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Chapter 3- My Kind Of Drug.
Andy spent her week of mandatory leave enjoying time with her dad, cleaning out her condo and washing every item of material that had accumulated dust and smelled musty.
She refused to let Sam get to her, so she forced herself to keep him out of her system by staying busy.
She had a pizza and movie night with Leo, as promised, and couldn't help but wonder how she had ever coped without him for six months; his energy and spark was so infectious that it set her alight.
She had a few dinners and lunches with her dad, who was doing so well; she wondered what had changed his mind about remaining sober. When she asked, he had smiled a sad smile and simply said "When someone you know stands in your shoes and asks for a hand you kinda see things differently" - whatever that meant.
By the end of her week off, Traci had invited her for drinks at the Penny with Dov, Nick, and Gail, who seemed to be getting along a lot better, now that Nick had told Gail how he felt. He shared the information with Andy and tried to push her into seeking Sam out, but it backfired when they ended up too drunk to leave Andy's condo. Of course, her promise of tomorrow was just big talk, fueled on by copious amounts of tequila; she really just wasn't that brave when it came to admitting her feelings.
She later took Traci up on her offer to pick her up at seven thirty - her need to get out making her mind up for her.
Saturday nights at the Penny were usually fun, the laughs and hangovers from that place would always be good memories burned into her brain.
They sat at their usual table, drinking beer, and it felt just like old times. Only now, Chris was missing and Nick was here. Despite Chris's absence, it still felt good; this is what home felt like.
Somewhere on the second beer, the door opened, and Sam walked in. His eyes were firmly fixed on the ground, even though Andy knew he could feel her watching him.
After a few steps, he looked up straight at Andy and stopped, just as she expected. What she didn't expect was for him to keep walking and actually sit down and order a drink, like he was defying her stare, seeing it as a challenge; lately, he just had just looked down and walked away.
"Stop staring!" Traci whispered, as she nudged Andy with her elbow, playfully, but her words held a warning.
"I think I'm gonna go".
"No, you're going to sit here, drink that beer, and have a good time". Traci had her hand on Andy's arm, just like she had at the diner - stopping her once again.
"I can't do this Trace".
"Yes, you can. Now, let's get drunk. Dov, stop drinking; you're driving me and Andy home". Traci said, sliding her keys across the table.
Andy thought over Traci's words. Maybe if Traci had enough to drink, she would unknowingly hint to what she seemed to be hiding from Andy.
"Think you can keep up?" Andy asked her teasingly. Her challenge was met with a monstrous giggle from Traci. "Bring it on!" Traci sassed, before leaving to order tequila at the bar.
Sam watched Andy through the mirrors behind the bar, careful not to get caught staring or stalking her.
He could watch her for hours; watch her sleep, drink, eat - it didn't matter. He just couldn't help but find her mesmerizing.
He knew he was unable to cut her out of his life completely and immediately gave up trying when he saw her sitting at the table. They shared the same workplace, the same pub, and the same friends. Avoiding her completely would never work, so he opted on a spur of the moment decision to avoid her on personal levels.
He could do that, right?
Then why the hell was he staring at her in the mirror?
A few hours later, Dov cut them off and ordered them out to Traci's car, so he could take them home. He called a cab company and requested a cab to pick him up at Andy's address, since Traci was sleeping over. They left without a word goodbye or even finishing their drinks.
When they made it upstairs, Dov checked Andy's condo and left them giggling like school girls, as he pulled the door closed behind him.
He had really missed this - with Andy and Chris gone, they just didn't seem complete.
"So, can we maybe talk?" Andy questioned while they grabbed their wine and sat down in the lounge.
Traci nodded and waited. She knew this was coming because Andy seemed to be seeking some Dutch courage from the bar.
"Why did you stop me from going after Sam at the diner?"
"Andy, things have been tough on Sam. He just needs time to get used to the idea that you're back".
"What was so tough on him?"
Seriously? Traci made it sound like she left on a trip made up of moonlight and roses while Sam stayed behind and suffered.
Traci stared at her; apparently, nobody even gave her a clue.
"Andy when you left, Sam sort of lost it, like really badly. He started drinking and got arrested for a DUI, by Noelle. Frank suspended him but let him off the suspension because he agreed to take the detectives test and move to that rotation".
"We were all on shift when Noelle arrested him, so he had to find someone else to call because he obviously couldn't call one of us, so he um...he called your dad, who came down to get him. But from then on, he just changed. He became quiet and more focused, but he's still not the same. Oliver's getting divorced, so Sam's been trying to be a good friend, but that is not working that well at the moment either".
Andy froze, like the world had stopped spinning and time stood still. "He called my dad, to bail him out of a DUI?" Andy shrieked; she was mad, fuming even.
She slammed her wine glass down and stood up, pacing the small area between the couch and the coffee table.
"Andy, it wasn't like that. He called your dad because he needed someone, not because he needed a drinking buddy. They've been hanging out. Once or twice when your dad felt like he needed someone, he called Sam, and Sam dropped everything to spend time with your dad, until he felt okay to be on his own again".
"What? How...does that even work?" Andy ran her hand through her hair in annoyance, before sitting back down next to Traci and letting out a long sigh.
"We all need someone to lean on in life. Your dad was just the person Sam needed then, so don't be mad at them, okay?"
She was right, and Andy was thankful that Sam had returned the favor by being there for her dad, but it didn't mean all was forgiven.
"Okay, I've had enough. I'm going to bed". Traci held her hands up in surrender, before standing up and retreating into Andy's bedroom.
Andy grabbed her phone out of her pocket and tried to make her eyes focus on the screen while she started typing out a text.
'Thanks for being there for my dad'. She hit send before she second guessed her decision. She then followed in Traci's footsteps, seeking some much needed sleep.
Monday came too quickly. Andy spent most of Sunday sleeping off her hangover and getting everything ready for going back to work the next day.
She had half expected a reply from Sam, or at least an acknowledgment of her attempt to make peace, but it never came. It left her feeling a little worse than she had before she sent the text and tried to bridge the gap between them.
Arriving at the barn, she changed into her uniform and headed to parade, arm in arm with Gail, who seemed lost on a sugar high or something. Her unusually good mood made Andy smile, as they took their seats and waited for Frank to start parade.
She and Nick were warmly welcomed back, a huge amount of praise being given to them; their efforts were rewarded for a job well done.
The whole way through parade, Andy shifted around in her seat, Sam's heated gaze burning a hole in the back of her head.
He had come sneaking in after Frank started. When Frank was done with parade and dismissed them, her gaze flew up to the back of the room to find him already gone.
It was driving her insane.
Shift passed uneventfully, patrolling alone had its benefits.
That's how the following few days passed by - get up, go to work, watch Sam avoid her, and go home. She didn't even get a nod when she walked by him in the hallway; instead, he'd look intently absorbed in observing the ground. Or when she would run into him at the coffee station, he'd speedily finish his coffee and move out of her way. She'd watch him stare into the cup and let his vision drown in the black liquid.
And that was just how life went.
For weeks.
One night at the Penny, Andy arrived late, after dropping by her dad's. She walked in to discover an already eventful Friday night in full swing.
Dov, Traci, Nick, and Gail all occupied their table; Andy joining them to an already waiting drink.
It was Nick's birthday. Celebrations were in full swing when she arrived. Before she leaned in and gave him a hug, she noticed he had the happiest smile on his face.
"Guess what Gail gave me?" He whispered while she was still close.
"What?"
"A chance to make it right. So when are you going after yours?"
Andy couldn't help but look over Nick's shoulder at Sam, who seemed to be looking around the room.
"Never, he's over that idea". Andy whispered when she pulled away. Nick's smile faded as he looked at her.
"You're wrong, Andy. He still watches you, and trust me, it's still there".
Andy moved over to Traci and gave her a hug, leaning over the back of her chair as they all began a chorus of 'Happy Birthday' to Nick, who turned fifty different shades of embarrassed.
Sam heard the echo of their voices from across the bar and deducted that it was Collins's birthday from the obvious 'Nick' in the middle of the song. He didn't know about the occasion because they had been off shift today.
He had seen Andy come in later than everyone else, and she nearly caught him staring at her in the mirror. When Collins had whispered something in her ear, she suddenly looked up in his direction.
He ordered a round of tequilas for their table and asked Liam to send it over, but found a loophole in his plan when Liam said the waitress was out sick, so he'd have to take it over himself.
With the drinks poured, Sam grabbed the tray and turned around. He was making his way to the table when someone collided with him.
Andy tried to move out of Traci's embrace, deciding that they needed a round of Jack Daniels on this occasion. But Traci kept hold of her arm, until she suddenly let go, just as a guy came staggering past and walked into Andy when she moved.
She stumbled backwards, before colliding with another body. Sudden wetness ran down her back, as whoever it was doused her with their drink.
Andy pinched her eyes closed to shut out everyone's stares. She heard the tray clatter to the floor and glass smash as it hit the hard surface of the tiles. A warm hand then reached out of nowhere to steady her.
Andy didn't need to turn around to see who she had bumped into; she knew just from his touch and his scent who it was.
Stepping forward, careful not to step on the tray and shattered glass, Andy moved away from his grip, his hand slipping off her waist as she put space between them.
The guy that knocked into her began mumbling a frigid excuse before he walked away, probably from seeing Sam glare at him over her shoulder.
"I am so sorry". Andy sputtered out as she turned to face Sam, who actually had an amused look on his face.
"I did not mean for that to happen". Andy was looking everywhere but at Sam, as she kept stepping back, a light red tint forming on her cheeks.
"I know, don't worry about it". Sam also moved away and saw a new tray waiting when he reached the bar.
Andy found the whole moment hysterical. As soon as she sat down next to Traci, she burst out into a fit of giggles. The rest of the table joined in, just as Sam set the tray down between Nick and Andy, both leaning away to make room for him to fit between them.
"Saving some for later?" Traci whispered in her ear between giggles, as she eyed Andy's wet back.
"Something like that".
She found it surprisingly easy to talk to Sam in that moment, letting her guard down long enough to let herself go. She let go of all her hard feelings towards him in that single moment and seeing him actually smile made it worth it.
"Can I borrow your car? I'm gonna need to run home and get out of these clothes."
Traci handed her keys over and Andy grabbed her bag off the back of her chair, as she slid out of her seat and headed for the door.
Looking up in Sam's direction, she found him back in his seat at the bar, watching her through the mirror. He had a timid smile on his face, realizing he was busted.
She let a smile flash over her own lips in his direction just as her hand reached the door, although his smile seemed to fade as he watched her leave.
She felt really good as she left the Penny, having crossed onto some new ground - a feeling of bliss. Though his smile didn't quite seem to light up his eyes and started to fade when she reached the door, she was convinced they were finally getting somewhere.
Sam continued to watch her leave, even though she had caught him staring at her. He was lost in studying her smile and seeing that red hue return to her skin was simply euphoric. It was like her blush was some kind of drug to him; the more he saw it, the more he craved it again and again.
When his brain kicked in and he realized that she was leaving, he felt his own smile somewhat slip as she reached the door, knowing he was probably the reason for her departure.
"She'll be back". Nash's voice was suddenly close to him.
"She just went home to change". Traci sat down in the chair next to him, her fingers fiddling with the label on her beer bottle.
"So, this is how things are going to be with you two?" That made Sam look at her, really look at her, like he was trying to decipher her words.
"And how is it supposed to be otherwise?" His tone was dry and rigid, as if he was expecting some kind of comeback that he did not want to hear.
"Not like this, Sam. But she's not going to make the first move, trust me". With that, Nash left him alone at the bar, lost in his own thoughts.
What the hell did she mean by 'she won't make the first move?' Was she hinting that he should?
Right, like that was ever going to happen.
Andy came back about half an hour later, dressed in fresh clothes. A small smile adorned her lips again, as she passed Sam and resumed her seat at the table.
He watched her for a few more minutes, getting his McNally fix, before leaving some notes on the bar and slipping out the door.
He needed time to think…time to think over Nash's words….time to think over what his heart ached for him to do - and his mind screamed he shouldn't.
Even though he had decided to avoid her, he no longer held that thought as making the right choice.
In fact, he didn't even know what he was doing anymore.
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