Walls

Summary: Bilbo had no idea what he had gotten himself into when he joined The Company of Thorin Oakenshield, but he was much less prepared for his nephew.

Chapter 3

When Bilbo awoke, it was still rather dark, but he could see faint rays of sunshine deep in the foggy woods. He didn't have to look up to feel that the room was still. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to go back to sleep, but he knew it was vain. He had always been a very light sleeper, especially in situations that were less than comfortable. He sighed , and slowly lifted up, glancing from side to side silently. He nearly gasped when he realized that, in his sleep, Fili had turned over was now lying rather close to him, only arms-length away.

The hobbit nearly got up, and moved away from him, but something held him there. He sat, looking down at the young prince, and even though he couldn't admit it to himself just yet, he felt comfortable. He looked so peaceful. His breathing was soft and even. Bilbo wasn't too proud to admit, that Fili was very attractive. His golden hair was sprawled out all around him, and it was shining in the early morning light. Even though his eyes were closed, Bilbo could see that glimmering blue in his mind, and suddenly he felt his ears, and cheeks warm a bit.

Though pushy, Bilbo couldn't help but be fond of the young dwarf. He felt very guilty that he was pulling away, but he knew himself. It was impossible that he would be able to open himself up to someone on such a journey... in such a place. It was better this way. So far, he had managed by himself, and surely Fili would understand.

With another deep breath, he tried desperately to pushed it from his mind.

...

The quest took an unexpected turn, after their departure that morning. The hobbit had no time to worry about such petty things as Fili's conversation when there were goblins, orcs, wargs, and shape-shifters to concentrate on. It surprised even him, however, how right Gandalf had been about his natural abilities as a burglar. He slipped right through several dangers, and by the time they had made it to the shelter of Beorn's home, he was actually feeling a bit of pride in himself. He had done thing he never thought he could do, and he could literally feel himself changing, growing.

And yet...

As they all settled in, and the night closed in around them, he felt old habitual thoughts creep back into his mind. He felt a bit crowded, and he started missing Bag-End. Though, he did not regret the experiences he had, he felt for a moment, that staying home may have been more comfortable, at least. He walked over to the fire, as Bombur, and Kili were talking over the boiling stew. As he took his place on a small log, a safe, but close distance to the two dwarves, he tried to regain his mind, and bring it back from The Shire.

Then, he was yanked back into consciousness by that all too familiar voice: "How are you feeling, Master Baggins?"

Fili took a place beside him, but there was still about a foot of space between them, and Bilbo was grateful. "As well as possible, I suppose." He answered with a professional smile. The prince nodded, pulling out his dagger, and a sharpening stone, and going to work on it slowly. Oddly, he offered no other conversation, and Bilbo had to wonder if he had sincerely offended him the last time they spoke, but as he gazed at his face, there was no anger in it, in fact, he looked very calm, and comfortable, as he worked silently by the fire. He wondered if he was simply trying to appease him by not speaking to him, and he felt guilty, as he started to crave it, and searched his mind for something to say.

Before he could, the prince started for him: "Are you feeling any better?"

He did not have to explain what he meant, and honestly, Bilbo felt happy for the chance to remedy it: "I do. Thank you for your concern. I'm sorry again. It was rude to walk away from you like that."

"Not at all. I was overstepping myself." He looked back down, as if he were embarrassed for it, and slowly slid the blade over the stone as he continued: "I wasn't trying to make you feel uncomfortable."

"That's not hard to do." He admitted without thinking, but before he could speak again, another familiar voice spoke up, catching both of their attention.

"Pardon me, Mr. Baggins." Kili smiled at him, and bowed slightly, shooting his brother a mischevious look. Bilbo would be lying to say he did not see the disapproval on the elder prince. "But I must steal my brother for a moment."

Bilbo smiled at their interaction, and nodded: "Of course. I wouldn't keep him."

"Perhaps I'd rather be kept." Fili said, shooting another look at his brother. Bilbo tilted his head in confusion, but slowly he caught his meaning, and had to look away to allow the smile to come across his face. Fili stood, however, and asked that the hobbit excuse him.

As they walked away, he caught a chuckle from the other side of the fire. He leaned sharply to his left to see Bombur, stirring the stew and shaking his head. Bilbo looked at him closely questioning him with his eyes, and it wasn't long before the chef noticed his expression. His chuckle came in new waves, and it played over his voice: "Fili's got eyes for ya, huh?"

"...Pardon?"

"Oh, don't act you don't notice." Bilbo had to look down, wondering if it were so obvious, but before he could response, Bombur started again. "You should forgive him for coming on so strong. He doesn't get out much, and that's just his nature."

"What if... I..." He had to stop, and look down, thinking of his words carefully, "I don't think that's a very good idea right now..."

"Is something like that ever really a good idea?" Bombur laughed again. "You can't predict those things, lad."

"That's assuming that I return his affection..."

"You don't?" Bombur finally looked completely up from the large pot of stew, and looked into the hobbit's eyes.

Bilbo had to look down. His instinct was to tell him that he absolutely did not, but when he realized that he wasn't sure if that was a lie or not, he found himself wondering exactly how he did feel about it. Besides afraid... and frustrated... frustrated that he was afraid, and that it kept him from even understanding what he really wanted anymore. Before he could form a real answer, he stood, and took a deep breath. In a last attempt not to be rude to someone else, he simply looked at Bombur, shook his head, and shrugged, before walked over to the corner of the room, hoping the distance would clear his mind a bit.

He knew he had to do something. He wasn't sure what, exactly, but it had to be concluded. For his sanity's sake. The was the worst time possible to dive into that part of his mind. Something he had avoided doing for years, even when all he had was time to think. Let alone now, when time was exactly what he lacked. It didn't matter if he wanted to, or not. He simply ... couldn't.

However, he couldn't help feeling like he was loosing out on something. That he was rejecting something that he could potentially want in his life, but he knew that the right thing wasn't always easy, and though it hurt, he knew that his personal demons would never allow it anyway, and the obstacles that they would face were already very daunting. No, the best thing for the both of them would be to end it now. Though a part of him was telling him he would regret it, he steeled himself to go and speak to Fili, but then, just as he seemed to have a knack for, The golden prince appeared: "Do all hobbits enjoy hiding away in dark corners? You seem to."

Bilbo nearly jumped out of his skin, feeling suddenly completely unprepared for the conversation he was just planning. Fili must have instantly noticed his demeanor, because he took a slight step back.

"Should I go?" He asked sincerely.

Bilbo shook his head. "No." He said simply. "I think we should talk." Fili perked a bit, and guilt flooded over Bilbo so quickly it nearly took him off of his feet. He sighed deeply, and looked to the floor. He took another breath to speak, but was interrupted by a shrill yell from the other side of the home. Fili whipped around, and Bilbo looked around him quickly.

It did not take long to notice the source of the sound was Bifur, who was standing, waving his arms, and yelling. Bilbo almost gasped. He had been warmed about Bifur's attack, but to see him now, with his hair standing on end and his eyes on fire, he understood very quickly why they had warned him about it so persistently. Then the furious warrior turned, and lifted one of the massive benches as if it weighed nothing, and lobbed it over his head, straight toward them.

The prince noticed instantly, and jumped clear of the danger, giving Bilbo a completely clear view of the massive projectile heading straight for him. His mind told him to move, to duck, to do anything, but his feet, and body were frozen. Just before he was certain he was going to be crushed right where he stood, a figure appeared in front of him. Large arms wrapped around him, and he felt himself being pulled in tightly, and jerked down toward the floor. Then an ear-shattering slam came from beside them, and Bilbo shut his eyes tightly, just knowing that he, and his savior, were done for.

It seemed like half of a second to Bilbo, but later he noticed that he really had no idea how long they sat there before Kili's shaky voice broke the trance.

"Fili..?" He choked out, and dropped down beside them.

Bilbo looked up instantly, his eyes moving frantically, realizing for the first time what had just happened. The bench had been just long enough to lodge itself in the walls on either side of them, leaving a triangular space. It was then he looked straight up to see golden hair, and realized with a cold grip what had just happened. Fili looked up at the bench, and then to his brother. A grin slowly crawled onto his face, and he sighed deeply. Kili couldn't help but returned it, obviously relieved.

Bilbo looked back to the bench, seeing for the first time, just how close the massive wooden structure had come to the prince. In fact, if they had been any closer at all, it was very possible that they could have been killed, but what really chilled Bilbo to the core was that, because of his act of bravery, it was possible that Fili could have perished, and he could have been spared.

Suddenly, the prince nearly gasped, yanked himself up, bringing Bilbo with him, and then released him so suddenly, the hobbit almost fell over.

"Um..." Fili dusted the hobbit's coat off, and Bilbo could hear Kili giggling to himself, as he rose to join them. "Are you alright?"

"I'm..." Bilbo had to literally shake himself back to reality. "I'm fine. Thank you..." He looked back to Kili, but he was already ducking under the bench, leaving them alone. Quite alone, actually, with the normally formed 'room'. In all the emotion, and realizations, Bilbo could not stop the words from falling out of his mouth: "You ... shouldn't have done that... You could have... Have you lost your mind?"

Fili's hand went to the back of his neck, and he rubbed it nervously, and for the first time, he stumbled over his words: "I ... didn't think. You were... I mean, you just stood there." He shook his head and he spoke with the sincerity of child, as if the thought were simply unfathomable. "I couldn't just let that happen."

"You could have died." Bilbo couldn't decide on which emotion to focus on, but none of them were happy. Just guilt, fear, humiliation, regret, and absolute confusion. "You almost did!"

Suddenly, Fili's hands shot out, and took Bilbo's shoulders firmly, but gently. "Bilbo, it's alright. I'm fine."

Bilbo instantly pushed his arms off, feeling his heart leap into his throat, but he stifled the feeling quickly. He had to speak. "No, it isn't." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then looked at Fili's eyes. "You shouldn't care so much for me."

Fili's head tilted upwards as it sank in what Bilbo had said. "What do you mean? What's wrong with that?"

"Fili... I just think that's it's better that we ... maintain distance."

The prince stared for a moment, then his eyes fell to the floor. It was only for a second, then he looked back up with a new gleam to his eye that Bilbo couldn't place. "That's what you want?"

"I want to be your friend..." Bilbo said, but try as he might, his tone, and heart, were sad as he added: "... but I think that's what we should stay."