Author's Note: Merry Christmas to everyone reading this. Here's episode three, which makes for a great gift for the whole family.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Episode Three: "Ennis is a Baby Mama Now."
Summary: "After having fun in Niagra Falls, Ennis, Firo, and their gang decide to go to Maiza's townhouse in New York City for a while. While there, Ennis becomes a bit ill, and her symptoms mirror the symptoms of... Pregnancy? Meanwhile, in Reno, Justin decides to wreck Huey's hotel room while he's away, but a little creature named "Excalibur" could interfere with his plans. Back in Vegas, the other members of the alliance find out who really made an attempt on Soul's life and they argue about Leon. Yep, this Game of Thrones parody does look like a sitcom, indeed."
A few days later, Ennis, Firo, and their entourage were preparing to leave Niagra Falls.
"So, Maiza, where are we headin' ta next?" Firo asked his "daddy".
"Your favorite place in the world outside of Italy, Chicago, Boston, Miami, and Vegas - New York City!" Maiza announced.
"Oh, boy! We're goin' ta New York!" Firo said as he jumped up and down excitedly. Everyone else sweatdropped.
"Well, then..." Graham - in a very rare, OOC moment - thought to himself. A few hours later, the entourage arrived at Maiza's large townhouse on the East Side of NYC.
"Maiza, where will we go next?" Ennis asked as she carried her luggage into the town house.
"Probably Chicago. I know some people there... That we should put in jail," Maiza explained.
"*Cough*Ladd Russo's people*Cough*," Graham coughed.
"Hey, Silzard, could you please do me a favor and take my bags to my room? I'm feeling a bit ill," Ennis requested. Silzard glared at Ennis.
"Excuse me?! What did you just say?!" Silzard yelled.
"Actually, all I asked - POLITELY - was to help me with my bags. I'm not feeling well, so -" Ennis explained before Silzard bitch-slapped her.
"You DO NOT tell me what to do! Do I make myself clear?!" Silzard asked Ennis.
"Y-Yes, Silzard," Ennis said. With a huff, Silzard left the room.
"Sheesh! Abusive much?" Firo commented. Ennis sighed.
"Welcome to my - Excuse me for a second," Ennis said before running off. From the entry hall, Firo, Czeslaw, Mary, Maiza, Graham, and Reuben heard Ennis throw up.
"Shut up! I'm trying to watch Sex in the City - I mean, read Pride and Prejudice!" Silzard yelled from Maiza's library.
"Firo, get me a grilled cheese with a raw fish! The fish MUST BE IN BETWEEN THE SLICES OF BREAD AND COVERED IN MELTED, VELVEETA CHEESE!" Ennis shouted from the bathroom before she threw up again. "Dear Lord! I want Girl Scout cookies!"
Two days later, Ennis was still throwing up and craving weird food combinations.
"Ennis, what's wrong? Are you going to have a baby?" Mary - acting on a dare from Czeslaw - asked Ennis, who glared at her.
"Of course not. Now, get me some Chinese food. By that, I mean AUTHENTIC Chinese food you can get at Chinatown, not that Panda Express crap," Ennis explained. From the other room, Maiza and Firo watched this spectacle. (1)
"I think it's time we got Ennis a pregnancy test," Maiza stated.
"But, we never did it," Firo said. "When Silzard thought we did it, we hired two prostitutes to - *ahem* - have sex in our hotel room while we went ta get coffee."
"Doesn't matter, just get the woman her damn pregnancy test," Maiza ordered.
Back in Vegas, Spirit was walking down the stairs as jazz music played in the background. He wore a pimp suit with a pimp fedora, and carried a pimp cane. Maka facepalmed.
"Dad, what the hell is wrong with you?! First, it's that night out with Blair, now this!" Maka cried.
"Maka, please! We're watching Jackass in the other room!" Soren shouted from the other room.
"Well, Maka, the adults are going to Shinigami-san's welcoming party," Spirit explained. The rest of the adults entered the room, but they wore their normal clothes.
"Sempai, are you aware that we're going to a nightclub for this party?" Professor Stein asked Spirit.
"Yep! I hope it's one of those swanky ones where you HAVE TO dress in a suit as pimping as mine!" Spirit said. A few minutes later, they arrived at a sleazy nightclub at the Monte Carlo.
"Wow... This place really sucks," Spirit commented. "Can we go home?"
"No! It's my party, bitch!" Shinigami-san cried. Azusa sighed.
"Who wants to have a few pity drinks with me?" Azusa asked. Nobody replied. "Fine then. If anybody needs me, I'll be at the bar getting smashed."
Azusa walked away.
"Women..." Spirit muttered.
"Women, booze, and sleazy nightclubs. That's the kind of man I was," Sid commented.A man named Tyki Mikk approached the group.
"You must be the new principal of Shibusen! I've heard so much about you!" Tyki said as he shook Shinigami-san's huge hand. "I'm Tyki Mikk, the assistant principal of Shibusen!"
"And I am Spirit Albarn, father, Death Scythe, and Pimp Master #1," Spirit said suavely. Shinigami-san gave him a Maka Chop.
"Don't you dare embarass me at my party!" Shinigami-san shouted. Tyki chuckled.
"It's okay, I've seen pimps before," Tyki said. "Anyway, Shinigami-san, I'm glad I found you. I was thinking of doing an Ikkitousen-styled fighting tournament with our rival school, True Cross Academy, in honor of you joining the Shibusen Las Vegas/Death City family."
"Oh, goody! I love Ikkitousen! But, there's one thing that perplexes me about that anime - Why do the girls always wear Chinese dresses?" Spirit asked Shinigami-san and Tyki.
"Hmmm... Spirit, that's a pretty good question. But, I don't think I can answer it without asking ChaCha," Tyki explained.
"I think I have a possible answer to this," Shinigami-san. Over in the corner, Lua was aiming a shotgun at Spirit.
"Now, Lua, sweetums, you know what to do. It's going to rain blood afterwards, so I hope you brought along that white parasol I bought for you at Nordstrom Rack," Ladd explained. Lua then steadied the gun. "Now, you -"
Two cops then put Lua in handcuffs.
"Uhh... I was holding it for a friend?" Lua lied before being led away. Ladd stomped his foot.
"Goddamn it! Now how will I kill Spirit Albarn now?!" Ladd cried. Back with Spirit, Tyki, and Shinigami-san...
"Huh. I never thought that that would be a reason to wear a Chinese dress," Tyki commented.
"Interesting..." Spirit said as he stroked his invisible goatee.
"What about that maid chick?" Shinigami-san asked Tyki.
"Oh, it's her uniform," Tyki answered with a wave of his hand. Something then mentally snapped inside Spirit's perverted head.
"I should call the babysitter and check up on the kids," Spirit said to himself. Shinigami-san gave Spirit a weird look.
"You called a babysitter for the kids?" Shinigami-san asked Spirit.
Back at the mansion, the babysitter, a guy in a bear mask named Tezca Tlipoca, was reading to the kids.
"So that is who Finnick loves, I think. Not his string of lovers in the Capitol, but a poor, mad girl back home," Tezca read from his book. Soul and Black*Star began crying.
"This part always gets me! Finnick x Annie forever, guys!" Soul sobbed.
"Wahhh! Why did Finnick have to die?!" Black*Star sobbed. Tezca shurgged.
"That's nice, kids. If you need me, I'm gonna go get some vodka," Tezca said before leaving the mansion. The kids grew silent.
"Okay, then... Who wants to go with me and Heathcliffe to Burger King?" Kid asked everyone.
"You aren't bringing Patty and Liz?" Maka asked Kid.
"We're not hungry," Liz answered.
"Okay, then, have fun. Don't end up like Soul and Black*Star and end up at the hospital," Maka said cheerfully.
"Maka, shut up!" Soul and Black*Star yelled. Maka hit them with the book she was reading, The Luxe. "Ow! Maka, that was historical fiction, and it hurts the most!"
Meanwhile, in Reno...
"That's it! I can't take this anymore!" Justin shouted. A few minutes later, he arrived at the Atlantis Hotel and Casino, where Huey was staying.
"Welcome to the Atlantis. Can we -" The receptionist asked before Justin cut her off.
"What room is Huey Laforet staying in?" Justin asked the receptionist.
"Room 1515," The receptionist asked. Justin pulled out a five and put it on the counter.
"Thanks, ma'am. Here's a five," Justin said before he ran off. Huey walked by a few moments later.
"Have I seen that man before?" Huey asked to himself. Fifteen floors up...
"I'm coming for you, Huey Laforet! Come at me, bro!" Justin yelled as he knocked down the door to Huey's hotel room.
"Fool! What has brought you here today?"
Justin looked down, and he saw... Some type of weird creature that looked like the Pokémon Snivy. It carried a pimp cane, wore a top hat, and had a notable lack of pants. Justin sweatdropped.
"Who - no, what - are you?" Justin asked. Whatever this thing was pointed his cane at Justin.
"Fool! You DON'T KNOW who I am?! I am the Holy Sword, Excalibur. My legend began in the 12th century..." Excalibur explained. Some time later...
"...And, lastly, my final rule is this: if you're going to read The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, please read Brian Lee O'Malley's Scott Pilgrim vs. The World as a palate cleanser afterwards," Excalibur explained. Justin now had almost five feet in paper filled with writing.
"Got it!" Justin said as he finished writing the last of Excalibur's many tasks. "Are you sure I can do all of that?"
"Oh, yes, you can. All you have to to is believe," Excalibur explained. "And, with that, I think it's time for a sing-a-long. Here we go!"
Justin facepalmed.
"Excalibur
Excalibur
From the United Kingdom, I'm looking for him
I'm going to California!
Excalibur,
Excalibur
From the United Kingdom, I'm looking for him
I'm going to California!
Excalibur
Excalibur
Excalibur!" Excalibur sang as he did some dance moves. "Now, you must find a high school or church choir group, and -"
Justin picked up Excalibur, opened a window, and threw Excalibur out of the 15th story window.
"Be gone, you prick!" Justin shouted.
"Forever alone!" Excalibur shouted before turning into his Holy Sword form. Justin turned to back to the room.
"Alrighty, then, let's get to work," Justin said to himself as he pulled out a sledgehammer.
"I just got a text from Maka. We have to go to Target to pick up some milk on the way home," Kid explained as he looked at his iPhone. Currently, he and Heathcliffe were at Burger King, finishing up their meal.
"Fair enough. Holden asked me to pick up some conditioner for colored hair and some blue hair dye," Heathcliffe said. Kid just gave him a weird look.
"I think they only sell that hair dye at Hot Topic," Kid stated. True to Kid's word, Target didn't sell the blue hair dye, so Kid and Heathcliffe only bought the conditioner and the milk.
"Watch, some guy is going to look at us in a weird way for buying two items that have nothing to do with each other," Heathcliffe said.
"Acutally, I am looking at you funny for buying conditioner and milk. What are you planning tonight?"
Kid and Heathcliffe turned back to see a man named Izaya Orihara. Izaya was holding a basket filled with gossip magazines, sushi, matches, and a cell phone minutes card.
"That depends. What are YOU planning with those magazines, sushi, matches, and that cell phone minutes card?" Heathcliffe asked back.
"A night of trolling," Izaya stated before he recognized Kid. "And you must be Death the Kid, the son of Shinigami-san, who recently took the principal job at the DWMA's Vegas/Death City branch."
"That's me," Kid said. "This is Heathcliffe, a friend of mine."
"Pleased to meet such fine specimens! My name is Orihara Izaya, and I work as an informant in this beautiful city we call 'Las Vegas'," Izaya introduced himself. Kid and Heathcliffe sweatdropped.
"Specimens? Informant? Trolling? Just what are you playing?" Kid asked Izaya.
"A Game of Thrones," Izaya stated. "I want to see how far this feud between your father, mafia don Ladd Russo, multi-millionare Yao Wang, and mafia don Maiza Avaro go before there's bloodshed."
"Umm... How do you know this?" Heathcliffe asked Izaya.
"I have my sources," Izaya explained, crossing his arms. "Plus, I was at the introductory party over at the Monte Carlo. Some chick with the Russos attending the party got arrested for having a shotgun, which is partially my fault since the Russos bought it from me."
"Excuse me?!" Kid and Heathcliffe yelled.
"Just WHY are you giving the Russos weapons?! They hate us, and they could kill us with those weapons!" Kid cried.
"Oh, I sold it on Ebay back when I was living in Ikebukuro. Ladd Russo just happened to buy it from me," Izaya said with an evil grin. Kid slapped Izaya across the face.
"You, sir, are truly the personification of an internet troll," Kid stated.
When Kid and Heathcliffe got home, the adults were also home. Marie was currently ranting angrily.
"I can't believe this! Zhao Wang had THE NERVE to go up onto the karaoke stage and announce my engagement to Leon! THAT is FUCKING HARDCORE! I AM NOT MARRYING LEON WANG, THE LITTLE PRICK WHO SIGNED A MARRIAGE CONTRACT WHILE DRUNK OFF OF SAMBUCA OR SOME OTHER SHIT!" Marie ranted, slurring her words a bit because she was (pretty) drunk. As Professor Stein and Sid restrained Marie, Kid and Heathcliffe sweatdropped.
"Did we... Miss anything?" Kid asked Spirit.
"You didn't. Go to bed," Spirit said with a wave of his hand.
"Okay, then..." Kid said before he and Heathcliffe went upstairs. They didn't know that life as they knew it was going to get just plain weird.
"Hey, where did the babysitter go?" Spirit asked everyone.
End of Episode Three.
(1) - Disclaimer: Panda Express is not crap. In fact, it's one of my favorite places to eat.
Review if you want to see the Ikkitousen-type Tournament begin!