Chapter 3

The call came late in the morning … "Medical team to the gate room."

Even after all this time, those words still had the power to fill Jen's heart with dread. She knew that Major Lorne's team was off world right now, her worry for Evan and his team heightened. Major Lorne had been one of the few people on base who'd welcomed Jennifer with open arms. They'd discovered this kind of sibling link from the moment they met, quickly turning into a strong bond between the two of them. They enjoyed each other's company immensely and when Laura Cadman was on base they became the three Musketeers… or maybe more like the Three Stooges.

Grabbing a gurney and their equipment, the medical team hurried down to the gate room. Jennifer threw up a quick prayer that it wasn't any of Lorne's team. Coming into view, Jen could tell it was minor injuries, letting out a sigh of relief.

One of the team members from SGA-4, Sergeant Jenkins, had a large gash on his thigh that would require quite a few stitches. The medics quickly placed him on the gurney and they all headed back to the infirmary. Sergeant Jenkins was stitched up while the rest of the team had their post mission physicals. Dr. Keller had everyone checked out and off to their debriefing before lunchtime.

Leaning back in her chair, Jennifer rested her eyes for a few minutes before going to lunch. She started thinking about this life she was living so far away from home. Life here is so very fragile. The dangers they faced on a day-to-day basis were unlike anything comparable on Earth. The most dangerous jobs back home couldn't come close to the danger they experienced continually here in the Pegasus Galaxy. Unless, of course, you counted the work being done at the SGC. Cheyenne Mountain was no walk in the park either.

They were all a part of something bigger, more important than themselves, yet few even knew they existed. Intense was the only word to describe anything having to do with Atlantis. Few made it past one rotation or their first contract. Those who chose to stay were part of an elite group, which included Jennifer Keller.

Jennifer shook off her daydreaming, deciding to get something to eat. It was past the lunch hour so the mess hall should be cleared out by now.

She grabbed her tray and loaded up a salad and cup of soup. At the last minute she decided to splurge adding a slice of pie. She figured she'd have the rest of the day to work off all the sugar.

Jen picked a table off in the corner and set her tray down. Starting in on her salad, her mind began to wander thinking about what she could do to make herself less of a threat in the field. She was starting on a jogging routine tonight that should help. She'd thought about adding some sparring lessons or maybe have Laura teach her some hand-to-hand combat moves.

Teyla brought her out of her fog, "Jennifer, do you mind if I join you?"

"Please," Jennifer invited as she moved her tray over a bit.

"You seemed deep in thought. I hope I am not interrupting," Teyla inquired.

"Oh, not at all," Jennifer insisted. "In fact, you're just the person I need to talk to."

Teyla arranged her lunch, waiting for Jennifer to voice her need.

"Teyla, I was wondering if you'd be willing to give me sparing lessons? You saw first hand my helplessness and I know it's a threat to any team I join," Jennifer voiced her frustration.

"I would be happy to instruct you, Jennifer, but you must remember that when you travel with any team it is our job to protect you regardless of your skills," Teyla explained. "Even so, I would be very happy to teach you some basic self-defense skills. When would you like to begin?"

"Are you free tomorrow?" Jennifer asked. "Can we pick a time when there aren't many people using the gym?" She asked with an embarrassed look.

Teyla smiled softly, "Perhaps we should try the early evening hours while everyone is at dinner?" The women agreed to start tomorrow at dinner. Jen already felt better about herself, excited about this new endeavor. She was determined to improve and possibly remove this jinx label that had taken hold concerning her presence in off world missions. She left the lunchroom with new resolve in her step.

The afternoon seemed to fly by, before she knew it Marie stuck her head in Jen's office and said goodnight. That was all the inspiration she needed. Jennifer put the files back into the cabinet and began shutting everything down for the night. She said goodnight to her evening staff, starting for the crew quarters.

Jennifer opened her door, slipping off her shoes as she entered. She headed for her closet to find some comfortable clothes but stopped suddenly when she spotted something on her bed.

There on her pillow was a card that said 'Always'. Nothing more … no signature, no explanation. But Jennifer knew it was from Ronon. An answer to her card this morning.

She'd worried that Ronon would think her card was foolish or even childish; this unexpected answer brought a smile to her face.

Jen sat on her bed holding the card and felt connected. It reminded her of watching her mom and dad sitting together in the evenings sharing all the things that had happened during the day. It looked like such a special time. Now that Jennifer was older she understood just how important it was to be able to share your day with someone.

The more she thought about it the more she wondered if she could share her day with Ronon. Would he mind if she talked about the events that packed her hours, the thoughts that filled her head? She'd taken a chance last night turning to him for comfort, was she brave enough to stick her neck out again? She decided it wouldn't hurt to write it all down … maybe that would be enough. Just to pour her self out on paper would surely be some kind of release. Moving to her desk, Jennifer grabbed some paper and began to write.

Being CMO has its privileges including access to all the scheduling for the base. Jennifer quickly looked up the night shift, noting Ronon would be busy training Marines this evening. She put on her jogging shoes, grabbed her letter and headed out the door. Time to start getting in shape. If she got her stamina built up then at least she could sprint for the gate if the occasion demanded. She was glad she scheduled those sparring lessons with Teyla.

Jennifer stopped at Ronon's room on her way to the transporter. She knew he never locked his door – after all, who would be foolish enough to intrude into his privacy without an invitation. She was sure he'd be in the gym but decided to run her hand over the door chime just in case. When there was no answer, she quickly opened his door. She placed her letter on his bed, leaving quickly before she got caught.

On the way back to the transporter Jennifer starting feeling like she was back in high school. Too afraid to talk to the boys, girls would write notes and pass them across the room from student to student. Of course she was never popular enough to be the writer … always the passer!

"Would you go to the dance with me?"

"Do you like so and so?"

"Want to come over to my house tonight?"

Why did she have to think of that now? It'd felt so good to write the letter. Just to be able to carry on a conversation with someone was so satisfying even if it was one-sided.

Jennifer suddenly stopped walking, lost in thought. What if Ronon thinks she is trying to hit on him? What if he sees it as Jennifer's way to show a desire for his affections?

"Oh! … this is not good!" Jennifer chastened herself. She turned around and started back toward Ronon's room to retrieve her letter. As she rounded the corner near his door Jen heard voices. "Oh no, it's too late," she swore. She bent down acting like she was tying her shoe and then quickly retreated back the way she had come. The damage was done now, she'll just have to live with the fallout.

Whatever happens, she still wielded the power to inflict pain in the infirmary. Hopefully Ronon would remember that when he reads her letter and wouldn't give her any attitude next time he saw her.

Ronon said goodnight to Sheppard as he palmed his door open. He hesitated on the threshold knowing that someone had been in his room. Scanning the room he inhaled deeply. Doc. It smelled like Doctor Keller had been in his room. Granted, she'd spent last night in his room but by the end of the day her flowery scent was just a hint. This was a much stronger scent.

Ronon continued into his room. He looked around expecting to see her. Deciding he was alone he headed toward the shower, stopping short when he spotted a folded piece of paper sitting next to his pillow. Ronon picked it up and scanned the page to see if it was from the Doc. Seeing her signature at the bottom of the page Ronon worried that something was wrong. He slowly sat down as he read.

Ronon

I'm so embarrassed about last night. You were so patient with me – thank you. This has been such a long week with so little sleep – too many nightmares. I guess I was just at the end of my rope and needed a hug from someone. All those years in Med school taught me to be able to sleep anywhere and sleep soundly. These nightmares seem to have pushed my restful nights away. You can't imagine what a gift it was to be able to sleep for more than a couple of hours in a row. Actually, you probably do know how consuming it can all be.

I come from a family of huggers – sometimes a big hug can drive my demons away. I haven't found too many friends here in Atlantis yet. Still trying to find where I fit in which I guess pretty much sums up my life.

I don't know what I'd have done without Teyla. She saved my life and gave me hope that we'd make it home. I knew you'd come for us but I worried it would be too late. I'm so unprepared for all of this and yet I'm beginning to feel that I can't go back to my life as it was on Earth. How do I balance my desire with knowing that I put teams in danger every time I walk through the gate? I've started running again to build up my stamina. At least that's one thing I can do to make myself less of a burden.

Not sure if I'll give you this letter or not. It feels good to write it down. I know you have a mission tomorrow … please be careful.

Good night,

Jennifer

Ronon had never received a thank you letter before. Maybe it was just another one of those odd Earth customs. As he sat there thinking about it he decided he kind of liked the idea. The card on his pillow this morning was a first too. Why wouldn't he come for her and Teyla? He would've done it for anyone. Well … maybe not anyone but Teyla was family - there was no question. Actually, he would've come if it had just been the Doc. He'd never even thought about it. The protector in him demanded action … he was always on alert.

All the years in the military back on Sateda, then running from the wraith had made him a man of few words. He'd figured if questions couldn't be answered with a snort, growl or grunt then it wasn't worth voicing his opinion at all. Often he communicated with just a look or a raise of his eyebrows. Getting this letter though sparked something in his heart, he started to contemplate answering her letter.

Ronon read Jennifer's letter a second time. He couldn't stop thinking about it. He knew Jennifer well enough from the clinic. Even with the few missions they'd been on together he really didn't think of her as a friend. Still, the rapport they had in the infirmary made her more than just an acquaintance. Then to find her at his door the other night totally surprised him. Until lately, Ronon never thought about the young doctor unless he was bleeding.

He thought about the letter once again. It was simple enough. Just a thank you with a few little things about her family. It didn't have any of the pick-up lines like he got occasionally from the new recruits. Just simple conversation like you'd have around the dinner table with the team. In fact, other than her nightmare visit, their relationship had been purely professional. He really didn't think she was flirting and that's probably why he decided to answer her letter.

Ronon dug through his desk, finally finding some paper buried in the back of the top drawer. He grabbed a sheet, something hard to write on and sat on his bed. Leaning back against the wall he started to think about what to say. It didn't take long for him to write out a few lines. He had to admit, it felt kind of nice to be having a private conversation with someone.

He folded the letter, setting it on the corner of his desk. He decided to go grab a snack from the mess hall before calling it a day. He'd think about the letter in the morning and maybe leave it in her room before they left for M4H-214.