Chapter 3

No Better

Whew! These chapters are just rushing out of me…I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it. Thanks for reading and as always reviews make me happy, thanks!

We have not been walking long, maybe a half an hour, and though Jack walks beside me, we don't speak.

I want to turn back and see what Sayid and Juliet are up to but I don't. I can hear them speaking but no actual words, there voices are hushed, whispered. They are a good ways back.

I look over at Jack, catch his profile, he sees me looking and turns to me. I look away, embarrassed.

"What is it, Kate?"

"Nothing," I say and keep walking, move a bit ahead of him.

I can feel the unspoken between us. I realize that not alone have I lost his heart , I have also lost him as him a friend, a confident, somehow that realization hurts worse. I never realized before how much I depended on him, needed him.

Once again, my thoughts turn dark and ugly. I hate myself. I hate what I have done and cannot make right. Here he stands, I think, the one I love and I cannot reach him. I cannot make him see that I care.

He follows behind me and we walk some more, the unsaid growing a rift wider between us.

The silence is killing me. I can't take it.

"I didn't know you were married," I tell him and I throw a look over my shoulder, see I have shocked him. He quickens his pace, takes my arm.

"How did you know that?"

"How do you think?" I counter, feeling his fingers dig into my skin, feel the strength of him and god help me! I am aroused, turned on by the fierceness of his anger. I yank my arm away and keep walking.

"She told you that?" He questions, following me.

"Yeah, among other things," I stop for a second, look at him.

"What happened, why did you get divorced?"

I see him smile, a cynical one.

"She cheated on me," he says and I look away embarrassed.

"She left me for someone else, crushed me…she broke my heart."

"I'm sorry," I say but it sounds weak, hollow.

I feel so small then, a shell of a person, a woman. No wonder he can never forgive me, his own wife had hurt him as well, slept with another man, why would he even begin to want to trust, love yet another woman who would wound him so terribly? It all makes sense now. All of it.

"Yeah, well Sara and I - it was complicated, we weren't right for each other."

I turn and keep walking and he follows me.

"I can't believe she told you that," he says.

"She had her reasons," I add and indeed she had. Maybe she knew why Jack had divorced his wife, maybe she wanted me to ask Jack, so I would know, know why he would never forgive me, why he couldn't bring himself to? It made sense. That bitch was playing me, playing me like a fiddle. That bull about her wanting me to talk to Jack - that she knew he was using her. It was lies, an elaborate front, she wanted me to talk to Jack so I could stick my foot in my mouth deeper, say something else that would cut into his heart just a little bit more so she could worm her slimy way in. I was literally shaking with rage, deep breathing so I could collect myself and not turn heel and march over to were she and Sayid were and dislocate her other shoulder. I hated her and her beautiful classy blonde good looks, those pretty eyes of hers, her voice. If I had wanted to punch her in the mouth before it was nothing like the rage I had for her now. It was a red hot burning thing which literally made me shake with anger.

Jack must have noticed the change in me, he had always been good at reading my mind, one of the reasons why we had bonded so much in the beginning. It had been nice to be with someone who could read me emotionally without me having to say a word.

"Kate, what is it?"

"It's nothing," I seethed, stepping up my pace. I just wanted to get back to the beach, find some place quiet to lay low for awhile. Away from everyone - from Jack, from Sawyer but most of all, from the past. A past, I had spent so many years running from and had never escaped.

"Your angry, why?"

"Because - because your girlfriend is a conniving…"

He stopped me, took my shoulders.

"Whoa! Hold up - first of all, she is not my girlfriend and second what in the hell are you talking about?"
"She told me that on purpose, she wanted me to humiliate myself…remind you that I was no better then your wife…Sara."

Jack released me and looked at my face, stunned.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" I whispered, tears of anger blurring my vision, I could feel my hands shaking with the rage and frustration that I felt and could not control.

I waited for him to speak, agree.

Yet, he was quiet, thoughtful and then he looked at me, for the first time in a long time and those dark eyes of his, I saw compassion, care, love.

"No, I don't think you are crazy Kate, I think you might be right," he said.

Okay realize that one was a little short but I am working on building the suspense, yep, something like a nice little showdown between Juliet and Kate is brewing…thanks again for reading…