Chapter 3

The chill of December swept in through the cracks of the bus's windows and doors. Chotaro sat in the window seat of the handicap section. He kept glancing out of the window. It was so nerve wracking for them to have to wait for what they were about to do. Ryo sat next to him in the aisle seat, flipping through his copy of "Tennis monthly" without really reading it at all. Chotaro's attention was now focused completely on the window. One hand tapped the arm rest spasmodically. The other rested on his now, obviously, pregnant stomach. Both shook violently. The baby, sensing his anxiety, shifted uncomfortably. It tended to do that whenever he was sitting still, or nervous. At the moment, he was doing both. Chotaro reached out a trembling hand and pulled Ryo's away from the magazine and clutched it.

"Wha?!"

Ryo could feel Chotaro's heart racing at the small touch. Or was that his own? He couldn't for sure. The bus screeched to a halt.

"You- You ready Chotaro?"

"What?!"

Chotaro's voice was jerky and high pitched.

"Oh… Yes… I think so…"

Ryo winced and wished Chotaro would loosen his grip on him. He was squeezing so tightly, it hurt.

"Mom?! Dad?!"

The silver pair entered Chotaro's large house. It was amazing that shy Chotaro could yell that loudly.

"I need to talk to you!"

Ryo looked up as he heard a scuffle upstairs.

Chotaro's father was a tall; Chotaro was only a few inches shorter. He was going baled, but the little hair he had was shiny and black. Chotaro's mother stood nearly two heads shorter than her husband. Her silver hair was pulled up into a messy bun. She too was expecting, but, unlike Chotaro, She was eight months along.

"M-m-mom… D-dad…"

"You're not doing drugs are you? Or are you in some gang? I thought I raised you right."

Chotaro flinched. Ryo felt a strong urge to hurt Chotaro's father, but thought it might dampen his views. He wanted Chotaro's father to approve, despite his odious homophobia. The word made his chest ache. No wonder Chotaro was clinging to him in such a way. Ryo was sure his arm would fall off if Chotaro ever let go.

"Dear!"

Ryo exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

"What is it honey? What's wrong?"

"Uh… I… I'm having a baby…"

His father leaned back.

"Oh, it's that. Who did you get pregnant? Is it that kid's sister? That second year whose always hanging with the team?"

"No…"

Chotaro loosened his grip on Ryo's arm. He looked so lost as if he was in the middle of some huge laberenth and didn't know which fork he wanted to choose. Ryo draped his arm around his doubles partner's shoulder. He finally managed to speak.

"No dad… I'm the one having the baby…"

Ryo hadn't been in a situation more awkward since Chotaro had told him he was pregnant. Chotaro's father stared, bug eyed, at the wall, just to the left of his son.

"Look, son…"

Chotaro's father whipped the sweat from his forehead.

"Know that your mother and I haven't been there for you lately,"

Lately? Ryo could have thrown something at him. He had known Chotaro since Chotaro had been in third grade. He knew for a fact that they had never truly been there for him.

"I understand that, but you can't do this to us…"

"But I'm not lying!"

His father rose to his feet.

"This can't be happening… My son finally lost his nerve…"

"I'm not insane! I'm not!"

Tears welled up in his large copper eyes, making it difficult for Ryo to look away.

"Damnit boy! This is why I wanted a son in the first place!"

"Dad!"

The door slammed. Chotaro's lip began to tremble so much that he could speak. Ryo felt helpless. He couldn't stop the man who was hurting Chotaro. He couldn't fix this. He gave Chotaro's arm a light squeeze.

"Hey…"

He didn't know what to say.

"Senpai!"

Chotaro hugged him around the shoulders. Ryo could feel hot tears on his neck.

"Hey…"

Ryo raised his hands and placed them on Chotaro's upper back. He felt so fragile, it made Ryo's chest hurt. Seeing that Chotaro was in no fit state to speak, Ryo intervened.

"M-ma`am… Ma`am"

The split second he needed to think of something to say, his mind froze up.

"Um…"

He reached into Chotaro's pocket and pulled out a photo and smoothed it out. It had been given to Chotaro on his second appointment. It was a picture of the fetus inside of him. Chotaro had carried it around with him ever since. The picture was so warn down from the folding and unfolding that Ryo was afraid it would fall apart in his hand.

"He's telling the truth you know… I uh… That is to say… Here, just here!"

He handed Chotaro's mother the picture, refusing to look at her. Ryo shut his eyes. It was more difficult to hug Chotaro now that his baby bell had gotten so big. They sat in silence for so long, Ryo looked up to see what on earth his partner's mother could be doing. She was squinting. Her forefinger traced around a humanoid shape on the page.

"My Chotaro wouldn't go to all this trouble just for a lie."

She pushed herself to her feet. Chotaro, much to Ryo's displeasure, broke away from him and struggled to stand as well. In other circumstances, Ryo would have laughed. Two people with bellies that big trying to hug was quite a site indeed. Instead, he frowned. They were acting as if he wasn't even there. Had he not just saved Chotaro's ass? Ryo removed his worn out blue cap from his head and ruffled his wiry hair in irritation.

Hyotei, finally had their match before break. Jiro played singles and won. Keigo dealt a blow out match. This ,he claimed, was all do to his "prowess" so stand in aw of it. Gakuto and Yuushi played doubles, but lost. Gakuto hid behind Yuushi, afraid of what Keigo would do to him. This wasn't without reason, Keigo had once taken him and Yuushi into a broom closet after the game they had lost against Seigaku. His backside hurt, just thinking about it. Ryo, who could no longer play doubles with Chotaro, was forced into playing with Hyoshi. The youngest of the regulars. When Chotaro became incapable of playing, he had been dropped from his position of regular. It was given to the enthusiastic second year. Ryo shouted him down, enraged at how excited he was. Hyoshi had not been able to hear properly for about a week later.

Ryo scanned the bleachers. All around, girls were screaming their usual "Katsu no wa Hyotei!" But he couldn't see Chotaro. He had prommised he would come and sit with the team and cheer them on. Ryo was so busy staring off into space, he didn't realize that the first game had started. *Crack* Ryo howled. He was more shocked than anything. His hand came up to his nose. Blood stained his white jersey. The crowd's collective gasp resonated and then fell into complete silence.

"Senpai!"

Hyoshi took his upper classman by the forearm and led him to the bench.

"Time out!"

Ryo sat down. He gingering felt his spewing nose.

"Here!"

Ryo raised his head. Yuushi held a towel out to him. He took it and held his painful face in it.

"Fanksh Yuushi. Jiro, move."

In irritation, Ryo shoved the sleeping boy who had been hogging the bench. Jiro toppled off and landed on the hard court cement with a soft thunk. He moaned, sat up, rubbed his eyes and blinked.

"Owie…"

Ryo realized, without caring much, that he had upset the captain. Keigo was more concerned with Jiro's health than with Ryo's.

"What the hell has gotten into you!"

Ryo scowled over the, now soaking towel. He swayed on the bench. He must be losing too much blood. He heard Keigo's voice.

"Since I'd rather you don't die, Kabaji, come here."

"Usu."

"Fix him."

"Usu."

Ryo's eyes shot open as Kabaji took his nose in two of his sausage like fingers and pushed.

"Aaaaahh!"

A sickening crack resonated around the group of tennis players. Ryo reached up and gingerly felt his nose. It still stung and dripped steadily.

"Oh my God blood!"

Jiro jumped and pointed at Ryo's uniform. Ryo sighed. Chotaro would have had a similar reaction. Ryo could see Chotaro's terrified face. His copper brown eyes bulging and his mouth slightly ajar. Ryo let out a small chuckle.

"Hah, thanks Kabaji…"

"No problem."

Ryo pushed himself up off of the bench. Immediately his head began to spin out of control. Somebody caught him and sat him back down. Even when he was sitting still, it didn't stop. Ryo groaned and put his head in his hands.

"He lost too much blood already. Should we call off the match?"

"No!"

Ryo struggled to stand again, but this time, Kabaji held him down. Keigo had already decided what would happen next. Once his mind was made up, his mind was made up.

"Ryo, you're going to the hospital with Sensei now. You're not playing in this condition. Hyoshi, you're going with them."

Hyoshi frowned, upset that he wasn't going to play, but gave in to his captain's wishes.

Ryo lay on his bed with a copy of "Tennis monthly" lying on his chest. His eyes were closed and he did not stir. His breathing was deep and slow. A couple of hours before, he had explained to his parents that he had broken his nose and had had to forfeit the match. Then he had hidden in his bedroom. He had begun to read an article on a team that used custom made racquets, before falling asleep. Losing all of that blood had made him tired and thirsty. Ryo jumped and fell off of his bed. A shrill ringing had woken him. He huffed angrily and picked up the phone.

"What?!"

"Is- is now a bad time? I could call back… I-"

"Oh. Chotaro… It's fine."

"I'm sorry…"

Ryo, still half asleep, ruffled his uneven hair and blinked.

"What?"

"ImsorryImissedyourmatch! Gakutosenpaitoldmeyougothurt! Areyouokay?!"

"What?"

Ryo repeated. It occurred to him how stupid he must sound to Chotaro.

"Chotaro, slow down…"

"Oh, okay… I-I'm sorry I missed your match… It's just-just that my mom went into labor just before I left… I couldn't leave her like that…"

Ryo had completely forgotten about Chotaro's mom having a baby. It made him a little nervous to think about subjects like that.

"Gakuto-Senpai told me you were hurt. Are-are you okay?"

"What? Oh! Yeah!"

Ryo felt like a complete and utter imbecile. Using sentences that comprised mainly of one word questions and grunts wasn't exactly what you'd call intelligent.

"Yeah… I broke my nose…"

And it's your fault

He felt like saying. However, he decided to skip it. Chotaro was already upset.

"Don't worry, I'm okay now."

A heavy sigh sounded from Chotaro's side of the phone. Ryo, feeling his neck grow hot, was glad Chotaro so far away. The sudden bursts of lust were becoming harder and harder to control.

"S-so…"

Ryo longed to change the subject in a hope that his shameful longing would die down.

"How's your mom?"

"Oh! She's great. She's still at the hospital. We will be able to take my baby brother home in a few days. They wouldn't let me until after it was all over. Dr. Ibu said it might induce an early labor. She gave me another examination by the way."

Ryo blinked. Why had he not been told before now? He decided not to antagonize Chotaro.

"I think I might have been there when you were there Chotaro. It was sort of a false alarm though. They just told me to drink a lot of water and to get some sleep. Like I didn't know what to do. Remember in grade school when I fell off of my bike and my leg got all mangled?"

Chotaro giggled softly. Ryo's heart did a jerky little jump. He didn't want Chotaro to stop laughing. It was such a sweet song in his ears.

"Yes I do, you were acting all tough, but then you passed out."

Ryo remembered it well. Being a nine year old, he thought he could handle it. But his calf had been ripped open and he had soon grown weak and dizzy. Ryo had fallen. Chotaro, who had always been taller, then caught him and held him while one of the other boys had run for help. It had taken a long time for the nurse to show up. Ryo had passed out completely and Chotaro had held him in his arms. The nurse barely arrived in time, but up to that point, Chotaro had been with him. Being nine years old, he hadn't realized how profound this was.

"Senpai?"

Ryo winced as he grew hard. Chotaro needed to stop that.

"Y-yeah?"

"I-um… I have a piano recital on-on the fifth and… uh…""

"Yes I can go."

Ryo had a feeling that, if they had been speaking in person, Chotaro would have given him one of those hugs he loved so much.

January the fifth arrived, chilly and blustering. Snow fell thick on top of the buildings, making them look like Japanese ginger bread houses. Ryo shivered. He entered a small theater, brown coat whipping in the blustery wind. He had never honestly seen Chotaro play. He had been told by the music teacher, who detested him, that Chotaro was her most talented student. Ryo could sing fine, but he could never fully understood how to play his interment.

As Ryo passed the isles to take his seat, he noticed Chotaro's mother and father in their first row seats. Chotaro's mother had thinned out some since he had last seen her. Ryo plopped down behind the two and realized, with a jolt, that the chair next to Chotaro's mother was occupied by a child's support seat. He wondered who's child it was then, feeling like a complete dim wit, realized it must be Chotaro's one year old brother. Ryo craned his neck to get a good look without drawing attentions to himself. He caught a glimpse of the child's mess of grayish white hair. Suddenly, without knowing why, Ryo drew as far back into his seat as possible. Cold sweat poured down his face and neck. A thought occurred to him and he tried to shut it out, but it came relentlessly. 'I'm afraid… I'm afraid of being a father… I'm scared because I know it takes a lot of responsibility… I'm frightened…'

Ryo wiped the sweat from his face. He would not, could not let Chotaro see him like this. He was, and had always been the brave one. Why should he break down now? Ryo jumped when the lights went down. He wondered why his heart was racing. It seemed to be pounding an imprint into his ribs. He slowly raised his head and removed his cap. Chotaro was standing behind the grand piano perched on the tiny stage. He was positioned in such a way so that his enlarged abdomen was concealed. He seemed to be searching for someone. His parents? Maybe his brother? Or perhaps… Ryo swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. Perhaps Chotaro was making absolutely sure that he, he Shishido, Ryo, had come as he had promised. Ryo never actually found out. Chotaro gave a nervous giggle and sat down at the piano. Ryo felt that, maybe, he was being bias, but he swore from then on that Chotaro's was the sweetest music he had heard.

Something began to nag at the back of Ryo's mind while he listened to Chotaro play. The piano was tilted away from the audience slightly so that they could barely see him. Also, Chotaro had emerged from behind it so that he was nearly half covered. Was he ashamed? Who were they hiding from? Why did he care? Ryo shoved these questions to the back of his mind where they sat, simmering for a long time.

After the residual, which Ryo thought was beautiful, he came down off of the stage, in full view. He seemed nervous, almost afraid. Chotaro went straight up to his parents. His father, Ryo noticed, refused to touch him, or even look at him. His father had not been taking it well at all. Chotaro hugged his mom, then ran (not really ran, he isn't allowed to) over to Ryo and threw his arms around his partner. "Thank you so much for coming!"

Chotaro bent down and gave Ryo a light peck on the cheek.

"You're the best!"

Ryo knew he must be brick red. His face felt so warm. He patted Chotaro on the back, but his mind was subdued. Why was he the only one making an effort? Why was he always there for Chotaro and why was Chotaro never there for him? Ryo's thoughts were interrupted by Chotaro who leaned over and kissed him full on the mouth. He didn't return it. It felt all wrong.

The winter snow melted away to be replaced by the cool beginnings of a February spring. Ryo was having a hard time keeping his emotion sunder control. It was a Monday and he was over at Chotaro's house after tennis practice. Chotaro lay on his back. His stomach was now too large for him to lay on his front.

"Our parents seem to be handling this well enough."

He smiled over at Ryo who was staring out of the window.

"Meh…"

Ryo's temper had been stretched to the breaking point. He had been bailing Chotaro out whenever he got stuck. Whenever Chotaro had choked up, Ryo had been there for him.

"I wonder why…"

His tone dripped with sarcasm. Chotaro cocked his head, confused. He gave Ryo a searching look.

"What's gotten into you Senpai? You seem tense. Do you need a back rub?"

Ryo felt his eye twitch. How could Chotaro be so dense? Sure it was cute, but cute couldn't make him feel better at the moment.

"What's wrong, Chotaro, is- is the fact that you can't handle yourself!"

Ryo had snapped. Chotaro blinked.

"What?"

"Whenever you're in a bind, you get stuck! You get stuck until somebody dives in to save your neck! And do you know who that person always is?! Me! It's always me Chotaro! Who always explained you're situation to people because you couldn't speak?! Me! I told your mom and dad! I told Buchou not to tell anyone! I don't even know why we have to hide it anymore Chotaro! I just don't understand anything anymore! Whether it's on the tennis courts, at school, or at home, you just can't handle yourself!"

The thought that occurred to him during Chotaro's piano recital returned. This time, it was crying out.

'You're afraid! You're afraid and you're taking it out on him!'

Ryo broke off. Chotaro was staring at him. He didn't even break down and cry as Ryo thought he would. To be honest, Ryo felt crying would have been easier to deal with. The look he was receiving pierced through him like a carving knife. It was somewhere between anger, sorrow, and disappointment.

"I think you should go home now Ryo-Senpai…"

"Chotaro…"

"I said go home!"

Ryo had never heard Chotaro take this tone with anyone before. He was always so shy and quiet.

"Fine. See you tomorrow at school then…"

"GO AWAY!"

As Ryo hurried from the house, the child squirmed inside of Chotaro, making him even more uncomfortable. His sixth month of pregnancy had started off on a bad note. It felt as if this kid was taking over his entire life. Chotaro rolled onto his side so that he faced the wall. He had not cried through the whole altercation, but now, hot tears dripped from his eyes to his pillow. It was not the child's fault. The baby was a mistake, but it was the best mistake they'd ever made. He promised himself that he would never blame the baby again.