Teyla grew more agitated as she walked with the men towards Rodney's lab and Ronon's persistent grin did nothing to soothe it. She felt a strange sense of relief now that she understood her unease with this place. But she didn't know what to feel about anything else. There had been too many sorrows and revelations pressed upon her in too little time.

"Can we return to our universe, Rodney? We destroyed the device," she asked, seeking for some certainty among the whirlwind of her thoughts.

Rodney just walked a little faster. "I've been thinking about that. I will need to check out the outpost again. If it worked before, maybe it was because there was enough left undamaged to function in some way. It may be enough to return us as well."

"What if it's not?" Ronon's question was practical if depressing.

"I built it once. I can do it again."

Teyla shook her head in confusion. "When -?"

"In the other universe. The one where I figured out how to install the drive on the Daedalus."

"Right. The alternate McKay who killed everyone in his own universe, killed another Sheppard, McKay, Ronon, and Teyla, and almost killed us."

Rodney glanced back at them, looking nervous. "Right. That McKay. Here we are!"

He darted into his lab, a little too obviously eager to escape further questions. Teyla had just made it over the threshold herself when a sharp voice called to them from just behind.

"There you are!"

Rodney scuttled even deeper into his lab and hunched down behind a laptop screen, already typing. Teyla turned to find the furiously concerned face of Jennifer glaring at them.

"Richard called me, asking about Teyla – something about a breakdown in the gateroom? I just spent half an hour trying to find you and here you are skulking around together and sneaking into Rodney's lab?"

Jennifer's voice was far more concern than anger, and she rushed to give Teyla a relieved embrace. "Are you OK? Teyla, I've been so worried since Woolsey called!"

"I am fine. Jennifer, you must listen. Things are not as they should be. We -."

"Teyla, please. I know things are not as they should be. Things are far, far, far from what they should be. But you can't keep hiding from John's death and from your son. I know how painful this must be for you, but -."

"We are not from your universe. We were transported here from another reality that is…different," Teyla interrupted, hoping to say enough to snap the doctor out of her well-meaning, but misguided concern. "We were wrong about John because he is the only one of the four of us that wasn't switched between realities. In the universe we come from, John is not Torren's father. He and I never... I mean, we didn't..." she blushed deeply, growing even more furious at Ronon's amusement. "We aren't involved," she finished firmly, at last.

Jennifer snapped her mouth shut, glared like she was suddenly afraid. She flicked a severe look at Rodney before she spoke again, as if choosing every word very carefully.

"Teyla, Atlantis is a place of amazing possibilities. You have experienced parallel universe travel, you have seen the dead seemingly come back to life when we found Carson's clone. But as miraculous as this place is, it doesn't work on command. I know it must feel so much better to believe in a place where you and John were never together. I can imagine how that would be a safer place for you to be right now. But you are my friend. You and John were my friends. I have seen the love you have for each other, even if your circumstances keep you more apart than together. I have seen the love you have together for your son. Don't throw that away, Teyla, because if you throw the pain away, you throw away the love, too."

Jennifer's words, so passionately spoken, were tearing at Teyla's soul. She did love John, just not in the way Jennifer described. Or did she? She was so confused and behind everything was the lasting, gaping ache for John in both realities she now straddled, for there was no certainty that they would find him any more alive in their own universe than in this one.

"Stop," Teyla pleaded. "Please...stop."

Jennifer grabbed her hands, threw her next words at Ronon. "I know you know better than to hide from grief! So why are you doing it now? Why are you letting someone you care about do just that?"

Ronon's eyes went wide, all amusement stripped from his face. Jennifer turned last to Rodney. "You're the worst of all, because I almost believe you could escape into another dimension if you put your mind to it. But that won't bring your friend back, Rodney. Not the friend you remember and love."

Rodney flinched, presumably at Jennifer's choice of phrase, but he typed one last spat of something into the laptop he was working at, and scuttled over, turning the screen and shoving it at Jennifer as if trying to show it to her and hide behind it at the same time.

"Rodney! I won't play along," she snapped, swatting away the screen. "Every instinct in my body is screaming at me to stop you from sinking into this fantasy before it's too late."

"Just look!" Rodney insisted, holding the laptop and shoving it at her face. An awkward dance followed. Jennifer let go of Teyla and backed away, Rodney pursued.

"Look at the residual radiation signature I found in my tissue samples. Lumkeul just posted my results." He took another step, shoved the screen even closer. "Look at the discrepancies, tiny, miniscule that they are, in my DNA sequence. I had him compare the records you have on file from the time the Ancient ascension device zapped me to my current sequence."

Jennifer stopped backing away. Rodney reached around, hit a key or two. "This is the research I've been continuing since we escaped the Lost Daedalus. Sheppard won't let me work on the drive theory, but he let me play with the navigation and mapping part because I convinced him it could come in handy some time."

Jennifer finally looked at the screen, though her arms were folded across her chest. Rodney's expression went triumphant.

"The alternate McKay was able to identify universes by the very slight variances in universal constants, which, in turn, create variances in the resonance of the electrochemical field a human body produces. Um, produces when alive. Our signatures are out of sync with this universe. They are very, very similar, which is why our universes are so relatively consistent, but this is indisputable evidence, Jennifer. We're not imagining this to escape Sheppard's death. That may be how it started, but I was right. This is not our universe."

Jennifer pursed her lips, reading the screen as if she didn't want to but was drawn in by compulsion. Teyla watched her closely, almost holding her breath. She realized that though she trusted Rodney, she desperately wanted Jennifer's confirmation. Someone from this reality to confirm it. Jennifer's speech had been so...passionate, she had almost doubted everything she thought she knew.

Jennifer studied the data for a long time. She poked the keyboard and scrolled between pages. Rodney set the laptop down for her, and stepped back, for once showing some patience. At last, her hands dropped in her lap, her shoulders sagged.

"I'll need to see all three of you tested," she said at last, her voice sounding flat, strangled.

"Of course. But I think you'll find the same results."

"I, for one, am very certain I do not belong here," Teyla affirmed quickly, though the words were very close to a lie. It wasn't that she didn't belong here – her other self had just made a different choice than she had. She could easily belong here, she almost admitted. And that was what was so disturbing. Jennifer was quiet for another long moment.

"Where are our Teyla, Ronon, and McKay?" she asked next, just as softly.

"Probably in our universe," Rodney answered quickly. "That's why you have to let me finish my simulations and then return to the outpost. I need to get us back home. All of us, in our own homes." He added the last, sounding confused about how to say what he meant. He shrugged.

"Let's start with the tissue samples."

Jennifer stood, looking dazed and moved with mechanical stiffness towards the hallway. Teyla and Ronon looked at each other until the doctor gave them a wry look. "Well I can't do them here," she snapped.

Teyla scurried after her, Ronon at her shoulder.

"I'll stay here and set up the next set of simulations," Rodney called after them.

"Right," Jennifer breathed. She was obviously very thrown by the turn of events. It was an uncomfortable walk to the infirmary, and after she had taken their blood and tissue samples, she stared hard at them for a moment.

"I'm having trouble believing you are not my Teyla and Ronon," she said at last. "You don't seem any different to me at all. Down to the new hairstyle you got last week, Teyla."

"I know how you feel," Teyla agreed, fervently. "Even I did not suspect until only a few minutes ago. There is so much that is identical between our worlds."

"But, you really meant it when you said you and John Sheppard never…"

"No," Teyla answered quickly, rolling her eyes at Ronon's chortle. "We care very much for each other in my universe. But not in that way."

"But you two seem so…passionate. I don't understand how you wouldn't have hooked up in any universe."

Teyla had no answer except to feel her cheeks grow hot. Ronon however nodded. "The hottest fire takes the longest to kindle," he said looking wise. "It can be hard to draw the right spark." Teyla squirmed, but Jennifer just nodded, still looking very much confused. It was a confusion that Teyla shared only too keenly.

"I'll get started on these, then," she said and wandered away.

She and Ronon decided to wait for the results with Rodney, but when they returned to his lab, he was sitting stiffly in front of his screens, looking even paler that before. When their arrival elicited no response, Teyla stepped to his side to peer over his shoulder.

"Have you figured out if we will be able to return?" she prompted.

"What? Oh. That depends on the physical condition of the equipment. I'm now sure I can recreate the conditions that brought us here if it is in working order, though."

"That's wonderful!"

"Maybe," he said, sounding as distant as Jennifer.

"What did you find, McKay?" Ronon demanded, startling Teyla. By Rodney's uncomfortable look, he'd guessed correctly that Rodney was disturbed by something.

"The pulse to return us to our home universe is easier to accomplish than the one to send a person into a foreign universe. The out-of-sync resonance of our biosignatures will actually guide us home quite easily."

"So?" Ronon prompted again.

"So, in the simulations I've run, I have determined that the us's in this universe weren't successful in completely destroying the device that we were so concerned about going off. They missed something, or were a few seconds too late. The pulse swept over the outpost, killing Sheppard. But from what I've been able to figure out, it also tore a hole in the membrane between universes. Since our team was in approximately the same place at approximately the same time, the field from this universe not only shoved their people into ours, but it also sucked us back to here. Kind of like water pulls on you before the next wave comes to shore. Also like water, there are eddies and backwash. Something flowed just right for we three to be sent. John's position left him in this universe."

Something tickled at Teyla's memory. "John was in a different position," she realized suddenly. "I was certain he was right next to me when we dove for cover, and then after the flash, he was behind us."

"That could account for why our John wasn't brought here," Rodney agreed. "Or why theirs wasn't left there."

Teyla silently thanked Rodney for explaining in terms she would understand. But she still didn't understand his discomfort.

"Do you think we also missed something? That we also contributed to the transfer?"

"No. I think we destroyed the device completely. We are only here because of their mistake."

"But how can you be certain of this?"

"Because we're…alive." Teyla twisted to peer into Rodney's face. He wouldn't meet her gaze. "The transfer field is deadly. I mentioned that before. What I didn't think through before is that all four of them had to have been exposed to the pulse before they were transferred. The portal was opened from here."

"All four were exposed?" Ronon asked this time. A cold feeling of dread sank into Teyla's chest.

"Yes. Jennifer said it, too. She didn't know how we could survive anything that did what it did to this universe's Sheppard. We didn't survive it, because we weren't exposed. They were. And I…think it did do that…to them."

"They're dead," Teyla gasped. "We're dead? The ones from this universe are all dead?"

Rodney's expression was a mask of horror. "So even if we make it home," he began, then scrubbed furiously at his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"They won't," she finished.

Teyla lifted a shaking hand and then rang the chime to the guest suites. Jennifer rustled behind her, still acting uncomfortable in her presence, which saddened Teyla. She was a good friend, in both universes, but the doctor was obviously having trouble reconciling the strange circumstances. She had argued against Teyla visiting Torren, now that she considered her an imposter, but Teyla had insisted. She…needed to see the little boy that was still hers, and yet not hers.

Alyssia answered, to Teyla's relief. The woman's expression was pleased, if a little guarded. They had told no one else of the true situation. Only Jennifer was aware. And she had only agreed to keep the secret with the hope that their own team would be home soon to tell the tale. Absent John, of course. That grief was still theirs to bear.

And might be mine, Teyla thought. It was why she needed to see…TJ.

"Teyla, are you feeling better?" Alyssia said, welcoming her in and touching her cheek to Teyla's.

"A little," Teyla answered truthfully. "Please forgive my outburst earlier. I have been very confused. Exhaustion, I fear, created an…imagined terror that I was unable to recognize from reality."

"Oh, I understand. Please come in. TJ took a long nap and just finished eating. He's playing on the floor."

Teyla followed Alyssia into the guest suite that was little more than a large room with a bed against one wall, and a chest of drawers against the other. A small round pedestal table was pushed into a corner, covered with remnants of baby finger food. Teyla looked around for Kanaan and Alyssia must have noticed.

"Kanaan is out. I think he went to talk with Major Lorne, offer his condolences and make an effort to form relationships with the likely next commander of Atlantis." Alyssa's tone was a mixture of pride and exasperation, but she was looking at Teyla with sympathy. "Why don't I gather up his things and let you have some time alone with your baby. Do you want us to stay in the city for a little while longer? In case there are things we can do to help while you prepare final arrangements for John? We could watch the baby if you need us to."

Teyla threw a terrified look at Jennifer. She'd only wanted to see the baby, not take him with her, but of course, that is what Alyssia would assume. Jennifer's look was calculating, and Teyla again felt her disapproval.

"I...would be very grateful if you stayed," she stammered at last. "In fact, I will be very busy for the rest of the day and it would give me great comfort to know...TJ is with friends that he knows."

"In that case, I'll just go for a walk. You can leave his things here. Take as long as you need."

Alyssia gave her one last brief hug, and left the room. Jennifer was sitting on the edge of the bed, making faces at the baby who had pulled himself standing by tugging on the comforter. Teyla found herself just staring. When the baby lost his balance and slid to the floor with a bump, she instinctively knelt and reached out to scoop him close before he could fuss at the surprise.

His eyes lit in delight and he gave a big, satisfied gurgle of baby joy when her arms found themselves around him. She fought down a fresh surge of tears. Though even his weight and the feel of his little shoulders was different, some deep maternal instinct seemed to be telling her that he was hers. She smelled the sweet baby scent of clean diapers and the Athosian soap she used to bathe him.

He wriggled, done with the cuddling and more interested in the small pile of bright toys that were scattered on the floor. She put him on his bottom and sat on the floor to watch him crawl a few feet away to bang a block against a plastic bucket.

"John calls him TJ," she whispered to herself, the tears growing almost impossible to restrain.

"You tried for months to get John to call him Torren, your preference. But he just kept right on calling him TJ. 'TJ – J is for John' he'd say if anyone tried to correct him. In the end, everyone calls him TJ. Even you. The other you," Jennifer trailed off uncertainly.

TJ was lighter and maybe longer than her Torren, Teyla thought after long moments of watching the baby play. And unlike Torren's thick, curly hair, TJ had stick-straight dark fuzz that stuck out away from his head like the fluff of a dandelion. Extremely curious, she turned her head this way and that, but aside from the fluffy unruliness, TJ showed no signs of John's cowlick or widow's peak. Perhaps this son had escaped that fate, at least.

TJ's face was more oval than Torren's. He had almond eyes with thick dark lashes and a fine, sharp nose. His skin had Teyla's golden hue, where Torren was more olive, like Kanaan. He was a beautiful baby, Teyla could easily admit. Despite their differences, if you put the boys together, she was certain they would look enough like brothers to recognize them as such. Half brothers. She shivered.

"How did we... When did John and...the other Teyla get together?" Teyla asked of Jennifer at last, her throat tight.

"You told me once that after the original Carson died in the explosion that you and John...helped each other through it. You realized that things would never be perfect and that you had to just seize the day, to use an Earth phrase. TJ was a big surprise for you both."

Teyla felt a thrill of memory. Only this morning she had been reminded of that moment on the infirmary balcony when she had come closest to asking for more than friendship from John. Could two such different paths really be forged from variations on a single moment? A sudden thought occurred to her.

"Did Michael kidnap me and try to take my baby in this universe?" Would TJ have been of the breeding he'd needed for his hybrid army? Jennifer wrapped her arms around herself and shuddered from the memory.

"Yes. He did that here, too. He believed that with your wraith mental abilities and John's ATA gene, the child would be able to manipulate not only hybrids, but command more Ancient technology than he ever could with genetic engineering."

Ah. So the path of a universe was harder to de-rail than one might think. Even as of yesterday, their paths had been so similar as to be at the outpost at the same time. Except...

A cold shiver ran down her spine and pure horror sucked the breath out of her lungs. For a moment she couldn't breathe. She reached for TJ and pulled him into her lap, rocking him against her and soothing his struggles to escape by bouncing him.

Except that yesterday they had all died. This child she held in her arms, who squirmed and wriggled to escape, believing his mother to be nearby, was, instead, an orphan. She pressed her cheek against his soft head and crooned to him, soothing her own sorrow. TJ relaxed at the sound of her voice and stuck his thumb in his mouth.

"Da da da da da," he cooed around the thumb, speaking the quiet baby talk of home and comfort.

Tears flowed freely and she heard Jennifer sniffling, too.

"He looks like John, you know," Jennifer said at last. "Everyone says so. Everyone loves him here, too. There haven't been many quiet days, but when there were, John would take him around with him. TJ'd show up in staff meetings and briefings. Once, I found him asleep on John's chest when John was lying on his back under a jumper panel, fixing something for Rodney."

Teyla sobbed, held him even tighter to her chest. Another memory flooded her, this one of John listening to her wrestle with the fear of being killed herself if she returned to John's team. "Your child has a family here in case anything ever happens", he'd said unable to meet her eyes as he said it. She'd known he meant himself. She'd been amazed at his capacity for protectiveness of someone else's son.

As she rocked and wept and held John's son, she began to wonder if maybe she shouldn't return the favor.