermione sighed heavily, and then shrugged in return. Then, were they finally able to make-out.
Harry giggled quite loudly as he stood in front of the password seeking gargoyles that lead to the headmasters office. He whipped out his wand, and transfigured his robes into a blue and white farm dress. Then, he pointed it to his shoes and they turned into dazzling high-heeled ruby slippers. He conjured a straw basket and whistled loudly. Harry 'Tipsy' Potter looked up to see Hedwig flying to him, so he pointed to the cushioned basket. Hedwig hooted her consent and landed in the basket, then snuggled down into the cushion. Harry grinned at his owl, (who he swears always grins back,) and then created the finishing touch. A big blue bow for his hair. With his work done (knowing he definitely was a very pretty young lady right now), he faced the gargoyles once more, which were waiting for the password.
"LEMON DROPS!" he screamed out to them, and they nodded and opened the stairwell.
He skipped daintily up the stairs, and knocked on the office door.
"Enter, Mr. Potter," spoke an old and kindly voice. Harry did so without hesitation.
The people in the room were staring at him incredulously from their chairs. (Dumbledore's eyes did betray his amusement though.)
Harry widened his eyes dramatically, and spoke in a high pitched and southern drawled voice.
"Oh Hedwig, I don't think we're in the great hall anymore."
Sorry it was cut short, but I'm tired. Next update will be much quicker (I think).
If there is anyone who is somehow hyper sensitive about the Irish stereotype here, just know I am half Irish, and find it humorous.
Next Chapter: Werewolves, Snapeys, and Headmasters, Oh my!