Author's Note:
This chapter is meant to have a lemon scene it but it is cut out obviously. If you are old enough to view the sex scene and wish to, please personal message me with your email address.
Dedicated to my wonderful reviewers of the original chapter 02!
Princess Sin, CrimsonInHumanBlood, Nikkie23534, Chelle82, HeartStar, LadyTokyo, Polka Dot, Margichan, Snowfall and blondebrat2006!
Thanks So Much *hugs you all*
Enjoy wonderful people!
Warning: Lemon in this chapter!
Chapter Three
You Will Never Be Strong Enough, Never Be Good Enough
Sesshomaru sighed as he watched Rin's sleeping form from across the room, the small human girl occupying his bed whilst he rested back into the chair by the fireplace, lost in thought. It was odd that she still suffered from nightmares about those wolves after all this time. After all, she was a happy child, she never wanted for anything (he saw to that) she'd quickly made friends with the servants' children, and had Jaken at her beck and call. What more could a young girl want for? True he never coddled her like a human parent might, but he shouldn't imagine fussing and preening over her like that would improve her any. She knew he cared about her and that was that. Even he'd come to some acknowledgement in his own mind that he held some strangely placed fatherly affection to her. Would he have put up with her childish antics and humanity if not?
No, Rin wasn't lacking in anything, Lord Sesshomaru had even appointed a trustworthy servant to perform all the necessary tasks that Rin, as a female may not otherwise be able to receive from him. Perhaps the human girl needed a real mother figure? He shook his head mentally at that. He had no intentions of mating one of those ridiculous demon wenches simply to play mother to her. In any case, all of those demonesses that'd been forced towards him by their guardians in the past would never accept Rin, none of them would, she was human after all. Even if he insisted upon it, it was a mother-figure's love that Rin needed, and no demon would give that to a human…
He sighed again, frustrated this time. She often suffered from nightmares such as these, and she often took up residence in his bed, with him watching over her thoughtfully as a fateful guard. Come morning all would be well again, and she would be the happy, carefree child she always was. He passed it off at last, after hours of thinking. It was certainly just some childish fear, that would more than likely fade away after her transition into adolescence. Didn't all children, even demon children have nightmares? It was bothersome, he decided, fretting over weak children, it was tiring. But worth while, his mind supplied.
Just when he had imagined his restless mind might finally allow him some peace for the night, than other thoughts burst into his mind. What might Inuyasha be like as a parent? He mentally winced at that. If he continued through with his intricately woven plan, Inuyasha would become a parent to his child or children. He would most certainly not let him parade his inconsiderate prudishness any longer, especially if it were to be rubbed off on his children. Pups, his mind supplied, having been around Rin too long, her human words rubbing off on him occasionally. That was something he must remember to prevent form happening…
But Inuyasha as a parent? Much less the mother figure? Mother parents were supposed to be nurturing and devotedly caring – Inuyasha was…not those things. Sesshomaru himself had been a selfish, immature youth, used to getting what he wanted for the most part. He wasn't a sulking brat but he was still not kind as such. At first, when he'd fully reached adulthood, he'd not considered ever having pups. After having the burden of ruling the Western lands thrust upon him after his father's death, he'd been too wrapped in it all to give it much thought. And then later on, he'd come to a realisation that female bitches were selfish, ignorant and whining. He wouldn't be stuck with that for the rest of eternity, and not mating a female literally lead to no pups. Unless he used a concubine to bear them specifically for him (which he didn't much care for) or he met someone unique like Inuyasha, which wasn't very probable, since those like him were very scarce, and often, (since they were half-demon) they would be killed before they reached adulthood, before their gifts were discovered.
Now, looking back on it, he'd never really wanted pups, and yet here he was planning to tie his half-demon brother to him for eternity, and impregnate him? At first, the initial thought had been that it would undoubtedly make him miserable, and no other demon or human should be permitted the opportunity do so (with or without Inuyasha's consent) and hold some form of claim over his, Sesshomaru's lands. Perhaps also, lurking at the back of his mind, a shadow of a thought, that maybe if Inuyasha were here, under his careful gaze, he'd be able to put a stop in these foreign feelings that weighed heavily with guilt in his chest whenever he thought of him.
In any case, why did he care? He was Lord Sesshomaru, what he wanted he took; he didn't need to justify his actions. Who would stop him from doing as he pleased? So he didn't need heirs, but as with most demons in royal blood, it was a sense of duty, of continuing the family name, a sense of instinct to do so. Besides, it may prove interesting, a small spice to life that might add some strange element of excitement to his recently dull existence.
Suddenly there was a frenzied knocking on the door, and Sesshomaru mentally jolted from his pensiveness. "Enter." The door opened swiftly, Jaken stumbling into the room. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes in irritation. "What is it Jaken? Can you not see that Rin is asleep? What reason can you have to disturb me at this hour?"
Jaken stumbled forwards, a nervous look in his shifty eyes.
"P-Please Milord. T-The guards say that Inuyasha has escaped." A small smirk quirked at the Demon lord's lips. The chase is on, Little brother…
Inuyasha's breathed heaved out into the cold night, a clammy mist drifting into the air as a result. It was so cold! He couldn't ever remember being this cold! It felt like those first few nights he'd had to fend for himself, in the cold, unwelcoming dark, lost to the overwhelming misery at having his mother torn away from him. It hurt, his stomach felt as if he'd been kicked, just another trademark pain of this torture he was forced to endure every month, only it was only recently that he'd began to understand it…and why it happened…
Stumbling slightly, Inuyasha's clawed hand snagged hold of the nearest tree, steadying himself as he paused for a moment, regaining his breath. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…I'm so…feel so drained…
The rain beat hard down on his back, soaking his hair, causing the silver tresses to cling to his drenched, filthy clothes. He felt so hollow. He was running away from Sesshomaru, from what was rightfully his home too. But where was he going? He had nowhere left to turn, nowhere to go. After travelling with Kagome for so long, fighting from going back to that very dark place that reeked of misery, he was there again. He was alone.
Plodding on slowly, Inuyasha gasped for breath. He was just so weak, the poison still taking its toll on his half-demon body, even while it wasn't actually there physically, and in cooperation with his monthly pains, he felt like he was dying slowly from the inside out. It hurts, he growled mentally, stopping again, sliding down the dank tree bark onto the muddy ground.
Suddenly, his head lifted weakly, sensing the presence of something else in the clearing. He blinked the rain from his eyes, his silver hair hanging limply into it as his dull, golden eyes scaled the darkness. There was nothing to be seen. He was really regretting leaving the castle now…but his bitterness towards Rin, and both his fear and anger at Sesshomaru had mounted up alongside his current agony and growing confused terror, until he lost all rational thought.
"Something ails you, Little one?"
Inuyasha's damp ears flicked back against his skull. He knew that voice…Hikireimaru. He flung his back against the bark, sitting up straight in the mud, meeting Hikireimaru's crimson eyes, which glinted in the darkness as he drew closer, like a shadow reaching from the dark as all light faded. "I can sense a great pain in you…" he practically cooed, kneeling down before Inuyasha, his long tresses of black hair draping around their faces as he leant forward, his hot breath steaming over Inuyasha's cold face. He could feel himself slipping. He was so cold, so weak. Unconsciousness was fighting to overtake him, his stubborn humanity demanding he stay awake. If he passed out, Hikireimaru would take him, he knew it…
"Are your menstrual pains hurting you, Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha winced, turning from his face and looking to the side, resisting the urge to hold his pained stomach. He just wanted to curl up somewhere warm and hold himself, and allow his naïve mind to believe he was safe in another's arms. To believe the pain wasn't there at all. But this cruel world wouldn't even allow him that small comfort….
"G-Get lost…I ain't in the mood to deal with you," he growled, trying to sound threatening, but failing miserably, only rousing a smirk from Hikireimaru, as the Dark-haired demon brushed his claws over Inuyasha's face. The Half-demon winced in repulsion as Hikireimaru took in his scent deeply, a distinct, powerful wave of arousal steaming off the Demon, causing Inuyasha to recoil as far back into the tree-trunk as he could. "Your brother has scented you?" he asked, the words more of a statement than a question, leaning in to sniff Inuyasha's neck deeply, making the Half-demon blush, still very weak arms thumping the demon uselessly on his shoulders, not able to get him off. "And you were aroused…the evidence still covers you heavily…" His own clawed hands gripped Inuyasha's arms, holding him still as he leaned up, his lips descending towards Inuyasha's. The Half-demon screamed, turning his head away, inciting a hollow laugh from Hikireimaru, that chilled Inuyasha's blood. "Although it's meant to deter me, on the contrary…it only makes me want you more…My Little Half-demon…"
Inuyasha screamed again, though this time more in anger at his weakness and humiliation than fear, his cries echoing alongside the distant thunderclaps. Hikireimaru merely laughed again, holding Inuyasha's face to his. The next kiss inescapable as the Demon held his lips barely a hairsbreadth from the Inuyasha's.
"STOP LAUGHING! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Inuyasha cried out, his voice more pleading and desperate than he'd like.
"Cry as much as you like, Inuyasha, I will still take you one way or the other…"
The Half-demon raked his claws into the other male's shoulders, curling his lips in disgust, trying to recoil from the embrace, but failing.
"GET OFF ME!"
"You'd best do as he says…"
Hikireimaru paused, turning to face the voice, already knowing to whom it belonged.
Sesshomaru stood carelessly at a distance, Inuyasha's eyes widening in horror at seeing him, his gaze dropping humiliatingly to the ground, unwilling to allow his half-brother the satisfaction at seeing the defeat within them. He gave up. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care! Pain, torture, love, loss, abandonment, rape…he didn't care. As long as he was alive, he'd endure anything…
I don't wanna die, he cried mentally, claws curling into his bloodied palm, I don't want to go to hell… He closed his watering eyes against the cold, against Sesshomaru and Hikireimaru. Not hearing the others' dull, murmuring words with each other. Pained tears falling and mingling with the falling rain at the painful memories of the cruel humans that had told him, in his naïve youth, of the heavens that held no place for dirty half-breeds. He was terrified, like a child scared of the dark, he was scared of death. And it almost killed him to even think of admitting it, even to himself…
"Come here, Inuyasha."
The Half-demon snapped out of his pensiveness, raising his eyes to his brother, confused, not really sure if he'd heard him correctly. Sesshomaru's eyes widened briefly, threateningly. "Inuyasha. Come here." He had heard him correctly. Sesshomaru was ordering Inuyasha to his side like a dog, and actually expected him to obey? Was he insane? But then again…what other choice did he have?
"RAPED BY YOU – RAPED BY HIKIREIMARU – WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?"
The Half-demon's own words revolved in his head. What was the difference? Because right now he was faced with that choice…he could suffer one or the other…
"Inuyasha. I will not ask again."
Inuyasha winced, crawling slowly out of Hikireimaru's forced embrace, noting that the Demon did not restrain him or stop him from moving, as he got to his feet unsteadily, reluctantly stopping at Sesshomaru's side, his ears drooping slightly. Defeated.
"Be gone, Hikireimaru, and pray I never see your face again."
The Demon got to his feet, turning to face the demon lord with an arrogant smile on his face. "Will you kill me? Lord Sesshomaru?"
Sesshomaru remained impassive. "If you ignore a blatant claim on my property again…I shall indeed kill you. And what is more, I will take pleasure in it…" As Sesshomaru finished, Hikireimaru bowed slightly, feigning courtesy, before departing the clearing, leaving Inuyasha shivering at Sesshomaru's side, in no better position than he'd been in before with Hikireimaru, particularly since he could smell a little frustration on his older brother as well…
"You fled the castle." It was a statement, not a question. Inuyasha said nothing in response, still reeling from his annoyance at Sesshomaru having called him his property. "Did you think it a game to see if I'd come after you, Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha scowled. "I didn't want you to come after me asshole! I left 'cause I couldn't stand another minute of you!"
Sesshomaru smirked slightly. "Is that so?"
"Yes it is! As if I wanna watch you doting over that…human, whilst you just…" he growled inwardly, not wanting to finish his sentence. He wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction of knowing he was jealous of that human! However, he could tell by the look on Sesshomaru's face, that he already knew.
"So you are envious of Rin, is that it?"
Inuyasha growled. "NO! Who would be? Who cares? I hate you!" He yelled, but that smirk never left his brother's face.
"Indeed, in that case, why did you come to my side when I told you to?"
"Because…because I-"
"-Was afraid? Surely I am just as frightening to you as Hikireimaru?"
"Yeah – I mean no but-"
"-A small part of you wants to come back with me, doesn't it, Inuyasha?"
That was it, Inuyasha snapped.
Leaping at Sesshomaru, the Half-demon raked his claws into Sesshomaru's chest, screaming his lungs out. "I hate you! I've never hated anything more than you! The only reason I came to you is because that castle is-" His words cut off as Sesshomaru seized his wrists, keeping him from striking a second time.
"It matters little what you think, Inuyasha. Your confused mind does not comprehend that you will make yourself useful to me," he paused, refraining from passing an empathic look over his brother. He was shuddering, freezing, covered in mud that stained his trademark fire-rat kimono and hair, his flesh as pale as death warmed up…not to mention the agony radiating off his brother in waves.
No, he mentally shook himself; I am merely using him for my own purposes, why should I care about his body's condition? His mind reasoned harshly with him, yet he couldn't help but watch as his brother's terrified eyes wavered, the pained form falling forwards to unconsciousness, staining the white silks of his kimono with mud, the full-demon's arms coming to envelop the frozen frame. He needed to get him back to the castle, and quickly!
Hikireimaru smiled in the dimness, his ice-white fangs glinting forebodingly in the dark, as his obsidian clothed back leant back against tree trunk, the rain steadily retreating beyond the clouds. His crimson gaze closed against the forest as he heard the deft footsteps of his followers, coming closer warily, never knowing if their master would turn on them any moment. His smirk widened cruelly. They are all so predictably obedient, so frightened for their own worthless lives…with one word I could have them tearing each other's throats out for no reason whatsoever… Just as it should be…
"L-Lord Hikireimaru?" the closest demon asked, courteously cautious.
"What news to do you bring?"
The demon swallowed, recoiling slightly as Hikireimaru straightened up properly, clearly frightened he might be struck.
"No news Sir, just…the Half-demon, Inuyasha…we are to let him go?"
Hikireimaru offered the demon a wily look. "Whatever gave you that impression?"
The anxious demon's eyes widened slightly. "Just, Sir we – Lord Sesshomaru has him now and – we just – there is news of another half-demon not far from here. I presumed we would-"
"-You presumed wrong. Perhaps it would be best if you avoided thinking in future, it seems to do you harm." The Demon flinched stepping back in frightened chivalry, allowing his master to walk past him, towards the demons gathered behind him, awaiting Hikireimaru's command.
"We will go for this other half-breed. I will leave Inuyasha in Lord Sesshomaru's capable hands…for now… We will return when Inuyasha has had a taste for life as Lord Sesshomaru's whore for a while…then he'll be begging for me to take him…"
The Demon servant cringed at the words. No one in their right mind would ask to be a bedding partner to Hikireimaru, the malicious, cruel creature that tore his lovers to shreds, much less allow their body to be used in the way he knew his master intended to use Inuyasha… Hikireimaru turned to him, as if knowing his thoughts, and the Demon bowed his head apologetically. "Indeed, you are not wrong… Your treacherous thoughts, they are true, and I take pride in such fear…however," he turned his back on his servant once more, running his clawed fingers over the vulnerable curve of one of the demons' throat, the admiring the dark hair that draped lightly over the shell of his ear, the frame mentally quivering, praying Hikireimaru wasn't planning what he could see brewing behind those fiery crimson eyes.
"Inuyasha's overwhelming desire to live…overshadows everything else…Half-demons are part human, and therefore selfish, he will do anything to stay alive…particularly now there is nothing left for him to shield…" The others watched Hikireimaru curiously, not truly understanding his words.
"Inuyasha has been betrayed in one way or another by everyone he has cared for and protected, they have all left him alone, and now, after centuries of having to grow up too quickly, his subconscious is regressing back to the time when he was terrified of everything… The only thing he's concerned about any longer, is staying alive…"
Setting Inuyasha's lightly clinging frame back onto the blood-stained sheets from earlier, he carefully plucked the Half-demon's claws from the front of his kimono, which was now thoroughly ruined, stained with blood and filth, not forgetting the distinctive tears which were caused by Inuyasha's claws.
"Is there anything you wish me to do, Milord?" asked Jaken, grovelling at his Lord's side, determined to be useful.
"I will require a bowl of warm water and a wash-cloth."
"O-Of course Milord!" Jaken obeyed, darting towards the door.
"And Jaken?"
"Yes Milord?" he asked cautiously, unsure what the next words might bring.
"Call the servant women to commission a temporary kimono for Inuyasha, whilst his own are being washed." Jaken swallowed hard.
"Y-Yes Sire…" The door closed behind the little green demon, and Sesshomaru was alone with his brother again, only this time, the boy was unconscious – again. He seemed to have a knack for falling into unconsciousness lately...
Leaning forwards slowly, the Demon Lord freed his half-brother from his filthy clothing (aside from the once white fundoshi, which currently was keeping Inuyasha's blood from making any further stains on both himself and the bed), dropping the garments to the floor, forgotten for now. Sesshomaru's eyes drank in the uncovered form, brushing the backs of his clawed fingers over the Half-demon's stomach, causing the boy's brows to furrow, a small unconscious whimper sounding in the back of his throat. He pulled his hand back in surprise. Was this why Inuyasha hadn't wanted to be touched earlier? Because it hurt him? Sesshomaru felt a brief wave of guilt splash at his mind, before he shook it away, Jaken reappearing smugly in the doorway with a large wash-basin, two women following behind him.
"H-Here you are Milord." Jaken stated proudly, as the women seized Inuyasha's dirty clothes, manoeuvring to leave again, until Sesshomaru spoke.
"You will strip this bed and replace the covers also," he said calmly, gathering Inuyasha to his chest carefully, one arm under his knees while the other wrapped round his shoulders, dropping his semi-nude little brother gently in the daybed by the fireside. The two women dropped Inuyasha's kimono again, manoeuvring over to the bed, swiftly seizing a side of it each, stripping the bedclothes, evidently nervous at being under their Lord's scrutinising gaze, just wishing to be out from under it as soon as possible.
"I'll return with clean sheets, Lord Sesshomaru," the smaller of the two said, her voice a little less timid than the woman accompanying her, the taller, more timid female seeming to dart out of the door with the dirtied bed clothing and Inuyasha's kimono, rather than walk.
The Demon lord smirked, enjoying the terrified effect he had on his servants, even Jaken still stood by the side of the bed, having set the wash-basin on the side table, awaiting another order, or to be dismissed. Revelling at having Jaken stand there obediently, edgily apprehensive of what Sesshomaru might say or do next. He was fully aware of the nasty little demon's admiration towards him, and in all honesty, it never ceased to amuse him. The creature could have its little delusions if he wanted, as long as he was loyal, and did as he was told, why was Sesshomaru to care?
A small, barely audible knock sounded on the door. Inclining his head slightly, the Demon Lord bade them come in. It opened slowly, the serving girl lacking in nervousness from earlier appearing round the door, her arms loaded with bed dressings. Jaken eyed her superiorly, trying his utmost to be intimidating, only earning a scowl off of her, before she continued redressing the bed.
"How dare you scowl at me so insolently? Young wench you should know your-"
"-Jaken."
"Y-Yes Milord?"
"Silence."
The Little Demon dropped his eyes to the ground, his mouth remaining closed. Sesshomaru flicked his eyes to Jaken, the toad scrambling to obey his Lord's unvoiced order, snatching the wash-basin from the side and whisking it over to the Demon Lord, placing it on the small table beside him. Seizing the washcloth, Sesshomaru soaked it in the lukewarm water, running it surprisingly gently over the dirt-covered flesh of his still unconscious younger brother. A distinct taste of bile rose in Jaken's throat at seeing his master treat this – Half -demon with kindness, tenderness, even possible affection. To have his master touching this Half-breed's skin…it sickened him.
"That will be all, Jaken," Sesshomaru dismissed him, as if sensing his servant's thoughts. Secretly peeved, the toad hurried over to the door, disappearing beyond it, not at all happy at having to return to his duty of entertaining Rin…
Inuyasha let out a little unconscious whine as Sesshomaru smoothed the dirt and grime from his skin, drawing both sets of eyes of the two remaining others in the room towards him.
"He suffers greatly…"
Sesshomaru looked over to the servant girl as she smoothed her long pale fingers over the fresh silk sheets, ridding it of any creases or wrinkles. "The Half-demon…It is his cycle is it not?"
"You speak a great deal, for a servant," he said complacently, but with an air of mock tenseness between them that had been common for many years. She stood up straight, her face impassive. Sesshomaru knew how she was so worldly, her mate, was after all one of his most trusted followers, Takara.
"If it is your desire, My Lord, I could prepare the brew that I use when such a time is upon a demoness, My Lord," she added again, covering up her confident wisdom with courtesy, rousing a small smirk at the corner of Sesshomaru's mouth. He would never admit the fullness of the bond he shared with this woman, the importance her existance was to him, as well as her significant other and not forgetting Rin. Inuyasha, well, he was more useful than he'd once been to his older brother, but nevertheless, he was still and irritating half-breed, Sesshomaru would never accept him, but if he was so intent on living, the whelp might as well do something worth staying alive for, and obey the older brother whose life he ruined just by being born.
"That would be helpful. Are you finished now?" The Demoness nodded politely, placing the small remaining bundle on the end of the bed – it evidently being Inuyasha's temporary clothes.
"I will ensure the boy's clothes are washed and returned as soon as possible my Lord, and the remedy will be sent up straight away." Taking his nod of understanding as his permission for her to take her leave, she departed the room, leaving the brothers alone.
Once he was sure that Inuyasha's body was free from filth (and that his hair had just been wet, not dirty), he half-heartedly nudged the boy's shoulder's, reluctant to lose the silence Inuyasha's unconsciousness had granted. His brow creasing slightly, Inuyasha's eyelashes fluttered, his eyes focusing in on the room, and his brother was still looming over him.
"What the-"
"-Do not immediately begin to make a racket, Inuyasha. You came to my side, you passed out, you ran away straight into Hikireimaru's hands whilst under the weakening influence of my poison and your…cycle. I have brought you back, and since it is for your own benefit, at least for now, I expect to have no arguments. Is that clear?"
Inuyasha sneered, a low growl brewing in the back of his throat. How dare this bastard talk down to him like he was some whelp? But at the same time (for once) he had to admit, Sesshomaru was right. Besides which, he was just…too tired to argue right now…
Lying back into the comfort of the day bed, Inuyasha frowned when Sesshomaru handed him the washcloth, turning his back on his brother. "Clean the rest of your body, and quickly or I will do it myself." Not desiring his far too 'touchy-feely' half-brother to make good of his threat, Inuyasha hastily did as he was told (a rarity in itself – a very 'un-Inuyasha-like' quality. He never did as he was told), this fact only served to make Sesshomaru wonder even more. Strangely, the Demon Lord found himself…displeased with this sudden obedience. It wasn't right.
Gently scrubbing the skin Sesshomaru had thankful neglected to wash the dirt and blood from, Inuyasha shedding his fundoshi to the wooden floor, his eyes trained on the Demon Lord (who still had his back to him) as he reached towards the drying cloth lying beside him. Hearing the soft, barely audible caress of the fabric drying Inuyasha's body, Sesshomaru tossed his younger brother the fresh pile of clothing, deciding it wouldn't be helpful to have Inuyasha nervous of his nakedness right now. The Half-demon wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Now he knew Inuyasha was stupid enough to run away, he wouldn't make the mistake of leaving him the opportunity again.
"Lord Sesshomaru?"
Said Demon turned to see Takara's mate enter the room, (without being asked, he noted) one arm with a soft white material draped over it while the hand other held a steaming flask. "Here, let the young Lord drink this and it should numb his pain."
Sesshomaru nodded, motioning for her to set the flask on the small table beside Inuyasha. The Half-demon's eyes widened, his skin flushing lightly as the woman approached, obeying Sesshomaru's unvoiced command. Desperately scrambling to try and force his fresh clothes on before she got a clear view of any of his naked assets.
The swift movement only caused the woman and his brother's attention to shoot towards him, his flush deepening. "Lord Inuyasha, wait a moment." Her sharp tone directed at him made him jump slightly, not expecting any direct attention from Sesshomaru's servants. He expected them all to despise him…to ignore his very existence!
"W-What?" he growled in response, his usual gruffness slowly returning.
"I have something for you." At her words, he arched a questioning brow. "Wrap this around you, before putting your clothes on…it'll…stop the blood from showing through."
He swallowed nervously, taking the material from her, mortified as she bent down, picking up his fundoshi. "I'll wash this along with your other clothes," she said quickly, giving both the brothers a small bow before departing the room.
Sesshomaru was watching almost curiously as Inuyasha turned his back to him, wrapping the soft fabric round himself deftly. He has done this before, Sesshomaru's mind supplied, briefly wondering if Inuyasha had ever had anyone to explain anything about this to him. But then, if he had, he wouldn't have asked Sesshomaru about this earlier, would he?
Perhaps his little brother deserved more credit for surviving this long than Sesshomaru realised. What was he now? Two-hundred years old? Or, more accurately one-hundred-and-fifty, since the fifty years sealed to the sacred tree by that deceased priestess wouldn't have affected his age (not that he'd physically age much more anyway, when he reached two-hundred years of age he'd maintain the same appearance for the rest of eternity).
But still, he'd survived this long, alone, not only living through a human time each month (whenever that time he lost his powers might fall upon), but also surviving six or seven days of menstrual bleeding each month since he reached adolescence? In this warring time, walking around reeking of any kind of blood was like holding a homing beacon for demons over your head… He survived this? Sesshomaru thought, the realisation of just how strong his little brother must've been only just hitting him. Not that he'd ever give Inuyasha the satisfaction of knowing of this new epiphany of his, but he found himself…oddly proud of his Half-brother living this long under the circumstances…
"What's this for?" Upon Inuyasha's question, the Demon Lord looked to find Inuyasha sniffing the steaming flask curiously, his nose turning up at the foul smell.
"That is for you; Nannami brewed it for you to...take the edge off your pains."
Inuyasha scowled at him. "It stinks!"
"You can have a foul taste on your tongue or you can deal with the pain, which will it be?"
"Feh! I ain't no wimp; I don't need some weird medicine to-"
"-In either case, I do not care. Just get into bed."
Inuyasha's eyes widened at that, and he swallowed hard. Sesshomaru just asked him to get into bed? It wasn't so much the bed that scared him, in fact the thought of lying back on those warm sheets was…inviting, it was just the implications of what Sesshomaru might do to him in that bed was…disturbing…
Sesshomaru left Inuyasha's side, moving over to the bed and pulling back the sheets, turning to face his younger brother, silently inviting him to the bed. As his brother spun to face him, Inuyasha felt a shiver run down his spine; it was as if those eyes were enchanting him, beckoning him forwards. Whether he was under some sort of twisted spell or not, Inuyasha found himself getting to his feet, moving almost separated from his self as he sat on the edge of the bed, staring up with wide, confused eyes at Sesshomaru. He felt like a child waiting to be punished. His older brother's eyes stared down at him impassively, as if detached from the rest of the world.
"What has made you so obedient Little Brother? It is not like you to do as you are told," Sesshomau noted. Inuyasha was yanked roughly from his distantness, a scowl creasing his brow, as a low growl sounded in his throat.
"Screw you! I ain't obeying anybody!"
"Indeed, that is more than five times in the last few hours you have heeded an order of mine."
"Only because I was gonna do them anyway! Maybe you've got me confused with some of those demon whores of yours but I ain't your 'beck and call' girl!"
Sesshomaru smirked. "Do not push your luck, Inuyasha; I will not be gracious enough to not take you if you insist on pursuing this pointless argument."
Inuyasha's mouth clamped shut at that, not trusting his brother not to go through with his threat. "I merely wish to know…why it is you are so different to when I saw you last, a month or so ago… What has changed?" At those words Inuyasha lowered his gaze, his claws wrenching at the silk sheets as the vivid images of seeing Kagome for the last time, seeing her tears stain her usually happy face as she said goodbye forever. Inuyasha clenched his eyes shut defiantly, he wouldn't cry! All this time, and he'd managed to avoid such a weakness. Men didn't cry!
"What happened to that human priestess of yours? Is she not always at your side? Why is it you were alone that night when Hikireimaru tried to take you?" A fang grazed Inuyasha's lip as he tried to fight back the painful memories. "I'll never forget you…" Blood ran down his chin from the wound, it hurt so bad to remember. He could even smell her tears to this very moment. "You won't…forget me?" The girl approached him slowly, setting her hands on his shoulders, leaning up to brush a kiss against his suddenly dry lips. He could taste her, feel her breath. It hurt so much.
"How could I forget you?" he answered her huskily, "Kagome I…I…" Even then, he couldn't ever form the right words.
"It's alright Inuyasha…I know…And I…"
Kagome, his mind cried as he recalled her arms around him. Don't leave me…
"I love you Inuyasha…I always will…"
Don't leave me…not you…please…everybody always leaves…
"Kagome…"
"I love you Inuyasha…you know…if I could stay, I would…you know that, right?" He nodded, nuzzling his nose lightly into her hair, engraining her scent to memory. How could he forget? The girl who'd fallen into his life and given him happiness, purpose, hope…The girl who'd given him love…He'd never forget her…
"I love you…" He heard her smile.
"The Sacred Jewel can only be purified for good if I take it down the Well…but when I do…I'll be stuck in my own time…"
"Then let me go with you!" Her embrace tightened.
"It wouldn't let you pass through…you know that…" He heard hear tears again. It was tearing him apart. "If I stay here, I will change time permanently, and could destroy everything for the future, including...us…" He frowned in confusion. "If I stayed, I could change things so that I would never be born in the future, and then…all the good we've done for the world, for each other, it'd be erased, and you'd still be pinned to that tree. I can't let that happen to you… And the Well won't let you through…"
Present day Inuyasha growled inwardly at that. How fair was that? After all they'd done for this stupid, cruel world, they couldn't even be happy together at the end? What type of screwed up system was that?
"I…I want you to be happy, Inuyasha…Live, smile, be happy, for me…please? I won't be able to live on the other side if I don't know you're happy."
How could he tell her then? How could he tell her as he watched her slip down the well for the last time, that he'd never be happy? No one in this time accepted half-demons, who would make him happy, make him smile and laugh like she had? Nobody. "Kagome…" he cried out quietly, as her aura left his era – and him, forever.
Kagome…
"Kagome…"
Sesshomaru quirked an eyebrow. He'd sworn he'd heard his brother mutter that human girl's name. Did she die? Did she leave him? What had caused him to become so melancholy?
"Kagome," Inuyasha repeated quietly, "she…she left…she went home, forever…"
"And that is all? You lower yourself to this disgraceful state for the loss of a mere human?" At Sesshomaru's words, Inuyasha snarled, leaping to his feet, caring not if his brother towered above him. He wanted to tear him to shreds!
"Who cares what you think? You're just some snobby, snotty little prince that gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants! You've never had to fight or strive for anything in your life! It's always been handed to you on a platter! You've never had to be branded different, blamed for things that weren't your fault just because you're a 'filthy half-demon'! Half-demon, Half-breed, Half-human! Half…Half…HALF! Does it make me half a man just because our demon father loved my human mother? Does it!"
"Silence, Inuyasha-"
"-NO! Just listen to someone besides yourself for once! I loved her, so WHAT? She was the only one willing to love me unselfishly, to not want me to be different from what I was! You'll never know that kind of love! You're too damn selfish to love anyone but yourself and that's why no one but a naive mortal brat will ever give a damn about you!"
Sesshomaru sneered, raising his hand and smacking Inuyasha across his face, sending him flying backwards across the bed, crying out in pain.
"If she loved you so much why did she leave?" He goaded. Inuyasha sneered, wiping the blood from his mouth.
"You can't do it; I know she loved me, that's one nerve, one piece of me you can't pick at just to hurt me. The fact is you can't stand to hear the truth, and I'm the only one who dares say it! So whenever I do you strike me down and spit back bile! You – you don't know anything! You can't find anyone who loves you so you single out your little brother and try to make him have your kids because then you'll finally have something to call yours! Even if I did have your pups they'd never love you because you're too cynical and bitter to love anything! I pity any pups that call you father!"
Inuyasha flinched as Sesshomaru leapt over him, kneeling over his hips, his fangs bared dangerously close to his throat.
"You speak of things you do not understand!" he growled out, snarling in Inuyasha's flickering ears, the Demon Lord's eyes glowing a threatening red. "You, a Half-demon, belonging to neither world, with no place anywhere – when everyone whose ever got close to you has left you alone, how can you preach to me about love? You will never be strong enough, never be as powerful as father or I! You pathetic mongrel, you will always be alone! You shall live for the rest of eternity alone, until some demon sees fit to end your misery, and then you will die alone!"
Inuyasha's eyes widened, a glittering watery glint in his eyes. That had hurt more than anything Sesshomaru had said, his very innermost thoughts and fears spoken aloud. They were fears he'd only shared with one person, and the kind-hearted priestess had once assured him his fears were unfounded, and yet, with her gone, the fears were slowly resurfacing, and that swing at the walls surrounding his heart had been the final blow that shattered him. He felt the boundaries crumble. "I…I know…I know I'm alone…"
Sesshomaru's glorious fury and satisfaction over the stung Half-demon crumbled at that, his golden eyes drifting back from their enraged crimson, as he sat back on the bed, gazing at Inuyasha with wide-eyed confusion. Inuyasha, he was…he was…crying…
Sesshomaru's golden eyes widened as the Half-demon pressed his body into him, his clawed fingers clinging desperately to his chest. Tears cascading down his pale cheeks. "You think I like being so alone? It makes me feel like I'm that scared little kid again…running away from everything…"
The Demon was speechless at witnessing such brazen vulnerability in his usually resilient, stubborn sibling. He hated this Inuyasha… This Inuyasha, with pleading, childish golden orbs, so very alike and yet at the same time so very different from his own, that expressed each and every emotion he felt whether his hard exterior showed it or not.
It was so much more difficult to hate this Inuyasha, when all those eyes were pleading him to do was to love him, and so deceptively capturing him in moments where he could almost see himself doing so. He hated this vulnerable Inuyasha far more than he did the overly confident foul-mouthed little upstart he was used to. And yet, this was his, Sesshomaru's own doing. He'd shattered the already crumbling walls that formed his brother's tough exterior…he'd struck the most vulnerable part of Inuyasha – his already bruised heart – and now this was the aftermath of that blow.
No, he thought, mentally shaking himself. This is a Half-demon; he is father's downfall – his disgrace! He and his whoring mortal mother! Inuyasha hiccupped despite himself, and Sesshomaru grit his teeth, trying not to believe his thoughts, as the Half-demon unconsciously stroked his tear-stained cheeks across the delicate softness of Sesshomaru's clothing in an attempt to sooth himself.
That's not true, Sesshomaru's other voice argued, if you thought so furiously ill of him you wouldn't have saved him from Hikireimaru, twice – He is my father's disgrace, it is only right his blood be on my hands when he takes his last breath – And if you keep telling yourself that maybe one day you'll believe it!
The Demon Lord growled, making Inuyasha jump and recoil away slightly, which Sesshomaru regretted, disliking that betrayed look on the boy's face twice as much as his vulnerability, the look that told him he'd been brought out of his desiring to be comforted a little. Sesshomaru had actually been growling at his own self, and the fact that the second voice was correct, he hadn't really convinced himself to kill Inuyasha, not even after all these years. He was a supreme demon, his father's true son in power but without those treacherous emotions confusing his actions. Whoever he wanted dead was killed, and that was simply it. It did not take him two-hundred years to kill someone he truly hated, which could only lead to one conclusion…
"I have no desire to harm or kill you Inuyasha…" Sesshomaru found himself saying, feeling quite disembodied, and betrayed by the slowly concealed emotions that since his father's death, he had kept firmly sealed within some darkened corner of himself. He felt the same, eerie, ghostly detachment as he leant over, his potentially deadly clawed fingers tracing feather-light touches over his cheeks, tilting his head a little so that those eyes were gleaming up at him.
"I do not know if I can ever assure you of it, particularly in light of my recent, harsh words, but I have no desire to harm you…and I will not do so." That feeling was there again, however, Sesshomaru knew the words were somehow his own, and were truthful. "Do not ask me to explain, Little Brother, since I do not fully understand myself but…" Sesshomaru felt a compelling force practically sweeping his face closer to Inuyasha's, so that his hot breath steamed over the Half-demon, making him flush slightly. "…All I seem to want to do is hold you…"
A long awkward silence fell, in which Sesshomaru failed to release Inuyasha, and the said Half-demon wet his suddenly dry lips in anticipation.
"I…" Sesshomaru stumbled for words. One half of him was knocked off his feet with confusion as for what to say, when the other half seemed to have completely forgotten speech and simply wanted those slightly parted, rose coloured lips against his own. This isn't happening, Sesshomaru's cold, rational voice stated, but becoming very overwhelmed by the demon's emotions. You are Lord Sesshomaru not this half-demon's lap-dog!
Sesshomaru didn't even comprehend his mind's last words as he started to speak again, still a little compelled to comfort Inuyasha for no apparent reason. More than likely due to the severe blow he'd personally just dealt his brother, trying to wipe that confused, childishly desolate look off his youthful face.
"You lost your mother when you were very young, you had to fend for yourself and grow up quickly, so I believe that…that…"
"That?" asked Inuyasha quietly, his voice husky and almost silent.
"…That due to this, you have grown over the childish vulnerability, the desire to be protected that any child has, and covered it with this bold exterior you seem to carry… But all of a sudden, with so many betrayals of those you care for, so many times abandoned and even more trials that never seem to get you anywhere, the exterior has finally worn through, and now you're a completely lost boy again…" Before Inuyasha could process the words and explode at the insinuations of weakness in them, Sesshomaru was slowly spanning the gap between them. "…you don't know where to turn…"
As Sesshomaru's mouth leaned to his Inuyasha felt panicked and trapped, turning his head slightly so that Sesshomaru's lips missed his. The Demon looked down at him, those same crystal tears he hated with vengeance were brewing again, as was his own confusion. "Inuyasha-"
"I hate this world. I'm sick of being alive… But I just…"
Sesshomaru snatched for Inuyasha's wrists before the Half-demon, distraught with emotion could start tearing at his own body. Pity mingled with the desire to comfort, and reassure just then, as Sesshomaru pulled his half-brother against his chest firmly, and small fists pounded angrily against his torso, struggling for freedom in realising what he was revealing.
"Inuyasha…" Sesshomaru couldn't find anything to say, he'd never been a man of words after all, he spoke with actions and battle techniques, not soothing speech or words like the Half-demon needed now.
Suddenly, an overpowering urge practically seized him, and Sesshomaru found himself tilting that face to look upon him once more. "She no more tears, Inuyasha," he found himself saying, almost not of his own accord, but again they were his own words, "not for a world that is not worth the salt."
Inuyasha blinked his wet eyelashes at him, partially confused that his brother was offering comfort. Just as before, their lips were a hairs-breadth apart as Sesshomaru's soft whispers fell against his skin.
"But you…you said that I was just-"
"-I was angry…I dimly recall some angered words from you as well, Inuyasha…" As Sesshomaru spoke, Inuyasha swallowed hard, trying not to let his brother's hot breath against his skin faze him.
"It's all your fault anyway…you were…" he found the bitterness resurfacing as he recalled why he'd run away in the first place. "You were…and that human girl was-"
"Your jealously of Rin is unsubstantiated…she was…she is my ward, understand?" he replied distantly, his slightly pointed tongue flicking at Inuyasha's chin. "It is necessary to offer her some form of comfort from the nightmares she suffers from."
Inuyasha frowned, both at Sesshomaru's words and at the odd warmth pooling in his loins from the attentions he was receiving. Seeing a small lingering sadness still clung to his younger brother's eyelashes, Sesshomaru swallowed lightly, pressing on to reveal his innermost thought on the current matter, hoping it would rid the Half-demon of his tears. "I suppose my caring for Rin was my conscience's way of making up for not caring for you as a child, Inuyasha..."
Instead of being angry, or even shocked, Sesshomaru heard another question fall from those flushed lips.
"Does she love you?" Inuyasha asked simply. Sesshomaru frowned at the question as the Half-demon continued, "She looks up to you…she worries about you…she follows you around and always wants to see you…the way she obeys so happily, almost like you're her father or something…does she love you?" He repeated the question.
"You seem so concerned about love, Inuyasha. It is just a word-"
"-But it's what the word implies that matters," Inuyasha retorted, earning a small smirk from Sesshomaru, as the Full-demon leant down to graze his fangs over the elegantly formed collarbone beneath honey-hued skin, loosening the pale kimono slowly. Inuyasha's eyes clamped shut in response, too embarrassed to look.
"And you, you wish for this love, Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha gasped as that devious tongue circled a rosy nub, flicking it teasingly, nearby fangs threatening the erogenous flesh before the slippery appendage lathed it once more. His temperature was rising rapidly, like a sudden fever. But he still felt that horrible throbbing in his stomach, and that made him cautious of any other possible pain, the aftermath of the poison having died down somewhat.
"I…I can't have it so what's the point of pining for it?" he growled out heatedly, his breaths now heady pants in the dimness of the room.
"Precisely Little Brother," the Demon Lord panted lightly, watching Inuyasha's face contort in response to the foreign pleasure as he teased the neglected bud. He was responsive…that was interesting. "Do you like this, Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha whined slightly, twisting his head in confused pleasure. "S-Stop it!"
"You said that before…you didn't mean it then either…"
Inuyasha winced as Sesshomaru dropped swift nips and passes of his tongue down his sternum, the pain in his stomach throbbing a little more painfully as his brother's attentions lowered a little closer to the area. He whimpered again, but for a different reason this time, and Sesshomaru could tell the difference, raising his head lightly, recalling his suspicions of why Inuyasha had been harder (if not impossible) to seduce earlier.
"You should have taken the drink Nannami made for you," he said stoically. Inuyasha's ears lowered slightly, the Half-demon not saying a word. Growling impatiently, (not liking his mood interrupted) Sesshomaru got to his feet, taking the opportunity to shed his outer kimono, snatching up the slightly cooled flask and handing it to Inuyasha. "Drink it if you wish for the pain to subside. You are nearing the end of your cycle are you not?"
Inuyasha didn't say anything, he was still confused. Sesshomaru had changed moods so rapidly. He'd been yelling and screaming hurtful things, then embracing him, seducing him, and now he was bossing him about like an ill pup? It hurt Inuyasha's head to think of all the split-personas that had arisen in the last few moments, especially when he was so used to his brother just being an emotionless bastard. Momentarily forgetting his pride, Inuyasha accepted the flask, gulping down the sickly flavoured liquid as quick as possible, to limit the amount he tasted. It made him shudder, his ears flicking slightly in response.
"And what if I had said you were supposed to sip it?" Sesshomaru asked dully, setting the flask out of the way, taking the time to shed the rest of his clothes whilst Inuyasha was distracted by the practically immediate effects of the concoction. The only answer the Demon Lord recieved was a small, satisfied sigh, sensing the pain in Inuyasha's body lessen vastly within the next few moments, until it had almost completely subsided. He'd have to reward Nannami later; her abilities were almost magical…
"Has the pain lessened?" he asked huskily, already knowing the answer. Inuyasha, having not noticed Sesshomaru lowering himself back over his form, tracing the backs of his claws against the back of Inuyasha's knee, whilst brushing his fangs lightly down the inside of a milky thigh. The Half-demon's breath hitched, his heart thumping his suddenly heated blood round his body. His hips jerked up in reflex as deft swipes of that deceitful tongue brushed the crease that was the apex of his thigh, hot breath steaming onto heated flesh. A gasp tore from Inuyasha's lips response, the noise shrill and broken, his scent spiking in arousal to the point of inevitable intoxication.
Whilst Inuyasha marvelled silently that Sesshomaru's breathing had returned to normal so quickly, Sesshomaru watched Inuyasha's panting, sweaty nakedness with interest, still amazed (even though he'd guessed it'd happen) that his seed didn't come back out from Inuyasha as it had his previous male partners. He smirked proudly. He may be a brash, irritating Half-demon, but his redeeming qualities were far more valuable than his other qualities were off-putting.
Inuyasha yelped slightly as Sesshomaru seized his arm, yanking him to his chest. "Sleep, Inuyasha," he said drowsily, pressing on the Half-demon's head, letting it rest against his chest. "I trust you will not attempt to escape again tonight, Inuyasha? I am in no mood to go chasing after you in the forest again…" At those words, Inuyasha grumbled something incoherent against the sweaty chest, eyes closed as sleep approached inescapably.
Even as he felt his breathing even out again, he still struggled against the overwhelming exhaustion, his extinct to flee from his older brother that for pretty much every day of his life had tried to kill him, practically forbidding he not let his guard down around this demon. His flesh had tasted those poison claws too many times to be at natural ease around him. And yet, those arms slowly encasing him, they just felt so...right.
Those arms seemed so willing to comfort and he was so desperate to be comforted. He hadn't been held like this since the days when his mother was alive. Inuyasha been ashamed to say that after his mother died, the thing he missed most…was being held while he slept – comforted when he was upset. Could Sesshomaru offer him that? He was just so cold, and weak, all he would have to do, is lean into the warm embrace. Why not take advantage of this small comfort?
Whether he'd made the conscious decision or not, Inuyasha's ears rested tiredly into his hair, a breathy sigh escaping against Sesshomaru's chest as the half-demon, allowed himself to fall against that unfamiliar warmth, surrendering to sleep.
~TBC