Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, or any other referenced animes.

Ch. 3: The Shadow King enters!

"Let the first club meeting of the year come to order! Honey, Mori, Hikaru and Kaoru, thank you for coming!" He gestured towards Kyoya. "This is Kyoya, who will be our vice president, while I will be the king of this place. Long live the Host King! We only have a few minutes today to prepare for our first Host Club session, so listen as I tell you all the many ways to make a woman happy!"

At this announcement, Honey climbed onto Mori's shoulders, looking confused, while the twins set their hands on their hips in mirroring poses.

"Don't you - " one began, "think we should hurry?" the other finished. "Besides, we're not interested in that," they said in perfect unison, and snickered at their successful attempt to derail the boss, who couldn't conceive of anyone not wanting to please young ladies.

Kyoya stepped forward. They really did only have a few minutes, after all, and he needed to ensure the success of this opening in order for the rest of today's plan to prevail. "Very well, I will take it from here. Today, Hikaru and Kaoru will premiere their Hitachiin Twins Brotherly Love Act! It's pretty self explanatory, you just act like very loving brothers."

The twins turned to look at each other at this announcement, tilting their heads to either side and forming a symmetrical picture. Then Hikaru bounced up, and slid his hand around his brother's waist with the ease of long practice.

"You mean-" he began.

"- like this?" Kaoru finished, as they drew closer to each other, and their hands reached deeper.

Ignoring Tamaki, who was now sporting a light blush across his cheek despite having come up with the idea, Kyoya continued. "Honey will indulge fully in his Shota image, allowing him to eat as much cake - "

And here Honey created numerous puffs of little pink clouds in his eagerness.

" - as he wants." Unable to resist, he snuck a last glance at the Host King's fading blush, the heat of it attracting his interest. Inadvertently, his lips parted slightly, which he turned into his next sentence. "Honey will also double as Mori's 'lovely item', so that Mori can emphasize his 'Wild Type' while still remaining accessible to the ladies."

"Hm."

"And I," Tamaki pranced forward, practically dancing in glee, "will be the Princely Type, here to grant solace to all womankind!"

"..."

The door creaked open slightly, and six heads turned to look.

"Intro sequence, go!" Tamaki stage-whispered.

"Huh?" Honey looked confused, along with everyone else.

"Look, just pose when you're introduced, okay?" Tamaki hissed, as the door opened another inch. He started filling the air with petals wafting on a breeze, calling on his special skill of producing things from nowhere.

"Oh, it's just a guy." The twins declared, disinterested.

This must be the girl, Kyoya mused, jotting down a few notes.

Haruhi! I must convince her to stay! The hamster on the wheel powering Tamaki's brain went into overdrive, causing a bit of steam to escape from his ears. "He is not just a guy! Even a guy deserves the attention of lovely young men such as ourselves, and there's nothing wrong with that!"

The Hitachiins gaped a little at this pronouncement. The boss sure was surprising; who would've guessed that he'd be so openly accepting? "Okay! Then let's begin." Setting themselves hip to hip, they intertwined their arms and smiled at their first guest.

"Here at the Ouran Host Club," Kyoya began, "we use our natural traits to fulfill a fantasy type."

As he introduced each type, Tamaki caused a frame of flowers to form around each host, which was more exhausting than he had counted on. He'd never produced that many flowers in a day before. But if it was for the club, there was no way that he would hold back.

When he reached Kyoya, though, a purple rose suddenly appeared in the Cool Type's hand. I didn't make that, Tamaki thought in surprise. I guess he is a demon, but I didn't know he could also...

In the next few minutes, a vase with an inflated value was shattered, Haruhi was inducted into indentured servitude to the Host Club, and Kyoya took one step closer to fulfilling the terms of his contract. The door opened, and a stream of yellow clad students came in, their chatter interrupted by the gentle pelting of rose petals. Soon, they had all been drawn to various seating areas, with the hosts in attendance.

Watching Tamaki in action was astonishing. In a few minutes, there were so many ladies fluttering to his feet that the room was becoming breezy. Well, it looks as though making flowers bloom is Tamaki's true talent, even metaphorically. Kyoya observed him until his own fanclub formed in front of him. Still, he wouldn't be caught lacking in the host department. He produced a few more of his flowers to emphasize his 'cool type' and sauntered into his group of unattended ladies.

- - -Host Club, Day 3- - -

For the last few days, Kyoya had been perfecting a system for charming his customers, as well running the club. First, he would escort all the ladies to their designated hosts. Then, he would spend the next twenty minutes surreptitiously making not so innocent contact with his patrons: a slight caress, sly double entendres, and eyes that made sensual promises he had no intention of keeping, all the while preserving the perfect facade of a cool, polite host, having a proper, refined chat. He would record particularly successful reactions to his actions while they struggled to control themselves, then continue the game.

At the same time, he would keep track of a few problem areas in the club: Tamaki's station, and the twins' station. At some point, Tamaki would invariably manage to talk himself into a corner, or be on the verge of honestly making promises that he would regret. The twins would begin to take their act to where the rating would have to change, and need intervention. He would time it so that his own customers would be on the verge of desperation at the same moment, then trigger the Shadow King ploy.

First, he would catch Kaoru's eye, who would then use Hitachiin Brothers Telepathy to clue in his twin. Hikaru, with Kaoru as backup, would then begin harassing Haruhi, whose station needed some occasional excitement in order to ensure return customers. This was sure to attract the attention of Tamaki, who would ultimately attempt to intervene, fail, then appeal to Kyoya. He would sort out the incident, which would serve the dual purpose of distracting the ladies and entertaining them simultaneously, and the Club would reset until it reached critical point again. All the while, Honey and Mori would spectate with the ladies who preferred to stay on the sidelines, with plenty of sweet snacks and refreshments.

The plan had been constructed since the very first session, but the timing was the tricky part. Every time the parts went into action out of sync with the rest of the club, genuine chaos would erupt in the Club, resulting in extra costs in dry cleaning and complimentary future sessions. This time, it would be perfect.

Tamaki was already trying his best to charmingly sidestep genuine offers from his overeager guests. Smile still shining brightly, he attempted to distract them with more commoner's coffee, but the novelty had worn off. For them, at least.

"Doesn't a princess deserve a prince, Tamaki? Oh, say you'll carry me off to your castle!"

Stumbling back slightly, he attempted to look graceful. "Ah princess, but a majestic bird like yourself deserves to have the freedom of the open skies! An earthbound prince like me has no right to keep you next to me."

"Oh, Tamaki!" Another girl swooned, fluttering onto the ground into the second dimension.

Stepping forward, a third girl began to entrap the most eligible bachelor in the room. "Wouldn't you be lonely, without someone at your side, Tamaki?"

"Of course, princess, but I'm afraid that is..." Sighing melodramatically, he turned away. "...my curse to bear." Any moment now, one of them would point out that he didn't have to spend his days alone, and he would run out of flattering excuses. At most, the Host King had five minutes of blandishments left in him, by Kyoya's calculations.

On the other side, the 'Natural Type' was beginning to warm to her subject. "Yes, I don't think that you should be judged by what you enjoy, but cherish it for the happiness it gives you.

"And what are your interests, Haruhi?"

"Well, I won't pretend that I'm not intensely interested in the Cobjalch Tribe, which formed their own system of government through a system of representational totems, chosen by a subsystem of the lowest class, which are then given to the intermediate class, who then stage a blind ballot, electing a small group of select 'chosen ones' to describe characteristics independently until the corresponding totems become obvious. In that narrowed pool of totems, a series of symbols is contained in such a way as to find a match in a member of the upper class, who previously selected correlating symbols without any foreknowledge of..."

Kyoya's pen moved across the page. Four minutes.

The nervousness of the three girls seated around him was starting to peak, and he soon saw the reason why. The girl directly across from him had brought him a gift, which turned out to be an exquisitely crafted tea set for the Host Club. He accepted it graciously, and began commenting on the item, showcasing his vast amount of knowledge on teacups.

His current target was the girl to his right. As he leaned forward to allow the girls to examine the design, his hidden hand lightly stroked the forearm of the girl beside him, nails brushing tauntingly across her rapidly warming skin. She stayed seated back as the rest of the group leaned forward and shakily pretended to sip from her cup.

"I see, Kyoya, you know so much about the process of hand making fine china. I'm impressed, is this a particular interest of yours?"

"No, ladies, I merely have a deep appreciation for the intricate beauty of these cups." He leaned back, reengaging the girl on the right, having unobtrusively removed his hand from hers. "You see, the porcelain is flawlessly delicate, and yet it's capable of containing such intense heat." Looking at her through lowered lashes, he allowed his eyes to wander suggestively before returning to her enraptured expression. His tone, however, betrayed nothing but mild pleasure, and the glare on his glasses prevented the other girls from seeing his eyes. She started, feeling her blush deepen, rattling her cup against the plate and almost dropping it as she tore her eyes away from him.

He leaned in quickly and caught the teacup before it fell, capturing her hands along with it. He lowered his voice into a heated murmur against her ear, shielded from view by her hair and the commotion. "Careful, Princess, you wouldn't want it to spill over," he cautioned, as the contents wobbled on the verge of flowing out. "You'd make such a mess." Her fingers shook satisfyingly in reaction, while he steadied the cup and caught Kaoru's eye from across the room. Two minutes.

Kaoru, who by now was practically on his twin's lap, knew that his shy uke act was pushing Hikaru to his limit. Pretending to resist while while he squirmed enticingly, he watched as Hikaru drew within inches of fastening his mouth onto the exposed skin of his throat, and pushing aside the remaining cloth.

Fisting his fingers in Hikaru's hair to impede him, Kaoru arched back and moaned, "Hi-karu..." while lowering his eyes to his twin's, and darting them towards Haruhi. He could almost hear his brother's suppressed huff of displeasure as he tore his attention away from the wanton tease on his lap, and found an excuse to torment Haruhi.

"Oh, Haruhi!," Hikaru called in a sing-song lilt, "would you like to try some fancy chocolate?

"It's imported from Belgium, and flown in only one day after it was made by their expert chocolatiers." Kaoru added.

Before Haruhi could respond, she found a twin grinning over each of her shoulders.

"Here, Haruhi, let me feed it to you."

"I can feed myself, Hikaru." She replied, as she selected a piece and sampled it.

"There's some on your fingers, let me get that for you." Kaoru's lips wrapped around two fingertips, causing Hikaru to take a swift intake of breath at the sight.

A blonde blur moved from the side of the room towards the trio. "What do you think you're doing! My daughter is too good for the likes of you! As her father, I will not allow this kind of behavior from my children! Brothers and sisters shouldn't act this way. Haruhi, you're supposed to only accept chocolates from your loving father! How could you betray me like this after I raised you to be a respectable young lady, and with such ruffians as these -"

It was a good thing the Host king had a reputation for being delusional, as it averted the question of why he had mistaken Haruhi's gender in the eyes of the guests.

"- your daddy! And you two - as your King, I demand that you cease at once. Stop - stop that, Kaoru - Hikaru, do something - ahh!" He yelped in frantic ineffectiveness, growing progressively less coherent.

And, zero. Tamaki finally took a breath.

"Mommy!"

The Cool Type finally turned towards the disturbance, raising an eyebrow.

"Does he mean you, Kyoya?"

Feigning regret, he muttered, "Unfortunately, yes."

"Help me, Mommy, these terrible twins are threatening my dear Haruhi's virtue! How can you just stand there while our daughter is being molested!"

Kyoya distanced himself from the girl who looked just about ready to commit a severe breach of decorum, hiding his smugness as he crossed the room to Tamaki.

It took ten minutes to detangle the twins from their chosen victim, and calm the self-appointed father. Ten minutes to allow all the hormones to cool, and leave all the occupants of Music Room #3 almost level-headed.

Then, the girls settled back into their seats and the members of the Host Club returned to their respective stations, ready to begin the cycle again.

Kyoya flipped his notebook closed, and returned to his table. Too easy.

OMAKE

Kyoya: *examining floor plans for Tamaki's mansion* So what you're saying is that I'm going to be living right here. And your room is here.

Tamaki: *nods, looking pleased with himself*

Kyoya: So what you're saying is...

Together: We have adjoining rooms!(?)

AN: Yes, that's how Kyoya rolls. I hope he didn't seem like a creepster. We all know what Tamaki does during Club hours, but I haven't really read any fic that describes Kyoya's act, and I thought I'd take a crack at it. Hope you weren't bored by the obligatory intro to the Host Club...

Mori: Join us next time for Ch.4, The Job of a Vice President!

Honey: I don't think we're even in the next episode, Takashi...