The Cabin -Chapter 3
Hawke was still thinking about his and Dom's conversation while waiting on Caitlin to come back. He thought about his true feelings he'd been hiding from and hoped that he got this right. He wanted more than friendship with her, he had for a while but he hadn't felt he could be there for her because of the distraction of his brother being MIA. He didn't want a relationship with her to end like the other women he'd dated. Now, that distraction was gone and he truly felt free as if he could now be the man he wanted to be for Caitlin.
He was just finishing locking up when he heard her car pull up, he smiled when she came into the hanger with her bag. "You all set?" he asked her.
"I think so, you got everything shut down?" she asked.
"Yep," Hawke said as he joined her by the door, he hit the lights as they walked out and finished locking up. He tucked Sinjin's box under his arm and reached over to take her bag to load up in the chopper.
"Such a gentleman," she teased him as he opened her door for her.
"Don't let word get around," he teased in return as he did a quick look around the helicopter and then got in for pre-flight checks.
Caitlin had already started checking gauges for him and had her headset on, relaying their flightplan to the tower. They'd done it a million times in the past but Hawke realized then just how easily they'd fallen into a flow together just shortly after she arrived in California.
Caitlin just 'fit' with him, always had. There were times when the three of them were at the cabin and no words were ever even exchanged for long periods of time. Caitlin just fit with him and Dom, they didn't need words. That isn't to say Caitlin wasn't a talker, she could talk up a storm, especially when nervous but she also knew when he needed quiet. It was like some sort of sense she had about him and she would even get Dom to hush sometimes with just a touch on his arm or knee.
That was why he kept her in the friend zone he supposed, not because he didn't find her attractive but because he found her too attractive, not just physically but on every level and he didn't want to lose that so it was better to have her as a friend and in his life than not at all.
During the flight up to the cabin, Caitlin told him a little more about what happened when she met Sinjin. She explained how she thought she was being followed and what she'd done. He loved that she had been so aware and careful. He laughed when she said that Sinjin had told her "Whoa there, Red. I said I'd explain and I plan to if you'll give me half the chance!" She was blushing when she admitted that she hadn't given him a chance to say anything because she was too busy chewing him out.
"I bet you had your hands on your hips too, didn't you?" Hawke teased and she laughed.
"Yes," she admitted and shoved his arm a little. He just laughed. He could easily picture it, her hands on her hips, feet set apart, eyes flashing fire; he'd seen that look and she was beautiful when she was angry. Like an avenging angel or something equally as beautiful.
When they landed, Hawke went around and opened the door for her and helped Caitlin get out, which he often did but this time his hands seemed to linger at her waist as he helped her onto the dock. There seemed something different in the way he looked at her today, Caitlin thought.
He then got the package from Sinjin and her bag from the back of the helicopter. Hawke took her hand and led her up to the cabin. Scout was sitting on the porch and Caitlin stopped to greet him with a rub and he followed them inside wagging his tail.
Scout didn't take to many of Hawke's visitors, even giving Dom a hard time but Caitlin he seemed to just love. She always talked to him, rubbed him and Hawke thought the dog seemed enamored with the woman when she talked to him. There were times when she'd been at the cabin with him and Dom and Scout would get on the couch and put his head in her lap and look up at her with such a look of adoration in his big brown eyes that Hawke would find himself grinning to himself. Even his dog was in love with her.
Hawke set her bag under the stairs out of the way and dropped the box on his desk in the corner. "You want something to drink?"
"Water would be fine," Cait answered as she hung her jacket and went to join Hawke in the kitchen. It was now after noon.
"You know, I haven't had anything to eat since sometime yesterday. You want me to fix something for lunch?" Caitlin asked.
"I didn't bring you up here to cook for me," Hawke said with a laugh. Though she was an amazing cook and he sure wouldn't mind it.
"I know that, I just meant…you know what I meant!" Caitlin said pursing her lips at him.
"How about we both make a salad together," Hawke offered. "We can figure out something for dinner later."
"Sounds good to me," Caitlin said, drinking some of her water and then heading to the sink to wash her hands. Hawke took his turn at the sink and then started getting things out of the fridge and set to work with Caitlin making a large garden salad for them to share.
He paid attention to how easily they worked together in the kitchen, they'd cooked together a lot over the last year and a half, sometimes Dom and Caitlin would cook, sometimes he and Caitlin and on a few rare but special occasions like birthday's or holidays she'd throw both men out of the kitchen and cook up a storm.
The southern girl would come out at those times and she'd bake and cook and he and Dom would eat so much they could barely walk afterwards. Caitlin was a really, really good cook and she catered to his mostly vegetarian food preferences like it was some sort of personal challenge. She'd make dishes that even Dom couldn't complain about missing the meat in.
Caitlin was getting a few things out of the fridge for the dressing and took note of what items Hawke had in there. "What do you think for dinner?"
"We haven't even finished making lunch yet," Hawke teased as he looked over at her. God, she was pretty, he thought to himself.
"Well, can't hurt to plan. You want to catch some fish or go veggie only?" she asked as she washed the greens for the salad at the sink.
"Do you want to fish with me?" Hawke asked, they'd fished together before. He hadn't done that with many women, friend or someone he was dating because they often were just not into it. Cait had grown up with brothers though and did what they did, so she enjoyed fishing with him.
"Hmm, you know I like to fish too but I saw you have some apples over there, I could whip up something with those for dessert while you catch dinner later," she offered thinking of her Nanna's apple crumble.
"Dom's going to be so sad he missed one of your desserts," Hawke said with a grin.
"I was thinking an apple crumble, would be a perfect dessert to go with pecan crusted trout," she offered as she grated a carrot over the salad.
"I could go for that, when Sinjin does come home one day, now that I really can think about it in such a positive light, I think we should definitely throw him a homecoming dinner. You could do the dessert, Dom could do the pasta and I could take care of the sides. I know he hasn't had a good homecooked meal in years. God, I was there 8 years, Cait. I can't see how he's stood it for so long," Hawke said as he threw a handful of cherry tomatoes into the salad.
"He's determined to follow through on whatever this op is he's working on. He reminds me of you in that sense, or maybe since you are younger you remind me of him," she said with a laugh. "At any rate, you Hawke boys are determined and tenacious, when you set your minds to something you follow through on it."
"I haven't heard that phrase in a long time, 'you Hawke boys', most people are so afraid of mentioning Sinjin around me anymore but now knowing he really is alive and well and, God it just seems so surreal," Hawke admitted with a sigh.
"It's okay to be a little out of sorts about it, ya know? I mean, I've only known about him a year and a half and I'm blown away by it all," Caitlin said reasonably.
She finished up the dressing she'd made and they headed to the table with everything. They settled in and started to eat. Caitlin was starved so she was eating a little fast and had to force herself to slow down.
"Don't mean to be a little piggy over here but I didn't realize I was so hungry," she admitted with a laugh.
"Same here, we've all been so wrapped up in everything today I think we've all lost track of everything else. Thanks for coming up here with me, Cait. It means a lot, I just…usually I need to be alone, you know that, but this time I really need you, Caitlin," Hawke said and reached across the table to take her hand in his. "It is hard for me to admit that I need anyone but I need you. I need your optimism and your smile right now. I know this is all good news but I'm still having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I feel so many things all at once. Fear for him, fear he'll get hurt, angry that he took this damn op in the first place, sad that I'm not with him, regret that we've lost so much time as a family, guilt that I had to leave him behind and so much happiness that he's okay, that he's *alive* that I'm not sure how I feel from one minute to the next," Hawke explained.
"I would feel the same, String. I'd be so mixed up I wouldn't know what I was feeling either. But I'm glad that you asked me to come. I'm glad I can be here as your friend through all this," Caitlin said reassuringly. "I'll always be here for you and you know I'd do anything for you."
"I'd do anything for you too, Cait," Hawke answered honestly. "I honestly would do absolutely anything, go anywhere for you."
Caitlin swallowed hard at his pronouncement and wondered just what she could see shining in his beautiful baby blue eyes. She knew what she wanted to see there but couldn't trust herself not to think it was just wishful thinking. 'He means it as a friend, not anything more.'
"The feeling is mutual," Caitlin said after a moment. His hand left hers then and she took a drink of water to try to gain her equilibrium back. When he said or did things like that it made her love him even more.
They didn't speak any more about Sinjin but Hawke did ask her about the trip to Egypt. She told him about the museum she dragged poor Kevin to and how bored the younger pilot had been. Hawke laughed and she told him that more than once she wished he'd been there to enjoy the sights with her instead. Caitlin told him that she was certain he would have had more appreciation for it and he assured her that he would have loved it.
Learning More – Chapter 4
After Hawke and Caitlin finished their lunch, they straightened up and washed the dishes together then Hawke walked over to his desk. Caitlin slid her hands into the pockets of her jeans and watched as he picked through some of the things.
"This one is dated the earliest, do you want to watch it with me?" Hawke asked holding up the silver disc.
"Sure," Caitlin answered.
Hawke gathered up everything and the laptop, carrying it to the couch. Caitlin sat down beside him and he popped in the disc and then settled the laptop on one of his legs and one of hers.
The video started up and Sinjin looked younger and much thinner, when Caitlin saw him he was a much more muscular fellow. "Hey, guys. Today is April 12, 2005. I am at a secret military facility undergoing some training for my new gig. I'm not supposed to be recording this but hey, what they don't know don't hurt 'em, right? I just wanted you to know I'm alive and I took a job with a special ops team. I saw too much shit go down when I was captured that I just have to do this. I'd love to be home, man, I miss you guys and miss home but I gotta do this. This is more than just wanting to get revenge for 9/11, ya know? It's much more than that now. I just want you to know that I'm looking forward to seeing you. Hopefully this will all be over soon and I'll be back at the hanger with you guys. In the meantime, drink a cold one for me!"
Hawke paused the disc and Caitlin looked at him for a moment. "That was 2005…he's been hoping to come home since then. That is just…God that's awful," Caitlin said sadly.
Hawke nodded and took her hand in his. He held it tight and shook his head. "He was over 10 years younger than I am now in that video."
Hawke started the next video and this one seemed to have been made in a tent somewhere. You could hear light arms fire in the background and Sinjin was covered in dust, he had the beginnings of a scraggly beard, was wearing fatigues and a flak jacket along with having his helmet on. "Hell of a time to shoot a video huh?" Sinjin chuckled and shook his head. "None of our guys are involved, we are just biding our time. Its two warlords having it out, we are just waiting and keeping out of it for now. We don't really give a damn which one of them wins they are both nasty bastards, just saves us having to take out both of them if one takes out the other first. Such a great place to be, ain't it little brother? My CO said you reupped, you crazy little bastard, why'd you go and do that? I hope you don't do it again. I'd like to know you get out of here in one piece unlike so many of our friends. At least one of us needs to go home and carry on the family name, get married and have some fat babies for old Dom to dote on. You know he'd spoil 'em rotten right? I signed on until the job is done with this crew but I hope you get to go home soon. You keep the bogeys off your ass, kid. I'm prayin' for you."
The video ended and Caitlin squeezed Hawke's hand. "You didn't leave the military for another three years, right?"
"Yeah, only left then because I was shot and by the time I was discharged they were focused so much on Iraq that if I had reupped again I'd have been sent there. If I'd gone back in I wanted to go back to Afghanistan where Sinjin was or at least I thought he was," Hawke admitted. "So, I got an offer from Michael which included him trying to find Sinjin and I came home instead."
"He was still keeping tabs on me even though I had no idea where he was or what he was doing, he was still trying to watch out for his kid brother, huh?"
"Sounds like it. He was right though, Dom will so spoil any kids you or he ever have," Caitlin said laughing.
"God, yeah he will," Hawke said with a chuckle. A part of him wondered what it would be like to have those kids with Caitlin. He realized he was getting ahead of himself but now knowing Sinjin was alive and well…maybe not safe but well, made it easier for him to think of doing more with his own life. He wanted Caitlin to be a part of that life as more than just his friend.
He glanced at his watch and decided to play one more video before he went to fish for dinner. He took a deep breath and loaded the next video.
It looked like he was in a tent again. "Today is March 8, 2006. We have been in the mountains searching for you know who. I'm in Helmand province right now, we are working with a NATO group. We've been busy the last few days running interference between our guys, NATO the UN and Red Cross trying to get aid to the civvies because some of them have intel we can use. I'm caring less about the intel than I am about the kids stuck in the middle of all this. One of the Red Cross nuns has me running errands like a choir boy and I really don't hate it to be honest. Too bad she's a nun, she's a pretty lady, Dom you're probably saying that I'm going to go to hell for that but hey…I'm human. She keeps asking favors and damned if I can't tell the woman no. Not sure if it's because she's pretty or because she's a freaking nun and I could use all the extra prayers she can say for me. Anyway, the last errand I ran for her nearly got my tail shot off but we managed to get food to some kids holed up in an orphanage up in the mountains so I guess it was worth it. So, I'm still here, no new holes in me and Sister Helena is keeping me in her prayers. Love you guys."
Hawke was actually grinning after that video had finished. He shook his head as he looked at Caitlin who was laughing.
"He has a great sense of humor," Caitlin said and Hawke laughed.
"Yeah. Crazy idiot," Hawke set the laptop on the coffee table and sighed. "Let's stop there for now and I'll head out to the lake to go get dinner."
"Sure thing. I'll get started on those apples," Caitlin said as he helped her up and they parted ways. Him to get his pole and tackle box and her to start washing and peeling apples.
Hawke spent the time fishing thinking about his brother and what he was doing. Caitlin was right, the apples did fall close together. They both did things that were dangerous to help others in their own way. They were both loyal to their country and to the causes they were working for. Seeing and hearing his brother again after all this time was cathartic.
He also spent time thinking about the pretty redhead in his kitchen. He didn't know exactly how he would let her know how he felt but soon he had to. Hawke was not inexperienced with women to say the least but Caitlin was too important to him to screw it up either. Should he go slow? Ask her out on a real date or just, kiss her and tell her how he feels? Or at the least show her since words weren't always his strong suit?
He was distracted from his thoughts when he felt a strike on his lure and set his mind back to fishing.
Caitlin was in the kitchen and she was also doing some thinking. It made her feel special that Hawke had wanted her to be here with him this weekend. The fact that he was sharing these videos of his brother with her was just more than she ever expected. He'd always been such a private man, sometimes very hard to read and sometimes very hard to be a friend with. Hawke could be difficult sometimes but she felt he was worth it. It wasn't just because she was attracted to him and had strong feelings for him, he really was a good man. Dom had raised some really great boys to be incredible men. There were moments, especially lately that she felt as if her connection with Hawke was stronger than ever. He had always been a bit tactile with her, touching her, putting his arm around her, holding her hand or even a little kiss on the cheek or forehead. The only kisses on the lips they'd shared had been for a stunt, her first stunt at that and the other had been a heat of the moment thank God, I'm still alive type of kiss she gave him after she'd been kidnapped and nearly blown up.
Caitlin melted butter in the cast iron skillet she was using and added cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, salt, vanilla and brown sugar making a thick, fragrant sauce that she added the apples to. She let them cook and bubble together while she cut together butter, sugar, oatmeal and flour with chopped pecans to make the topping. Once she had it in the oven the cabin already smelled divine. She cleaned up the kitchen as she thought about Hawke's sweet smile. There was one smile in particular that he only ever seemed to bestow upon her, it was the same smile he gave her when she first found him in California. His baby blue eyes had sparkled as he smiled at her that day and her stomach had done flip flops every time he smiled like that again ever since.
She sighed as she finished wiping off the counter and then set to work washing and drying some green beans he had picked up at the farmers market that she liked to shop at too. Caitlin looked up when she heard the door open and Scout and Hawke came strolling in with a few fish.
"Looks like we'll be having that trout then," she grinned at him.
"Yep, you have it smelling like Christmas in here," Hawke said with a grin of his own.
"Mmm, yeah I love this recipe from Nanna. She used to make it every Thanksgiving and every Christmas," Caitlin said with a smile.
Hawke went out to the little back porch where he had an area set up specifically for cleaning fish and set to work filleting the trout for Caitlin to work her magic on. He wasn't a bad cook but he didn't put the same, he supposed the only word was love, that Cait put into it.
She didn't really cook by a recipe either, he would watch her when she'd cooked with him before. She isn't like other women he'd cooked with, she doesn't measure and weigh or anything, she just had a natural affinity for it. She said it was the way her Nanna had taught her to cook.
Dom had said it was common in his family too not to measure things. It was all by smell and taste and feel. If Hawke cooked that way, it was sometimes hit or miss that was why he kept to simpler fare.
Caitlin came out shortly after he had the first fish ready to put on a plate and she held it out to him, timing his work almost perfectly. They chatted a bit about some of the work they had to do the next week at the hanger and when he placed the last fillet on the plate she headed back into the kitchen to season the fish.
He cleaned up everything and then went to wash up. When he dried his hands, he turned to find Caitlin on her tip toes trying to reach a bowl on the top shelf in the upper cabinets.
Hawke moved behind her and put his hand on her hip as he leaned up and snagged the bowl for her. He wasn't that much taller than Caitlin, only a couple inches taller but his arms and fingers were longer. He could stand flat footed and reach everything on the top shelf while she had to tiptoe and struggle to reach.
She looked over her shoulder at him, his front against her back which felt so damn good she didn't really want to move. She smiled as she took the offered bowl.
"Thank you," she said fighting a blush from how heated her body had become from his nearness.
He just smiled in return and stepped away from her to get out of the way. Hawke could tell she had things under control in the kitchen but he didn't want to be away from her. He enjoyed the feel of her body against his way too much he realized but what the hell, he was just going to stop fighting how he felt.
"Anything I can help with?"
"Hmm, oh, could you slice some of these tomatoes in half? I'm going to toss them with the green beans," she said and he nodded taking a place at the counter to get to work.
When she opened the oven, he couldn't help watching her those jeans fit her body like a glove and he felt his own heart rate pick up a bit. He looked away but had to say something about the smell of that dessert she was placing on the counter. "God that smells amazing," Hawke admitted and she laughed.
"Almost makes you want to start with dessert, doesn't it?" Caitlin said with a smile.
When he looked at her cherry red lips, his thoughts were definitely on a different type of "dessert" that was for sure. He cleared his throat as if that might somehow clear the inappropriate thoughts out of his mind.
When dinner was about ready, Hawke set the table and chose a nice bottle of white wine to go with the meal.
Caitlin as usual had done a wonderful job with the food and Hawke thought that Dom would be sad that he missed out on this. Caitlin wasn't the girly girl type, not a lot of fussy clothes or makeup but when it came to cooking, she was the type of woman who took great pride in it and Dom and he were always appreciative. There was just something about the way a woman cooked for a man, when she really cared about the men she cooked for. It was sort of how they both knew she cared because of the way she tried to take care of them both with other things but also her cooking.
Once, when Dom had the flu, she brought him homemade chicken noodle soup and homemade bread and the last time he'd been hurt on a mission she'd come up to the cabin and took care of him. Cooking, helping with Scout and making sure he didn't aggravate his injury too much. He fussed at her about being a grown man who didn't need to be mothered but deep down it had made him feel far better than the pain pills to have Caitlin there with him.
"Mmm, Cait, it always amazes me what a great cook you are," he complimented her as he finished tasting the trout and some of the vegetables.
"Why thank you, I love cooking up here, that old stove of yours reminds me of Nanna's and that is where I learned to cook. I used to love spending my summers with her and cookin' with her. She was of the generation of women that pretty much all they did all day long was cook!" Caitlin laughed. "She'd get up before the sun and make a huge breakfast that fed not only the family but the ranch hands too. She'd have platters of biscuits, pancakes, ham and bacon and sometimes sausages along with a huge tray of fresh eggs we had collected the evening before. Once they ate all that and headed out to work, she'd clean up the kitchen and start all over again on lunch, then after lunch she'd do the same for dinner. She'd do other chores in between, washing clothes and all those things too and taking care of feeding the chickens and her garden and stuff. It was exhausting but she did it every single day. I learned a lot helping in her kitchen every summer."
"I'll say, your biscuits are the best I've ever had in my life. Dom thinks so too," Hawke said remembering how both of them stuffed themselves the first time she brought homemade biscuits to the hanger for breakfast once. She'd made homemade jam to go with them which had floored them both. Women these days didn't really make things like homemade jam much anymore.
They say that the way to a man's heart is his stomach, though that wasn't true for Hawke he did appreciate her talent and he could tell that it pleased her when he acknowledged how good of a cook she was. Plus, it felt like home, his mother was a great cook too and he still even after all these years missed her. Caitlin had brought just a bit of that feeling of home and family back to him.
"Oh, I got the message when you both nearly ate the whole basket I brought in that mornin'. I thought you two had never had a proper southern biscuit before," Cait laughed.
"We hadn't!" Hawke said with a grin. "If you were a few decades older I think Dom might have asked you to marry him."
Caitlin almost choked on her wine as she started to laugh. "Oh, my. I think of him like a father that's just too weird to even consider!"
Hawke laughed right along with her and looked back at her seriously. "Thank you for this, for everything. When you came back into my life I was happy to see you but I never realized just how important you would become to me, Cait. Your laughter, your optimism, your friendship and your loyalty have all been more than I could have ever hoped for."
Caitlin blushed red and he smiled at her. "I've made you blush," he teased. He did often try to make her blush sometimes because he found it cute.
"Yes, you have, Stringfellow Hawke. I didn't know what I expected when I came here but I knew I wanted to see you again. I wanted to bring you news of your friend but I also wanted to see you one more time. I never really expected to be welcome to stay," Caitlin admitted.
"Best thing I ever talked Dom into," Hawke said toasting her with his wine and loving the way her blue-green eyes sparkled at him.
"I'm sure glad you did," Caitlin said taking a drink of her wine as well.
"Cait, have you ever wanted more?" Hawke asked curiously. Not entirely sure where he wanted to take this conversation but he desperately wanted to know.
"More? In what way?"
"I dunno, a husband, a family like what your mom is always pestering you about," Hawke asked.
"Of course, I want those things but it will come in time I guess."
"I know when Dom suggested it that time that you said no but…would you, have you ever thought about that life, a husband and family, ya know…with me?" Hawke asked, his heart in his throat.
Caitlin was stunned. That was the last question she ever thought he would ask her. How the hell was she supposed to answer that?
"Way to put a gal on the spot," she said laughing a little trying to diffuse the situation and give him a way out if he wanted to take it.
"I'm serious, Caitlin," Hawke said then, reaching across the table to take her hand in his. "I know I've thought about it. I've thought about how you make me happy, how I can't think of a future, a wife and children without picturing you. It, this feeling, has been growing in me over the last year and now with so many questions answered about Sinjin, I feel like I can be that man that you deserve, the man who can freely love you without chasing ghosts anymore," Hawke said seriously.
Caitlin's eyes flew up to meet his and she gasped softly. "Freely love?"
"I love you, Caitlin. I have since the moment I met you I think, I was just too afraid to admit it, too wrapped up in my search for my brother," Hawke whispered. "I'm sorry it has taken me so long to tell you."
"Oh, String," she whispered and turned her hand to thread her fingers between his, her skin pale against his tanned digits. "I love you too, I've loved you ever since you said, 'I know' back when you were in that jail cell."
The smile that blazed across Hawke's face was that same smile he gave her that day he was working on the Steerman when she found him again. Hawke stood from his chair and moved in front of Caitlin.
"I'd like the chance to show you how much I love you, to give to you what I've held back for so long because I was too focused on finding Sinjin and ignoring everything else in my life. You've stood by me, supported me and reminded me that I can still love," Hawke said softly, reaching out to brush away the tears that slipped down Caitlin's pretty face.
"Oh, you. I love you, so very much," Caitlin said softly, covering his hand with one of her own as it rested against her cheek.
When Caitlin said she loved him in return, Hawke felt his heart leap in his chest and he leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. One kiss though wasn't nearly enough and he'd pulled her closer, kissing her deeper and pouring every ounce of love he felt for her into the kiss. It felt so good to feel her body pressed close, her hands on his shoulders and then sliding up into his hair. If it weren't for the need to breathe, Hawke thought he might never stop kissing Caitlin.
The position they were in was a bit awkward and when Hawke drew back, he took Caitlin's hand. She stood and he took her face in his hands to guide her lips to his once again. They kissed until they were both breathless and needy but he didn't want to push too far, too fast.
Hawke placed his forehead against Caitlin's and just held her close for a few moments, relishing the feel of her smaller frame against his own. He had kissed plenty of women in his life, held them against his body like this but he couldn't recall it ever feeling this right.
Caitlin was still reeling from everything that had just happened. Hawke loved her! He was holding her; his kisses had been a revelation to her. She had never felt this way from just kisses. Her body ached for more, her heart was beating heavily in her chest and her stomach was tight with anticipation. She knew though that whatever Hawke wanted she would give him, it frightened her a little how much she would give of herself to this man.
Caitlin could easily lose herself to Stringfellow Hawke, she could so easily let herself just be consumed by him. She would do and give absolutely anything to make him happy. The scariest part was that she wasn't the least bit afraid of losing herself to him because she knew that he would be the one man who would never try to change her. He would never ask her to stop flying, he would never tell her that her place was on the ground like others had. He would never make her feel like she was any less capable just because she was a woman. That was what had caught her heart in the first place, his belief in her. The scary part was if this man did ask her to change, she'd do it in a heartbeat.
They stood just holding one another and when he drew back from her and Caitlin's eyes fluttered open she was surprised by the emotion dancing in his eyes. She knew in that moment that each of them could shatter the other or lend strength with a single emotion; love. It was there, more than the words he'd spoken it was right there in his eyes for her to see.
Her hands traveled from where she'd tangled them in his chestnut hair down to his neck and across his strong shoulders that had carried the weight of his parents and brother's loss for so long. The silence was comfortable as they stared into each other's eyes, each other's souls. This was home for both pilots.
The moment was broken with the sound of silverware clattering off the table. They both jumped and started to laugh, Scout had jumped into Hawke's chair and was finishing off his trout for him.
"Scout!" Caitlin said reprimanding the dog even as she laughed and pushed him down. Hawke was fighting a laugh too and scolded the dog as he picked up the silverware from the floor.
"Your timing sucks, Scout," Hawke grunted at the dog and gave him the order to go lay in front of the hearth in the living room. The dog was well trained but he was still a dog and the humans weren't eating the food. He slunk over in front of the hearth still licking his chops.
When Hawke turned back to Caitlin she was already cleaning up the table from their meal.
"Well I guess I'm not saving the rest of this for later," Hawke laughed as he took his plate to dump.
Caitlin laughed as she joined him in the kitchen. "He's just a dog after all, I'm sure that he thought oh I guess they are done I'll just clean-up for them," Caitlin teased.
In truth, she was a little thankful to Scout for his timing. If she let her heart rule her head as it was they would have possibly made a mistake tonight. She hadn't exactly been prepared for the feelings she had coursing through her. She thought she would have been because she's been certain of her love for Hawke for a long time but so much had happened in the last two days. She wanted to be sure that they really were ready for this next step in their relationship because there was no going back.
Caitlin busied herself putting the food away, while Hawke took care of clearing up the scraps from the meal. Living up here in the mountains he had to be careful of attracting wildlife too close to the cabin.
With those chores all done, Caitlin had started on the dishes and he supposed that the mood had been broken and a part of him regretted it while another part thought that maybe Scout's interruption was a good thing. Were they ready to jump into a physical relationship? He knew a part of him was excited and more than happy at the prospect but his head told him to slow down just a little bit. The leap from close and dear friends straight into a physical relationship could do more harm than good, so he was willing to slow down…but not for too long. He needed and wanted Caitlin more than he'd ever wanted or needed a woman before.
He helped Cait dry the dishes, they tried to chat a little, it was a bit awkward for a few minutes but soon they were back on an even keel.
"Do you want to watch more of the videos from Sinjin?" Cait asked as she drained the sink.
"Yeah. Let's pick up where we left off. It is like a time capsule you know? Seeing him so young and so like the last time I saw him in person just brings so much back. What I was doing at the time too," Hawke answered as he put the last of the dishes away.
"What were you doing in March of 2007?" Caitlin asked curiously.
"Flying an Apache at the time but by the summer of that year I was flying some reconnaissance too, I think that is where the NRO and the FIRM got me on their radar," Hawke explained.
"Kiowa?"
"Yeah and sometimes I flew an Arapaho and on several missions that year I was flying medi-vac support, myself and Tommy Jenson worked together urban scouting missions and emergency transport support to Rocket City," Hawke explained.
"Rocket City was Salerno right?" Caitlin asked remembering reading an article about the base.
"Yeah, we had quite a mix of all branches there plus 10th Mountain and 82nd Airborne worked out of the base at that time, it was quite the set up with a hospital, clinic for the locals, hell they even built a school," Hawke said with a shrug. "But it got its nickname for a reason, it was almost constantly under fire of some kind."
Caitlin could tell from his tone that it had been a difficult stint, at the time he hadn't known where his brother was, if he was even still alive and he had a more than stressful job to do.
She settled on the couch next to him and tangled her fingers with Hawke's. Her touch brought him back from some bad memories and he reached out to pick up the laptop.
"So, let's see what Sinjin was up to then," he said as he settled back and started up the video again.
This time Sinjin was in another tent but he wasn't in full gear. In fact, he was sitting with his shirt open, his dog tags were catching the light in the tent. He was drinking a cup of coffee as he sat on a bucket.
"Been a few months since the last update, today is your birthday little brother! Hope you had a good one. I miss you and Dom like crazy, especially on a day like this. I hope to make up for the missed birthday's and holidays and stuff when I come home. We got some real bad dudes taken care of last week though. I've been attached to a group from the CIA now. Not too thrilled about it but orders are orders. Would have rather stayed up in the mountains with the Red Cross folks. The guys I'm with now are working on finding info on you know who and we might be heading to the border of Pakistan. Not sure what the mission is yet, these CIA guys play it real close to the vest but I'll find out soon exactly what is going on. At least I get back up in the air again. I don't like this ground grunt work nearly as much. I guess I don't have to tell you but it's hotter than Hades here right now and I'm lookin' forward to that air conditioning again. CO says you are operating out of Rocket City, you keep your head down, brother. I gotta get some shut eye," Sinjin lifted the coffee mug up, "and this is just plain old Army rotten coffee but, here's to you, kiddo. I love ya!"
"Air-conditioned cockpit. He was most likely flying an Apache then," Hawke said with a slight smile.
Caitlin smiled a little. "And he remembered your birthday even in a place like that."
"I remember that day, it was not a great day but we all came home in one piece at least," Hawke said with a shrug. "Tommy and I were flying support for DUSTOFF crews. We got everyone back to the field hospital though. Everyone had a pulse when we landed at least, not sure after that. It was up to the docs then."
They watched the rest of the videos on the disc there were only two more and both were about Sinjin's working with the CIA group. Hawke figured that was why Sinjin was still over there, still working to undermine and stop insurgents before they could rise to a lead role like Bin Laden had. It really was a worthwhile task, he knew that, it didn't mean that he didn't miss and worry about his brother.
When the last file ended, Hawke shut down the laptop and took it back to his desk. He looked at some of the letters but thought he'd wait to read those.
"How about some of that dessert?" Hawke asked and Caitlin got up and started getting everything ready.
He put on some coffee to have with the sweet apple dish and caught himself watching Cait as she moved around his kitchen as if it were her own. He liked the idea of the cabin being her home too, probably a lot more than he should at this juncture of their relationship. He didn't want to scare her off, she may love him in return but he sure didn't want to move so fast everything blew up in their faces either.