Akamaru: Woof woof!

Kiba: Good boy, Akamaru!

Luigifreak:...Uh, what?

Kiba: Are you deaf?! Akamaru just said the disclaimer!

Luigifreak: Riight...Well, R&R please, people!

Chapter 3: SHANNARO! Sakura's fic

Note: Sorry, I had a request to do one for Kabuto next, but I'm afraid I'll have to cover some of the Konoha nin first.

Sasuke realized that everyone was staring at the embarrassing piece of writing that Sasuke typed up a few minutes ago, and he said, "Oh...fucking...shit!"

After everyone Sasuke knew was staring at him, wide-eyed, he said, "I-I-I can explain!"

Naruto, not having much of a clue, said, "Uh...Sasuke, are you gay or something? Because I'm not going out with you. Sick."

In his cramped, tearing mind, Sasuke thought, 'Naruto-kun...thinks...being...gay...is...sick?!", and he finally snapped.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sasuke screamed dramatically, charging a Chidori and shredding the window to pieces, jumping out of the building and landing on his head. "Ow..."

"Sasuke-kun! NO! I'll help you!" Sakura cried, running down the stairs and trying to tend to Sasuke, only making things worse, because everyone heard a scream of, "FANGIRL! Oh, Kami, why?!", and Sasuke slammed a Chidori right in his face, making him very, very bloody.

Two British men walking down the streets, one with a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead, and the other a redhead, saw Sasuke and one said in a heavy accent, "Oh, bloody lord! That bloody kid is bloody!"

The other continued, "Well, then, by the bloody lord, we shall get this bloody boy to the bloody hospital before he goes to bloody hell!", and the two ran off, carrying Sasuke.

Sakura crouched down, sobbing, and thought in her tears, "No! Sasuke-kun...I need some way to forget about this pain in my heart..."

Inner Sakura poked at Sakura and said, "Well, maybe you should write the essay that Hokage-sama wanted everyone to write!"

"Hm...but I don't know what to write about!" Sakura said out loud, before seeing Naruto, who waved with a goofy smile on his face, and said, "Yo, Sakura-chan!"

"NARUTO! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Sakura yelled, before landing a hook on Naruto's jaw, sending him flying to a tree, where he got (temporarily) eaten by a fat raccoon.

"Wait, that's a great idea! I can write a fanfic about why I hit Naruto! And other people! CHA!" Sakura thought, grabbing a random laptop and typing on it.

-Sakura's Fanfic/Oneshot-

Title: 20 Reasons for...Shannaro!

Rating: T for violence

Description: 20 hilarious explanations as to why Sakura hits people...hard! Except for Sasuke-kun! Pairings: Sasusaku, Sasusaku, and Sasusaku! If it's not Sasusaku, then I'll hit you! CHA!

Disclaimer: I pretty much own Naruto, but not Sasuke...how sad.

-The 20 People I Punch-

1. Naruto: I hit him in the face every day because he's so annoying and doesn't stop calling me Sakura-chan or going googly-eyed over me! Black eyes are better than googly eyes, especially from that dumb orange nuisance! CHA!

2. Ino-pig: Because she's a bitchy McBitch that wants Sasuke! Only I deserve Sasuke! Ino can go out with Choji or something for all I care, but NOBODY messes with Sasuke-kun!

3. Kiba: Because he's almost as annoying as Naruto-baka and I'm personally against bestiality.

4. Hinata: Because what kind of freak loves Naruto anyway?! And her quiet jaw needs to move sometimes, you know!

5. Kakashi-sensei: He's late every damn day and isn't even as cool as Sasuke-kun! Only Sasuke-kun deserves to be late! And what about that smut he reads, huh?

6. Tenten: Because some stupid tools can't beat a good old-fashioned fist! Not to mention, she is a tool for Neji...

7. Neji: The only thing you're destined to be is punched in the face by yours truly!

8. Shino: Uh...because I wanna see how his face looks. Man, I'm running out of excuses...I mean explanations! Yeah...

9. Lee: He claims to love me, but is also having an affair with Gai-sensei...And look at those fuzzy eyebrows! They could block my punch anyway!

10: Uh...Captain Falcon: Because he stole and copyrighted what was gonna be MY line! FALCON PUNCH! Now I have to stick with that stupid "Shannaro" shit...

11. Choji: Maybe punching him will knock the fat outta that lard-ass...And you know what they say: Anyone over 100 pounds is a fatass!

12: Shikamaru: This is the ONLY way to make that lazy bum move. Trust me.

13. Orochimaru: Because he's a pedophile that tried to rape Sasuke-kun. ONLY I RAPE SASUKE-KUN!

14. Kabuto: Because he "works for" a pedophile that tried to rape Sasuke-kun.

15. Jiraiya: I'm such a hottie that he'll probably spy on me and use me for Icha-Icha once I'm 18...I hate being beautiful!

16. Naruto...again: Because I couldn't think of anyone else

17. Kurenai-sensei: She skimpily dresses...in toilet paper! And when they ran out and I needed to go to the bathroom, she said no!

18. 3rd Hokage: If you can't beat up a pedophile, you're shamelessly weak. It's like a law or something.

19. Gaara: I like practicing on him because once I get through his defenses, I can punch Naruto twice as hard!

20: Kankuro: Because he plays with dolls...(Kankuro: They're action figures! And puppets!), even though his dolls are pretty big and hard.

That's when Naruto ran up to me like the imbecile he is and blurted, "That's what she said!"

What he said broke the fuse right then and there. "SHANNARO!" I proudly yelled, punching and practically breaking the idiot's skull, and it seemed to make him smarter, because he said, "Sorry...I'll never ask you out again! Promise! Please...just don't kill me!" and ran to flirt on Hinata. (Which would obviously work, no duh!)

I smiled, everything being okay, but then I saw my true love, Sasuke-kun. For a moment, I was thinking of asking him out, but I already knew that would fail miserably, and I sought an alternate plan.

-Later that evening, in a deserted bar-

"Okay, girls! The Fangirl Club meeting starts now! Today, we shall discuss...the plan for raping Sasuke-kun!" a shadowy figure, supposedly the leader, said.

Some girls cheered, while the others uttered complaints such as, "No, I want Neji-kun!" or "Kiba's hotter!" and a particularly built girl yelled, "GO CHOJI-KUN!"

"No, no, and for the love of Kami, NO! We are raping Sasuke-kun today, and that is final!" the leader said again, while the girls finally agreed, "Fine."

"Now, here's the plan, all of you distract him, forcing him to run the opposite direction, then chase him. On the other side, Sakura Haruno, his worst fear, will be waiting, and he will be trapped between the two forces, ours to take! Any questions?" the leader finished, while the crowd of fangirls cheered for their lives.

The leader walked out and removed her mask, and pink hair was revealed! She...I was none other than the ravishing beauty, Sakura!

"Heh, everything according to plan! Stupid fangirls! HE'S MINE!" I yelled, heading to the designated meeting place.

-9:00 PM, at a random street-

Sasuke stood still, listening to the rustling wind and thinking about revenge, when he smelled something!

'Fangirls!' he thought, indeed sprinting for his virginity, and avoiding the townsmen. When he finally got to a dead end, he jumped and looked ahead, only to see his most avid fangirl.

"Sakura!" he yelled, dropping into a defensive stance. Just then, many shrill screams could be heard behind Sasuke, and all of the fangirls fell in a giant pit, all thanks to me, Sakura! The beautiful genius!

"You stupid bitch!" one of the idiot fangirls screamed, while I smirked at them, and Sasuke smelled with the sexy stench of fear. SEXY!

"Don't worry, Sasuke-kun, I'll make you feel good. Very good," I said, seductively, bringing his pants down, and I don't think the next part will be appropriate at all for a 12-year old to write, so I'll skip to the marriage. Sasuke-kun suddenly became straight after I was done with him because I'm so SEXY! Too sexy for my shirt! Yeah! Sasuke-kun and I had 96 children by the time we were 25 years old because we had 12 sets of octuplets because we are just THAT sexy! Oh, and Naruto and Hinata got married also, but who the hell cares about them? I'm just glad the idiot stopped bothering me.

The End! A Very Sexy End!

Sakura looked over her 'masterpiece' a few times, fixing a couple of spelling mistakes, and sent it through Fanfiction Net. Nobody in Konoha knew about her story, and for their sake, it better stay that way, because everyone will hate her (more) if it doesn't!

Meanwhile, in the Hokage's office, the ninjas were crowded over the computer, except a smiling Hinata who fainted due to reading a Naruhina lemon, and a bloodcurdling scream was heard.

"NO! Who the fuck would make me do THAT with Hinata-sama?! That's...not right!" a normally quiet Neji yelled, looking in shock, as he finished reading a...M-rated Nejihina.

"That is nothing! Gai-sensei and I may engage in manly hugs, but we would never participate in smut! We must protect our youth!" a shocked Lee yelled, reading a GaiLee.

"And dude, I would never do anything like that with Hinata! Ew!" Naruto commented on the same Naruhina mentioned a bit ago, and Kiba said, "Dude, not so loud! You might make Hinata cry!"

"Uh...why? She probably thinks that's gross, also!" Naruto replied, while Kiba just stood there, pondering for a decent excuse.

The loudest yell came from Jiraiya, in fetal position, sucking his thumb.

"I do not like Naruto...I do not like Naruto...I like women with sexy curves..." Jiraiya mentioned, after reading something only a pedophile would write. It was most likely the work of Orochimaru, but who knows?

Tsunade mentioned, "That is precisely why I chose this website! It is being corrupted, mostly with yaoi, incest, and pedophilia, things we will NEVER do! Your new mission now is official and mandatory, write a oneshot essay, otherwise known as a "fanfic", and submit it to the website! Make people read the TRUTH! Oh, and if anyone comments on the size of my breasts in any of these fanfics, you...will...regret it. Especially you, Jiraiya."

Jiraiya said, "Aw..." in despair, as everyone started thinking of something, just something to write as they scattered out of the office. Except Hinata, who was still out cold and happily thinking of her and Naruto in bed having se...-ahem!- I meant having chocolate-chip cookies! That's better!

-In Konoha Hospital-

Sasuke was getting rather tired of those bloody British men who were speaking in a bloody accent over the bloodied Sasuke, and he decided to read the reviews on his new fanfic.

Author: Hn-Emo (Die, Itachi!)

Title: Hn.

Reviews: 4

Dtecnokira: Dude, that was awesome, I love Sasunaru! I really do hope they get married off in the canon, and this was much cleaner than Naruto's fic!

Luigifreak: ...No, just no. A foursome?! 0.o

Sasukes#1Fan: Sasunaru?! Naruto should be punched in the face and it should be a Sasusaku! CHA!...I mean..yay?

IgotsaLongSnake: Hot, hot, hot! Can you pleeeease make a second chapter with an Orosasu? Thanks!

Sasuke had a blank look on the screen, his left eye twitching, as he was about to cry.

See Sasuke's reaction and the next fic, next chapter! And let me know what you think! Comments, ideas, compliments, constructive criticism, anything :P