Disclaimer: I do not own Beelzebub
Chapter 3: Effervescence.
Or a day in the life of the bubbly, every cheerful, never ever boring Oga household.
Warning: light breaking of the fourth wall ahead and possible rambling.
123.
One hundred and twenty three.
There were exactly one hundred and fucking twenty goddamn three lines on cracks in the ceiling above Oga Miyabi's head.
How did she know this, well let's just say Oga Miyabi spent a lot of times looking towards the ceiling.
No, NOT like that ya dirty perv! It was because-
BANG. CRASH. BOOM!SCREEEEEECH!
The sounds of mayhem above her once again drew Miyabi's attention skyward, immediately her eyes were drawn to the thin barely but still there crack. Sigh. Now there 124 cracks in her ceiling. She took a breath and then-
"Miiisakkkiiiiiii! Tamaaaaaaoooo!"
She bellowed embedding all the rage and frustration she felt with her two children. Hopefully, if they valued their lives they would take the hint that their mother was fed up with their antics. Then like god little children they'd bow their heads in repentance and—
- BOOM.THUNK.BAMM! "YEEEOUCH", That last one sounded like the youngest girl, and Oooh hadn't she told them to stop with that racket ages ago? They interrupting her while she was cooking for her darling husband weeelll no more!
With that thought in mind Oga Miyabi rolled up her sleeves both physically and metaphorically. She sighed deeply, as her glasses glinted ominously with an unholy light.
Cracking her knuckles and neck in a Chuck Norris-esque fashion, "It's time for the Ultimate Sliding Bow of Love" she said as she trekked toward the stairs.
Making her way up the stairs Miyabi noted vaguely the copious amount of clothing and shoes, on the stairway
"What the-"Miyabi started as red blur whizzed over her head, she barely dodged in time as it impacted in the wall, and it was-
"Eh is that Misaki's Red Tail's shirt" she had barely finished examining the item in question before a black blur swished past her taking along with it about an inch of its hair before kamikaze flight ended prematurely with a dull thwack as it embedded itself ramrod straight into an old portrait on the wall.
But, as Miyabi realized with a dawning horror, this wasn't just any portrait! Oh no, it was the commemorative portrait of Miyabi and her darling celebrating their ultra-super-duper uber important 1 year, 6 months, 9 days, 8 hour, 6 minutes, 32 seconds,5 millisecond and counting anniversary.
Frantically Miyabi checked for any sign of damage to her most precious item and found it irrevocably damage for there on the photo between her and her darling's faces separating their digitally captured lips was a gaping hole.
"AIIIIIIYAAAAAH!" Miyabi cried in soul wrenching despair as her mind worked furiously to grasp the situation.
There were three golden rules in the Oga household regarding Oga Miyabi
Never insult her darling( anything less than respect is an insult to Miyabi)
Never interrupt/insult her cooking.
Never try to separate Miyabi from her darling.
Tamao and Mitsui had unknowing and quite stupidly broken all three rules and when that, oh that was the single worst mistake of their live, for when you break Oga Miyabi's three golden rules, it awakens Dark Miyabi and when that happens you abandon all hope.
As if to demonstrate this statement, Miyabi punched the wall in front of her leaving a gaping hole the size a large dog.
"Misaki! Tamaoooo!" she screamed her voice raw for the umpteenth time, but this time much more guttural, bloodthirsty, and deadly.
She stomped the rest of the way up the stair her heavy killing intent laden feet leaving splintered wood on the oak stairway.
As she got closer to her destination the sounds of fighting became more pronounced.
"where is it ya little brat" she heard Misaki demand in a sinister voice.
"I told ya I don't have it you hag!" Tamao, her youngest child replied.
Crash! Wham!
Bang! Thwack!
"Tell me, where it is you little shrimp." Misaki yowled indignant.
Miyabi reached her destination, and in true Oga fashion she opened the door in the way only a member of the Oga family would.
"I ain't got your stupid—"
She kicked the door down, the wooden door crinkling under her foot like wet tissue paper.
The scene that greeted her was like something out of a horror movie.
Rage momentarily extinguished from shock, Miyabi could do nothing but stare at the sight in front of her.
There manga books scattered all across the floor even Tamao's most precious limited edition "Ramen Man" manga was not spared from the carnage. Speaking of ramen there was a substance that looked like ramen splattered on the walls and parts of the ceiling.
'Looked Like' being the operative words as what it actually could be was a mystery Miyabi was not all that gung-ho to know. So, for the sake of Miyabi's sanity and the audience's gag reflexes let's just call it ramen.
Ramen, aside, there clothes scattered every way Miyabi looked and on the ceiling hanging like a sacrificial offering was Oga Tamao. Around her neck was a makeshift noose made from one of Misaki's bras as Misaki herself played jury, executioner and judge with a rubber chicken as a weapon?
"What the hell is going on here" Miyabi bellowed as the bizarre scene before her began to get stranger and stranger.
"Eh Mom?" Misaki questioned," where did you come from"
"Older hags" Tamao screeched "help me the younger hag won't leave me alone and she's trying to kill me
"SILENCE!" Miyabi bellowed "what I want to know is why you two are acting like this!"
"The hag's gone crazy" "The brat stole from me mom" they said at the same time.
"No you did"
"Stop talking at the same time"
"You Stop"
"ARRG!"
"HAGFACE!" "BRAT!"
"MOM!"
Miyabi had head bowed her eyes shadowed when the two siblings finally looked up long enough to pay attention to her.
"Uh, Mom are you okay" Misaki tentatively asked. Behind her dangling helplessly Oga had the same question burning on her tongue albeit in a more juvenile and disrespectful fashion.
"-ceful" Miyabi mumbled
"Huh" the demon sisters questioned
"DISGRACEFUL! IT'S A DISGRACE" Miyabi raged at her daughters.
"IT'S A DISGRACE THAT I HAVE RAISED SUCH DISGRACEFUL DAUGHTERS, BUT NEVER FEAR I OGA MIYABI SHALL FIX THAT!" the ever proud matriarch of the Oga household remarked with an evil glint in her eyes.
"Mom I don't like that look in your eye" Misaki said as she backed away slowly, looking for possible exits.
Ah Ha! There! The window, it was two story house and they were on the second level, but Misaki was confident that she could make. Besides she'd take her chances on the two story drop than whatever her mom had in mind.
Decision made Misaki high tailed it in the direction of the window
"Hag, wait" Misaki turned to her sister. She had forgotten all about her in her haste to get away.
"Take me with you" Mao Mao, Misaki's nickname for Tamao, pleaded eyes shining with unshed tears of desperation( in Misaki's mind only, in reality Tamao was choking back tear of pain as she struggled to escape from her 'noose, which was incidentally Misaki's favorite bra, black lace with pink icing trim.
In a rare moment of sisterly support and devotion, Misaki asked "Eh you're still here Mao Mao?"
Or not.
"Of course you idiot, how the hell did you expect me to escape" Tamao shouted heatedly
"Oh yeah. Heh Heh!"
"Yeah, whatever, now get me down before the hag does"
Tamao thought about it.
"Hmm, no"
"NO! Whaddaya mean No, you hagfish?"
"Well", Misaki started "one of us has to be Mom's sacrifice and I choose you Maomon"
"Bye now?" Misaki turned only to find herself horrified as she saw who blockaded the door.
Oga Miyabi stood in her way armed with rope two pink bundles of cloth and an armload of cosmetics.
"Now", Miyabi smiled sinisterly as she lightly stretched her rope for emphasis, "we can do this the easy way or they hard way.
In response, Tamao resumed struggling the same as before only ten times for furiously and Misaki bolted in the directed of the door only to find it locked from the outside.
"Hard way it is" Miyabi said ignoring her children's struggles as she pounced.
Oga Takao has been having a shitty day. His boss was yakking on him once again for things that weren't his fault.
It wasn't his fault that the damn copy machine broke, and he hadn't meant to break it when he punched it, he was just trying to fix.
That's what they always did in the movies when something broke, right. They punch kicked and hit it until it started working.
Then if that wasn't enough some punk stole his wallet and when he chased the brat all the way home, the bastard's parents tried to call the cops on him.
Then he, ahem, persuaded them not to and his wallet was returned with interest.
Heh.
No good little shit for brains.
But that was all over now and now he could return home to his loving family.
His loving family where Misaki and Tamao would be at each other's throat and Miyabi would be at their throats then there would be carnage and crying as Miyabi tearfully apologized to him in her Ultimate Sliding BowTM.
And he still wouldn't get any dinner out of it in the end.
"Ugh, maybe I should stop by the Yakisoba shop" Takao thought but it was too late he had made it home already during his musing.
'Well no help for it' Takao told himself defeated.
He opened his door and modestly said, "I'm home" because rarely was he ever heard in all the chaos of the house.
But tonight it was eerily quiet.
"Did they kill each" he wondered aloud gulping at the thought.
Then,
"Welcome home Danna" a voice sounded.
"Welcome home father" two light voice sounded immediately after first perfectly in sync.
Takao turned and his mouth dropped open at the sight.
His darling Miyabi sat in seiza position black hair pulled back into an intricate bun in a beautiful black kimono with intricate gold designs that he had bought her for white day two years ago.
His two daughters bought wore pink kimonos with hand-woven yellow canary and lily blossom stitching. Misaki short hair was arranged into a sleek pixie cut style held back by a bejeweled lily hair clip. Tamao, his little girl, Mao had her unruly long hair sleek and straight for the first time in her life and had her bangs cut Chinese style.
Seeing her husband dumbfounded Miyabi giggled and led him to the dinner table where once again Takao face became slack with shock at the feast that lay before him.
"Uh Miyabi, dear how—"
"Shh dear don't talk just eat" she said smiling as she gestured to the five star feast laid out before him.
"But—" All protest died on his tongue as she shoved that first bit of food into his mouth.
Mmmm. SO Delicious!
"More sake dear?" Miyabi, his sweet wife questioned.
"Mmmphf"Takao grunted noncommittally
"Misaki, pour your honored father some sake" Miyabi ordered sharply.
"Yes mother." Misaki said voice strained and brittle.
Had Takao have been paying attention would have noticed the strained smile on his daughters' faces and the way Tamao twitched every second and how Miyabi sent a gimlet eyed glare at him every four seconds as well.
"Tamao, serve your honored father more food" Miyabi ordered again
"Yeah, yeah" Tamao grumbled.
"What was that"
"Nothing I said Yes mother"
"Hmph" Miyabi sniffed before turning moon eyes back on her darling. Nothing could ruin this night, nothing at all.
"Hey Miyabi is that our picture over there on the floor." Takao asked obliviously
Or not.
Then the house descended into chaos.
Well, Takao thought optimistically after calming the girls downs and convincing Miyabi not commit both child homicide and seppuku for the 'dishonor upon our honored memories', at least I got to eat some delicious food tonight.